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Page 1 of 6 Today’s show starts with Allison saying that she feels lighter this morning, she is ready to start the day, and today it is her birthday.
The house computer screen shows an email that Jill wrote that is full of complaints about Allison and says something about her being a “queen b****.” In confessional she says that she gets frustrated with Allison.
Christina in confessional says that the atmosphere is really detached in the house; no one is connecting with anyone.
A policeman comes to door and indicts Jill on conspiracy to live an unfulfilled life. The SO court charges and he lists ten charges against her. He says he needs to take a mug shot and print her. Jill is feeling persecuted because she feels she has been working on all of these issues.
Allison gets a happy birthday call from her mother. She says it’s the one day she remembers being happy in her home and feeling special and loved. She tells her mom about the casket and burying all her issues. Her mom thought it was freeing. Allison said it was awful but yes, freeing.
Group: Ilanya wants to look at two dysfunctional partners, shame and guilt. She says that today’s group is very important for these things that we tell us that are wrong with what we do. She asks them, when is the first time you remember being shamed? Jill said probably not getting picked on a team because she was fat. Allison said she started to develop early and a boy in her class said he couldn’t tell if she was fat or if she had boobs, so he punched her fat and then her breast. Ilanya says shame comes from the outside and is projected onto us. What it says to us is that there’s something wrong with me. TJ said she was out of control growing up, imperfect, and it came from her parents. Ilanya said that’s why the outbursts. If shame is the wife, guilt is the husband. Once there is something wrong with you, then there’s something wrong with everything you do. Jessica said she cut people off a lot after her mom died and didn’t thing people could handle her so she shut them out and wouldn’t let them see her emotions. Jessica felt shame at being too emotional. Ilanya says until guilt and shame are handled, honesty is not an option. Today it becomes a priority. Is there anything you’ve done that you’re ashamed of or feel guilty about since coming into the starting over house? None of the housemates says anything. She asks Jill, what is your guilt around? She says the snacks that made her gain 5 pounds and it feels unnatural how she has to battle guacamole chips. She is not hiding in the closet about eating a lot of food but still she gained 5 lbs. Everyone else can do it, why can’t she? Allison then says she identifies with Jill and she just wants to be normal and eat chips too, like everyone else. She says, I can’t afford to but it’s not fair because the rest of the women won’t gain weight like Jill and I. Ilanya says for them, the belief is I’m fat and I start to feel shame at being fat, then guilty about it and have to punish myself. It’s a cycle that goes on and on and if each woman can’t identify theirs, they will continue to repeat it.
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