Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

I did not like Allison but i am understanding her better in the reruns.

happygirl wrote:

QUOTE:
I did not like Allison but i am understanding her better in the reruns.

i still do not like allison, but i am understanding her better.

Understanding is good!
Re today's show...the conversation with mom....mom was saying all the right things, but, not sure I bought it! Going by previous calls.
Still, Allison made all the points she needed to. Is is hard to feel that you would be deserting your parent, by wanting a life of your own. Some are very good at piling on "the guilts!" I made up my mind early on that I wanted my kids to feel free to "fly." Sometimes, though, I think I made too good a job of it!!
I love having an adult relationship with them, and like that they can make their own decisions, I don't give advice unless asked, and , even then, want them to feel free to take or reject that advice.
Not saying it's easy...plenty of bite your tongue moments along the way!!

ceilidh, I could not agree more....I really enjoy the relationship my grown son and I have now....we are like friends....he calls me at leat twice a week...thank goodness for cell phones or his long distance(and mine! ) would be awfully high! And you are right about the "bite your tongue moments"...although he is very level headed, so there haven't been TOO many of them LOL

ceilidh wrote:

QUOTE:
Understanding is good!
Re today's show...the conversation with mom....mom was saying all the right things, but, not sure I bought it! Going by previous calls.
Still, Allison made all the points she needed to. Is is hard to feel that you would be deserting your parent, by wanting a life of your own. Some are very good at piling on "the guilts!" I made up my mind early on that I wanted my kids to feel free to "fly." Sometimes, though, I think I made too good a job of it!!:P
I love having an adult relationship with them, and like that they can make their own decisions, I don't give advice unless asked, and , even then, want them to feel free to take or reject that advice.
Not saying it's easy...plenty of bite your tongue moments along the way!!;)

I'd more likely "buy" mom's words. Rather than Allison's. I'm sure her mother really has known, for some time, that she's been wanting to leave Charlotte. She'd only been living there since 1999, BTW. After living in NYC and New Orleans. And, if it would serve Allison's needs for the "center billing" she craves, I'll bet she could lay some heavy guilt trips of her own. She's used other means, such as her emotions, to control and manipulate others. Did she learn these techniques at her mother's knee? Maybe.

Oh, judging by previous phone calls, I'd still say Mom has a pretty tight "hold" on Allison!!


It was good, today, to hear Allison acknowledge her "shopping for happiness." In general, just facing up to things, that's the real "starting point." Was also VERY glad to hear Iyanla say that she should "take the infomation in, and when you need it...let it rise to the surface." So many of the HGs, it seems, expect to leave the house totally "cured," and are scared when they don't feel ready....so telling Allison that she had not practiced yet...rather than the old "use your tools" speech...was a good example of Ms.Iyanla's edict..."relanguage that!!"