Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Debby wrote:

QUOTE:
happygirl wrote:

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she is like a 13 year old and see Rhonda as the mom who she does not want to make mad.

This is so true. Lisa seemed to always have a warped approach to the assignments. It never seemed to be about trusting the process or learining something about herself. It always seemed to be a game a teenager would be likely to play, such as, "I hope I don't get into trouble," or "I hope I can pull this off," or I hope I played my cars right," or I hope I can fake my way out of any rough spots." This is much of what turned me off about Lisa.

Isn't it normal as a human being, to just naturally want to do the right thing, at least some of the time?

One would think so, right, Debby?
Jeeeze, this hit the nail on the head. I've been trying, in vain, to figure out just how in the world, someone her age, could *possibly* be so obtuse?!?!?!?

There is almost nothing that makes sense....

If it was for 'fun' on her part, how does she 'get' anything *good* out of making herself look like she does?

If it's for a part on TV, somewhere else, how does getting noticed for being so *obtuse* make her feel like someone would take 'positive' notice?

If it's just the way she *is* in real life, how the heck did she GET THERE????????

I don't know, Debby, with lisa you seem to get only what you see, which is a deliberately obtuse/diffident/uncaring/selfish/self centered child.

How else can she possibly think she is seen as anything good/positive?
I would imagine her watching herself when this played out on TV, that she'd be so horrified that she came off this way, that, if *I* were her, (and thank God for major miracles, there ), I would never have shown up for that 5K run. What was she thinking?

How does she reconcile herself to what she sees portrayed, and it certainly can NOT be just 'editing'!!!

Piper

piper wrote:

QUOTE:
Debby wrote:

QUOTE:
happygirl wrote:

QUOTE:
she is like a 13 year old and see Rhonda as the mom who she does not want to make mad.

This is so true. Lisa seemed to always have a warped approach to the assignments. It never seemed to be about trusting the process or learining something about herself. It always seemed to be a game a teenager would be likely to play, such as, "I hope I don't get into trouble," or "I hope I can pull this off," or I hope I played my cars right," or I hope I can fake my way out of any rough spots." This is much of what turned me off about Lisa.

Isn't it normal as a human being, to just naturally want to do the right thing, at least some of the time?

One would think so, right, Debby?
Jeeeze, this hit the nail on the head. I've been trying, in vain, to figure out just how in the world, someone her age, could *possibly* be so obtuse?!?!?!?

There is almost nothing that makes sense....

If it was for 'fun' on her part, how does she 'get' anything *good* out of making herself look like she does?

If it's for a part on TV, somewhere else, how does getting noticed for being so *obtuse* make her feel like someone would take 'positive' notice?

If it's just the way she *is* in real life, how the heck did she GET THERE????????

I don't know, Debby, with lisa you seem to get only what you see, which is a deliberately obtuse/diffident/uncaring/selfish/self centered child.

How else can she possibly think she is seen as anything good/positive?
I would imagine her watching herself when this played out on TV, that she'd be so horrified that she came off this way, that, if *I* were her, (and thank God for major miracles, there :laugh: ), I would never have shown up for that 5K run. What was she thinking?

How does she reconcile herself to what she sees portrayed, and it certainly can NOT be just 'editing'!!! :laugh:

Piper

Well said Piper! If she came on the show as a lark, which I believe she did.. I don't know how much 'fun' she finds in making herself look so incompetent. How funny is it to treat others with such disrespect, as if they are around just to serve her as she treats them like subordinates and speaks to others with the trash mouth that she has as if she is superior and deserving of all others to bow down to her every need. If she is there for 'stardom' what producer would hire a woman that acts so childish and never completes a task.. every thing asked of her is a 'big deal' and something to stress over as she puts all of her energies into finding someone else to 'do it' for her! If I were in a position to hire.. she would not even come close to being responsible to employ in any capacity in my eyes. I was a personnel coordinator a few years ago and wouldn't rely on Lisa for even the most menial of tasks to be done properly. If she does a job.. she does it to get it done and not for quality or because she really 'cares'.

I've never come across a person with such little self respect that outwardly admits that she doesn't care about what she says or does or how others around her feel. She doesn't care much about anything according to her and I, like you, don't know how she even got where she is NOW living in this manner. If her parents had anything to do with molding this selfish spoiled child that ended up the same as an adult.. shame on them. If that's just the way she is then she really needs to take a hard look at herself because life has a way of teaching hard lessons and for Lisa.. the lessons may be tougher than she is expecting. When her parents are gone.. then where will she be? Harsh thought, for her I'm sure she thinks of that all the time.

Debby wrote:

QUOTE:
ceilidh wrote:

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In the original airing, I did not feel strongly one way or the other about Lisa. This time I am remembering what
I learned, years ago, about being sort of "frozen in time" by some
pivotal event.
I once read great advice...and followed up on it..."go back over your life, write it down...everything you can remember...when you are done, you will have your life back." (and the pivotal moment will be SO obvious!). I wish that I could tell Lisa that...or anybody
else who is "stuck there!":)

Are you referring to what Dr. Phil calls 7 major incidents in your life? I have read a little bit about that some time ago. I tried to assess what my moments were, but, there were soooo many. How can you choose?

Are you saying that Lisa is the way she is because she is stuck....that perhaps when she was young she tried to do things differently and was put down for it or ignored or for whatever reason grew to believe that no matter how hard she tried she would not ever get any different outcome, so, she stopped trying?

I wonder if Lisa just never had any reason to do things differently. If she was having all of her needs met, just as she was, why change?

No, not Dr. Phil....something I read years ago, and I just knew that it was the answer, immediately!! If I would give any advice re recognizing the "moment"...it would be to pay attention to how
your BODY reacts...roiling stomach for example... but only one!
Re Lisa, I believe that her faults were given far more attention than any successes...there was always a "but"...I noticed it when her parents visited...a casual comment that would be insignificant to anyone but Lisa...a "subtle" put down.
Over the years that becomes part of your "hard wiring"...you may have no concious idea of why you react in certain ways..
like giving up, or thinking you "can't do it."
I don't think that Lisa has EVER had her needs met, and has no clue how to go about it. She may seem to have been indulged,
but in reality, she has been rendered insignificant...and the sad part is that she believes it.IMO.