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Alison opens the door to the newest roommate, Kim. Alison says she is beautiful, happy, has a great smile, sees that she is married, but she seems too together. Lisa and Jill meet her, Jill says she feels it’s overwhelming to get used to the “motley crew” and Lisa says she is relieved she’s finally here, doesn’t seem psycho, and she is pleasantly surprised. They all go down to group.
Both Ilanya and Rhonda are there, they all introduce themselves. The current guests tell Kim about their own goals. The plasma opens to show a photo of Kim’s husband Jeff and her 18-month old baby. She and Jeff have been married four years; he is like a best friend and soul mate. She says they have fun together, and he’s everything to her. She feels that on the inside she is not as happy as she seems on the outside. We then see a picture of her mom, dad and Kim when she was little. She says that her parents got divorced when she was age 2 or 3, and her mother remarried when she was 4 or 5, and that she didn’t fit into their lifestyle. She remembers that her mom called her dad to come get her for the weekend and that her mother never picked her up. She was abandoned by her mother and left to live with her father. Kim says she can’t imagine how someone can do that. All the time she is talking she is calm and matter-of-fact. She says she knows she has had a difficult childhood but always felt sorry for her mother, that something in her wasn’t able to deal with being a mom. Rhonda says that is a lovely rationalization and it may be true, but how do you feel over the years knowing she left you? Kim says, I felt sad, lost, not loved. Ilanya says it’s as if a reporter is giving an accounting of current events. She feels the tragedy Kim has experienced but that Kim seems totally unaware. Kim remembers she was at a department store to take pictures and that they said smile, and her not remembering how to do that. She still feels that little child inside her and has learned since then how to put on a smile. We see a picture of dad’s house. Kim says she never could have anyone over, it was disgusting, there were cockroaches, it was a scary place to grow up in, and that her father had an extremely bad temper and was physically abusive. She remembers going to school she would wear as much extra clothes for padding under her clothes because she never knew when she came home how he would be and often would be whipped with a belt.
Alison says in confessional, she knows what it’s like, the fact that Kim had to hide her secrets, she understands that from her house growing up, she couldn’t share who she was, doesn’t know who she is, that it’s tough and Alison feels for her.
Ilanya asks if Kim has a relationship with her father now. Kim says she talks to him once every 3 months or so. Christina in voiceover says she is shocked that Kim went through this and is in so much control talking about it.
Kim says she found her mom at age 21, in Colorado, and that she lived with her for awhile. Ilanya tells her that until you can get outraged over what you have experienced, there is no way you can ever heal. Kim begins to cry but still is not showing much emotion. We then see her self-portrait which is a figure of herself and her son within a circle, with one heart between herself and her son. She says she feels alone all the time except with her son. Her husband is outside the circle where she and her son are, in his own circle. Rhonda says, your son cannot compensate for your mother and father. Then aside, she says just like the padding to shield her from the belt, Kim is trying to cover up wounds with her son, and Rhonda sees it as a dangerous relationship. Jill says the one heart is a dangerous thing. She sees a lot of Kim in her mother. Can’t keep up the façade, can’t hold it in. Ilanya says the picture frightens her, it doesn’t show any problems or issues.
Kim’s goal is to “Heal Childhood Wounds.” Rhonda: Kim is afraid to open up and tell us what happened to her but I want to get to the bottom before her feelings inside finally explode.
Rhonda meets privately with Kim. She says, you have to feel it in order to move through it and heal it. She gives her blankets and Kim puts tags on them with her son’s name, marriage, found mom, successful career, still talks to dad. Rhonda lifts up the blanket to show a broken heart and asks her, what does it cover up? Kim writes on the heart that she didn’t get the love that any child would need, memories, and then Rhonda leaves her to write more on her own for awhile. Kim says in confessional she wants to and needs to fix her broken heart.
Ilanya meets with Christina. She tells her there is something we have to look at today. Ilanya shows her printouts of the websites with pictures of her on the internet and says we have to do something about these. It’s a porn site. When you took the pictures, were you aware what they would be used for? Christina says not exactly but she has to owned up and accepted that she did this. Ilanya says it’s a powerful lesson and we face those things coming into Jackson’s hands, or Paul’s, or one of your clients trying to sell real estate, so a lot is going on stepping into this next area of finding your honor. Ilanya tells Christina she will be meeting again today with the lawyer.
Lisa says she knows Mr. Internet can only connect with women on the internet. He doesn’t really want to meet them. She knows she’s obsessed and she wants to let it go but also wants to experience it, knowing it will end up in pain. TJ and Lisa are talking about it. Lisa says it is funny TJ is calling her on her stuff even though TJ has the most trouble communicating. TJ shows her communication cards to Lisa and they agree some of them apply to what Lisa needs.
Christina calls her mom and wants to know when she can come up and says she can’t wait to see Jackson. Her mom talks about her worries that Christina owes money and has bills. They have a discussion about her mom not opening any more of her mail.
Rhonda and Lisa meet. Rhonda asks her what she used to look for in a man and she says, how much money does he make, where will he take her? Rhonda wants her to attract different kinds of men, those that will respect her and don’t mistreat her. She asks, how have your opinions changed? Lisa said, before I just wanted a rich man to take care of me. But then I learned I’d just be switching dependency from my parents to someone else. Rhonda: What do you want to practice in order to be powerful, open, and confident with men? All of that but pride and dignity the most. She says her housemates say she’s funny to a point but then crosses the line. Rhonda wants her to determine the qualities and values she wants in a man. She must come up with the five most important qualities in a man and come up with questions that, when on a date, she could casually ask.
Christina meets with the lawyer. He says he has good news, the first site pulled the images, the second one will hold the pictures but didn’t confirm. He decides to leave well enough alone, he’s glad the gallery is gone. The fetish sites wanted repayment of $1500 of having them up so far. The lawyer feels they should try to get them a letter proposing a counteroffer. Since they’ve had the pictures for two years, they have had value from that, so he thinks he can get an agreement even if it’s an installment plan. He wants to get back to them immediately because they have an offer on the table and he doesn’t want to lose that. He will stay on top of it, finish this up. Christina is willing to pay as much as she can, when she can. By next week she could give them $300, then $100 each month. He says to leave the negotiations to me, but overall it’s a promising start and you’re on your way to getting the pictures removed.
Kim and Rhonda meet. Kim says, I make a lot of excuses, rationalizations for things that I do and things that have happened to me. If I didn’t have a marriage I would feel unlovable, if I didn’t talk to my dad, I would feel bitter and if I couldn’t give I would feel selfish and uncaring like my dad. I like to come across as easygoing, carefree. Rhonda: So you want people to think you didn’t deserve to be punished? You are desperate to be acknowledged. This exercise I gave you was to come up with steps so you can choose who you really want to be. Kim says she is afraid she has so much stuff buried inside she doesn’t know how to feel anymore. It’s hard for her to even cry. Rhonda and Kim write her steps: Uncover Effects of Trauma, Face the Abandonment, Learn to Forgive, Embrace Imperfection. Rhonda tells her, you don’t know you’re amazing yet. I want you to know what that feels like by the time you graduate.
Ilanya and Christina talk on the phone. Christina tells her that she may have to pay the websites to remove her pictures. Ilanya says she must think of 40 or 50 ways she can come up with the money because that’s the only thing standing in the way of getting the pictures down.
Rhonda meets with TJ and congratulates her for helping Lisa with her communication rules. She is learning to reach out and that is great. She has had the rules for five days and Rhonda is very excited for TJ, so she tells her it’s time to bring your husband to the SO house and that she should call him and invite him to come on Thursday.
Rhonda comes in to see Lisa about her five qualities to look for in a man. She calls the ladies outside and there is a setup that looks like the stage of The Dating Game, but the sign overhead says “Lisa’s Dream Date.” Lisa sits in a chair next to a wall where there are three chairs on the other side. Rhonda blindfolds her, then she goes to the podium and acts like the MC of the show. Three bachelors get introduced and as they are walking in, Lisa says, “Oh my God there’s really men here?” Everyone laughs. They all come in and the ladies whistle. Rhonda tells Lisa to tell the bachelors what she is looking for in a man. She answers, someone who has integrity, is generous, who is worldly and has experience, is nonjudgmental, and is passionate. Rhonda: So, Lisa, ask bachelor number 1 your question. Lisa asks, bachelor number 1, if you won the lottery what would you do? He answers he would grab my lover or friend, go on a world trip and have fun. Lisa: Bachelor number 2, my best friend’s husband is a great guy and provides well but is always working, and now the kids are getting into trouble, what should I tell her? Bachelor number 2 says priority is the word, dads are more than required, they’re essential. Lisa to bachelor number 3: I heard there is a ship going to the Galapagos Islands and I want to see the animals before they are gone. He says he would find out for her. Rhonda: Lisa, what do you most want to know? You will be asking one of these men for a date, not just for tonight, but for a future relationship. Rhonda tells Lisa to ask them, what is your number one rule of life? Bachelor number 1 says, to be true to my passion and to love with all my heart. Bachelor number 2 answers that it brings up the question, what are you prepared to do to lead in life? Bachelor number 3 answers that each day is a gift, follow your passion, have fun. Rhonda says she must choose one of the bachelors and Lisa then says she wants them all. Rhonda says no, the old Lisa would want them all but the new Lisa would have only one. Lisa picks bachelor number 1. Rhonda asks her why? Lisa says because of the way he answered your question. Rhonda says bachelor number 1 is from a small town in Australia, is an artist, a journalist, 36 yrs old and has a degree from James Cook University in Australia. Lisa then asks him out on a date. She tells him you’re taking a risk and he says so are you. She says goodbye and Rhonda says she’ll see him in a couple of days.
TJ calls her husband Rick and tells him that Rhonda wants him to come on Thursday. He asks if there is any reason why. TJ says she doesn’t know, she just said she thinks it’s time for us to meet Rick and that her housemates are dying to meet him too. Rick says okay.
Christina is trying to come up with her list of ways to make money. Alison suggests washing cars, babysitting, throwing a party, giving a massage. Christina writes, having a lemonade stand, selling flowers…
Kim is unpacking and puts up a picture of her son. She says it is hard but she just has to take it one day at a time, try not to be sad and look at the end results and that will make it worthwhile at the end of the day.
Next on Starting Over: Lisa can’t handle having a new woman in the house. We see her on the phone saying, “If I make some inappropriate comment here and there, well too bad.” Jill must deal with her darkest fear. Ilanya says to her, “Can you invited your mother to the house so we can empty out all that stuff?” Jill is crying and says, “When I talk to her I feel sixteen.” Alison may not be able to make it through her last day. She and TJ are together. Alison says, “I just feel like I’m being treated like s***. I feel like the whole graduation is a problem. Dammit!” Alison is crying and TJ looks concerned.
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