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Today’s show starts with Allison saying that she feels lighter this morning, she is ready to start the day, and today it is her birthday.
The house computer screen shows an email that Jill wrote that is full of complaints about Allison and says something about her being a “queen b****.” In confessional she says that she gets frustrated with Allison.
Christina in confessional says that the atmosphere is really detached in the house; no one is connecting with anyone.
A policeman comes to door and indicts Jill on conspiracy to live an unfulfilled life. The SO court charges and he lists ten charges against her. He says he needs to take a mug shot and print her. Jill is feeling persecuted because she feels she has been working on all of these issues.
Allison gets a happy birthday call from her mother. She says it’s the one day she remembers being happy in her home and feeling special and loved. She tells her mom about the casket and burying all her issues. Her mom thought it was freeing. Allison said it was awful but yes, freeing.
Group: Ilanya wants to look at two dysfunctional partners, shame and guilt. She says that today’s group is very important for these things that we tell us that are wrong with what we do. She asks them, when is the first time you remember being shamed? Jill said probably not getting picked on a team because she was fat. Allison said she started to develop early and a boy in her class said he couldn’t tell if she was fat or if she had boobs, so he punched her fat and then her breast. Ilanya says shame comes from the outside and is projected onto us. What it says to us is that there’s something wrong with me. TJ said she was out of control growing up, imperfect, and it came from her parents. Ilanya said that’s why the outbursts. If shame is the wife, guilt is the husband. Once there is something wrong with you, then there’s something wrong with everything you do. Jessica said she cut people off a lot after her mom died and didn’t thing people could handle her so she shut them out and wouldn’t let them see her emotions. Jessica felt shame at being too emotional. Ilanya says until guilt and shame are handled, honesty is not an option. Today it becomes a priority. Is there anything you’ve done that you’re ashamed of or feel guilty about since coming into the starting over house? None of the housemates says anything. She asks Jill, what is your guilt around? She says the snacks that made her gain 5 pounds and it feels unnatural how she has to battle guacamole chips. She is not hiding in the closet about eating a lot of food but still she gained 5 lbs. Everyone else can do it, why can’t she? Allison then says she identifies with Jill and she just wants to be normal and eat chips too, like everyone else. She says, I can’t afford to but it’s not fair because the rest of the women won’t gain weight like Jill and I. Ilanya says for them, the belief is I’m fat and I start to feel shame at being fat, then guilty about it and have to punish myself. It’s a cycle that goes on and on and if each woman can’t identify theirs, they will continue to repeat it.
Lisa says to TJ that she wants to do something special for Allison’s birthday but wants support from the housemates and is not getting it. She can’t believe people won’t return the favor and do something for Allison because she is always doing nice things for other people. TJ said well, that may or may not happen.
Ilanya says Jill is guilty…everything in her charges apply to her. She wants to be sure she has a clear understanding of what they mean and what she has to do. She must gather evidence from expert witnesses to see how she violated them. Ilanya says she will find out who these witnesses are and how Jill still owns these issues and she has to let herself know that she is serious about saving her life.
Allison says birthdays are weird, most at her age couldn’t care less, but when she was a child her birthdays were extraordinary but today has been uneventful.
Rhonda meets with Jessica to talk more about the difficult week leading up to 911. Jessica says if she is in high rise buildings, she envisions planes crashing. Rhonda says to try and change the vision to something better, like the plane going by instead of crashing.
She tells her to try to take the week before 911 to honor her mother. Today she will meet with her photographer and will exhibit her photography in the SO house and it will be not just about who she is in her future, but will include pictures of her mother as well so she can claim the past as well as the future, and to say goodbye to her mother. She is shifting her relationship with her and becoming an equal, not just a daughter.
Allison is all dressed up in a funky, fun manner. TJ teases her about looking so cute with a butterfly on her jeans. TJ says to the camera she is not sure what they are planning for her and Allison keeps dropping hints. They are just going to go with the flow and hopefully one of them will take the lead and plan a dinner or celebration.
Jessica talks to her sister on the phone. Her sister says that their mom almost made them codependent on her. Jessica said she never needed anyone else but mom, because she got so much love from her. Her sister says exactly, and questions if that is healthy.
Jill in confessional: I have to start holding myself accountable for my life. I am defending my right to pursue happiness. Ilanya says to the camera that Jill thinks she’s done enough but it is time to do more work and it is time for court to be in session. Ilanya asks her, who do you conspire with? Jill answers, TJ. Ilanya: Really? How so? Jill: We have a tendency to swap stories of guilt and not call each other on them. Ilanya says that she has been saying in group that something’s going on, there is an imbalance in the house. She finds it interesting that she aligns herself with TJ because she is mirroring Allison and she thinks Jill and TJ have a lot to say about Allison and in 20 minutes she wants to know what it is. She leaves Jill sitting and thinking.
Lisa and Jill: Jill says everyone has something to say in this house and they’re not saying it. She feels Allison has something to say to her and hasn’t. Lisa said it’s her responsibility to say something, that she can’t control the outcome. She said, like today with Allison’s birthday, TJ said I can’t go to the grocery store, I need to work on myself today. So everyone is working only on themselves.
Mary Ann (the photographer) arrives and she and Jessica talk about how hard this week is for Jessica. She thinks of her life as pre-mom, post-mom. They talk about putting the photos in the hallway and they look around the house for where to set up the display. Jessica says, my hopes for this exhibit are to weave my past and present together and celebrate the joy and love I’ve always had.
TJ and Lisa are hanging stars outside (for Allison’s birthday?) and then Ilanya walks over to them and says to gather all your housemates and meet me in the sanctuary.
Everyone assembles and Ilanya says to the camera that she is really concerned about the cloud in the house, it is critical to their healing, so she is calling a special meeting to give the housemates the opportunity to lay their cards on the table. Ilanya says to the group that there’s been a funk in the house and it’s been there for awhile and it’s been talked about in group and it’s still here and that they are here to heal and yet funk does not allow for healing. She says to them that she wants the truth, the truth that you have been withholding from each other, the truth you’ve been whispering in third party conversations, the gossiping, and she wants the truth and wants it now or we’ll be in this room all night long.
The housemates look confused. Ilanya turns to Jill and says, we had a conversation earlier? What was the gist of that? Jill: TJ and I gossip about the feeling that we are the bad girls in the house and that Jess is stuck in the middle and I feel judged by Allison and TJ’ having a hard time being accountability partners with Allison and I feel there’s things she needs to say to me. Ilanya: My comment to you was I found it very interesting that you connect with TJ and yet you mirror Allison and I said I bet you both have a lot to say about Allison.
Allison to the camera says she feels stunned, shocked and surprised that this has been going on.
Jill says she feels that Allison judges her and then she admits that’s because Jill judges her. Ilanya: So you have made snide, back-handed comments about Allison? Jill: Yes. Ilanya says thank you for your honesty. Ilanya then turns to TJ who says she doesn’t even know what she’s said about Allison. She knows she was venting her fears, frustrations and anxieties. Ilanya says it doesn’t matter why she did it. TJ: I’m not perfect, that’s the reality. Ilanya: The reality is you make CHOICES and you pick and choose who you talk about, and if you talk with Jill about Allison, you’ll do it with another about one of the other housemates. Isn’t it convenient you don’t’ remember what you said? It’s not about you, TJ, it’s about what you bring to the table and the energy you bring. This group from day one has been dishonest. Christina, when is the last time you said something not to their face? Christina says, to TJ. She tells TJ it’s hard to talk to you, you always make it about yourself. Ilanya asks, is that all you said about her? Christina: I’ve said she’s annoying. Every time I talk to you it’s a 45 minute conversation all about you. Ilanya says thank you. TJ says she does not want to say anything to their face, she doesn’t want to go there. TJ: I wanted to heal myself, I felt so rejected I didn’t know what to do, and I’ve talked to my life coach about this. Ilanya says you, like everyone else on some level, has contributed, as have all the others, to the imbalance and funky energy in this house. You try to take the back door out and say because you spoke to your life coach, you don’t have a responsibility to talk to the other women in this house. Allison, is there anything you have said to someone about them not to their face? Allison: I really don’t think there is. I do realize I’m the most judgmental person in the room but I’m the hardest on myself and therefore based on the definition of not placing judgment I won’t do it to others. Based on what I’ve learned, I judge everyone. And with Jill or TJ or anyone, I don’t hold you in judgment. Ilanya says to all the women that they’re not willing to tell the real truth. New stuff, old stuff that they’re resigned to, it’s in the air, you need to have those conversations today. Speak it, say it, do it. Allison is angry to have to do this on her birthday, feels it is ruined. Ilanya says to her if you can’t do it with these 5 women, you never will with your mother or brother. Cake ain’t gonna fix it! She thinks you sit in judgment of her (Jill). Have a deeper conversation and heal. Ilanya leaves and tells Allison to have that conversation about her feelings with the ladies.
Jessica asks Allison “what’s your fear?” Allison: I’m just mad. Birthdays are special and today sucked because through all the chaos, birthdays were a big deal and I felt safe. I apologize for feeling sorry for myself. I haven’t told you this before. Jill tells her we can talk about it tomorrow. Allison says no, it’s on the table and we should talk about it. Jill doesn’t think she’s ready to hear what she has to say. They talk about how they are too careful with each other and this is how they got a C before. They all talk at once. TJ wants them to leave the past in the past with her and she feels she is changing every day and feels insignificant, rejected. The housemates say that is psychobabble. TJ says, I’m not asking you guys to change how you feel or react to me, Jess can you understand? TJ says she knows she is annoying. She says to Jessica, why the gaps, Jess? Jessica: cause when I get upset I take a deep breath. Christina tells TJ she feels she makes a long sentence and when we don’t agree you twist it around until we agree with you. TJ says she wants them to tell her if they’re annoyed and pissed off, she doesn’t have a problem with confrontation. TJ and Allison go outside and talk. TJ feels rejected. (I didn’t get all the conversation here, it was brief before the other ladies came out) but TJ did tell Allison, I don’t trust you.
Jess and Lisa get in the car and run to The Stand to get Allison’s favorite cobbler and make a birthday cake out of it for her. They both talk about Jill and TJ and how upset they are.
Allison gets flowers from her mom. She is smiling and happy, says she has given up her dreams for a lets-pretend-everything’s okay kind of day, and maybe that’s not what birthdays are about. Maybe it’s just about your life and regardless of conflicts; maybe we can just let it be.
Next on SO: Jill must take a hard look at herself. Allison gets some encouragement from Magic Johnson. Lisa has a panic about her next assignment.
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