Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Monday, 10-11

Happy Columbus Day and Canadian Thanksgiving!!

Iyanla asked Kim to show her the makeup routine she goes through. She said that Kim's wanting to be picture perfect affects her relationships.

Towanda called her husband, and he was calmer. He said he didn't even remember saying what he did to her. Boy, is there more to this relationship!

Rhonda told Josie she needs to see beyond black and white. She does a painting exercise, with black and white, and she mixes the gray, and paints with that.

Iyanla shared her story with Towanda. She was a product of adultery. Her own daughter she debated whether to have or not. Her daughter lived with that rage every day. At 31, she died of cancer. Iyanla wants Towanda to let go of her anger, not keep it all in like her daughter did.

Iyanla talked to the group about broken relationships. They all have one, and Iyanla wanted them to separate their behavior,or the ego, from the value of a person, or the love for them. Do you want to be right, or do you want to heal?

Kim tells the group she wants feedback as to why they think she has broken relationships. They say she shuts down, and has to be right all the time. They have a group hug.

Rhonda and Josie are in a toy store. Josie is to barter, and get something for less than the purchase price. She can't do it, and says no, no, no, right along with the salesclerk. Next, she is to get something free. She ends up getting hot water free, and convinces a tea shop guy to give her a free sample of his tea.

Towanda says Kim is taking steps forward. At the house, an anger management specialist met with Towanda and Jennifer. Jennifer wants to express anger at her mother, father, God, her sister. She hits a bat onto a soft pillow with a vinyl cover, it makes a nice whack sound. The editing guys had fun with this, and added there own sounds to it. Towanda is mad at God, her ex-boyfriend, dad, step-mom. She really gets into this exercise. She said it felt good. The specialist said the degree you get angry is the degree at which you heal.

Towanda said to the camera this is just the beginning of releasing anger for her. She has years of suppression, and tells us to get ready.

Tomorrow, the ladies are tied up in pairs, Sinae is saying how can anyone love her if she is a burden, and Josie is not happy.

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Tues, 10-12
Today Towanda's husband is coming. "Knotty" is the assignment today, and Lynnell is in the house. Josie and Kim, Sinae and Jennifer, Towanda and Sommer are the pairs, and they are tied together today for 2 1/2 hrs. They seem to be getting along so far.

Jennifer and Sinae are arguing the most. The other pairs are talking and visiting. Lynnell comes and unties them, as Stan arrives. (I was gone this morning, watching on tape again). Josie says she understands Kim now. Jenn needs patience. You can develop respect with others, without being best friends. Stan says to make a healthy relationship work in the SO house is to understand that they are all different, and they came from very different experiences.

Rhonda, with Sommer and Josie, are going on a love hunt. Rhonda says the ropes was a codependency exercise, and that Sommer and Josie need to learn not to depend solely on other people for their needs. The girls have to interview strangers, and ask others how they love.

Towanda asks her mother the questions she asked her dad about her childhood. Her mom is honest, and said she cried a lot, and was mean! Iyanla meets with Towanda to review her story so far. She was not a planned pregnancy. Her mother saw her as a blessing. Her family wanted a boy when she was born. She never had her chance to be the baby, to have her moment. Iyanla says Andre married the angry, afraid Towanda, and may not like the real Towanda. Her theory is expect the worse, be happy for the best.

Kim finds out her best friend has cancer, and cries to her on the phone.

Sommer and Josie are trying to do their love surveys. They are getting a few people to talk to them, but many rejections.

Stan tells Towanda she has a huge wall about men and trust, as well as cheating. She feels all men will cheat, at some time. He wants her to trust and love all the way.

Stan and Kim meet. and talk about her not deserving happiness. She said she was a Catholic, but is not any more. Stan thinks she has not fully embraced her faith, to let go of the punishing God, and seek the forgiving God she worships.

Rhonda has a night group session with the ladies. Sommer and Josie learned there is all kinds of love out there. They say it's easy to fall in love, but work to keep a relationship. Rhonda found out for herself that people can love you, before you love yourself. Josie misses her grandma so much, and feels she can't truly love anyone else. She can add more love, not replace her grandma's love. Sinae feels no one can love her, because she feels she is a burden. Josie and Jennifer show their love for her, and want her to know she deserves love.

Tomorrow, something is bothering Jennifer, and she feels attacked by the women.

did your finger get stuck curly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 10-13

Jennifer is talking with Iyanla. She wants to know if Jennifer is like a duck. They secrete oils from their eyes, and oil their feathers with it, so they can waterproof themselves, and not sink. She wants Jennifer to protect herself from sinking each day. She feels attacked, and talked about when her dad used to yell at her. Iyanla wants her to get to specifics about why she is angry with mom, dad, and her sister. She writes her answers on three pieces of tagboard. She wanted to stop her dad form his anger, his drug dealing. He was never home when she needed him.

Iyanla asked Jennifer what her mom should have done, when she was being mistreated by her dad. Jennifer relived the day when the S.W.A.T. team came into her house. When they left with her dad, her mom didn't talk to her about it, they just cleaned up the mess. She discovered what she feels about the family, she feels about herself. Iyanla said to make another choice, rewrite the story. Jennifer needs help finding her voice, and she is going to involve the housemates.

Vince, the mobility specialist, is back in the house. He is doing an exercise with Sinae to practice emergency drills. She is finding the flags he put by every exit in the house for her. She has to be blindfolded, and do a mock fire drill. She found Kim, and helped her out too. This gave Sinae more confidence in herself.

Sommer is shopping for clothes. She tries on clothes, and doesn't feel comfortable in her new shape. She tries on cute tops and jeans.

Sommer and her weight loss mentor Andie go to see Marcus, at the gym. Andie had the same surgery Sommer did. Sommer has a crush on Marcus.

The ladies were surrogate family members for Jennifer. Towanda is the dad, Sinae is the mom, and Josie is the sister. They have to take on the personalities of they people for the rest of the day. Jennifer won't know they are doing this, until the evening meeting. They are trying to trigger feelings in Jennifer. These were the feelings she had with Deborah, I think. They are willing to play these roles for Jennifer. Kim is not in on the roles, and is suspicious.

Josie said this will help Jennifer. Jennifer is really getting upset with the way the women are acting.

Iyanla told Jennifer she is giving her a shawl of protection. She wears a shawl, and goes to see the ladies. They all have names on their chests, and Sinae is in a chair.

Rhonda asked Sommer about the day. She was not comfortable shopping. She talked about wanting to be thin, without doing the work to get there. Sommer had a crush on a boy, and the more she tried to look nice, the more he ridiculed her. Rhonda said she is still 12, trying to win the boy from 7th grade.

Jennifer had the chance to find her voice today. She tells Towanda her feelings she has for her dad, mom, and her sister. Towanda models her dad, and said sorry, that it shouldn't have happened this way. Iyanla rips off more of Jennifer's necklace. This was edited so much, it was hard to follow. In one scene, Jennifer is balling, and the next she is calm. It was a good turning point for her. Jennifer said she deserves to be free, and to be happy. She said she is not worried about everyone else, her feelings are important, and she is important. She hugs "dad". Then, Iyanla holds her like a baby, and hugs her. Looked weird to me.

Tomorrow, their is some candle ritual, Josie is sad, and Kim tells more about a broken relationship.