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Friday 9/23
It’s morning and in the kitchen Simon tells Lou he seems irritated. Lou says that he is not quite hitting just yet. Kacie and Jennifer are talking about salsa dancing the previous night. Jennifer says the when she got in the car she didn’t think that she was going to have fun al night. Kacie says that she is like that too and that when one thing sets off her night she is a total B. Jennifer said yeah, and that Lou was trying to be nice to her in the car and she kept telling him to stop it and let her bask in her pissed-off-edness. Jennifer says in the confessional that the relationship is not good between her and Lou and that they have anger and resentment in the process of communication because she feels like neither one of them feel like they are being heard.
Jaclyn says that Iyanla gave her an assignment to show Michael how much she loves him so she is trying to do that. She goes and gets in bed with him and snuggles with him.
Simon is walking up the stairs and in confessional you hear him say that his relationship is not good. He says that he is not going to blame Kacie. It’s his fault. He says that he doesn’t put in what he needs to with her. Simon is reclining in a chair eating and drinking. Kacie is on the bed lying down. Kacie says think about it a little bit. Simon asks Kacie if he wants him to cry over her. Kacie says that it’s not that and Simon says that it is that. Kacie tells him that it’s that he is not showing any emotion Kacie says that all the pain and things that they have gone through in their relationship make her cry, but it doesn’t even seem to make Simon sad. She asks Simon if he can imagine being with someone who never shows their emotions. She said that she feels like she is with him, but not really with him. Kacie said she could be sitting in front Simon crying and he will show no emotion that she is crying or even acknowledge that she is hurt. Kacie tells Simon that the only time she knows when he is feeling something is when he isolates himself – then she knows that something is wrong. Simon tells her that she needs to learn brevity and that she doesn’t need all those words to say what she has to say. He says that if didn’t stop her she would go on and on and on about the same thing. Kacie is in the confessional saying that it seems like they are taking baby steps to get to their future. She said if Simon doesn’t figure out what’s wrong or what’s bothering him then it is going to continue to take a toll on the relationship
Everyone in the house except for Cheryl and Troy are sent out on a walk by Iyanla. Cheryl and Troy are in the kitchen and Cheryl says in a voice over that both she and Troy are quiet this morning and she is having to initiate conversation with him. She says she doesn’t know where Troy’s mind is, but it’s not with her. She is scared that Troy is closing off to the experience.
The rest of the houseguests are sitting outside and they are doing more question and answer stuff. The first question was would you invite your in-laws to move in with you if they needed a place to live. Jaclyn says yes regarding her future in-laws. Lou says no, because he is selfish and doesn’t want them taking up the space that he already feels is tight. Michael says no, because his stepmother is frisky and he doesn’t’ think he could handle that. Simon asks too frisky, how? And Michael says that she is always hanging on her dad. Some of them thought Michael meant she was frisky with him and they are all laughing. Second question was what would you do if you child revealed he or she was homosexual? Michael says that he has first hand knowledge because his brother is gay. He said he wasn’t comfortable at first, but it’s his family and he is being supportive. Simon says that he has a gay sister. He was shocked when she told him. Simon was 18 when he found out. He accepts it, but he says there are always problems and drama. Kacie says that the gay relationships that she has witnessed have not worked out. Lou says that being a hairdresser he is used to being around “fruitcakes” and he likes the ones that he knows and in a weird way flirts with them. Simon is in the confessional saying that Lou is a nut. That Lou is hilarious and could light up any room. Lou then says that he hopes if his daughter ever tells him that she’s gay that she would not be really really gay, only sorta gay.
Time for group activity. They have the partners pick from two cards. One is blank the other says blindfold on it. Michael and Jaclyn are up first. Jaclyn is blindfolded and Michael is to lead Jaclyn down a long set of steps and then to verbally navigate his partner over a bridge on the pool. Kacie is in confessional saying that when Simon pulls away that she feels she needs to do it back to him so he knows how it feels. She says she feels lonely and left out. Michael takes Jaclyn down the stairs. Jaclyn is tentative, but she is calm and listens to Michael. She makes it all the way over without falling into the pool. Michael says he is a little afraid of her falling in, but he knows that if can communicate well she will make and she can trust him. He takes her blindfold and helmet off her when she gets to the other side and she is so happy. She said that she felt it was more than an exercise of communication, but an exercise in trust. They are kissing and hugging and Iyanla tells them enough and to go sit on the side. Jennifer says that she doesn’t’ feel safe with Lou. Jennifer says that she is afraid of this exercise because she thinks someone may trick her like she was tricked by her ex-husband. They had a fight and he told her he wanted to show her a flower down by the pool and when they got down there he pushed her in. Lou asks Jennifer if she feels safe and she says no. He tells he that he loves her so much and that he will not let her fall. Lou says that it’s important to him that Jennifer trust him because of what happened to her previously when she was pushed into the pool, and Lou says that he want to put that fear to rest. Jennifer got to Lou and reached out for his hands and then grabbed him and hugged him. He was hugging her while she was crying. Cheryl is talking Troy across. She is telling him to slightly step to the left, and then says that’s not slightly. Cheryl is in the confessional saying that he was right on the edge and one false move and he would be over. She says that she considers the possibility that he might step off and fall in, but there’s no need for her to jump in. She said that Troy was a big boy and he had a life jacket on. Simon is blindfolded walking down the stairway and is dragging Kacie down the stairs rather than letting her lead. Iyanla tells Kacie to let him go and come with her. They take a few steps away and then has Simon walk to Kacie’s voice. Kacie in voice over saying that Simon is blindfolded, but continue to walk like he knows exactly what he is doing and where he is going. Iyanla asks Simon if he is ready to let Kacie guide him and he sys yes. Kacie says that you can see how wobbly the bridge across the pool was and that she had to get herself together, because if she didn’t have it together it would mess Simon up. She got him all the way across and everyone was clapping. Simon says that he and Kacie are not affectionate and he says that is because he never saw his parents being affectionate. Iyanla says to use this exercise as a metaphor for communication, cooperation, and trust. Iyanla asks what they learned. Lou says that in the past he has not demonstrated an ability to lead Jennifer and to make her feel safe. So this mirrored that and was a success. Jennifer says that it felt good when he got to the other side and Lou was there. She didn’t trust him when she was over there. She said she also learned she is not a trusting person and that she has not been trusting Lou. Michael said he felt that if she were to fall in it would be his fault. Simon felt that he wanted to lead. Kacie said that it was frustrating for him. They all get up and leave and Simon says it’s isolation time.
Simon says in voice over that he is isolating himself from the group but doesn’t think there is anything wrong with that because sharing his emotions is something new to him and something he has never done before. Kacie says that when Simon is upset he will completely shut down for two or three days and completely leaves hr out of his world. Rhonda is talking to Simon saying that he can’t just isolate himself. He has to tell Kacie that he needs some time alone to process all these new emotions and he will be back. Rhonda says that if Simon doesn’t communicate that to Kacie, then Kacie will feel as though Simon has left her. Simon gets up out of the chair.
Rhonda is in confessional and says that she knows that Iyanla has given Jaclyn the assignment to find ways to prove that she loves Michael, but Rhonda says that she doesn’t know if Jaclyn is going about it the right way. Jaclyn and Michael are in the pool and Jaclyn is telling him that he is sexy when he’s wet, and that his hair looks cute. She is kissing him and hugging him and being overall affectionate. Jaclyn says in voice over that being in Michael’s arms in the pool is really to start to look like she wants it to look like and they are starting to grasp what needs to be changed. Michael says that he has been thinking about the possibility that they might not be together and he says that it hurts thinking about it.
Kacie and Simon are sitting in the room with the phone and Simon’s sister is on the phone saying that his parents are very upset that they have not been able to spend time with Amira, their daughter. Kacie in the confessional saying they called today to check up on their daughter and that his sister tells Simon that Amira hadn’t been over to their house and that made Simon upset and he wants to send their daughter to stay with his parents for a few days. Now Kacie and Simon are in the bedroom and Simon is lying on the bed and saying that he thinks that their daughter needs to spend the day with his family. Kacie says they have already made a decision and asks why they can’t stick it out. Simon lets out a sigh. Kacie says that she will go and call her sister and tell her the truth – that Simon’s family is upset they haven’t spent time with Amira, and ask her to please take her over to see Simon’s family under supervision. Simon interrupts and asks why it has to be supervised. Kacie asks him what he thinks about it and he says that it’s F’d up. Kacie tells Simon that he is the one that wanted Amira to stay with Kacie’s sister and now he is going back on his word. He apologizes for cutting her off. Simon flips through his journal and says that he is looking for the formula that Dr. Stan gave the guys for communicating and that he can’t find it. Kacie asks if he wants to go call a life coach to get help in communicating. Kacie says that they have to get it right and asks Simon if he wants to go call. He says he’s down.
In the living room Michael says that Jaclyn wasn’t much of a cuddler. Jaclyn said that she cuddled with him this morning. Troy said that he saw four eyes sticking out of the sheets and they all laugh. Troy then says that when you move in together or sleep together your sleeping habits change. Troy says it’s like when you have a young kid – some people can sleep with them in the bed and some people are freaked out. Cheryl says that their son slept in their bed until he was 8. Jaclyn said Oh, my God! Cheryl in voice over said that their son became their whole life. They even had a family bed and everything was focused on loving that little boy.
Lou and Jennifer meet with Rhonda and they are going to talk about the elephant in the room. They each sit down on opposite sides of a papier-mache elephant and write down the things they never talk about that they wish would just go away. Rhonda says they talk above things, below things, around things, but now she wants them to talk about it. She has them pin the cards they wrote on to the elephant and they are going through them one at a time. One of the elephants is their daughter. Jennifer feels that Lou isn’t going to protect their daughter and Lou lets her do things that Jennifer wouldn’t let her do. Lou doesn’t feel Jennifer thinks he is a responsible parent. Jennifer wants to acknowledge that her expectations with their daughter are her perceptions of how things should be done because that’s how she would do it and that’s not fair to Lou. Jennifer says that she feels she needs to give Lou the freedom to be himself. Rhonda stops her and says to Lou that she just acknowledged him and that Jennifer admitted she has a problem. Rhonda says that they have just done two things, acknowledgment and self-responsibility. Lou says that he wants to acknowledge and praise her for recognizing that her perception is a little more intense than his. He says that he feels her intensity for the most part is a very positive thing and he loves that about her. Jennifer says it’s hard to hear because she does feel things are about that. So Rhonda has her just thank Lou.
Iyanla is with Kacie and Simon asking about the message that they left for her. Simon says that when he was trying to communicate with Kacie he was getting frustrated. He said he was looking for the formula that Dr. Stan gave them and he couldn’t find it so everything he was saying was coming out as anger. Iyanla asks what the communication was relating to. Simon in confessional saying that he didn’t want to discuss the situation about their daughter with Iyanla, all he wanted to know was how to effectively communicate with Kacie. Iyanla asks what Simon wanted Kacie to understand. Simon says that he feels their daughter needs to spend more time at another family member’s house, but Kacie doesn’t agree with that. Kacie says that they already had an agreement of where their daughter was going to stay and they should stick with it. Iyanla asks why Simon would want to change the agreement. Simon says that their family members are offended that their daughter isn’t spending time with them. Iyanla says And? Simon says that’s it. Iyanla tell Simon they will get over it. Iyanla then tells them that a marriage isn’t destroyed from the outside in, it’s destroyed from the inside out. Iyanla says the agreement that he and Kacie made should not be changed because of an outside source. Iyanla asks Simon what his upset was about because it wasn’t about the process. It was about him not being able to get Kacie to do what he wants her to do. It’s about not having his way and then when he doesn’t get his way he gets angry. Iyanla asks if that is right and if he can own that and he says yes. Kacie says these are the types of issues they talk about because she doesn’t agree with him. Iyanla tells Kacie that Simon is a spoiled brat. Simon is spoiled rotten and it is Kacie’s fault. Iyanla asks Kacie to say something to Simon and Kacie says that she wants to get over the barrier. She apologizes for spoiling him and then Iyanla tells Kacie to tell Simon to forgive her. Iyanla is looking at Simon and says I know what he does already – he drops his head to one side and he looks down and then he rolls his eyes to look up and then drops back down. Iyanla says that he is gone and for Kacie to ask if Simon heard Kacie. Kacie says did you hear me? Simon says yes. Kacie asks Simon what she said and he laughs and says can you repeat it. Kacie says it’s not funny. Iyanla says that it’s a man thing. Kacie is crying and says that it is disrespectful and she doesn’t like it. Kacie turns her back to Simon and starts crying harder.
Rhonda is back with Jennifer and Lou. Rhonda says we usually validate our bad stuff instead of our courage. Rhonda asks Jennifer to validate Lou. Jennifer says that the reason that Lou wants to be more free and easy with their daughter is because of Lou’s childhood and the fact that he is who he is- autonomous and independent - because of a lack of controlling parents. Rhonda whispers to Jennifer to say and she loves him for that. Jennifer tells Lou that she does love him for that. Jennifer tells Lou that he wants him to remember, however, that their daughter is a little girl and not a little boy and wants to protect her like Jennifer feels she wasn’t protected. Lou tells Jennifer that he knows that she is scared and didn’t feel safe as a child and he wants that for both Jennifer and Elena. Rhonda asks Jennifer what she wants to say to Lou and Jennifer says thank you. Rhonda asks Jennifer if she believes Lou and she said that she does. Rhonda tells them to keep talking about these things. Jennifer is in the confessional saying that it was a really nice moment for her because she realizes that she can trust Lou and that he wants to keep her safe and it’s not something she’s experienced with him and she really enjoys it. Rhonda then has them break the elephant piñata. Lou is in the confessional saying that he never trusted himself in the past. He hasn’t loved himself. He hasn’t given himself permission to be successful or anything and that those days are over.
Iyanla tells Kacie that it is unloving to ask someone to do something that they are unable to do and that Simon is unable to take in everything that Kacie says. Kacie says that now she aware of that. Iyanla asks if it would be accurate that in her past she has had the experience of not being heard and it is coming out in her relationship with Simon. Kacie says that she knows she is not being heard and Iyanla tells her that the 6 year old couldn’t do anything, but the 26 year old Kacie can. She asks the 26 year old Kacie if she wants to say anything to Simon and Kacie says she wants to make this better. Iyanla tells Simon that he is the lead and to take Kacie by the hand and tell Kacie that they can do it. Iyanla is having Kacie repeat it back to Simon. Kacie is saying in voice over that in order for Simon to gain back her respect that he is going to have to stop shutting her out and share his feelings and that she is afraid that he will fall back into old patterns when they leave.
Group session – Rhonda is talking about core needs. She asks what that means to some and they say love, affection, respect. Rhonda says that our core needs drive our fears because they don’t get met. Michael says his is confidence and Jaclyn says that hers is honesty. Jaclyn says that punishing Michael she feels like she is keeping him honest and therefore getting her core need met. Rhonda asks if anyone is like their parents. Jaclyn says she’s like her mom in that she is focused on image. Lou says that he is like his mother because he was always around his mom and that his mom always had a struggle to get approval from her own father. Jennifer says that she isn’t willing to be his mother and Rhonda says that Jennifer wants to not be his mother then she has to stop trying to please her dad and chooses her husband instead. Lou says he’s jealous because Jennifer spends all the time trying to please her father and not him. Rhonda in confessional is saying that she doesn’t think Lou knows how much of his manhood is compromised by Jennifer’s relationship with her father getting in the way of the marriage. Rhonda says the only way their marriage will survive is if they become a team and stop blaming each other and start respecting each other. Lou says that he doesn’t feel that he is important on Jennifer’s priority list and Rhonda asks Lou where he feels on the list. Lou says that if it is a top 10 list then he hasn’t even made it on the list. Cheryl is hitting Troy and Rhonda makes her talk. Cheryl says that when she was born, they wanted a little boy and that they called her Little Earl. When her siblings found out that her name was Cheryl when she was born they went around the neighborhood and told everyone their mom just had a little boy named Earl. Cheryl is in the confessional saying she never really felt like she had a good, healthy, solid, loving family that was supportive So her need for belonging is really truly to belong in that kind of family. Rhonda asks Cheryl which one shows up in the marriage, Cheryl or Little Earl. Cheryl says Little Earl shows up. Rhonda asks what happens to her core need when she is Little Earl and Cheryl says that she doesn’t belong. Rhonda asks what would happen if she showed up as Cheryl and Cheryl says that she could belong. Michael says that he is mad at his mom for so long for yelling a trying to belittle his father. He says that when Jaclyn does that he hangs up the phone. Michael says that he learned that it’s up to you decided if you get your core need met positively or negatively. Jaclyn says that she learned it’s her fault that she is not getting her core need met. Rhonda gives out Communication bracelets and Jennifer gives Lou his bracelet immediately. She says that it is silly, but he got down on one knee and asked Jennifer to marry him because the first time she was the one that proposed. Lou put it on and said I do.
Simon and Kacie are in the bathroom and Simon tells Kacie that he is going to go to the court for awhile because he needs some time to think. Kacie asks if he is going by himself and he asks her if she wants to come. He says they can play tennis, but Kacie says it is too hot right now. Simon in voice over says that He and Kacie have a lot of work to do and he wishes that Kacie would let him be and that it would be easier to for him to flow and then just do his own thing.
Iyanla meets with Michael. Iyanla asks Michael how often he says no in his life and he says not much. When asked why Michael says that he doesn’t feel his feelings are as important as the feelings of others. Michael said that he learned that by watching his dad’s feelings with his mom when his mom would berate his father. Iyanla asks Michael about his relationship with his mom and Michael says he chooses not to have a relationship with her because he doesn’t respect her as a mom. Iyanla tells him that he won’t be able to have a relationship with any woman until he can clean it up with his mom. Iyanla tells him to forgive his mother and examine how he holds his mother guilty and the way it shows up in his relationship in the way that Jaclyn holds him guilty. Iyanla puts handcuffs on Michael. Iyanla asks Michael if he is willing to let Jaclyn go if that means staying in a relationship like this. He says that he realizes that he made a mistake but he shouldn’t be held guilty forever and that he is willing to let Jaclyn go. Iyanla says that she is going to go get Jaclyn.
Lou is with Jennifer and she is lying on the bed. Lou tells her that he hopes she gets a good night sleep and that she should because it is going to be dark and cool and quiet for her. He tells her he will see her by or before 8:30 so they can spend time together in the morning. Jennifer is in the confessional saying that she thinks that what made the connection more significant is that they are both hopeful about their relationship where they hadn’t felt that before. Lou says good night and tells Jennifer that he loves her too much. She says she loves him too. Jennifer says they are feeling light and hopeful about their marriage and that everything will be ok.
They show Simon shooting hoops and is saying that he doesn’t know how to enjoy himself with Kacie. He doesn’t feel that Kacie doesn’t enjoy his sense of humor. Kacie is in bed saying that she feels lonely and left out and that if Simon doesn’t let her in it will be difficult for her to continue the relationship.
Jaclyn comes in the room and Iyanla asks her if she knows what is on Michael’s wrists and she says handcuffs. Iyanla asks her why and Jaclyn says that it is because Michael is her prisoner because she controls everything he does by punishing him. Iyanla asks Jaclyn if she was aware that she did that and Jaclyn says that she is becoming aware. Iyanla reaches in a bag and pulls out a leash and connects it to the handcuffs and hands the leash to Jaclyn. Michael tells Jaclyn the cuffs represent the guilt he holds on to for letting Jaclyn control him. Jaclyn says she feels ashamed. Iyanla says she doesn’t have to feel shame because he allowed her to do it. Michael then tells Jaclyn that he is going to walk away from her if this is how he has to live.
Previews for next week: Jaclyn’s future is on the line. Michael is hugging Jaclyn in the kitchen. She is crying and saying that she is so scared and she doesn’t know what to do – she just wants to leave. She is in the confessional saying she is afraid that she will be asked to leave today. Michael decides her fate and Rhonda asks if it is time for Jaclyn to go. She says she doesn’t know if she’s felt more alone in her life. Troy gets a reality check. Troy is standing with Cheryl and Rhonda and Rhonda is telling Troy that Cheryl thinks he is a spoiled brat that gets whatever he wants. Kacie has a meltdown. Iyanla says to Kacie that what she is seeing right now is manipulation. Kacie asks if they think she likes crying and feeling this pain. Lou and Jennifer are given a serious ultimatum Iyanla says they either need to clean the car or pack their bags. Lou says he wants to push the car in the pool and then you see Jennifer climb onto Lou’s lap with their arms around each other.
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