Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

It's a day late but here goes.

The show starts off with a recap of Monday and reintroducing the housemates.

Tuesday starts off with the couples asking forgiveness. Cheryl asks Troy for forgiveness and Troy says he forgives Cheryl and she tells him she’s on his side. He is surprised she cried. Iyanla says they have a long ways to go before getting out of this boot camp.

Rhonda says it’s the weight of disrespect that’s in the backpacks they have and they need to get used to carrying them.

Tonight they will have a barbeque and play a game called Secret Sq2uealer. Rhonda says that whoever wants to take charge can do so. Lou says he’s got that one.

We see the men grilling. Guys first have to tell the worst gift he gave his lady. Next question is for the ladies and asks if they would tell their partner if they cheated. They said yes. Men are asked what have they done to hurt their wife most since together. Lou reveals he broke Jennifer’s hand by pushing her back during a fight.

We see everyone unpacking. Michael says he’s not that comfortable but will be OK because he has Jacqueline with him. Jennifer says she’s tired but looking forward to tomorrow.

**6 new women in 16 days.**

You see everyone getting ready for the day. Cheryl starts off the day unsure and kacie is exhausted and says she feels like she is going through detox.

Everyone meets and Iyanla leads group. They are telling Simon and Kacie’s story today. They’ve been together 8 years. Simon’s culture is different because he is Pakistani. They look at pictures and in the first picture is Kacie in a red dress, which was her wedding dress. In the Pakistani culture the bride wears red. They talk about her clothing and Simon says that Kacie’s body is his and no one else should see it. They show another picture and ask about it and it is them together and Kacie says she was very submissive. Simon says she wasn’t. When describing submissive he says it is “Do whatever I say.” Kacie defines it as “Do whatever he said.” She cooked what he said to cook and wore what he told her to wear. She did it to not make him mad. They both can get mad and then not speak for a few says. In confessional Kacie says it makes her feel bad when he treats her the way he does sometimes and hoping coming to Starting Over will change that. Another picture was shown and they say it was in the good times. The good times Simons says he had a stronger feeling of there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. She felt safe with him as her protector. They show a picture of their daughter and Simon gets upset. He says their daughter has been really distant towards him and he realized she’s mirroring Mom and Dad’s relationship. Their daughter is 4 years old. Iyanla tells Simon he can be healed right in this moment. Iyanla asks if Simon wants his daughter to be married to someone that treats her the way Simon treats Kacie. He says No and Iyanla says that’s his healing. They show another picture of them kissing with her in white and they are in a church and all Simon remembers was he was angry that day. He holds grudges and Iyanla asks if Kacie lives in a state of terror and she finally says yes. The terror is about upsetting him and then he won’t deal with her and they will grow apart and no relationship and no marriage and then nothing. Kacie grew up in foster care and abandonment is a big fear in her life. Kacie and Simons goal is finding the middle ground.

This afternoon, the couples will spend time apart. The men will work with the men and the women will work with the women. Each group will have a cell phone. This will test their knowledge of respect. The men go men go play pool while the ladies go to a spa to get manicures and pedicures. We see the two groups interacting and bonding.

Everyone is back and now they discuss Troy and Cheryl. Troy is nervous. He’s the tough guy at home. Cheryl goes into ehr head sometimes. When she looks at Troy sometimes Cheryl feels angry because she didn’t know he was in so much pain. Cheryl admits it’s not safe for him to show his feelings and pain at home because she belittles and demeans him. Cheryl says she’s in trouble because all her ugliness is out there. They show Cheryl’s Air Force picture and that is how they met. They’ve been together 15 years. He got sent to Dessert Storm one month after getting married. When he was gone she was hearing about men paying women for sex and she thought he wouldn’t do that but was jealous. Cheryl judges guilty before innocent. Troy says there was a lot of traumatic change after Dessert Storm and he kept it bottled up. They show a self portrait Troy drew. Their son is the center of their lives and says their son comes first. There is too much responsibility on a child stuck in the middle. Cheryl's self portrait has them by the computer. Cheryl and Troy starting chatting with others online and Cheryl moved in with a chat room friend during a separation. They have been separated three times-Dessert Storm, Korea and then because they didn’t get their second separation resolved. Cheryl said she felt he had a relationship with her online friend and she moved out before he left her and moved into her internet chat room’s place. She said she wanted out because she was not happy. Their goal is mending a war Torn marriage. Steps are Respect, Communication, Cooperation, Intimacy, and Trust.

Rhonda is their primary coach. Iyanla asks Simon and Kacie to put on bathing suits because she will be picking them up shortly.

Iyanla has them get into a big bathtub. Iyanla has Simon open up his legs and has Kacie hook her legs around Simon. This is an opportunity for them to speak truths and open up and get back respect. Kacie says that because of her past experiences it has been difficult for her to be intimate with Simon. Kacie feels Simon isn’t compassionate when she can’t meet his needs. It was very rough on her in foster care. Kacie apologizes that she can’t open up and be more intimate with Simon. Simon feels she is punishing him and doesn’t understand why she does that to him. Iyanla asks Kacie to think of an experience where she has been dishonest and come clean.

The other guys are in the kitchen chatting. Jennifer and Lou listen for agreements and never give them to each other.

Cheryl and Troy meet with Rhonda and talk about respect. She wants to put boundaries in place and he wants respect. Troy steps in sand. When Cheryl doesn’t believe him he feels zero respect and he wants her to believe him. If she validates him he can open up and actually tell her what he needs. Cheryl steps in the sand and is asked how she feels when he goes into cyber chat rooms and she says betrayal. The firm line she wants drawn is no more chatting and he agrees to it. She feels rejected when he _______________.
(They didn’t answer that.)

That’s all I have. My tape shut off and that’s it for my Tuesday. Hope you enjoyed. I’ll be back to fill in and then do another day!