Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

That woman is in alot of pain, and simon seems to cold and not understanding. If you haven't been abused or raped its hard to understand the depth of one's pain. She needs alot of love, more than the average person. Until she feels that she has simon's heart completely and feels safe. Kacie doesn't feel safe at all. And she has the saddest face. My heart breaks for her. Simon seems so distant and cold. the life coaches need to work with simon more. When he walks away I see it as shutting down, Who can work with that. I don't know the full extent of his background but it seems like he leans toward what ever his tradition is. I don't see working out until simon. I am really upset with ilyanla, She seems to be favoring simon and discounting the pain that kacie is in. She obviously has never been passed around foster homes and abuse and raped. Same thing with the mike and jackie relationship I see the life coaches siding and having bleeding hearts for the men and making the woman feel like crap. Gotta wonder who's next, cheryl and troy. Will the life coaches encourage to break up to? the life coaches acuse kacie of manipulation with her tears, if you have not been raped you don't know the deep, deep pain that seem to never go away or lighten up. I wish I could make things all better for kacie and jackie. Anyway, I hope things start getting better. I like lou I think he's great for the starting over house... his humor is relaxing and makes the house seem more cheery, nice to see that he's not afraid to go right after what he wants and needs and the same for his wife... Excellent day, I hope things get better for the others... Well, we'll see what monday brings... Have a great weekend... bye for now

camey0777 wrote:

QUOTE:
That woman is in alot of pain, and simon seems to cold and not understanding. If you haven't been abused or raped its hard to understand the depth of one's pain. She needs alot of love, more than the average person. Until she feels that she has simon's heart completely and feels safe. Kacie doesn't feel safe at all. And she has the saddest face. My heart breaks for her. Simon seems so distant and cold. the life coaches need to work with simon more. When he walks away I see it as shutting down, Who can work with that. I don't know the full extent of his background but it seems like he leans toward what ever his tradition is. I don't see working out until simon. I am really upset with ilyanla, She seems to be favoring simon and discounting the pain that kacie is in. She obviously has never been passed around foster homes and abuse and raped...

You obviously don't know much about Iyanla. If there's a S.O life coach that can help Kacie with her issues of molestation, it's IYANLA, because she HAS BEEN there. Iyanla has been passed around homes and was raped at the age of 9.<br><br>Post edited by: mercredi, at: 2005/09/24 09:45

You're right Camey0777...Iyanla is the one for the job here. She has known much of the same pain as Kacie. I don't think she's exactly favouring Simon as being a little gentle because of the cultural thing...confront him in the wrong way and he may just retreat farther away.

I just feel for Kacie, she will still have alot of healing to do even after she leaves the starting over house. Years of abuse and feelings of abandonment cannot be adressed in just three weeks, I would like to see Kacie get the help that she needs upon leaving the house. Perhaps, Kacie should be asked to come back to the house so that she can continue to resolve her issues.

That's not a bad idea at all! Let's see how Boot Camp ends for her and then returning just may be her answer.

Very good points. I have also noticed the life-coaches being harder on the women. They need to stop doing that. Women are already at a disadvantage as it is in this society. If anything, I think the women should be given extra boosts to their confidence.

Kacie has really had it hard. I had read somewhere that Iyanla was sexually abused as a child, but I think what she's doing now that she's out of that situation is identifying with the perpetrator in order to gain distance and that's not good. There are some survivors who do this because on some level they still aren't over it themselves, so they &quot;blame the victim&quot; in working with other survivors. If Iyanla is honest with herself I think she needs to look at that issue and be aware that she is re-enacting her pain onto those in the Starting Over house she is entrusted to help. I've been in enough survivor groups to recognize this pattern a mile away.