Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

5/9/06

Today’s show starts with Cassie packing to leave the starting over house. She says it’s not about leaving the starting over house it’s about starting a new beginning.

Iyanla comes today to see Antonia. Iyanla says in a voiceover that Antonia only met her half her goal at the poetry session and that Antonia seems pleased with that. Iyanla gives Antonia a new assignment to redecorate the guest bedroom. She will work with an interior designer, have a budget and will have 5 employees. Antonia says in confessional that she doesn’t want to do it.

Cassie and Jodi are talking in the kitchen. Jodi is crying. They are talking about Christie approaching Jodi last night and about Jodi’s mask. Jodi says in confessional that she is not stuffing her feelings anymore. That she does not surround herself in the outside world with passive aggressive people. Jodi says that she handled the “talk” with Christie a lot differently then she would have prior to the starting over house.

The girls come in for their morning group. Today’s discussion is about relationships after you leave the starting over house, in other words renewing relationships. People who knew the ladies the way they were and may not be happy with the change. Iyanla asks Niambi what to do with Situation man. Christie says that the difference for her is that there is a man that she could be with but it’s her keeping her boundaries up and not wanting to “go there”. Niambi says to Christie “I’m not you” – Christie says she understands but is speaking for herself. Niambi says that the difference for her is that there wasn’t any closure or clarity. Niambi says that she has somethings she wants to say now and she doesn’t want to wait. Iyanla says that Niambi can “want” to talk to him but “choose” not to and gave the example of wanting a piece of cake but choosing not to have it. Christie says that Iyanla is giving Niambi great advise but she also understands that Niambi is really obsessed with contacting Mr. Situation man. Christie says she can relate to how Niambi is feeling.

Dr. Stan meets with Cassie- Cassie fears that she created a lot of turmoil in peoples lives by contacting her son. Dr. Stan assures Cassie that she did nothing wrong and she gave Dustin the choice to be in her life or to not be in life. That she did nothing wrong by letting him know that she is alive. Cassie says she’s ready and she believes that if she stays true to everything she will be ok.

Antonia calls a friend to tell her how well she did last night at the poetry jam and to tell her that she is having an interior decorating come help her because when she gets her own apartment she’ll have to know how to decorate it. (hmmm)

Jodi goes to her bedroom and finds her beat up mask on her bed. Iyanla says in voice over that Jodi made the crucial mistake of believing she has it all figured out and that that is a dangerous assumption for someone in the starting over house. Jodi just says “ugggh why is it back”. Jodi says in a tearful confession that she is angry and scared that the mask is back. That there is a part of her that says “blleeeepppp it I’m done”.

Iyanla comes to the house to meet with Jodi. Jodi says very quickly “what is that mask doing on my bed” . Iyanla denies knowing the mask is there and invites Jodi to come talk to her. In a voice over Iyanla says that when people call you on your “stuff” you get angry and upset. She said that Jodi’s ego was bruised when Christie approached her about her old behaviors resurfacing- even though Christie is one of her best friends in the house and her hurt feelings have caused Jodi’s mask to resurface in the house. Jodi says she doesn’t want the mask back and Iyanla suggests that maybe the mask never left. Jodi says that parts of it did and Iyanla says that maybe parts of it never left. Jodi says that she is a strong person and that she is frustrated and she wants to be done with this process and she is ready to start her life after the starting over house.

Niambi is sitting by the phone and says that she is having the overwhelming feeling of wanting to talk to Situation man. She says that Iyanla says that she should listen to her feeling and she says to be responsible for her own feelings. She says intellectually she understands that she shouldn’t talk to him but her heart wants to talk to him.

Rhonda comes to visit Cassie. She asks her how grounded she is with regards to her relationship with her son. Cassie says she has fears about what her place is in her sons life. Rhonda reminds Cassie that she has support and that she is going to talk with someone who was reunited with her daughter.

Niambi picks up the phone and calls Mr. Situation man. It seems they have a bad connection or problems hearing each other. She asks him if its not a good time and he says its great. He says he’s been busy. Niambi says that a lot has been going on and that she will email him. The call is either dropped or he hangs up but that was the end of the call. Niambi gets up and walks away.

Iyanla believes that Jodi still has challenges. She has cups of colored sand to demonstrate that life is not all or nothing. She will use the cups to demonstrate Jodi’s strengths and weaknesses that make Jodi Jodi. They begin to label the cups. Jodi says in confessional that working with the cups it becomes very apparent to her that she thought that once the cup was full it was full. She didn’t realize it was going to be a daily process. She says that she has been tough on herself to get it and once she does that she is done.

Cassie meets with Michelle – who met her birth child 4 years ago and to talk with her about how it’s ok to love and cherish that her son is in her life. Cassie says the more she talks with Michelle the more she realizes she is not alone.

The interior decorator Farah is here to work with Antonia and help her on her 5 day $10,000 budget to redecorate the guest room. Antonia has several color schemes to choose from. She chooses rust and orange colors because it reminds her of her mom’s house. Farah says she is surprised that Antonia didn’t express concern or interest with the price of the fabrics. Farah gives Antonia an assignment of measuring the room and deciding where the furniture should go. Antonia says she doesn’t know anything about measuring and she doesn’t want to do the assignment. She says she is tired, doesn’t want homework and wants to go to bed.

Iyanla and Jodi are pouring the sand into a larger container labeled Jodi. They add some sand that represents truth. Iyanla says in confessional that she hopes this exercise will help Jodi realize all the aspects that are her truth. They add sand labeled commitment, acceptance, value, openness and that causes the jar to overflow. Iyanla asks is “your cup full” and Jodi says “its over flowing” she begins to cry and I believe she says “im so tough on myself” and iyanla says do you know whats missing? And she gets a cup labeled “humility”. Jodi says she never thought about that and Iyanla says “I know”. Iyanla says that you have to know to bend low to get high. To bow down in order to straighten up that there is so much strength in her weakness. Iyanla asks Jodi if she is ready to get “humble”. Jodi says she is. Iyanla takes her out the pool where her mask is waiting for her. Jodi cries when she sees it. Iyanla asks Jodi what is she angry about. Jodi says she is angry that the mask came back. Iyanla says she never put it down… that she just made the ugly pretty- softened her voice. Iyanla says in confessional that the big lesson for Jodi is to never believe that she has it all figured out because that’s when the mask will reappear. That’s why it’s time to get rid of the mask once and for all. Jodi says good bye to her mask and that’s its time to do it on her own now and this frightens Jodi. Jodi destroys her mask at Iyanlas instruction to destroy the mask slowly and calmly with gratitude and without anger. Iyanla leaves Jodi to destroy her mask.

Niambi is at the computer typing an email to Situation man. She says she can’t hold it any longer and has to sneak away and contact him to let him know that she still cares about him and to apologize (eek) to him for being bitter, cold and withholding.

Antonia is measuring the room. She says in confessional, she is cold and that the exercise sucks.

Cassie gets back from meeting with Michelle. The girls have thrown her a surprise going away/Mothers day shower. Rhonda comes as well. The girls hug Cassie and wish her well. Rhonda says in confessional that her journey has been long they recap Cassie’s first days in SO all the way through to meeting her son. Sommer says it was a blessing to have Cassie in the house and to repair a relationship that was damaged- she doesn’t want Cassie to leave. The girls hug her goodbye and give her a warm send off.

Niambi and Antonia are at the computer re-reading the email to Situation man. Niambi says she’s not ready to send the email because its so final and that she wants to make sure this is what she wants to do. Antonia says in confessional that Situation man is selfish and that Niambi doesn’t deserve to be in the relationship that she is with Mr. Situation man.

Christie and Jodi are on the bed talking. Jodi is crying. She is holding her cup of humility. She says she is sorry for yesterday and that she was pissed at what Christie said to her so she turned it on her. Christie said it was scary to tell her. Christie says that she sees Jodi so differently when the mask is off. Jodi says in confessional that she was disappointed that she felt the defensiveness and control come out yesterday and she would have never recognized the fear before. So she recognizes her growth but she is still getting to know the new Jodi. She doesn’t want to run away from what she started she wants to complete what she started.

Tomorrow on SO over, Christie gets a wake up call. Niambi reveals how she really felt when she came to the house and Antonia struggles to finish her assignment.

Thanks again Pam.

Pam! Thank you! Thank you!!! Thank you!!! You gave such fabulous detail!!! It was like watching the show--which I missed--but, now feel I saw it!!! You are fabulous!!! Thanks!!! YoLonda

This is the first time I've posted and wouldn't you know it???? When I went to preview my post, I lost my entire reply!!! I will try to remember what I wrote Due to a severe accident, I'm unfortuneately at the doctor's office more than I am at home (ok, THAT is an exaggeration, however, it FEELS like it!! So, I missed the last 2 days of the show last week (5-25, 5-26) I LOVE this show. This show has taught me so many things. I've been FULL of so much anger since I was hit and permanently disabled that I didn't know where to PUT that anger. Thankfully, while running the remote, I found this show. I won't go into all the details, however, no amount of "therapy" could have helped me recover to the point that this show did. I know...sounds dramatic....but it's true. Missing the last 2 episodes is really upsetting. Is anyone able to help me find out what happened? Thanks, Cathy

Cathy,

The season finale was shown on Wednesday in most markets. Thursday they began showing reruns beginning with the first day the original 6 women (really 5 the first day) came into the house.. (Season 3) Friday they showed Allison arriving.. Drama started to creep in with personality conflict. So far, Jessica and Jill have shared their stories.

You did see the season finale? That was on the 24th..

So unless you didn't see the beginning of the season.. you didn't miss much.

If you or someone missed the finale...

You can read about it at the blog site.
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