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5/4/06
Today’s show starts with Christie approaching Niambi to have a talk before board of review. Christie is nervous to talk to Niambi. Christie talks to Niambi about how Christie can support Niambi through her process. Christie feels that Niambi pulls herself away from the group- especially when they have house guests. Niambi says that Christie and Sommer trigger something in her. She also expresses that she is not an easy person to love and doesn’t want to impose on anyone. Niambi says that she doesn’t want to push people away because she feels she can be aggressive. However, she says that she respects Christie for having the conversation with her.
Jodi and Cassie discuss who could be going up for review. Jodi says in confessional that she is ready to go up for review. Sommer comes over and opts not to be a part of the conversation.
The ladies come in for board of review. The board of review starts with Jodi. Jodi says in confessional that she hopes that the coaches see how hard she has been working and how much she has let go of resistance. Jodi starts with saying that her goal is to fill the empty cup. She says her cup is full today with value, self worth and possibilities. Jodi asks for an A. The girls give 1 good feedback to Jodi. Christie says that Jodi has not taken over and has supported her. Cassie says that Jodi is understanding conditional love for herself. Niambi says that Jodi always tells the truth no matter if it’s hard to hear or say. The girls unanimously agree that Jodi should stay until she graduates. Rhonda would like Jodi to work on her beauty and believing in her beauty. Iyanla wants Jodi to work on keeping her cup full and work with the overflow. She gives her an A. Go Jodi!!! Good job girl!
Niambi is called up next. They start by asking Niambi what her goal is and she says that it is to run towards life, to learn to accept herself and her own judgment and self confidence, to appreciate herself and give herself a break. Christie says in confessional that she worries that if Niambi doesn’t start to open up that she will be kicked out. Rhonda asks Niambi what she is doing well. Niambi says that she is aware that she withholds and pushes love away. That her abrasiveness affects others. She is learning to appreciate the things that she has done and to stand up for herself. She says she is learning to be vulnerable and not forget the little girl that was criticized and judged. While Niambi is talking Iyanla writes on her clipboard “what is the lie?” Iyanla asks her what is the one thing that she needs to work on. Niambi says vulnerability. Sommer says in confessional that it’s been hard for her to watch Niambi because she knows how hard this road is going to be for her. Iyanla asks Niambi what it means to be vulnerable. Niambi says that before she came into the house she thought it meant to be weak but now she knows that it means being open and available, present and appreciative. She says that now she understands that being weak is not something that she needs to be afraid of. Iyanla asks her what it means to surrender. Niambi answers that it means to have faith that where she is is where she needs to be. To trust. Rhonda asks Niambi what are the things she is not doing that are holding her back. Niambi says that not accepting support, accepting the structure and all the players all day and everyday. Iyanla doesn’t understand and asks Niambi again what she is not doing. Niambi says by not being cooperative. Iyanla says “how about not showing up”. Not showing up in the room. To stop worrying about her image. Rhonda asks Niambi what her deepest fear is about being in the house. Niambi says that she is afraid that she won’t do it right and she will feel stupid if she doesn’t and a failure. She says that it will prove her father right. In confessional, Iyanla explains that she doesn’t think her issues are with her father. Niambi says “but she loved me”. In confessional Iyanla says that she suspects that her issues are not with her father but with her mother. She explains that in the African American Community it is taboo to speak negative about ones mother. Iyanla asks Niambi what the lie is. Niambi says I never do anything right or good enough and that there is always something wrong with her in her mothers eyes. She says that she has never spoke a word about that to anyone before, only in anger. Iyanla asks her how willing she is to speak about it now? Niambi says that she is ready to fight for her life. In confessional Antonia says that she can’t relate to Niambi because she was never criticized by her family. She shares that her family loves her unconditionally. Iyanla asks Niambi again what is the lie. Niambi says that her dad is responsible for everything, everything she isn’t and wants and doesn’t have. That he is the bad guy. Iyanla asks her if there is more? Niambi asks can you help me? Iyanla says she can’t ..but she will always have her back and whenever she wants to “go there” she’ll go with her. Iyanla says that she can’t even ask her what her grade is because that would be like kicking a dog when it’s down. Rhonda asks the ladies to give one good change from Niambi. Christie says that when Niambi is vulnerable and opens up she is beautiful. Jodi says she sees her allowing herself to be more vulnerable. Cassie says she sees that Niambi has compassion for others but not for herself. Antonia says that they have come so far and she needs Niambi to be there and stop looking at herself as a failure. Sommer says that Niambi is receptive to feedback and she can see when the wall goes up and down in Niambi’s eyes. Iyanla asks the girls to share with Niambi what she needs to still work on because they know its what they still need to work on in themselves. Christie says that she needs to work on being able to confront someone without being intimidated by it. Jodi says is that she sees that Niambi has to give up protecting everybody and she says it has not served her well. Cassie says that she sees a lost little girl who tries to pretend that she’s got it together and doesn’t know how to be an adult. Antonia says that they let the wrong people in and the people they should let in they don’t. Sommer says that something they can work on together is what “stupid” and “wrong” look like. Iyanla shares the 3 messages she grew up hearing “you aint nothing, you aint ever gonna be nothing ever”, “you can’t do nothing right” and “do you have to mess up everything”. She shares that it was bad enough she heard them all the time. She said the devastation was that she believed them. She said that one day someone said to her “you are the daughter in whom god is well pleased”. She said she didn’t believe it but she still kept saying it. Then one day it stuck. Iyanla suggest that Niambi say it over and over because she doesn’t believe that she is lovable. Iyanla says that Niambi has to be willing to take down anything and everybody who gets in her way from saving herself because she is worth it. She tells Niambi “you are the one in whom god is well pleased. Iyanla gives Niambi a “c” a Compassionate Commitment to Change. She tells her moment, by moment to choose to change, commit and change. She tells her that she isn’t on probation she is on parole because if she has to leave she is going back to prison (her old life). The girls get up to leave but before they do Iyanla reaches out to hug Niambi. Niambi bursts into tears and cries in Iyanla arms. Iyanla tells Niambi over and over that Niambi is the one whom god is well please until Niambi starts saying it herself. Cassie reaches out and the girls have a group hug and they tell Niambi over and over “you are the one in whom god is well pleased”. In a voiceover Jodi says that it’s important for Niambi to realize that so much of the process happens with the housemates that she has to let them in. Jodi says that once she let that go for herself so many wonderful things began to happen. Jodi says that the group hug for Niambi was to let her know that until she can say the mantra on her own they will say it for her.
Sigh, I need a tissue! lol
Tomorrow on SO, Niambi is pushed to her breaking point. Christie’s fears take over and Antonia wants to give up.
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