Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

ceilidh wrote:

QUOTE:
TigerRose...you may be the only other one on the board who will understand this one....

A young Dundee mill worker goes to the registrar to post "banns"
(notification of intent to marry)...The registrar asks, "are you a spinster?" With great indignation the girl retorts..."No! I'm a weaver!...The registrar says..."lassie, are you ignorant?"
She says..."aye, fower month."

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Cute...

Heyyyyyyyyy TigerRose that was a good one thanks!

Nadia..................I was TOTALLY LOL at the FAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TigerRose............that was great.......I can only wish for someone to actually say that!!

ceilidh........that was tooooooooooo cute!!!!!

TAXES


Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule.

Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat.

Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think.

Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries, then Tax his tears.

Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his arse

Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers, Then tax him some more, Tax him till He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb, " Taxes drove me to my doom..."

When he's gone, Do not relax, It's time to apply The inheritance tax.


Accounts Receivable Tax, Building Permit Tax, CDL license Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income Tax, Dog License Tax, Excise Taxes, Federal Income Tax, Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax, Fuel permit tax Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon), Gross Receipts Tax, Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax, Interest expense, Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax), Liquor Tax, Luxury Taxes, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Personal Property Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax, Service charge taxes, Social Security Tax, Road usage taxes, Sales Tax, Recreational Vehicle Tax, School Tax, State Income Tax State, Unemployment Tax (SUTA), Telephone federal excise tax, Telephone federal universal service fee tax, Telephone federal, State and local surcharge taxes Telephone minimum usage, Surcharge tax, Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax, Telephone state and local tax, Telephone usage charge tax, Utility Taxes, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft registration Tax, Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax, You forgot the school Tax
(list of taxes invented in the last 100 years)

I can almost feel myself losing weight . . by forwarding this to you! You'll understand at the end.

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be . . Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.



Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.


Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.


Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."


>Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"


In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin .

Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

TigerRose...........thanks for the chuckles!!!

I'm praying menopause stays away for years yet!!! Even though I hate my period, I think I'll hate menopause more!!! LOL