Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Most all of the men I have been in relationships with for any length of time, end up telling the same stories. I find it difficult to believe that they don't remember having told the story to me at least half a dozen times, but, they act as if it is the first time. It is really odd. I hate faking another surprised laugh every time I hear the story. These men are not that old either. Some are in their 30's.

If I suspect that I have told the story before, I preface it by saying that "I may have told you about this before. If I have interupt me and I won't repeat myself." They never do that and if I say that I have heard it before, they say I'm wrong. Go figure.

I grew up in a home with 5 brothers. My father was very affectionate to me but very macho with the males so I hated macho. I was sure to marry the opposite of what I grew up with. When it came to decisions he made them and my mother had to accept that which infuriated me. So I would fight for her.

The one trait my husband has that I admire and because its not like my family is me having complete freedom in all things. Be it to come and go as I please or whatever. Even my own opinion in something. My brothers and father was never like this and I hated it when I was growing up. They are controlling of women where my husband is totally opposite.

I think his behavior of this constant outgoing nature is triggering something in me and I don't know what exactly. No one in my family is outgoing like he is so what could it be triggering? Or is it the nature of seeing him often being the center of attention the same as males being favored in my family that I hated so much or like my family expected me to be good and quiet and boys could do anything they want and had the fun! Is his constant running of the mouth putting me back in the place my family put me in when I was a kid?

Be quiet-- while he sits and runs his mouth. I don't think so--he can serve me and let me run my mouth once in awhile! Two can play this game.

misty.........

Sounds like you're doing some great self-reflection and progress in understanding your triggers. That's the best and healthiest thing you can do right now!! I married someone thankfully very different than the males in my family, but it doesn't mean we still don't have our irritations and things to work out! Hang in there!!

mistyblu wrote:

QUOTE:
... I think his behavior of this constant outgoing nature is triggering something in me and I don't know what exactly. No one in my family is outgoing like he is so what could it be triggering? Or is it the nature of seeing him often being the center of attention the same as males being favored in my family that I hated so much or like my family expected me to be good and quiet and boys could do anything they want and had the fun! Is his constant running of the mouth putting me back in the place my family put me in when I was a kid? ...

This sounds very insightful to me. Being the only female growing up with so many males who you say were favored and could do anything they wanted - possibly made you feel that you didn't get your share of attention and validation. So if you were attracted to a man who tends to be the center of attention and takes the limelight, that may have been a way to feel that same spotlight on you too as his partner. Or maybe it's a reenactment of learning that favor and the power to say whatever one wanted to say had to come through males. But the unfulfilling part is that ultimately, it is still the man getting and keeping the attention, or still you who ends up having to quietly listen ... ? Just thoughts from what you wrote. You are obviously giving this a lot of thought.

One thing that helps me, is to remember that the person who is triggering you doesn't necessarily mean to do it or know how deeply he is doing it. And without him realizing it, you could be his puzzle piece or "trigger" in working out some old issue of his own that has to do with attention or validation or self-expression.

My husband is extremely outgoing, and that is one of the qualities I loved about him when we met. I still do, however, there were times during our marriage when it did get on my nerves, but I learned to adjust... and we're still living happily ever after. LOL

Mazzy

It does get annoying the forever chatter but I can live with that.

I think I am really disappointed because I misunderstood the outgoing behavior is really his insecurities and not someone healthy minded or well adjusted.

Well--there goes my knight in shining armor--back to reality again!