Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

How is it that the very thing that attracted me to my husband is the very thing that I ended up detesting about him?

Why did that come in 4 times?

mistyblu wrote:

QUOTE:
How is it that the very thing that attracted me to my husband is the very thing that I ended up detesting about him?

LOL... Now I'm curious... what attracted you to him?

His outgoing nature--very talkative, friendly. Things I wasn't. Now I find this way fake, boorish or even braggart.

Someone once said, "I am going to have to trade my husband in for new stories." Good point cause my husband says the same things over and over. Might be too a new person but same ole story to me.

Either way I think I am finding that he likes to be the center of attention where ever we go and no matter who we are with.

I find too that other women like this about him when they meet him just like I did but you know it really gets old!

mistyblu wrote:

QUOTE:
How is it that the very thing that attracted me to my husband is the very thing that I ended up detesting about him?

Well here's one theory you might be interested in and it comes from the therapy world. The thought is that we all (subconsciously) look for life partners we believe will help us to work out old unresolved childhood issues or wounds, so we are attracted to qualities that somehow mirror or repeat those unresolved issues and we end up reenacting old, unfulfilling patterns through the partner we choose. And inevitably when we discover that old wounds or issues are actually provoked or inflamed through this partner, not resolved, we end up angered or repelled by the very quality that attracted us to the partner in the first place.

Years and years ago my dad, who never gave advice, went out of his way to warn me, be careful what you find irresistable about someone because that's the very thing you'll end up hating about him later! I thought that sounded SOOO ridiculous .... Not so ridiculous to me now ....

doxygirl wrote:

QUOTE:
mistyblu wrote:

QUOTE:
How is it that the very thing that attracted me to my husband is the very thing that I ended up detesting about him?

Well here's one theory you might be interested in and it comes from the therapy world. The thought is that we all (subconsciously) look for life partners we believe will help us to work out old unresolved childhood issues or wounds, so we are attracted to qualities that somehow mirror or repeat those unresolved issues and we end up reenacting old, unfulfilling patterns through the partner we choose. And inevitably when we discover that old wounds or issues are actually provoked or inflamed through this partner, not resolved, we end up angered or repelled by the very quality that attracted us to the partner in the first place.

Years and years ago my dad, who never gave advice, went out of his way to warn me, be careful what you find irresistable about someone because that's the very thing you'll end up hating about him later! I thought that sounded SOOO ridiculous .... Not so ridiculous to me now .... :)

I totally agree with you here. I myself fell into that. I thought I picked someone that treated me well. I felt he wasn't like my father.... but I soon realized that even though he didn't ridicule me in front of people but in private.. once that love euphoria wore off, he would tear me apart if I displeased him. I had resolved some issues with my dad but never the mental abuse... so I ended up with someone mentally abusive.

If it's to the point you really despise him for it... maybe seeking a marriage/ relationship counseling can help. If you continue to despise this personaility "quirk/ fault" then you may end up despising the marriage itself.... it might even lead to a miserable divorce.