Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Nadia, I can't speak for others as to whom deserves forgiveness, but, I heard a comment recently on tv that really hit home with me. It might have been on Oprah or Dr. Phil, I can't recall. What they said is that the reason forgiveness is beneficial to the one GIVING the forgiveness is that it takes away the need to play the incident over and over in your mind.

When I heard that, I applied it to my life and find it to be true. Whenever I thought about how I was wronged and hurt and how responsible someone else was for doing it, I replayed the incident(s) over and over in my mind. By doing this, I have head, your subconscious doesn't even know that the incident occurred years ago, so it stays fresh on the heart and the pain stays fresh too.

If I truly don't want relive the heartbreak over and over, it's better for me to forgive, so I have no reason to keep going over and over the details in effect, punishing myself more than the wrongdoer.

Nadia wrote:

QUOTE:
About forgiveness

Do you forgive those responsible for the September 11th WTC tragedy?

NO... I don't.

mazzy wrote:

QUOTE:
Nadia wrote:

QUOTE:
About forgiveness

Do you forgive those responsible for the September 11th WTC tragedy?

NO... I don't.

I don't either........and I do define forgiveness as different from re-living events over and over. But that's my own personal belief. I believe that as to their eternal status......that's not my place to judge. BUT.........as to whether the act was so heinous, and....well....unforgiveable.....I personally do judge as to whether I can forgive that act or not. Of course, to me, forgiveness is also something I may or may not give based on the continued actions of others. As they proceed to commit the same acts and/or justify their past acts and feel no sorrow or remorse, then there isn't anything to forgive. I realize this is just the way I feel about it, and I have no issues with those who forgive in other ways. It's something that definitely each of us need to do in the way that does benefit us emotionally and physically and spiritually the best!!

grizzlys4 wrote:

QUOTE:
mazzy wrote:

QUOTE:
Nadia wrote:

QUOTE:
About forgiveness

Do you forgive those responsible for the September 11th WTC tragedy?

NO... I don't.

I don't either........and I do define forgiveness as different from re-living events over and over. But that's my own personal belief. I believe that as to their eternal status......that's not my place to judge. BUT.........as to whether the act was so heinous, and....well....unforgiveable.....I personally do judge as to whether I can forgive that act or not. Of course, to me, forgiveness is also something I may or may not give based on the continued actions of others. As they proceed to commit the same acts and/or justify their past acts and feel no sorrow or remorse, then there isn't anything to forgive. I realize this is just the way I feel about it, and I have no issues with those who forgive in other ways. It's something that definitely each of us need to do in the way that does benefit us emotionally and physically and spiritually the best!!

Grizz... you said it best...

"It's something that definitely each of us need to do in the way that does benefit us emotionally and physicially and spiritually."

I forgive in order to save myself from the poison of resentment. Then I don't have to play that tape in my head (or worse yet, in my gut). But I remember in order to not have to forgive that same transgression again later. If it was bad enough that I have to forgive it, it was bad enough that I don't need a replay.

I forgive the 911 criminals. They are monumentally fouled up as human beings. But I haven't forgotten, because I know they are monumentally fouled up human beings. Because I remember, I'd pull the trigger. And then I'd have to just hope their families could forgive me...But I think I could live with it ok
if they didn't.

That forgiveness thing seems a whole lot like the love thing. You can choose who to forgive, but you can't choose who will forgive you back.

Grizz you did say it best!