Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Are you a forgiving person or do you have challenges when it comes to forgiveness?

Think i am a forgiving person but it is a challenge to not hold a grudge.<br><br>Post edited by: wish, at: 2006/09/20 16:51

I like to think of myself as a forgiving person but then I never had anything HUGE to forgive someone for. I think it would be a HUGE challenge for me to forgive someone who harmed a family member, (or murdered one), especially if it were a child.

The day to day stuff and things that people do in relationships I can let go pretty easily, (even outward insults) but harming a loved one would be a real test for me.

I am usually not one to hold a grudge. I think holding on to resentment sucks up you energy, however, sometimes I have told someone that I forgave them but really didn't.

My mother once asked me to forgive her and my dad for some things that happened when I was growing up. I said sure, but, I don't think I really did, because years later I found myself bringing up the issue when discussing it with friends or just feeling sorry for myself. No, they didn't physically abuse me and I suspect that if you asked my mother about it now, she would have no idea I still harbor those feelings. I have had a really good relationship with my parents for years. I think I have more work to do with this issue.

I used to think about the matter when watching SO. Forgiveness was such a big topic on that show. I think we are all not so different with regard to forgiveness.

When it comes to friends or lovers, I just let it go. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated but sometimes other people treat you like crap and don't seem to give it a second thought.
I say, move on and don't let them see me sweat.

I know sometimes I have had to hurt others when ending a relationship that wasn't working out. I want those people to forgive me, so I try to put the same forgiveness to those I think did me dirty.

On the subject of forgiveness this is what I believe. God loves us soooo much that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for each and every one of us so that there would be a way for us to ask for forgiveness and for Him to show His forgiveness towards us. Therefore if God Himself can show that kind of love and mercy toward us, then where do we have the right to say that we can't show forgiveness towards someone else. In the Bible God said that if we can't show forgiveness towards our brother, then He will not show forgiveness towards us. Things happen that are out of our control and we have to be able to deal with it and move on. Forgiveness is to accept that what happened can't be changed and we just need to move on, don't hold a grudge. Besides, in the grand scheme of things, is it really that BIG of a deal. Really the only thing that would be considered really, really serious would be the loss of life. Yes that would be a huge thing, but even then there still can be forgiveness. The Devil is out there wreaking havoc on us and we have to keep that in mind. Evil exsists and it reared it's enormously ugly head on 9/11 and any other time when life was lost. As a matter of fact it shows up every day in every abortion clinic around the world( at least 50 million times over). It's here and it's been here since the beginning of time. We all just need to be aware of it and don't let it rule our lives.

I really feel like forgiveness is different than holding a grudge too. For me to forgive someone.........in the definition of it means that person needs to have acknowledged and been sorry about what they did. No........I don't mean groveling and begging and that stuff. But my siblings and I were abused and neglected by my folks and I've been so tired of their attitude about the past being the past or that nobody really remembers what happened, so just talk about the now. Which, ironically, is no better!!!!


I think the petty things I just let go so I don't get ulcers!! But the behaviors that are abusive and the ones that still play the mind games and manipulate we have just cut ties so that the unhealthiness doesn't stay a part of us.