Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

I agree that Dustin has a right to know his birth mother. As for Cassie being "Brave", I am not so sure if it was bravery, or part of her self centered pathology. Either way, it could have been done without, degrading his adoptive mother. By degrading the adoptive mother, SO denegrated Dustin's entire upbringing. Totally, without concience on the part of SO, Rhonda and Cassie.

Psychrob wrote:

QUOTE:
Hey LaurenB,

Financial responsibility from the mother???????????????? You gotta be kidding. When my ex and I split due to her drugging. I went to the co. atty.'s office to ask about getting some child support for our 1 yr. old daughter (who I took with me when I left) They actually laughed at me and at the idea that a judge would order child support from a woman. I wound up raising her with no involvement from her mother. She is 30 yrs. old now and is happy and well adjusted, no thanks to mom.:pinch: :angry:

You seem to have been misunderstood in this thread!! You say your
"ex"...by that I assume ex-wife or ex-girlfriend? You left her and then tried to collect child support from her...do I have that right?
While I sympathize with your situation, it's not the same as Cassie's! Cassie gave her child up for adoption. The financial obligation was then with the adoptive parents.
The system has changed since your experience...mothers have to pay child support these days, amount a percentage of their income, I believe...as for fathers.

The point that I was attempting to make regarding Cassie and her responsibilities regarding "Dustin" is in response to Cassie constantly implying that her "Open Adoption" arrangements were not honored. Cassie insisted that her "Open Adoption" implied her in a "co-parenting" role. My point is, if this is so, what responsibilty did Cassie have in this arrangement? Some how it would seem unfair to the adoptive parents if Cassie could just pop in and out at will, with no responsibilty other than her own gratification.

I still think they did Cassie wrong from day one she wanted to be a part of his life and they knew that, Cassie seeing her son is what they should have done for her years ago.

Cassie chose to go back to drinking and drugging and disapearing......no parent in their right mind would allow such a person in their child's life! Cassie made her choices, and she must pay for those choices. Cassie is responsible for her own actions and the outcome of her self centered, irresponsible behavior. All these years later, she is still making poor choices.

Ultimately, the ONLY Victim in this case is "Dustin".

Agree that Cassie is responsible for her own actions...but she is not responsible for anyone else's. Including the adoptive mother's.
I never heard Cassie say that she expected to "co-parent." I think the usual arrangement is the occasional visit, receiving photographs and "updates."
To compare Cassie to... anybody... else is pointless...everybody is an individual with different experiences and influences. Unless we walked in her shoes...literally...there is no way in the world to...know...what any of us" would have done.'