Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

It was easy, really. I just put down my gavel for a minute and sent the executioner out on a coffee break.

Hey LaurenB,

Financial responsibility from the mother???????????????? You gotta be kidding. When my ex and I split due to her drugging. I went to the co. atty.'s office to ask about getting some child support for our 1 yr. old daughter (who I took with me when I left) They actually laughed at me and at the idea that a judge would order child support from a woman. I wound up raising her with no involvement from her mother. She is 30 yrs. old now and is happy and well adjusted, no thanks to mom.

It is unfortunate, that 30 years ago, the legal system did not hold mother's responsible for their children, if the mother chose to be irresponsible. Thank goodness in most states, things have changed.
Good for you and your husband raising your daughter so well, in spite of her birth mother.

My point in regards to Cassie is, you cannot have it both ways. Cassie cannot espect to have all the fun and pride of being a "mother", while Ignoring andy and all "Responsibilty" as a "Mother".

Cassie's situation was supposedly an open adoption. Supposedly meant to be a win/win situation for both! Cassie didn't have the means to support herself, much less her child. The couple probably would have been on waiting lists to adopt forever!

In adoption situations the birth parents assume all responsibility for the financial support of the child. Cassie was under no legal financial responsibility.

In the last 20 and 30 years when adoptions became more difficult to come by because of abortions availability, adoptive parents were and have been willing to pick up birth expenses, legal expenses and sometimes inadverdantly buying the rights to a child. (Money talks!) If they throw in promises of being able to stay in touch and updates about their child... (which is what I thought an open adoption implies) and that the child would know about the other mom. Not that birth mother would have any say in child rearing or anything else..

In this case... I've always thought the adoptive mother felt threatened by Cassie and intimidated Cassie into not pursuing what legal rights she was led to believe she had when she gave Dustin up for adoption. I know that may be a whole other debate..

Cassie was not ever in a position to support the child. Nor did she expect to once she signed him over. They presumedly chose his name, gave him their surname... made decisions for him...

It was clear that all was not happy in that household inspite of his adoption... and none of that should be blamed on Cassie. The adoptive mother had been married and divorced at least a couple more times...and the adoptive father and stepmother at least insinuated that Dustin's adoptive mother has had some issues.

Dustin's mom wants to blame Cassie..

In the end... I hope that Dustin comes to realize he has many parents who love him and want the best for him. It should never have been a contest. I don't think it was in Cassies mind. She just seemed to have a need to have some resolution.

I sincerely hope that Casie take Rhonda's advice to heart... and not try to make up for all that time..and try to overindulge her son. It's clear he's had issues going on for some time. The reunion hopefully will help both Cassie and Dustin heal...and build a decent relationship for the future.

"Open Adoption" means that the "Records" are Open and not sealed. Cassie tried to make it sound like it was supposed to be a sort of "Co-Parenting" situation. But, like most of Cassie's story, there were a lot of inconsistancies.

Remember, from the beginning, Cassie was drinking and drugging. Would any adoptive parents in their right minds, invite this sort of person into their lives, much less the life of a small child?

We really do not know much about the adoptive parents. All we know is what Rhonda and SO wanted to portray. I reserve judgment. I found the "portrayal by SO of the adoptive mother" to be reprehensible. For the sake of stroyline and drama, this woman was publicly ridiculed and degraded, while Cassie was provided with endless excuses for her part. I wonder, the damage done to this young man? How was he effected by watching his life and the woman that raised him degraded in such a way? What was truly accomplished here?

Dustin had a right to know Cassie and she did right thing contacting him herself it was smart and brave to do.