Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

TigerRose wrote:

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ceilidh wrote:

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I did not see the beginning of TJ's stay in the house, and first tuned
in on a day when she seemed to be getting on everybody's nerves,
but watching her in that box...my heart went out to her. Why was she afraid of her parents...were they insensitive to her problems?
I am so glad there has been progress in recognizing these issues
...people complain about all the "named disorders" today, but IMO
much better than calling children "stupid" or "slow", or any of the
other soul destroying labels that used to be placed on them.

I was born about the same time period as TJ and back then ADHD was considered more of a behavior problem than it was a "learning disability". On top of that about 5% of all cases reported were female. Even today it's rare for a female to have ADHD but are commonly diagnosed with ADD (without the hyperactivity)
I know when I was diagnosed with having ADHD I was labeled 'odd', 'hyper', 'weak willed', 'the problem child', 'daydreamer', 'retarded', 'freak', 'annoying chatterbox', 'uncontrollable' and so on by my teachers and extended family... even strangers in stores and on the street! No doubt that TJ was subject to some of these labels herself. I can't say what TJ went through personally but I do know how I was treated and how others were treated back during that time.

Teachers back then were use to boys being the disruptive ones. I use to have teachers smack at my legs, my hands, shoulders because I wasn't sitting still enough, they'd call me out for being unlady-like, or they'd call my parents and complain about my lack of respect and will power and questioned what my mother did while pregnant with me and questioned my parent's discipline methods at home. Doctors would only say "take this pill and don't worry, she'll grow out of it". It's quite easy for those that never dealt with a hyper child as seeing the parents as unfit or unable to control the problem.. even today. My mother was 'horrible' if I ran around loose in a store and horrible when she put a harness and leash on me (which did not make me feel like an animal... it was fun matter of fact and safer for me) So some parents were ashamed of their kids or at least the fact their kid isn't 'normal'. Some may have even blamed themselves, doesn't help when perfect strangers make judgements under thier breath. I as a kid felt horrible because I knew my mother heard these people.

and I too am very grateful and sooo happy that more is being researched and discovered about it. I cried the day I read Dr Hallowell's books after being diagnosed with Adult ADD. It's brought more peace to me than anything else to just know it's not about being lazy, crazy, and stupid and all that. I now see ADD as a blessing because there is so much positives to it really and to think... I suffer the same disorder they believe that Thomas Edison, Albert Einstien, and even Walt Disney had.

And I am also grateful they did away with the "wood shed" before I was in school :whistle: :) :silly:

Tiger Rose, I am so grateful for your post. There must have been such an incredible flood of relief when you were finally properly diagnosed. As I was reading your post, I decided I was going to reply and tell you about Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison but you obviously already know!

One of my daughters has been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder which makes her appear excruciatingly shy, among other things. She also has some symptoms of ADD/ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome which is kind of like autism. When she was little she couldn't enter a room without covering her eyes or screaming, she was so terrified. When she felt threatened, which meant if someone was looking at her, she would bark, meow, or growl because she just didn't know what else to do. She was picking up horrible labels left and right.

I knew she was incredibly bright but she didn't appear so to others. Her artwork was/is truly out of this world. I knew she wasn't 'retarded' but she was doing so poorly in kindergarten and the teachers seemed at a loss. Sometimes her eyes would glaze over and she'd kind of appear to be in a trance. I am so thankful that the school speech therapist was in the room observing one day when they were trying to assess her: she couldn't say her ABC's or count past 9 -and they knew she could, just not when asked - the speech therapist said to try asking her to say the alphabet or count WITHOUT ACTUALLY LOOKING IN HER EYES - my baby said her ABC's and counted to 120, when they stopped her!!!



That actually began the long process of getting her tested and finding out how she would just completely shut down and lose control when she felt threatened - and eye contact threatened her. So, after just a year of therapy and the rest of us learning how my daughter sees and feels things, the difference is incredible. She reads 2 grades above her peers, has many friends, is a joy to her teachers and US! She has such a wonderful imagination and unique way of looking at the world and at first we were worried that 'normalizing' her would detract from her gifts but we see that with therapy she can now choose to share herself instead of being so petrifyingly frightened.

I know her life would have been incredibly difficult had we not figured all this out - I look at diagnoses of ADD et al not as a label but as a head start because at least you know where to begin and what needs work! God Bless Everyone!

allthetime wrote:

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[b] I knew she was incredibly bright but she didn't appear so to others. Her artwork was/is truly out of this world. I knew she wasn't 'retarded' but she was doing so poorly in kindergarten and the teachers seemed at a loss. Sometimes her eyes would glaze over and she'd kind of appear to be in a trance. I am so thankful that the school speech therapist was in the room observing one day when they were trying to assess her: she couldn't say her ABC's or count past 9 -and they knew she could, just not when asked - the speech therapist said to try asking her to say the alphabet or count WITHOUT ACTUALLY LOOKING IN HER EYES - my baby said her ABC's and counted to 120, when they stopped her!!!

Thanks for sharing your story!! A similar incident happened with our son in his kindergarten class........the social anxiety is just paralyzing!! We struggled with my son and had to do a TON of our own research to find a very little-known diagnosis of Selective Mutism. We encountered varied responses but not really much support at all!! I have seen a piece occasionally on the news now.........but that's why we decided to homeschool him. He is so smart and funny........and we are determined as parents to help him succeed as many of us did not have when we were young with issues!!!

Your family is blessed to have you and so is this board!!! The sharing and support is what it's all about!!!! Thanks!!

The sharing, support, hope, and knowledge is what was missing from past generations. The shame is slowly being removed from people who may be "different."

In TJ's case... my guess is she had a lot of therapy before coming into the SOH. She seems to have been properly diagnosed, and seemed to understand and acknowledge that she was "hurt" by other's behavior... as a result of her behavior... in an analytical way. The SOH gave her the opportunity to learn how to change her behavior in a controlled environment with behavioral skills that she was able to put into action. I'm wondering if continued behavioral modification therapy may be a good idea to reenforce what she has learned.

mazzy wrote:

QUOTE:
The sharing, support, hope, and knowledge is what was missing from past generations. The shame is slowly being removed from people who may be "different."

In TJ's case... my guess is she had a lot of therapy before coming into the SOH. She seems to have been properly diagnosed, and seemed to understand and acknowledge that she was "hurt" by other's behavior... as a result of her behavior... in an analytical way. The SOH gave her the opportunity to learn how to change her behavior in a controlled environment with behavioral skills that she was able to put into action. I'm wondering if continued behavioral modification therapy may be a good idea to reenforce what she has learned.

I agree, she mentioned her medications running out during the season. They now have ADHD coaches out there that are suppose to be really good at helping the person deal with the ADD positively as well as thier families. They are typically people that have dealt with family members with ADD/ADHD or have diagnoised with it and have been able to get a handle on it. ADD/ADHD have wonderful gifts that are typically shadowed by the negative aspects of the "disorder". I've called it a cursed blessing for a long time now. (example... we are masters of multi-tasking... I swear we can do dozens of projects all at once....but there is that problem with completing those projects due to a diminished lack of interest, distraction, or poor organization skills), I deal well in fast pace- high stress enviroment but can't stand it when it's slow and expected to just sit and wait for the next customer.

Even today there are some teachers that aren't good with ADD/ ADHD students... there is a LOT of patience that is needed to deal with the child, spouse, and others that "suffer" from it. Trust me... takes a lot of patience with self and just as frustrating. Education is the key... followed by patience and acceptance. The earlier it's done... the better the child can grow into a "functioning" adult that is able to tap into the positives and deal better with the negative aspect of it.

Allthetime....
thank you for sharing.... You are dealing with it early and have been blessed with an insightful speech therapist. I wish you luck on your daughter. You've given her a wondeful start, it'll be worth the frustration.

mazzy wrote:

QUOTE:
The sharing, support, hope, and knowledge is what was missing from past generations. The shame is slowly being removed from people who may be "different."

In TJ's case... my guess is she had a lot of therapy before coming into the SOH. She seems to have been properly diagnosed, and seemed to understand and acknowledge that she was "hurt" by other's behavior... as a result of her behavior... in an analytical way. The SOH gave her the opportunity to learn how to change her behavior in a controlled environment with behavioral skills that she was able to put into action. I'm wondering if continued behavioral modification therapy may be a good idea to reenforce what she has learned.

I agree, she mentioned her medications running out during the season. They now have ADHD coaches out there that are suppose to be really good at helping the person deal with the ADD positively as well as thier families. They are typically people that have dealt with family members with ADD/ADHD or have diagnoised with it and have been able to get a handle on it. ADD/ADHD have wonderful gifts that are typically shadowed by the negative aspects of the "disorder". I've called it a cursed blessing for a long time now. (example... we are masters of multi-tasking... I swear we can do dozens of projects all at once....but there is that problem with completing those projects due to a diminished lack of interest, distraction, or poor organization skills), I deal well in fast pace- high stress enviroment but can't stand it when it's slow and expected to just sit and wait for the next customer.

Even today there are some teachers that aren't good with ADD/ ADHD students... there is a LOT of patience that is needed to deal with the child, spouse, and others that "suffer" from it. Trust me... takes a lot of patience with self and just as frustrating. Education is the key... followed by patience and acceptance. The earlier it's done... the better the child can grow into a "functioning" adult that is able to tap into the positives and deal better with the negative aspect of it.

Allthetime....
thank you for sharing.... You are dealing with it early and have been blessed with an insightful speech therapist. I wish you luck on your daughter. You've given her a wondeful start, it'll be worth the frustration.

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words and support. Been away for a few days. I think as parents we just have to keep plugging away for our kids. These aren't new conditions, just newly discovered. A hundred years ago, I know people had to have suffered from the same things - they were just labeled as "difficult" or "odd" or, sadly, "possessed" or even "witch". Hope I'm not being too macabre, but that's what I really think! Thank goodness for those wonderful souls who study these things and for how far we've come. And it does sometimes take a parent having to do all their own research because I think so many medical doctors feel like they've seen everything under the sun and only tend to administer to cases that are very obvious. So parents: keep asking questions, keep researching, never accept "it's just her personality" or "he'll outgrow it" when you KNOW there is something more. Even though I know I did everything I could (and was told to) for my little girl, I know her life and our relationship would have been so much richer SOONER - IF we all (as a family, friends, teachers) had understood what was going on with her. I feel so sad about those first few 'lost' years, sometimes. But, I know everything happens for a reason, and all in good time. So, again, God Bless Everyone!