Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

TJ story was still sad to see today, it was sad when she asked for help in spelling, i love how gentle Rhonda was with her.

Yes... it was sad, but we know TJ is up for the challenge. I know I thought she was so terrific because she was so anxious to do what it took to get connected. She has a child like sensitivity that makes her so special.

I did not see the beginning of TJ's stay in the house, and first tuned
in on a day when she seemed to be getting on everybody's nerves,
but watching her in that box...my heart went out to her. Why was she afraid of her parents...were they insensitive to her problems?
I am so glad there has been progress in recognizing these issues
...people complain about all the "named disorders" today, but IMO
much better than calling children "stupid" or "slow", or any of the
other soul destroying labels that used to be placed on them.

ceilidh wrote:

QUOTE:
I did not see the beginning of TJ's stay in the house, and first tuned
in on a day when she seemed to be getting on everybody's nerves,
but watching her in that box...my heart went out to her. Why was she afraid of her parents...were they insensitive to her problems?
I am so glad there has been progress in recognizing these issues
...people complain about all the "named disorders" today, but IMO
much better than calling children "stupid" or "slow", or any of the
other soul destroying labels that used to be placed on them.

Having grown up in a verbally abusive (and often physically too).. I certainly can relate to TJ in that sense... She may never have been diagnosed with ADD as a child and her parents may have thought she was an unruly wild child! My parents bringing up kids in the 50's-70's didn't have the resources to recognize things going on with our kids. In other words, I know my parents didn't know better and probably dealt with us the same way their parents had with them... Unfortunate... But I can forgive my dad (he was the major problem)... But it grieves me that they dismissed some problems going on with my sister as behavioral and attitude issues. To this day she has alot of mental health issues going on... and has been ostracized to some degree... Some of her own choosing... She now won't get help... Even though it's been offered.
My parents and father especially called us names when he was in his tirades belittling us. He simply acted out of anger and ignorance.

I know my siblings and I are a bit older...than TJ, and some of these issues regarding ADD may have been coming to light in the 70's and 80's when TJ was in school.

Funny to see my parents watching Dr. Phil now! Too bad there weren't that type of show available when I was growing up. Sometimes I wonder if they see themselves in some of the stories and recognize some of the things they did inadverdantly.

ceilidh wrote:

QUOTE:
I did not see the beginning of TJ's stay in the house, and first tuned
in on a day when she seemed to be getting on everybody's nerves,
but watching her in that box...my heart went out to her. Why was she afraid of her parents...were they insensitive to her problems?
I am so glad there has been progress in recognizing these issues
...people complain about all the "named disorders" today, but IMO
much better than calling children "stupid" or "slow", or any of the
other soul destroying labels that used to be placed on them.

I was born about the same time period as TJ and back then ADHD was considered more of a behavior problem than it was a "learning disability". On top of that about 5% of all cases reported were female. Even today it's rare for a female to have ADHD but are commonly diagnosed with ADD (without the hyperactivity)
I know when I was diagnosed with having ADHD I was labeled 'odd', 'hyper', 'weak willed', 'the problem child', 'daydreamer', 'retarded', 'freak', 'annoying chatterbox', 'uncontrollable' and so on by my teachers and extended family... even strangers in stores and on the street! No doubt that TJ was subject to some of these labels herself. I can't say what TJ went through personally but I do know how I was treated and how others were treated back during that time.

Teachers back then were use to boys being the disruptive ones. I use to have teachers smack at my legs, my hands, shoulders because I wasn't sitting still enough, they'd call me out for being unlady-like, or they'd call my parents and complain about my lack of respect and will power and questioned what my mother did while pregnant with me and questioned my parent's discipline methods at home. Doctors would only say "take this pill and don't worry, she'll grow out of it". It's quite easy for those that never dealt with a hyper child as seeing the parents as unfit or unable to control the problem.. even today. My mother was 'horrible' if I ran around loose in a store and horrible when she put a harness and leash on me (which did not make me feel like an animal... it was fun matter of fact and safer for me) So some parents were ashamed of their kids or at least the fact their kid isn't 'normal'. Some may have even blamed themselves, doesn't help when perfect strangers make judgements under thier breath. I as a kid felt horrible because I knew my mother heard these people.

and I too am very grateful and sooo happy that more is being researched and discovered about it. I cried the day I read Dr Hallowell's books after being diagnosed with Adult ADD. It's brought more peace to me than anything else to just know it's not about being lazy, crazy, and stupid and all that. I now see ADD as a blessing because there is so much positives to it really and to think... I suffer the same disorder they believe that Thomas Edison, Albert Einstien, and even Walt Disney had.

And I am also grateful they did away with the "wood shed" before I was in school

TigerRose wrote:

QUOTE:
ceilidh wrote:

QUOTE:
I did not see the beginning of TJ's stay in the house, and first tuned
in on a day when she seemed to be getting on everybody's nerves,
but watching her in that box...my heart went out to her. Why was she afraid of her parents...were they insensitive to her problems?
I am so glad there has been progress in recognizing these issues
...people complain about all the "named disorders" today, but IMO
much better than calling children "stupid" or "slow", or any of the
other soul destroying labels that used to be placed on them.

I was born about the same time period as TJ and back then ADHD was considered more of a behavior problem than it was a "learning disability". On top of that about 5% of all cases reported were female. Even today it's rare for a female to have ADHD but are commonly diagnosed with ADD (without the hyperactivity)
I know when I was diagnosed with having ADHD I was labeled 'odd', 'hyper', 'weak willed', 'the problem child', 'daydreamer', 'retarded', 'freak', 'annoying chatterbox', 'uncontrollable' and so on by my teachers and extended family... even strangers in stores and on the street! No doubt that TJ was subject to some of these labels herself. I can't say what TJ went through personally but I do know how I was treated and how others were treated back during that time.

Teachers back then were use to boys being the disruptive ones. I use to have teachers smack at my legs, my hands, shoulders because I wasn't sitting still enough, they'd call me out for being unlady-like, or they'd call my parents and complain about my lack of respect and will power and questioned what my mother did while pregnant with me and questioned my parent's discipline methods at home. Doctors would only say "take this pill and don't worry, she'll grow out of it". It's quite easy for those that never dealt with a hyper child as seeing the parents as unfit or unable to control the problem.. even today. My mother was 'horrible' if I ran around loose in a store and horrible when she put a harness and leash on me (which did not make me feel like an animal... it was fun matter of fact and safer for me) So some parents were ashamed of their kids or at least the fact their kid isn't 'normal'. Some may have even blamed themselves, doesn't help when perfect strangers make judgements under thier breath. I as a kid felt horrible because I knew my mother heard these people.

and I too am very grateful and sooo happy that more is being researched and discovered about it. I cried the day I read Dr Hallowell's books after being diagnosed with Adult ADD. It's brought more peace to me than anything else to just know it's not about being lazy, crazy, and stupid and all that. I now see ADD as a blessing because there is so much positives to it really and to think... I suffer the same disorder they believe that Thomas Edison, Albert Einstien, and even Walt Disney had.

And I am also grateful they did away with the "wood shed" before I was in school :whistle: :) :silly:

Tiger Rose, I am so grateful for your post. There must have been such an incredible flood of relief when you were finally properly diagnosed. As I was reading your post, I decided I was going to reply and tell you about Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison but you obviously already know!

One of my daughters has been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder which makes her appear excruciatingly shy, among other things. She also has some symptoms of ADD/ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome which is kind of like autism. When she was little she couldn't enter a room without covering her eyes or screaming, she was so terrified. When she felt threatened, which meant if someone was looking at her, she would bark, meow, or growl because she just didn't know what else to do. She was picking up horrible labels left and right.

I knew she was incredibly bright but she didn't appear so to others. Her artwork was/is truly out of this world. I knew she wasn't 'retarded' but she was doing so poorly in kindergarten and the teachers seemed at a loss. Sometimes her eyes would glaze over and she'd kind of appear to be in a trance. I am so thankful that the school speech therapist was in the room observing one day when they were trying to assess her: she couldn't say her ABC's or count past 9 -and they knew she could, just not when asked - the speech therapist said to try asking her to say the alphabet or count WITHOUT ACTUALLY LOOKING IN HER EYES - my baby said her ABC's and counted to 120, when they stopped her!!!



That actually began the long process of getting her tested and finding out how she would just completely shut down and lose control when she felt threatened - and eye contact threatened her. So, after just a year of therapy and the rest of us learning how my daughter sees and feels things, the difference is incredible. She reads 2 grades above her peers, has many friends, is a joy to her teachers and US! She has such a wonderful imagination and unique way of looking at the world and at first we were worried that 'normalizing' her would detract from her gifts but we see that with therapy she can now choose to share herself instead of being so petrifyingly frightened.

I know her life would have been incredibly difficult had we not figured all this out - I look at diagnoses of ADD et al not as a label but as a head start because at least you know where to begin and what needs work! God Bless Everyone!