Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

To antonia her step dad is her father( i'm pretty sure she said as much in confessional). what's wrong with that? My daughters bio-dad dumped us when I was 6mnths pregnant. My hubby married "us" when she was 12mnths old. He's the only dad she knew. Theres nothing wrong with that. I don't see why they keep pushing this father thing.

WVDragonlady wrote:

QUOTE:
To antonia her step dad is her father( i'm pretty sure she said as much in confessional). what's wrong with that? My daughters bio-dad dumped us when I was 6mnths pregnant. My hubby married "us" when she was 12mnths old. He's the only dad she knew. Theres nothing wrong with that. I don't see why they keep pushing this father thing.:S

That is exactly the problem with a one-size-fits-all approach that declares that Antonia must be "resisting" if she doesn't need or want contact with the father. He is a stranger to her. She has a stepfather and a mother, and who knows who else in her life. Unlike Niambi or Christie - and Iyanla- Antonia feels loved and adored by her primary parent figure, her mother. She is not Iyanla and she is not Jennifer, whose needs and experiences are possibly being superimposed onto their approach to Antonia. She is a different person.

The issue of the father has been presented to Antonia ad nauseum, and not just as a point of a discussion or conversation. Instead, it has been presented as "the answer" to her behavior, and as a judgment that she has to have missed out on something and must be in denial if she doesn't feel that way. It's easy enough for others to label her reaction resistance or denial - as if Antonia having a different opinion and being tired of the subject "proves" there is something there. So let me get this straight, if Antonia accepts what Iyanla says, that will prove Iyanla is right, and if Antonia rejects what Iyanla says, that is "resistance" and that too proves Iyanla is right. It's ridiculous, as Antonia would say.

I truly hope Antonia gets out of there before all of the forces working on her actually manage to convince her that she has all of the father issues others keep saying she has.

valtina wrote:

QUOTE:
WVDragonlady wrote:

QUOTE:
To antonia her step dad is her father( i'm pretty sure she said as much in confessional). what's wrong with that? My daughters bio-dad dumped us when I was 6mnths pregnant. My hubby married "us" when she was 12mnths old. He's the only dad she knew. Theres nothing wrong with that. I don't see why they keep pushing this father thing.:S

That is exactly the problem with a one-size-fits-all approach that declares that Antonia must be "resisting" if she doesn't need or want contact with the father. He is a stranger to her. She has a stepfather and a mother, and who knows who else in her life. Unlike Niambi or Christie - and Iyanla- Antonia feels loved and adored by her primary parent figure, her mother. She is not Iyanla and she is not Jennifer, whose needs and experiences are possibly being superimposed onto their approach to Antonia. She is a different person.

The issue of the father has been presented to Antonia ad nauseum, and not just as a point of a discussion or conversation. Instead, it has been presented as "the answer" to her behavior, and as a judgment that she has to have missed out on something and must be in denial if she doesn't feel that way. It's easy enough for others to label her reaction resistance or denial - as if Antonia having a different opinion and being tired of the subject "proves" there is something there. So let me get this straight, if Antonia accepts what Iyanla says, that will prove Iyanla is right, and if Antonia rejects what Iyanla says, that is "resistance" and that too proves Iyanla is right. It's ridiculous, as Antonia would say.

I truly hope Antonia gets out of there before all of the forces working on her actually manage to convince her that she has all of the father issues others keep saying she has.

Clever girl is too smart, and too confident to be talked into something that goes against her grain. I remember Antonia herself acknowledging awarness of connection between spending and father... and said something about willing to forgive him, but did not want him in her life. So she does have the awareness. That's enough for her, and it's enough for me.

I never say Antonia say anything like that, but if she did it came only after that message was so heavily and repeatedly imposed in the House. She can and should think about whether the father is an issue for her, and I think she has thought about it. But I don't think that changes or invalidates a thing about her opinions concerning the father or his lack of any rightful place in her life. I believe Antonia is clever too. But she is young, impressionable and constantly hearing the same drum beat from those who purport to know better than she does.

I never heard Antonia say anthing like that is what I meant. Fumble-brained .. it's worse than fumble-fingered.

patacake wrote:

QUOTE:
doxygirl wrote:

This is how I feel too. I can see why Antonia is so annoyed....

All you see is editing, hon.
[quote]


But only to a point.......yes, editing can leave some discussions and meetings OUT but cannot edit IN just how often Iyanla (and Rhonda) bring up the daddy issue and their own "meanings". This has been a consistent spin on the issue since Season 2!

My concern with this is that many viewers will be made to feel that there is something *wrong* with them and/or that they are not capable of being happy and in a fulfilling and loving relationship if they don't "resolve" this in **their** way. Cookie cutter molds are not realistic "expectations" which are the very thing that the LCs and Dr. Stan are helping the women learn to let go of!!

That being said...........if it truly IS an issue........then yes.....deal with it!!!! If not...........let it go, move on!!