valtina wrote:
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WVDragonlady wrote:
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To antonia her step dad is her father( i'm pretty sure she said as much in confessional). what's wrong with that? My daughters bio-dad dumped us when I was 6mnths pregnant. My hubby married "us" when she was 12mnths old. He's the only dad she knew. Theres nothing wrong with that. I don't see why they keep pushing this father thing.:S
That is exactly the problem with a one-size-fits-all approach that declares that Antonia must be "resisting" if she doesn't need or want contact with the father. He is a stranger to her. She has a stepfather and a mother, and who knows who else in her life. Unlike Niambi or Christie - and Iyanla- Antonia feels loved and adored by her primary parent figure, her mother. She is not Iyanla and she is not Jennifer, whose needs and experiences are possibly being superimposed onto their approach to Antonia. She is a different person.
The issue of the father has been presented to Antonia ad nauseum, and not just as a point of a discussion or conversation. Instead, it has been presented as "the answer" to her behavior, and as a judgment that she has to have missed out on something and must be in denial if she doesn't feel that way. It's easy enough for others to label her reaction resistance or denial - as if Antonia having a different opinion and being tired of the subject "proves" there is something there. So let me get this straight, if Antonia accepts what Iyanla says, that will prove Iyanla is right, and if Antonia rejects what Iyanla says, that is "resistance" and that too proves Iyanla is right. It's ridiculous, as Antonia would say.
I truly hope Antonia gets out of there before all of the forces working on her actually manage to convince her that she has all of the father issues others keep saying she has.
Clever girl is too smart, and too confident to be talked into something that goes against her grain. I remember Antonia herself acknowledging awarness of connection between spending and father... and said something about willing to forgive him, but did not want him in her life. So she does have the awareness. That's enough for her, and it's enough for me.
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