Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

ymimad wrote:

QUOTE:
I tend to get angry at both LCs but mostly Rhonda. somtimes they give the women really tough things to do. The jewelery thing with Lisa for instance. She only had an afternoon to buy the material, and make the jewelry and then go to a street corner to sell it. Why didnt she give her 24 hours? WHY? Lisa could have done it then, and come away with a sense of accomplsihment. Instead it was a set up doomed to fail. And Lisa didnt know what to do. When you are immature like she is, you really dont know what to do in situations. yes she is shallow and lazy, but IMO the jewelery thing was badly set up by Rhonda. she set her up to fail.
and I guess I got ticked off with Rhonda over how she treated Christina when Jessica wouldnt let her help her. Making a big deal saying Christina lied, and forcing Christina to say, "I Lied" when in christinas mind she hadnt lied. I mean I was really really angry at how she was treated by Iyanla. a big deal made out of nothing. that is not how to help someone heal.
so both LCs make mistakes. in general though I prefer Iyanla.
Rhonda seems angry a lot, but we dont know all that she has todeal with and as was stated, we only see small edited portions of what really goes on.

I wondered the same thing about the Christina lying issue. Although it's been some time since I have seen that particular episode, I watched that part several times to see what I was missing about the lie. I never undersood what the lie was against Jessica. Maybe that part was somehow edited out by mistake.

I wondered about the time deadlines for assignments as well. Why surprise someone with a project and limit the time so that it is most certain that they will not finish? I think that is the point of the exercise. The LCs wish to allow the hg to develop skills in the areas in which they need them.(Such as Lisa freaking out when she felt overwhelmed) If the assignments were easy to accomplish and you sailed through, you probably wouldn't grow very much towards developing those skills. I have heard the LCs say that they want the hgs out of their comfort zones. They say that that is the only way the hgs will begin to grow.

happygirl wrote:

QUOTE:
it would be cool if they went up for B.O.R i wonder how they would be defensive or vulnerable.

I suspect that that the LCs grill themselves every night before they go to sleep. It is such an enormous responsibility to have that kind of influence over people. They probably kick themselves after the fact for something that didn't come off as they expected or intended. They probably also consult regularly with other professionals about techniques and theories.

I think we worry over our clients even though we try hard not to. I think that the mistakes we make as professionals teaches us to become better at what we do. I don't think this applies only to life coaches or those in the mental health field.

Debby wrote:

QUOTE:
I wondered the same thing about the Christina lying issue. Although it's been some time since I have seen that particular episode, I watched that part several times to see what I was missing about the lie. I never undersood what the lie was against Jessica. Maybe that part was somehow edited out by mistake.

Yeah, I was wondering what the heck they were making Christina *confess* to?? Where was the BIG LIE?

It was very frustrating to watch. And since Jessica had left by the time I started watching this season, I had only seen her return for the graduations.
Which, now, seeing her and her behaviors with them, makes me wonder why she did return. I guess I'll wait and see if she changes much. I don't particularly dislike her/like her, so it's not even ambivalence.
But when Iyanla was trying to 'catch' Christina 'lying' and Jessica came in and somehow, (I SWEAR it was edited OUT), it came about that Jessica proved Iyanla correct, my head just sorta turned a 360 a few times, 'Linda Blair' style! lol

princess piper

Going solely on memory here, and we all know how that can go at times I think it was the excercise where Christina was told to do nice things for the hg and add up all the nice things she did.. in my mind they all knew it was an 'excercise' and Jessica flat out refused to allow Christina to do something nice for her because in Jessica's mind, it wasn't being done out of sincerity but because she was 'asked' to do nice things.. well.. that was the excercise! I was baffled by the stand Jessica took when they all have excercises such as this at one point or another. Christina even said to Jessica "I need to do something for you" telling her it was an excercise and as soon as Jessica heard that she refused to 'play'. I wondered why Jessica didn't get reprimanded herself for her not supporting C in an excercise but somehow it got twisted and Christina was being called on for being manipulative when that was the nature of the excercise.. to do the nice things for points. So I got confused in this one as well.

It seems there were a few excercises that the points to them were left 'open ended' where no one really understood them and when it came out what it was for, no matter what they did could have been construed in many different ways.. the lifeboat excercise for example. At times I think mixed signals were sent.. such as, how do the hg know when they refuse to do an excercise if the coaches are 'wanting' them to to stand up for themselves or when refusal is not going along with the program! There were even a couple of excercises as I recall where the ladies were given the excercise and we never got the result at all, maybe they didn't go as planned or without much impact I don't know.

I liked the clear cut excercises and not the open ended ones that could have been interpreted many different ways in any given outcome.

Say what you will, Rhonda got up in Lisa's face with good reason, and no amount of nice was going to get the message across. "You're full of it!" That's what she said. That was the truth. Listening to Lisa trying to blame her flakiness on Rhonda now, just sounds like stuff people say when they don't want to take responsibility for their own stuff. Had Lisa made a crack about Rhonda's facial expression at that point, I would not have been at all surprised. It's just a way of deflecting attention from what the real issues are.

Not to mention - Lisa's roomie shows up with a 40-lb. tumor, and somehow, it's still all about Lisa. What Lisa wants, what Lisa needs, how Lisa wants to be seen. So I'm thinking (deflectively) "Great dress! Shame what's filling it." Catch myself, and whaddya know - I've got this little Rhonda lip curl thing happening.

Serena, I actually laughed at your post.. I agree about lisa.. I haven't seen anything yet during the reruns to make me change my first impression of her... This could have been a real turning point for her if she'd taken her roomies feedback in and processed it. But we know there is yet more to come...and even more outrageous stuff to come with her.. I still can't believe they graduated her.. As I've said about others throughout the season.. I hope they get more out of seeing their stories aired by way of understanding..and finally 'getting it' via the bigger picture.. than they did while they were in the house. Something about being on the outside looking in... I'm sure they'll view themselves and their issues in a whole new way.

As for the discussion about Jessica and Christina issue and 'lie'..

One thing I recall from the show the other day that started Jessica questioning Christina's motives was the fact that when Jessica was reading a book Christina poked in saying she wanted to catch up with her... 'in case Iyanla asked her about her'.... Iyanla showed up after this with the assignment to do things for her housemates. Jessica immediately felt snubbed because of Chritina's motives at that point. Or so it appeared to me.

I think if Christina and Jessica were accountability partners, Christina wouldn't have to try to catch up with Jessica just for the sake of her regular session with Iyanla... We know the one day Jessica wanted to talk to Christina, but then Christina put Jessica off because she was vacuuming..even though it was clear Jessica was upset.. Christina should have dropped everything to be available for some time w/ Jess. I just think Christina's coming from a self centered time in her life overall.. She is mature in some ways but not in others.. Probably not that unusual either considering her age..

You could say Christina was hustling trying to do things for Jessica and even trying to coerce her to let her help.. and hustling/misleading Iyanla too by making it sound like it was all of Jessica's fault. I think the heart attitude was part of the exercise as well, looking for opportunities..not 'extracting' them!

Who wants someone helping them, when they know their heart isn't in the right place?

ah nevermind... after todays show..I have my answer! (Lisa!)