Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Debladu wrote:
[quote]I too...dont' care for Miss Cassie. I quit watching SO2 when she was on and mute this season when she is on. I have NO pity for her and feel she should respect the adoptive mothers wishes and leave the child ALONE that she gave up for her vices.

Debladu, it sounds as if you have no interest in knowing anything else about Cassie, but, there were circumstances surrounding the adoption that, in my opinion, make it different from most adoptions. If my memory is correct, Cassie's understanding was that it would be, what is now called an open adoption. Cassie was not savy enough to realize an oral agreement would have no legal binding on the adoptive parents.

I believe that most child experts believe that every person who is adopted has a right, as an adult, to know they are adopted. I understand this to mean age 18. Cassie is not certain her son knows he is adopted. He has that right. The adoptive mothers resistence to any communication was so severe. It makes one wonder what her problem is.

I hope there is good news down the road for Cassie and her son. I disagreed with the legal opinion Cassie received when she was an original hg. I am an attorney, although not in California, but would have recommended a second opinion. Of course, legal fees are a consideration and SO may not have wanted to invest large sums into one hg legal matter.

I think it's irresponsible for Iyanla to be saying things like "he'll come home." What a load! He IS home. Cassie gave him up for adoption, a noble thing to do so he could have a two parent home. So she really has no claim on him. Sure, it might be nice to be reunited, but it's not her right. If he wants to see her, fine, but she has to accept that he might not. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to give up a child. But once you do, you have to trust that he's better off than he would have been and accept that he is not technically your son anymore.

Yes, She gave him up to a 2 parent home...and it seems to have since become a 5 or 6 parent home(s) between various step parents. The adoptive parents split up.. they both remarried and the mother remarried and divorced at least another time. I am sure those upheavals would have been hard on him growing up as they would on any child. I think the adoptive mother feels threatened by anyone she thinks might jeopardize her exclusive 'motherhood'.

I do agree it should totally be his decision.... Cassie IS part of his history.. and he should know that he is adopted. If and When should be according to his timetable... and noone else's.

But I do think that the adoptive mother is overly protective because she fears what it might mean to her relationship with him... She seems to be particularly hateful...

A thought here..why do so many people think that a child given up for adoption for a better life is going to live happily ever after? that this new home is going to be perfect almost.

People divorce, adoption or not! I know of adoptee who ended up in foster care at the age of 7 cause the adoptive mother died of cancer and the father became an alcoholic.

Cassie son is not with the adoptive parents as they didn't stay together and the adoptive mother sounds somewhat unstable on about her 3rd husband or divorce. The stepmother was very affectionate and caring about Justin but the adoptive mother was very jealous and no doubt possessive.

I think everyone who has given up their child for adoption should be allowed to see that they are in a safe home. Adoptive children have ended up abused and murdered by their abuser also. We don't live in dream world and people don't live happily ever after all the time.

It was the agreement of Dr. Stan and Rhonda that Cassie leave things alone for now as her son was on drugs and is out of rehab doing fine and in college and felt it was best to give him time to grow up and finish college. The adoptive father has tapes of Cassie to show him when the time is "right"

None of us know the future--its a hard cold cruel world at times.

I agree with you KPW that the adoptive mother does seem especially hateful. It has to be hard for Cassie to feel such anger coming from her. Cassie was never one of my favorite houseguests, but I did feel for her. She did what she thought was best and I think she feels like she is still being punished for it 20 years later.
That adopitve mother probably feels very threatened by Cassie. It's a sad situation all around.

myself, there are several of the house guests that i would like to know where they are in life right now..some i never want to see again..and if you have a child out there somewhere, you would want to know about him..i am on cassies side and i want to see her and her son reunited..