Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Debby, where do you live? In Canada we have "Family Programs". They are usually intensive 7 day residential programs...with great follow up later. I actually went to one about 20 years after I became sober. I was still living with an alcoholic, so I had to do something to get me back on track.

Have you tried alanon? Its a great program too.

Debby, where do you live? In Canada we have "Family Programs". They are usually intensive 7 day residential programs...with great follow up later. I actually went to one about 20 years after I became sober. I was still living with an alcoholic, so I had to do something to get me back on track.

Have you tried alanon? Its a great program too.

KNC wrote:

QUOTE:
Debby, where do you live? In Canada we have "Family Programs". They are usually intensive 7 day residential programs...with great follow up later. I actually went to one about 20 years after I became sober. I was still living with an alcoholic, so I had to do something to get me back on track.

Have you tried alanon? Its a great program too.

Grizz and KNC thanks for your support and info. I am in North Carolina, not too close to Cananda. I was lucky to contact the Nara-non support group. It is for family members of drug addicts. The man I spoke with was so nice and supportive. I'm going to check it out. He is a father of a drug addict.

Going to support meetings everyday is a choice my brother will have to make for himself. Whenever I went to visit him when he was in rehab, he would always talk about how bad everyone else was with drugs. He has never really admitted that he has a problem. He said what he had to to get out in 30 days, and even stayed clean for awhile, but we knew it was risky. So therefore why would he waste his time at a meeting. He thinks he's better than anyone there. This is my opinion.

My parents blame his wife for his relapse. I don't. They blame her because she threw a big party in their home over the holidays. I don't think he protested. They served alcohol and they both knew that some of the guests were people he had done drugs with before. Bad move. He didn't have a chance. But if he had been in a support group, that entire thing could have been avoided. What is really sad are the 4 children. Anyway, thanks again. I'll let you know how things go.

debby you have such a healthy attitude! You put the responsibility where it lies...with your brother. It would be nice though, if his partner could have been a bit more supportive.

Even though he is the only one who can choose whether to use or not....having a party when you know that alcohol/drugs will be there...especially if someone is fairly new to sobriety, is a set up for sure.

Significant others of the addicted also need help, and I think probably his wife is in the throes of ( I hate the term...but oh well! ) co-dependency.

Sounds almost like sabotage, to expose a loved one with substance abuse problems to a party with the same substances there and the former co-partiers in attendance. I would wonder about the motives of someone who would do that, and about how they could be invested in keeping the former user a user, without even realizing it.

KNC, I try to stay out of it as much as possible. My parents are control fanatics and they can't stop but staying right in the middle of it. They say they can't save him, but inside they really think they can. If they love him enough, pay his bills, take care of his kids, give money to his wife, iron his clothes, buy him a new car and give him lots of praise and support, take him to church, he will stay clean. They just don't get it. I don't even discuss it with them anymore because it is so frustrating. My other brother is also frustrated. We care about our brother the addict, but it is also embarrassing to our family. I know that shouldn't matter but, we have always been proud of our honest, hardworking, charitable reputation in the community. I live in a different town now. Thank God. I'm not sure how many people know about him.

I also believe the substance abusers spouse needs to be in a support group. The group would be discussing the kinds of things you do and don't do when you have a spouse who is new to sobriety. His wife refuses to go to any kind of counseling. She says that there is nothing wrong with her. Go figure.

I forgot to mention that over the summer, wife arranged for them to camp next to some old friends who brother used to do drugs with. You would think she had a little common sense. But anyway, maybe this separation will in some way be better for him and the whole family.

YOU know, the last time they separated, my nephew who is 10 years old seemed happier than I had ever seen him. He was talkative, cheerful and a totally different boy. When they later reconciled he went back to his withdrawn and sad appearance. What does that say?