Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Hi,

I'm new. I just turned Starting Over off and came on the internet searching for message boards. I am really irritated by Iyanla Vanzant. Why is her answer for EVERYthing to have you contact/find/mend a relationship with your father? Why can she not STAND to see a woman with a close relationship with her mother? It doesn't even matter how the father treats/treated the daughter, she just wants every woman to initiate a relationship with their father.

I know Iyanla's story and how her father was married to another woman and her mother was the "other woman". I know her father's wife treated her like crap. I think Iyanla has some serious mother-hating issues and needs some psychotherapy herself. She's unfit to counsel anyone until she resolves her own personal issues.

Lisa

Oops, sorry. Should have put this under the "Coahces" area!

I think Iyanla does this because it's in the best interest of the houseguest to have closure with her parents, mother or father. For women, their fathers are crucial to how they see themselves and what they look for in a mate. So if the result is good, as with Rachel, Renee and Jill, that's great. If it's not, then Ilanya is there to reassure her that it doesn't reflect on her and she can move on with resolution.

WELCOME to SOT Lisacrans!!! Glad you landed here and jumped in. We are bunch of colourful personalities that love to chat about the show and act like we know something So, feel free to join the cross-pollination of thought and perspective.

I hear your question and this is my take...

I think because emotional woundedness is not compartmentalised. Pain from one area of your life does not remain contained in that one area, it bleeds into the rest of your life. Like an injury in your toe is felt through the rest of your body. Then all sources of emotional pain need to be addressed.

Iyanla is of the conviction that for there to be healing and, ultimately, wholeness, all wounds must be healed. Not that one must have a relationship with a father in order to thrive. But that if the woman's pain is also caused by being estranged from her father and a relationship is possible, then an attempt to restore that relationship should be made.

Sure a hand with four fingers is still functional, but a hand with 5 fingers works better. No?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

Well said Jackee...I especially liked the toe analogy..I will be using that analogy at some point I sure.

I think Jill said it best when she said "I felt whole" Maybe the LC's have talked to the house guest in interviews and determined that it would play a major factor in certain individuals healing process. I'm just thinking out loud.