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I wrote the recap for today, so thought I would post it here anyway.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Everyone is waking up the morning after TJ’s graduation. Jill says she feels like she has a hangover. In confessional, Jill says that she is emotionally drained because her buddy is gone. She says that TJ graduated last night and there is a burst of energy missing this morning. In confessional, Kim says that the new housemate is coming today and she hopes that she will be as warm and willing to be vulnerable as TJ. Everyone is in the kitchen and Lisa says look how excited they are for the new girl. Lisa says they are eating and asks if they are cleaning and then says they are eating. (It was weird like she was talking to herself.)
Christi is in the lime saying that she is anxious and nervous and she doesn’t know what the hell she has gotten herself into.
Christina says excitedly that her baby is coming today. Everyone cheers for her. In confessional, Christina says that she didn’t sleep well last night because she is excited about her mom and son visiting. Lisa asks Christina if Jackson talks, and Christina says yes and that he will talk your ear off. Lisa says that’s good because if they can’t talk, she can’t handle them. Lisa says that she is not a totally evil and insensitive person because she doesn’t like babies. Christina tells Lisa yes, she is and she is going to tell Jackson not to talk to Lisa because she is a baby hater. (Christina was joking and giving Lisa a hard time.)
Christi arrives at the house with flowers and knocks on the door. In confessional, Christi says that she is so ready for this and she is ready to do what she has to do to be happy, feel good in her skin, and to love herself. Lisa A and Jill greet Christi at the door. In confessional, Jill says that when she meets Christi she can tell that she has lost a lot of weight, and Jill says that she is very excited to hear her story. In confessional, Lisa says that Christi seems friendly and nice Lisa says that Christi brought flowers to share with the house. Lisa says that she is thinking that she is nice and generous. Lisa is showing Christi where her room is and they meet Christina in the hall, and Lisa tells Christina that she was showing Christi their room, but Christina wasn’t in there. (It seemed like a show Lisa was putting on for the new girl.) In confessional, Christi says that it is a lot to take in meeting all the housemates. She is in the kitchen with Lisa and Christina and Lisa tells Christi that Jill, Christina, and herself are the old timers and that Kim and LA are the new girls along with her. Lisa tells Christi if she wants to know the real story to ask the girls who have been there longer because they know the real story. She tells Christi that the other women are just learning.
In group, all the women go around and introduce themselves and tell what their goals are. Rhonda tells Christi they are going to find out what her story is. When LA tells her goal, Christi has an emotional reaction and Rhonda asks her what is going on with her Christi says that she feels like she feels like she can relate to LA’s goal. Rhonda asks Christi if she has ruins in her life and Christi replies yes. Rhonda tells her that she is in the right place then. They go to the plasma and show a picture of Christi as a little girl. She is cute with a wide grin and pigtails when she was 4. Christi says that her parents were separated and she was living with her dad when her mom was out doing her own thing. Christi says that her sister also lived with her dad. Next, they show a photo of Christi’s parents on their wedding day. Christi says that her parents never got divorced because her father was killed in a car accident when she was 5 and he was 28. Rhonda asks Christi what that did to her life. Christi says that she had to move back with her mom and they lived with her aunt and moved to Vegas to get her mom some help. Rhonda asks her what she needed help for and Christi reveals that her mother was a drug addict using meth. Christi says that it got to the point where there were people in and out and there was paraphernalia around the house, and she ended up being taken in by her neighbors. They went through court proceedings to make it legal to live with them and Christi moved in with her neighbors who were her best friend’s parents at 16. Christi felt that she was abandoning her mother, and her sister was angry with her because she decided to leave. Christi says that her sister felt abandoned by her. Rhonda asks how long she lived with the neighbors and Christi says two years. Rhonda asks her then what happened, and Christi says that the neighbors got divorced and her mother came crying back saying she loved and missed Christi and that she was changing. Christi says that of course she loved her mother, so she went back to live with her and ended up getting involved with doing drugs with her mother like meth, pot, drinking and acid. Rhonda asked Christi if she was still doing drugs or how long it had been. Christi says that she hasn’t done them since she was 21 and that makes it about 10 years. The next photo is of a really heavy Christi. Rhonda asks Christi how much she weighed at her heaviest and Christi says 267 she thinks. Christi then says that she had gastric bypass surgery and lost 130 pounds in a year and a half. The next photo shows Christi holing her arms up like she is flexing her muscles and she says that the loose skin under her arms is a result of losing so much weight and that she had reconstructive surgery to take the extra skin off of her arms. The next photo show Christi holding her arms up, but the left arm is smaller than the right one and her hands are swelled up like balloons. Christi says that the blood wasn’t returning to her arms and that the doctor had to replace some of the skin to return the blood flow. Christi says it was a nightmare and a mess. Iyanla says that he made one of her arms bigger than the other that’s it. And Christi says no, it’s not okay, that it looks horrible, ugly, and it was supposed to be fixed. Rhonda asks Christi if she if she always had problems with her body and Christi says pretty much. Rhonda asks her what the difference is then with her arms, and Christi says that it is ugly and she can’t hide the scars. Rhonda has Christi take off her jacket so they can see the scars and when she takes it off, there are horrible scars going down each of her arms. Rhonda says that now here Christi is losing 130 pounds beautiful on the outside and how does she feel on the inside. Christi says like crap. The next photo of Christi, her sister, and her brother and Rhonda asks Christi about her brother. Christi says that she feels guilty about her brother because he lives between her mother, his father, and Christi. Christi says she doesn’t want to take care of him and that she doesn’t want that responsibility. She says that she hasn’t had any kids because she is healthy enough. Iyanla asks her how she is not healthy. Christi says that she still uses food to numb the pain and Rhonda asks her if she uses anything else. Christi admits to using alcohol and may have a problem, but she isn’t drinking and it not going to drink while she is in the house. The next photo is of Christi at her wedding. They ask about how she met him, and Christi says that he worked in her office and they dated for a year before he asked her to marry him. She says that they were engaged for 18 months before they got married. Christi says that she feels bad about some of the things she is saying about her ex-husband. She starts to say something and then stops, and Rhonda asks her what she was going to say. Christi says that she is trying to defend him. Rhonda says isn’t that funny. Rhonda asks what she is feeling and Christi says that she is feeling a lack of compassion and understanding. Everyone says oh. Christina and Jill are acting happy for Christi and Rhonda stops and says that since LA is new she is still buying into the story and having compassion for Christi’s hurts, but the old timers are excited and Jill says hallelujah the healing has begun. In confessional, Christi says that it is hard for her to tell her story in front of strangers and that she thought she would be soothed and comforted being told oh, you poor thing, while she was telling her story. Next, they show her self portrait and she is standing alone with words inside her of how she feels and words outside her of what she tries to portray to everyone else. LA says that she is still wearing the mask. Christina says that Christi’s picture looks lonely. Lisa says that she thinks that it represents someone who is a total fraud and thinks normal is boring. Kim says that in her portrait she was standing all alone like that and they picked her portrait apart too, and then says that it is all about Christi because she is the only one on her page. They go to the steps and her goal is Learn to Love Christi. Rhonda asks her if she could get behind that and Christi says she hopes so. Rhonda tells her that it is her first day in the SOH and anything could happen.
After group Jill is walking up the steps with Christi, and tells her that when she first came to the SOH her mother was running her life. Jill goes on to say that when she finished telling her story after 45 minutes Iyanla got in her face and loudly said “You are a liar!” and Jill shows Christi what Iyanla did. Jill said that was the beginning, and so when Christi got mad she and Christina were happy for her because it means she is on her way. Christina joins them in the kitchen and was cheering for Christi and her reaction to group. In confessional, Christina says that when she looks at the new girls she can see they have a long way to go and that it is weird to see herself in them when she came into the house.
Christi is out on the deck with Kim and asks if there is anyone else not drinking, and Kim says no and she hopes they don’t have to hide it from her because she likes to drink. Christi says that if you are a social drinker and can handle it, then it’s fine, but she is using alcohol to numb herself.
Inside, Jill says to LA, Christina, and Lisa that yesterday Kim made a statement about it being the new girls vs. the old girls and that the new girls were taking over. Jill says that it is not an us and them thing. Jill says that there is something about Kim that she can’t put her finger on. Jill says that the more new women that were in the house the more women that were on her team. Jill says that if that is the way she wants to play it, but she finds it highly offensive. Jill says that she feels like she is living in a dorm. Jill says that she feels like she should go and rescue Christi from out on the deck because Kim might pollute her. Jill says that she feels like they should have a house meeting to talk about this issue. LA says that she thinks it’s a good idea because she has some things that she would like to say to Kim. Lisa and Christina are standing there and seem to be in agreement.
Rhonda shows up for Lisa. In confessional, Rhonda says that she is so glad that Jill, Lisa’s accountability partner, had the courage to confide in Rhonda about Lisa and her relationship with Mr. Internet. Rhonda says that he represents the life Lisa is trying to leave behind and hoping that this will show her how she is keeping herself stuck. In confessional, Lisa says that as soon as she sees the jail call and the internet she knows that it is about her addiction to Mr. Internet. Lisa says that she knows that Rhonda is on to her and that Rhonda knows she lied and there is stuff going on that Lisa didn’t tell Rhonda. Lisa says that Rhonda is her coach and she is busted and she knows it. Rhonda tells Lisa that she should be comfortable in the cell because she created it and then tells Lisa that she will be see her later and says bye-bye.
Christina’s mom and Jackson get to the house. In confessional, Deborah, Christina’s mom says that she is very anxious because she doesn’t know what to expect and that she hasn’t seen Christina in a long time. She says that Jackson is there and she doesn’t know how he will react because he hasn’t seen Christina in a long time. Deborah and Jackson go inside and hug Christina. In confessional, Christina says that she hasn’t seen her son or her mom in two months and it’s nice to have their voices in the same room with her. Christina says that Jackson has gotten so big. They show Jackson in confessional, and he says that he missed his mama and that she has been gone a long time. Christina then says lets go and meet all my friends, and then says that maybe they should wait on Lisa because she is in a cage.
Rhonda goes out to the cage and sees Lisa smiling. Rhonda asks Lisa why she is smiling and that she must like it in her cage because she is smiling. Lisa says no. Rhonda asks Lisa why she thinks she is there. Lisa says that it is a reality check to show her a visual for her reality. Rhonda asks Lisa if she has been lying to herself about anything and Lisa starts to go on about Mr. Internet and how he is an addiction. Lisa says that she called him from her cell phone and she knew she wasn’t supposed to do that. Rhonda tells Lisa that she knows that is against the rules, and Lisa starts to fake cry and say that she did know and that she did it anyway telling herself that it was ok because she knew he wouldn’t answer, but when her did she talked to him and it became real. Rhonda asks Lisa if she has talked to him since and Lisa says no. Rhonda says you haven’t emailed since you talked to him on the phone, and then tells Lisa to carefully consider her answer. Lisa says that yes she did email him, but the emails came back and she called again on the house phone because she thought she was being honest that way and she left a message saying she was concerned that her email came back. In confessional, Rhonda says that nobody has told Lisa that she has to give up Mr. Internet. Rhonda says that she can choose to live in the fantasy all she wants, but what she can’t do is stay in the SOH if she is going to lie to Rhonda and to herself. Lisa whines that she doesn’t know what to do. Rhonda tells Lisa that she is crying without tears again, and if Lisa remembers when she was called out for that when she first entered the SOH. Rhonda tells Lisa that she looks like she is crying and that it sounds like she is crying, but there are no tears. In confessional, Rhonda says that every time Lisa feels caught in a corner, she cries to get out of it, but not this time. Rhonda says that the only reason that Lisa is crying is because she got caught. Rhonda tells Lisa that she wants her to think long and hard about what else she has been lying to herself about, and then also consider if she is really willing to change, and then tells Lisa she will be back.
Iyanla comes in and meets Deborah and Jackson. Iyanla says that she is going to meet with Deborah now, and sends Christina and Jackson off to a park to spend time together. In confessional, Iyanla says that she is meeting with Christina’s mother one on one and mother to mother because there are some things that she doesn’t understand and some things that Christina’s mother needs to understand. Iyanla sits down with Deborah and starts out by asking how she could let Christina get married at 16. Deborah says that Christina just wore her down and it was always the main subject. Deborah thought that Christina would feel different after her boyfriend went to boot camp, but it got to the point where Deborah thought that maybe this was Christina’s chance to be happy and that it was her true love, so she signed the papers. Christina’s father was against it all along, and that Christina wouldn’t have gotten married if he had the sole decision. Iyanla asks Deborah what she knows about Christina’s marriage. Deborah tells Iyanla that Christina had mentioned getting into the dancing and that she knew Christina took a job helping with income. Iyanla asks how it made Deborah feel that she allowed her 16 year old to get married and move out of town. Deborah said that she thought they were happy and had a good marriage. Iyanla tells Deborah that Christina hasn’t told her everything and that Christina has some things to share with her and that it’s not pretty.
Christina takes Jackson to play at the park. In confessional, Christina says that she has been looking forward to spending quality time with her son, and now she can. Christina then says that even though her mom visited her in Vegas she doesn’t know the whole story and that she is nervous. In the van on the way to the park, Christina is talking to Jackson saying that grandma is at the house with Iyanla and that she hopes she is ok, because she doesn’t know how grandma is going to handle it. Jackson is being cute and asking if grandma is going to be ok and also informs Christina that he is going to get the Batman car. (Kids are cute!!)
Iyanla tells Deborah that Christina is going to need her support especially in confronting her father and dealing with the role that he had in it. Iyanla tells Deborah the Christina that she is going to meet is not the same Christina. Iyanla also says that she has required full disclosure so nothing can jump out of the closet and bite them later. Deborah says that no matter what Christina does she is proud of her. Iyanla says that Christina needs that.
LA is talking to Lisa and asking her how long she has to stay in the cage. Lisa says until Rhonda comes back and that she is to be thinking about if she really wants to change. LA tells her that is going to be hard. Lisa says she knows and that she told LA that she had a lot of resistance. LA says that she sees herself in Lisa and then asks Lisa where it is going to leave her.
Rhonda meets Christi out on the street and they are talking about Christi’s body image. In confessional, Rhonda says that Christi has always had body image issues, even after having gastric bypass and losing 130 lbs. Rhonda says they are going to look at other people’s bodies and compare them. They stop the first girl that Christi thinks has a cute body, and Rhonda asks the girl if she likes her body and what she would want to change. In confessional, Rhonda says that she hopes this exercise will show Christ that there is no such thing as the perfect body, and that she wants Christi to be able to love her body for its uniqueness. The girl says that she likes her body, but she would like skinnier hips and a bigger bust. Rhonda thanks her and then tells Christi that is how we do it. They continue to look at other bodies and Christi goes and walks beside one woman and then comes back to Rhonda and asks if her butt was wider than the woman, and Rhonda asks her if she wants to know the truth. Christi says that it was, wasn’t it? Rhonda says that yes it was wider and it doesn’t matter. Christi thanks Rhonda for being honest. In confessional, Christi says that she realizes that no one’s body is perfect and that she is going to have to be able to love her own body.
Lisa is in her cage crying really hard. LA tells Kim that she can see Lisa where she is and she can see the pain because she hasn’t let go. Kim tells LA that she saw Lisa put Mr. Internet’s email address in her contact list and Kim asks Lisa why she would tempt herself like that. LA says that Lisa needs to let go of it. Kim takes a bottle of water out to a screeching Lisa and Kim starts to ask Lisa if she wants her to get Rhonda and Lisa just throws up and Kim quickly backs off from the cage, and looks tenuously back like she doesn’t know whether to stay and help or run away.
Christi comes back and tells LA about her experience with Rhonda and tells the story about the wide butt thing. Christi says they are all dealing with body image issues an LA says that she knows that she is. She then tells how TJ was a little thing, and the Jill says that she is always going to be in environment with people that don’t share her issues. Jill says they can eat a pan of brownies, but she can’t let it throw off her balance. She says that is hard since Kim came in the house and wants to be her buddy-buddy. In confessional, Jill says that she doesn’t feel comfortable in the house now, and that many people are not comfortable. They’re just not comfortable. Jill tells Christi and LA that the house has totally changed now. Jill says that it has evenly changed, and they can’t expect the new house to run the same way their old house ran, and Kim made a statement about how the new girls were taking over. LA says that was so uncalled for, and Jill says that’s the vibe, but it’s not going to be. In confessional, Jill says that she lives in the house and she is not going to feel unwelcome in a house that she has lived in for two months. Jill tells LA and Christi that they need to sit down and have a meeting about how they are going to run the house.
Christina is at the park playing with Jackson. In confessional, she says that it is the most wonderful feeling to be back with him and to feel better about herself and enjoy her son, and that Jackson brings her lots of joy. Christina and Jackson leave the park.
Jill asks Lisa how she is feeling. Lisa says lighter after all that, and she was totally not expecting to throw up all over herself. She tells Jill she was trying to get to the root of why she was acting out. In confessional, Lisa says that she was trying to think of what it was she was trying not to feel and then the feeling came up and it had to do with being sexually molested. Lisa tells Jill that she got really sick when she got to the feeling. Lisa says that she looks at Christi and thinks that she has so much more pain. Jill asks why Lisa would say that, and Lisa says to look at everything that Christi has been through with her father dying. Lisa then asks why Christi isn’t throwing up all over the place. Jill says tells Lisa that she doesn’t appreciate how Lisa’s pain has damaged her. Jill says that Lisa empathizes when Jill says that a cupcake is running her G**damned life and she can see that, but Lisa doesn’t recognize that within herself. Jill says that Lisa had something happen to her that is the worst thing that can happen to a child – she had her innocence stolen from her. Jill says that what it does to her for the rest of her life is not her fault and that she deserves so much more.
Kim is in the kitchen with Deborah and asks if Christina looks like her brother, and Deborah says her sister. Kim says she doesn’t know why, but she thought that Christina had a brother. Deborah is telling Kim how Christina’s sister has been an integral part of taking care of Jackson. In confessional, Deborah says that she can see that Christina has matured and is going to be able to get in to the role of mother which will allow her to step back into the role of grandmother.
Christina comes back to the house with Jackson and walks up to Lisa and asks her what happened. Lisa says that she got sick when she starting thinking about some things and everything came up. Christina asks when Lisa’s parole is and Lisa says she doesn’t know and that she has created a prison. (Jackson was looking at Lisa like she was on exhibit at the zoo, but was confused because he wasn’t at the zoo.) Christina is upstairs in her room with Jackson and her mom. Deborah says that she wants to rest her body. Christina asks her mom if she had a good meeting with Iyanla and her mom said yeah, but she was told that there was more to hear about. Christina says that it is not that bad, and then finds out from her mom that they are meeting with Iyanla later that night. Christina’s jaw drops like she is worried. In confessional, Christina says that she wants to be honest with her mom, but she is nervous because her mother doesn’t know that she used sex to support herself.
Rhonda walks up to Lisa and asks her what happened. Lisa says that she got sick. Rhonda asks Lisa what made her so sick that she had to throw up. Lisa says that Rhonda asked if she wants to change, and Rhonda asks her if she does. Lisa says yes, and that when she was sitting her and thinking about the emails being blocked it made her crazy and she didn’t know how to tell Rhonda. Rhonda says that Lisa is in prison because she continually recreates her past. She was abused for years and she continues that pattern. Rhonda tells Lisa that she is a 40 year old woman who wanted to come to the SOH to grow up and become independent, but yet she hasn’t been willing to do that. Rhonda tells Lisa the molester is still running her life and that she is the one that is choosing the abuse. Lisa starts to cry again and in confessional, Rhonda says that as long as Lisa is realizing what she is doing what she is doing to herself that she can move forward, but if there is the slightest hint that she is not being honest with Rhonda or herself, she can’t stay in the SOH. Rhonda asks Lisa if she really wants to grow up, and that it’s ok if she doesn’t because there are plenty of adults who live their lives that way, and it’s perfectly ok if that’s what you want. Lisa says that she wanted to see Mr. Internet one more time because she knew she wouldn’t want him and then she could be the one to reject him. Rhonda tells Lisa that he doesn’t care about her and she is the one in jail. Rhonda says that this is what happens when we wait for the magic moment of revenge. Rhonda tells Lisa that she can’t make him pay for all of the times she has hurt herself before the molestation because he doesn’t care. Then, to Lisa, Rhonda says “I’d be sick, too.”
Next on Starting Over: Lisa’s day in prison could get a lot worse. Rhonda tells Lisa that freedom is in the cell. Christi reveals more about her shocking past. Christi tells Dr Stan that she would be lying in bed and couldn’t breathe because she was having a panic attack. And Jill prepares to confront Kim. Jill tells Lisa that they have to have a conversation with Kim. In confessional, Jill says we have to give Kim out of this us and them mentality.
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