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Thursday December 8, 2005
The show starts off with the women walking around the house. In confessional, Christina says she has been suspicious that she is pregnant. She says she is two weeks late and her boobs are bigger and they hurt. She says she wakes up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and has also been nauseous. She says she is really scared that she might be pregnant and if she is she doesn’t know what she is going to do.
Allison is back at the house from her trip to Houston. In confessional, Allison says she is coming back from Houston and she is really excited. She feels she has spent a lot of her energy focusing on the victims of Hurricane Katrina. She says she hasn’t been able to let her mind catch up with her experiences. Allison walks in the kitchen and says hi and asks how everybody is. TJ is there to greet her with a hug. Jill hugs Allison and Allison says she hears Jill is making a big breakfast for everyone. Allison says she has good eats for everyone and says she has long corn pecan and long corn pecan sugar free. (I’m guessing this is a kind of candy) Jill says yay! And then Jill says see, somebody’s thinking! Allison is sitting at the table saying she went to the Reliance Center and that it was tough and just pitiful. Allison says there were people that only had a dollar in their pocket and that their spirit was unbelievable. She says it was really – they came and hugged her and she hugged them and they were all crying, and it was touching. Jill said that’s great.
Lisa is on the phone with her parents and she is telling them that she is doing an assignment on feelings and she says she is feeling very aggressive today. Her dad asks her if she is. Lisa says she is into emotional truth. She says she definitely needs a few weeks to get through the battle scars She says that she isn’t there yet and that suddenly everyone is bothering her.
Jill tells Allison that they had a fondue party. Jill says they did trivia questions about sex. TJ tells Allison that she was sitting with Jill not eating any chocolate, and Lisa told Jill to start the game since Jill was the emcee. TJ says that Lisa said, but she was eating chocolate. In confessional, Allison says there was tension last night, and it’s kind of throwing her off. TJ tells Allison that she and Jessica looked at Lisa with jaws dropped. Allison asks if Lisa knows today, and Jill says no, that Lisa has no clue. In confessional, Allison says that she doesn’t feel supported particularly when she came home from Houston. Allison says that it is difficult when you have to go through something by yourself. Allison says that she is losing it and that she is having a bad day.
TJ is sitting with Jessica and says he hasn’t called yet, huh? Jessica says that she doesn’t know if he will because he might be too bummed out. In confessional, Jessica says that she is expecting a call from Omar today and it’s going to be really hard for her to hear his voice and be reminded. She says they talked everyday for four and a half years. Jessica says that she knows he is also supporting her and cares about her. She says it’s going to be hard, but good.
Allison is cleaning up the kitchen, Lisa is sitting at the table in the kitchen, and Jill is opening the box of chocolates that Allison brought back.In confessional, Jill says that the fondue party was difficult for her, and welcome back Miss Allison with chocolates from Houston. Jill is eating one of the candies that Allison brought back. Jill says that it so great. Allison says she had to look out for her Jill. Lisa is asking Allison if she is glad to be back and Allison says that she is. Lisa tells Allison that when she wasn’t there that their bathroom turned into a sh**pile once again. Lisa asks Allison if she looked at the bathtub, and then says honey, I wasn’t the last one to take a bath. Lisa says that people don’t pay attention to detail and aren’t as proactive as Allison. Lisa tells Allison that when she isn’t around Lisa notices and Lisa says she doesn’t like that. TJ says something indistinguishable in the background and Lisa says that she doesn’t care and that she will defend Allison and they can all go f*** themselves. Lisa says that she doesn’t care and then goes on to tell Allison that there were no towels on the thing. TJ comes into the room and says why do you need to defend Allison. Lisa says that she isn’t defending Allison. TJ points out the she just said that she would defend Allison to the f***ing end. Lisa says that’s right and that’s how she feels. TJ says Lisa made it sound like they were trashing Allison while she was gone. Lisa tells TJ that is her projection, and TJ says that it is the way that Lisa made it sound. Lisa says that in group yesterday, three people said that Allison was a trigger for them. You see Allison walk out of the kitchen past TJ. TJ asks Lisa if she knows what a trigger really is and then tells Lisa that the trigger had nothing to do with Allison. TJ says that the trigger has to do with herself. In confessional, TJ says that she is thinking why can’t Allison defend herself, Lisa why do you need to defend Allison, and third of all, who the hell does she need to defend Allison to, and that nobody was ditching Allison. Lisa says that maybe she was just being funny and light. TJ tells Lisa to remember that what she says carries weight and that her funny and light is really too much. Lisa tells TJ that is her opinion. Lisa says that she is into feeling her feelings and that she will stand up for what she believes no matter what anyone says. Lisa is laughing, TJ is standing with her head down, and Allison is back cleaning the kitchen. TJ is sitting on the couch and Lisa is in the kitchen saying that she has to accept that there is a part of her that is flippant sometimes and that it’s a sense of humor. Lisa says that if others want to be so g**damned serious then they can be as serious as they want. In confessional, Lisa says that she thinks TJ needs to mind her own business and follow her dos and don’ts of communication and get lost.
Christina is on the phone and is talking to Paul. Paul says that he hates Mondays because you have to start the week all over again. Christina is yawning and says she didn’t sleep good last night and that she was tossing and turning. Paul says he slept like a baby. Christina says that she must have wandered all over the bed and that she couldn’t sleep for anything. In confessional, Christina says that she is really conflicted on whether she should tell Paul she is pregnant or not. Christina tells Paul that he put her in a good mood.
Iyanla is meeting with Jill. She tells Jill that there is more baggage for her. In confessional, Iyanla says that Jill had been a bag woman carrying around a great deal of baggage. Iyanla says that since Jill has been in the house she has gotten rid of a great deal of baggage, but she has a new piece of baggage for Jill today. Iyanla gives Jill a duffle bag and tells her to open it. There are four pieces papers with life preservers on them, a light, shoes, water, Jenny Craig snacks, cell phone, a blanket, a book, and five dollars. Iyanla tells Jill that she has been carrying around a lot of weight and not just physical weight. She tells Jill everyone has baggage and the lighter the baggage the easier it is to ascend to our dreams. Iyanla tells Jill that she is getting four life preservers and Jill is to look at the items and pick the life preservers three things that she needs. She is to write them on the life preservers and then tell why she picked them. Iyanla says she wants Jill to think about what she needs to flourish and grow and not just survive. She tells Jill she wants her to know what it feels like to travel light.
Allison is in the kitchen talking to Lisa. Lisa tells Allison that TJ was trying to be helpful, but Lisa doesn’t want help. Lisa says if she makes a flippant comment, she doesn’t need it pointed out because she isn’t two years old and she doesn’t care if they are in the SOH. Lisa says she is serious and it wasn’t appropriate for TJ to call her on that when she is having a private conversation. Lisa says that she doesn’t need a f***ing attitude. Lisa says that she hasn’t had a voice for a very ling time and she is finding it. Allison tells Lisa that she is scaring her and Lisa tells Allison that she doesn’t need to be scared.
Allison is meeting with Dr Stan and tells him that she is a mess today. In confessional, Dr Stan says that he is meeting with Allison to see how her trip to Houston went and to see if Allison is still feeling like a victim. Allison says that she had an incredible weekend and when she came back they planned to share, but when she got back to the house everyone was busy and she felt rejected like she didn’t belong. Dr Stan tells Allison that she needs to lower expectations of others and raise them for herself. In confessional, .Allison says that Dr Stan told her she needs to not expect so much from people and get tougher skin, and she doesn’t know how she is going to get that skin. Dr Stan asks Allison what she learned about herself. Allison says she has the gift of being with people, and to just listen and be with them. She says that she can give them peace and in some cases joy. She says she has the strength, willingness, and compassion to do that. Dr Stan tells her that it’s pretty powerful. Allison agrees. Dr Stan says the idea that Allison could make a little bit of a difference and make a change, and that when she came back and people said in effect so what. Dr Stan asks her how that diminished what she did, and Allison says that it shouldn’t. Dr Stan says he knows but he wants to know how it did. Allison says that it’s her insecurity. Dr Stan tells her that she doesn’t have to be the insecure Allison and that she can be the Allison that she was in Houston, but she has to stop caring about what other people think. Dr Stan asks Ally if she remembers what he said about lowering her expectations of others, and Ally nods her head. Dr Stan says that other people are not there to feed us. He tells her that sometimes we will have a good day and people will be really appreciative of us and other times they will ignore her. He tells Allison that she slipped back into victim status and Ally agrees. Dr Stan says that somehow being a victim gives Allison definition. He wants Allison to write down the victim labels that define who Allison is. Allison writes I have cancer, cancer patient, fat, unloved, unworthy, abused. Dr Stan asks what happens that keeps these labels a part of her. Ally says that it gives her excuses. Dr Stan says right and maybe it felt more comfortable because it is scary to go out in the world with a positive attitude and with expectations that she will be successful. He tells Allison to go out and pick flowers for each of her labels, and then to take them to the ocean and symbolically throw her labels in the ocean. Dr Stan tells her than she can take a housemate along with her if she wants to. In confessional, Dr Stan says that if Allison doesn’t release herself from these victim labels, she will forever be stuck as a victim and never be able to achieve the goals she wants to achieve. Dr Stan asks Allison when she throws the flowers in the ocean what will happen, and Ally says they will come back. Dr Stan tells her that she is going to leave the flowers there. He tells her that he really wants her to think about defining herself in this way. In confessional, Allison says that she is ready to release her victim labels. She says there is a fear in doing that. She says when they are gone, what am I going to do next.
Jill is explaining to Christina that she is packing for the rest of her life. In confessional, Jill says that she takes everything out of the bag, and these are her survival items. She says she can only choose three, so a couple of the things are pretty easy. She says she can only choose three, but she really wants four so she is having trouble choosing what she is going to keep.
Allison says that Dr Stan has given her an assignment to throw roses in the ocean with her labels on them, and even if they come back she is to reject them. In confessional, Jessica says that she is really excited when Ally has asked her to go to the beach with her to release all of her labels. Jessica says that she is excited for herself to be able to share that with Ally and to be able to release some of her own. They walk into the water and it is cold. Jessica throws a rose in and says goodbye to being too emotional. Allison says goodbye to being the child of an alcoholic. Jessica says goodbye to being nice, a good girl, and totally together. Ally says goodbye to being perfect, goodbye to being sick. Jessica says goodbye to being unlovable. Ally says goodbye to being a cancer patient and unlovable. Jessica says goodbye to saying that she is motherless. Ally says goodbye to feeling unworthy. Ally and Jessica hug after throwing their labels in the ocean. In confessional, Ally says that she and Jessica are no longer going to be victims and they are throwing roses in the ocean to stop the bad behavior. Ally says that back at the house they are actually having a fight and she doesn’t need to come back to the house with that.
Jill is meeting again with Iyanla and Jill says so she can’t pick four, huh. Iyanla tells Jill nope, only three. Jill says she chose the book, the water, and the shoes. Jill says the book is for knowledge, the water for nourishment, and the shoes so she can keep stepping in the right direction. Iyanla asks Jill if she can’t do that barefooted, and Jill says no that she has to protect her feet. Iyanla has Jill go upstairs and retrieve one of her self sabotage bags. In confessional, Iyanla says that Jill chose the water for nourishment, the book for knowledge, and the shoes to be comfortable. Iyanla says that she sees an opportunity for a little coaching. Iyanla takes the bag from Jill and opens it up. Jill reads some of the labels from the items pulled out of the bag. They say not paying attention, not doing what’s best for herself, and not taking care of herself. Iyanla says what Jill left behind was self-comfort with the blanket, and Jill says she feels she already did a lot of that. Iyanla tells Jill that this is a new blanket, and that brings her to the next point which is light. She says that the light gives things a different perspective. Iyanla tells Jill that she thinks that 99.9% of Jill’s challenge coming to the house was communication, which was represented by the cell phone in the survival items. Iyanla asks Jill how the items she has chosen helps her in not paying attention, not doing what is best for her, and not taking care of herself, and if she had to change what would she change. Jill says she would take communication for the knowledge. Iyanla tells Jill that you can walk without shoes, but asks her if she can see without light. Iyanla tells Jill that nourishing herself on all levels of her being, and with the light and communication, Jill will receive help with everything else. Iyanla has Jill pack her survival items in her backpack and has her then lift her baggage against her backpack. Jill says that sabotage is heavier. Iyanla tells Jill that sabotage is heavier than her bare essentials, and then tells Jill that she would be willing to dispose of the bag for her. Iyanla asks Jill what in her bare necessities would she need to get Iyanla to help her with her bag, and Jill says communication and that she is willing. Jill starts to cry. Iyanla tells Jill she will remove the self sabotage bag if Jill does one more thing for herself. In confessional, Iyanla says now that Jill has her three essential tools in her back, she wants her to make a commitment to her authentic self to use the tools because in Jill’s case, if she doesn’t have a commitment and practice, she slips into bad behavior. Iyanla tells Jill that she wants her to take her backpack upstairs to Miss Mabel and explain the things to her and make a commitment to her authentic self on how she is going to use them in her life. Iyanla asks if it is a deal and Jill says deal.
TJ is outside talking with Jessica. TJ tells Jessica that she should tell Omar that she understands that she is doing these exercises and she realizes how much she does love him and how much she took for granted in the relationship, and maybe I was too final with things. In confessional, Jessica says that since she was the one who asked Omar to move out and closed their connection, she really believes she was in control of the decision. Jessica says that as TJ is asking her why she won’t take Omar back is making her perplexed because it’s not even an option. Jessica says that the real test was that he wasn’t able to stay with her and work things out. Jessica is crying, and TJ says what’s wrong, sweetie, tell me. Jessica says she thinks she needs to be at peace and know that she can live without him. She says she is just coming to a point where she can do that without her mom and she needs to get to a point where she can feel that about him.
In confessional, Christina says that she has talked to her housemates about her concerns. She says she feels like she has been overly anxious and nervous. She says she doesn’t want to keep it from her housemates and look suspicious. Christina is upstairs locked in the bathroom with TJ and says that she doesn’t know and maybe it’s all in her head. TJ asks Christina how late she is and Christina says she had her period the first week they were in the house, but nothing since. Christina asks how long they have been there and TJ says two months, and then they figure out that it has been 6 weeks. TJ asks her if she’s two weeks late, and Christina says that she is a month late. Christina says that she doesn’t think that it is possible and she thinks that it is just hormones and stress, and that’s why she feels like she really doesn’t need this right now. Christina is crying and TJ is comforting her. In confessional, Christina says there is no way that she can handle a pregnancy on top of all this. She says that she is so scared that she is and she is not prepared for this.
The phone rings and it is Omar calling for Jessica. Christina calls Jessica to the phone. In confessional, Jessica says that she knows she felt that when she left Omar that she had to and needed to because she couldn’t handle being there anymore. Jessica says that she is ready to leave NY, but she can’t to that until she faces everything that happened and that includes Omar. Jessica gets to the phone and starts crying. She apologizes to him and says she doesn’t know how to talk about this. She says she wanted to call and apologize for how controlling she has been in the past. Omar starts to say something and she asks him to please let her finish. She says she realized yesterday that she set it up to be manipulative and controlling and that wasn’t her intention, and that she was in charge and also the victim and that didn’t give him any freedom in the relationship and she wanted to apologize She says that it was totally wrong of her to do. She says she wanted to grow up and she wanted him to do that with her so she wouldn’t be alone, and that wasn’t right. Jessica says she wanted to say she was sorry and that the gist of it. Omar says yeah. Jessica tells Omar that Rhonda told her to ask him why they broke up, and Jessica tells him that she told Rhonda that the two of them had talked about it 1,000 times, and she asked him if he had a new answer. Omar say no, it’s the same answer from before and that nothing had really changed. Jessica said that was because she was controlling. Omar says that he felt like, not even that. He felt like they had gone down two different paths. In confessional, Jessica says that it is really bittersweet talking to Omar on the phone because he carried her the past 4 years and in a lot of ways he replaced her mom, loving her unconditionally and supporting her the way her mom did. Jessica hangs up the phone and Christina is right there telling Jessica how good she did and being supportive.
Christina grabs her purse and tells Jessica that she will be back in a minute. In confessional, Christina says that since she is two weeks late she feels like she should check it out and it going to buy a pregnancy test. She says she is a little bit anxious about this.
In the kitchen, TJ is talking to Jessica and asks has she not been in the house for two months? What have we been talking about for two months? Jessica says that she is so glad that she wasn’t there. Allison is standing there listening to TJ and Jessica and then TJ says Al, I could have killed her this afternoon. TJ says that the fact that Lisa had to say that she likes the way that Ally is and that she is going to defend Ally to the end. Jessica says that it pisses her off to no end because it makes it sound like and TJ finishes Jessica’s statement with like we are talking trash about you. Ally says that she doesn’t take any of that personally. TJ says no, no, no; it’s that she. Allison cut her off and said that she feels like they are gossiping. TJ says no, no, no; the only person that Lisa confides in these days is Allison. In confessional, Jessica says that she wants to be able to help Lisa, and she wants Lisa to trust her and be able to accept her support, but when Lisa is constantly throwing things in Jessica’s face and being really rude, she doesn’t know how to communicate with Lisa. TJ tells Allison that when she says that Ally is a trigger, it is TJ’s issue, not Ally’s, and she doesn’t think that Lisa gets that.
Jill is talking to Miss Mabel and she says that they are no longer going to be bag ladies. We are going to pack light for the future. In confessional, Jill says that Miss Mabel is just a physical representation of her authentic self, so when she is talking to Miss Mabel, she is really talking to herself. Jill says that they have made it this far, they are packing light, and they are not going to be a bad lady.
Down in the kitchen, Lisa says it g**damned well matters, and if she is triggering people and saying things behind her back when she is away then she is going to want to know why they said it and what it is. Jessica asks Lisa why. Lisa says she would want to know. TJ tells Lisa that what she really said was that she was going to defend Ally to the end. Lisa tells TJ that she was making a joke and to lighten up. Jessica asks if she really said that about defending Ally to the end. Lisa says maybe something like that. Jessica tells Lisa that it is really judgmental. Jessica tells Lisa that because she said that Allison has been triggering her lately, that it has to do with herself and not Allison. Jessica tells Lisa that she is creating drama. TJ tells Lisa that she pointed over there and was telling Ally the things they hadn’t done while Ally was gone. Lisa tells TJ that she should mind her own business and not butt in. TJ says no, because she was talking about the other housemates. TJ says if Lisa and Ally were just having a normal conversation it would have been one thing. Lisa says that she really doesn’t think that she was talking about TJ or the other women, and TJ tells Lisa that she was because she heard it. TJ is fidgeting with something in her hands at this point, but I can’t tell what it is. Lisa says that she was just expressing her opinions and she feels like they are judging her, and Jessica and TJ tells her it is because she is judging them. TJ tells Lisa that is the problem. Jessica says that she is upset that Lisa says she needs to defend Ally when no one was attacking Ally. Ally is standing right in front of the sink not saying a word, just looking like she would rather be anywhere but where she was standing. Lisa says that she doesn’t remember saying that, and TJ tells Lisa again that she said she would defend Ally to the end. Lisa rolls her eyes as TJ is talking, and Jessica calls Lisa on it. Jessica tells Lisa that it was very disrespectful to roll her eyes and says she doesn’t care. Lisa says that maybe it’s because she is feeling a little attacked. TJ says that the problem is that Lisa attacked them. Lisa asks what they want her to say, that she is sorry and to own it. They tell Lisa that she creates it herself. Jill is upstairs with Miss Mabel. In confessional, Jill says that a part of hre wants to run downstairs, grab some popcorn, and sit in the middle of it all, but she is staying upstairs and minding her own business. Lisa says that she was just joking around. TJ says that no, she wasn’t. Lisa says that she doesn’t think that anyone can tell her how she was feeling, what she was saying, or what she meant. Lisa says that she doesn’t remember, okay, and that she is taking everything they are saying under consideration, and right now they are just really irritating her and she wishes they would just lay off. TJ, Jessica, and Allison are just standing there looking at Lisa and Lisa shoots them all a smart-ass, bug eyed, snotty head shake. Jessica tells Lisa that she has had this attitude from day one and asks Lisa what they are supposed to do. Jessica tells lisa that they fought to keep her in the house, and for her to flip it off like this and to go and create drama, Jessica says yeah, she is pissed right now. Lisa asks what they want her to say, and TJ says anything that shows us that she cares, anything. Jill is with Miss Mabel and she says that she knows that the light inside of her is bright, but they need a light to light their path, or they will be stumbling around I the dark like they have been doing, but now she thinks that is well over with. TJ is fidgeting still with this green things and she starts talking and tells Lisa that they are trying to support her and do everything they can, but it becomes so overwhelming because she asks herself where - . Allison interrupts TJ and asks if she can offer something and then says that if she is going to talk to Lisa to at least look at her. TJ asks Ally if she can offer something and then tells Ally if she is going to have a conversation with Lisa, could Ally please mind her own business. Ally smiles and says now that, and then says that she is done everybody. Allison grabs her glass of wine and walks out of the kitchen, but not before raising her finger and telling TJ not to be a bitch to her. In confessional, TJ says that she knows how bitchy she can get, so when Ally tells TJ not to be a bitch to her a) she is really proud of Ally for standing up for herself, and b) oh, sister you ain’t seen nothing yet. TJ says that all she did was ask Ally to mind her own business, and Jessica points out that the delivery was really wrong, but if Lisa feels like she needs contact then Lisa needs to be the one to ask for it, not Ally. Ally is digging through the fridge with her back to Jessica the whole time she is speaking. Jessica then tells TJ that she delivered that statement to Ally in a really bitchy manner though, and TJ nods her head in agreement. Jessica asks Allison if she gets that, and Allison walks off and says got it. Lisa runs off after Allison and Ally is in bed. In confessional, Ally says that she doesn’t feel supported since she came home and she had no idea she would have a day like today or react like she did. Ally asks Lisa how her argument was. Lisa said it was okay and that she didn’t get it at all at first, and then after they talked to her for awhile she got it, but now she forgot. Lisa asks Ally if she is ok and Ally says yes. Lisa says that she is sorry for bringing Ally into her drama, and that they say that Lisa isolates and don’t share and is flippant. Ally says that she is the bad guy and TJ calls her a bitch. Lisa tells Ally that it had nothing to do with her, and Ally said that they made it about her. Lisa says that TJ doesn’t know how to talk to people and that she felt like they were attacking, unless she is just making up stories. Ally said that it wasn’t attacking, but -. Lisa said it felt like it. Lisa tells Ally that she doesn’t like these little squirts accusing her of sh** that she’s not doing, in her opinion. Lisa says that it what she is reacting to. She says that TJ trying to tell her about connecting and sharing, well, who the f*** is TJ to tell her anything. Lisa says that TJ is nuts. Ally said tonight was supposed to be this big sharing thing where they would tell Ally what they had done and Ally would tell them what she had gone through, but that didn’t happen, and now there is a big argument. Ally says that it is a tough position that they are all in.
Christina yells to everyone that she is back. In confessional, Christina says that she gets back fro the drug store with the pregnancy test and she is so glad that Jessica and TJ are there to keep her calm and support her. Christina tells them that she is going to take the test in the morning. Christina says that she has dealt with so much stress today that she is going to take the test I the morning and then says she hope that she can get some sleep tonight.
Next on Starting Over: Allison is floored by unexpected news. Allison is with Dr Stan and she is crying hard and he is trying to get her to breathe slowly. The divide between Lisa and the women deepens. Lisa says that she is supposed to be expressing my feelings, so I am expressing how I feel. Jessica tells Lisa that it was not a feeling that she expressed. Lisa asks what it was then, and Jessica tells Lisa that she is not going to talk to her if she is going to give the attitude. And TJ is stunned by a harsh BOR. Rhonda asks TJ if she thinks that she shuts down, and TJ says yes. Rhonda says, “I need to shake your world, TJ.”
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