Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

Gonna be another brief one guys! I’m really strapped for time this week! Please fill in details and blanks for me in the forum. Thank you for understanding.

Christina is in the kitchen complaining to Allison how traumatized she feels after getting caught in a lie yesterday. She never wants to lie again. She’s also worried about what Iyanla is going to say.

Rhonda is meeting with Jessica. Rhonda notes that she needs to accept that her mother’s death was a part of a public tragedy. She shows Jessica a picture of the New York skyline before 9/11. Jessica says before that day, she was fearless, hopeful, excited, and carefree. Rhonda shows a picture of the New York skyline after 9/11. Then Jessica says she felt lost and scared and she quit being present. She agrees with Rhonda that her life stopped on 9/11.

Christina is on the phone taking to her boyfriend Paul. They met in a strip club the last night she danced. They’d been dating a month before coming to the house. She tells him about her lie and that she doesn’t want to be in trouble.

Rhonda is telling Jessica that 9/11 has left a void that she must fill. Her exercise is to build a memorial. She says in confessional that she’s overwhelmed with that as she’s avoided them like the plague all these years.

Iyanla is leading group this morning. She notes that Jill is wearing makeup and must feel good. She says she’s down to 3 cigarettes a day; half of one today. Iyanla passes out coloured cards with the ladies’ names on them. She then passes around a basket and instructs to draw out a card that is not the same colour as the one they have with their name on it. Each card has a message they need to convey and they must do so without using the same words on the card. It is meant to teach them to give helpful feedback and learn to communicate with the ladies. Christina raises her hand to go first. Her card says to tell TJ her hairstyle makes her look older than she is. Christina tells TJ her hairstyle makes her look “more mature” today.

Iyanla asks TJ how she received it. TJ says it made her think old. She thinks what she meant however was sophisticated. She spun it her own way she’s sure. Jill tells Allison that she is a gift in her generosity with other people, but sometimes it’s unclear if it’s for herself or the person she’s giving to. What did Allison hear? That she needs to be clear on her intention when she gives. Iyanla says that when we feedback, we expect criticism. This is not what feedback is…coming from a place of love and concern, based on observation and experience and focuses on behaviour rather than the person. Allison’s card says she must tell Lisa that she may have a hard time finding a partner because men want a woman who can take care of herself. She tells Lisa that she worries that Lisa will never find true love because she attracts men who will do everything for her, but not gratify her. Lisa admits in confessional that she does not handle criticism well. Lisa says Allison doesn’t know the whole story. Iyanla notes in confessional that the ladies don’t know how to separate their opinions from feedback. Iyanla offers the same feedback to Lisa, but differently. She says Lisa may not yet be attracting the man she really wants because she is in the process of transformation so the person she is today is not who she’s going to be. Lisa notes that sounds like a compliment. Iyanla advises them that if they remember what feedback is and that it comes from a good place, the rest will fall in line.

In the kitchen, Lisa is telling the ladies that they don’t know yet how to communicate. It’s challenging to be mindful of what they say. Jill says she’s concerned because if anyone gets a C, they’re going home. Jessica thinks they need to forget about the C and focus on their own steps. Jill says if she does that, she’ll block them all out. They need to learn how to work together. She offers an analogy. A pot is boiling over on the stove, does she go to the person who put it there, or does she let them deal with it or does she tell their accountability partner about it? She didn’t put the pot on the stove, but she saw it boiling over and did nothing.

Jessica is working on her memorial. Allison shares that her memory of the day was a beautiful sky that day. Jessica remembers what she was wearing and how crisp and beautiful a day it was.

Iyanla finds a cigarette in an ashtray outside. She confronts Jill…there are three butts in there. Jill says no…one from today, the others are from yesterday. Iyanla says she’s not above collecting cigarette butts. Hmmm…busted? Iyanla decides not to press the point today, but will at some point. She asks Jill what she thinks she still needs to work on. Jill responds “speaking graciously” and “from a loving place”. She usually speaks angrily. They need to get some feedback from people. Iyanla suggest that the man who fired Jill be the first. Jill is “dreading this phone call like you dread a root canal”. Jill chooses to also get feeback from her mother. Iyanla gives her a script to work from and advises her to monitor her emotions.

Jessica and Allison go shopping for things for her memorial assignment. She wants it to represent love, hope, joy and to represent her and her mom.

Iyanla meets with Christina to discuss the possibility of hidden addictions. She asks her if she’s aware of her addictions. She says she’s becoming more aware. Iyanla believes she has an addiction to power. Iyanla wonders if there’s an addiction to sexuality. There will be temptations. She wants her to talk to somebody with more knowledge on the subject.

Jill is at the phone practicing her script. She calls her former employer. She’s having a hard time believing this is happening.

Iyanla’s visitor for Christina is Corinne; a former stripper/escort. She leaves them alone to chat. She tells Christina that she had an addiction to attention. She asks Christina what she thinks. Christina thinks her main addiction is money. Corinne relates and says that sacrifices have to be made. What about the addiction to hustling. Christina says she didn’t have it in her to tell the whole truth; she had to make it pretty for herself. She is a liar Christina admits.

Jill is on the phone with her former employer. She tells him she’s working on a personal journey. She’s acknowledging she’s been angry and reactionary and asks for resistance. He says she was slow to commit; she does things enough to pass. What can he offer her to change? He says he’d have to get back to her on that.

Christina fears her return home and the shame she’ll feel. Corinne says it’s not going to be easy; she must be prepared to let all of them go. Phone numbers have to be thrown out. She offers her a position as her writing assistant. Christina cries and accepts the offer; it’s a dream come true and something to look forward to.

Jill calls her mom next. She tells Jill she is resistant and combative. Any prospective is taken as criticism. She isn’t criticizing; she’s offering a perspective. Jill thanks her and hangs up.

Christina is excitedly telling Jill of the job offer.

Jessica is back from her shopping trip and building her memorial. She feels like she’s denied herself her grief and can’t comprehend who she’ll be once it’s gone.

Iyanla and Jill meet again. Jill says she’s better than she thought she’d be after her assignment. She says she’s fairly accurate about what she thinks she needs to work on. Her mom was surprised that she was so calm. She practiced acceptance and mental integrity today. Iyanla tells her she can remove five articles of clothing from Mabel the manikin today. Jill is ecstatic!

Iyanla now meets with Christina. Christina says she’s got to release anyone she knew who accepted her lifestyle before. Iyanla asks if that includes her boyfriend. Oh Oh! I sense resistance!

Jessica has built a beautiful memorial. All the ladies and Rhonda have gathered around it. Jessica explains the purpose of memorial was to fill the void left. It is final for her; gives her some closure. Today is a new day Rhonda says. Jessica says today is the day she is merging the Jessica before 9/11 and the Jessica after. She has surrendered and allows others to help her feel safe in their arms as she felt in her mother’s arms.

Christina is telling the girls that she needs to let go of the contacts in her past. Iyanla wants her to talk to Corinne about it. She’s worried that Iyanla is going to tell her to break up with him. She says it wasn’t like he frequents the strip clubs; he was there with friends, not just there to see stripping. TJ challenges that. Guys go to strip clubs to see strippers. Christina begins to shut down, so TJ excuses herself. Jessica asks if she feels judged by Paul. She says no, he sees her as a mother. Jessica asks if Corinne held onto any of her past friends. Christina is worried because she’s been happy with him. She wants to make the decision later, not now.

PREVIEWS:
Jill learns life changing news. She is seen hanging over the balcony, sick to her stomach.
Lisa starts to unravel and could pay a big price. Rhonda calls her out on something and TJ tells her she could get herself thrown out and demands to know “do you want to change your life?”.

Was there no show on Tues, Nov 1st??
My TiVo didn't record one what was on instead...East coast??

2 curious

Netty....that was a "brief" one??
Hate to see it when you get winded!!

Come on now, you've read my other recaps...that was brief!!! LOL

I never got to see Tuesday's show either, so I don't know what to recap. I know some saw it though because there was talk in the chatroom about the episode.