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Has anybody noticed that Iyanla seems to have a recurrent theme regarding manipulation? I first noticed this in the season with the other individual women during Board of Review. I can't remember the woman's name but she was young and had blonde hair. During Board of Review Iyanla surprise ambushed her with, "You have managed to figure out how to manipulate the process." Then with this new group she seems to be rivetted on it, bringing up in various ways that she thinks one or another housemate is manipulating. I can't help but think that in many ways she's projecting (or hypersensitive to what she sees as manipulating in others) due to her own issues.
Sure, some of the extreme behaviors that Christina learned when she was stripping and hooking and that sort of thing are out of the ordinary, but some of the others' "manipulation" if you even want to consider it that, hardly seems all that dysfunctional. Everybody learns to say things in subtle (indirect) ways in certain settings so as not to offend someone, to maximize their likelihood of getting what they need, but is that intrinsically negative? I don't think so. Young children come right out and demand, "I want that!" but they are socialized over time to ask in ways that are considered more appropriate. Even the concept of politeness could be viewed as manipulation but in this society decorum is expected. People are taught from an early age that it's "nice" to be accommodating (as Lisa is), and to do for others (as Alison does), and as far as Christina's asking her housemates to put ice in her glass and things like that I really don't see that as manipulation. Asking for money under false pretenses when you don't really need it qualifies, but if nobody ever asked for help, and nobody gave it for fear of manipulation this would be a really sad world.
It seems as if the slow rate at which the housemates are bonding is directly related to the expectation that nobody help another with their assignment. Being interdependent builds a sense of community and by the same token being an island seems to have a chilling effect on such relationships.
I wonder what it is that Iyanla is so focused on manipulation instead of looking at positive ways that people in the house can build strengths individually and as a group?
I much prefer her "authentic self" exercise with Jill to some of the other interactions she has with the women that take on a "what's the matter with you!" kind of tone.
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