Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

I do think that her father probably made this a tantalizing curiosity to her. Children (and especially adolescents) want to do things that are forbidden, and I'm sure the more he said this to her the more she wanted to see what all the commotion was about. It was probably partly rebellion but partly curiosity. Once she started she realized it was an easy way to make alot of money; probably more than she'd ever seen in her life.

I think she is taking responsability by realizing how she got started and deciding now to stop doing it.

It's hard to say why some adolescents turn to sex as a way to fill an unmet need for parental love, and others don't.

My own son became a drug addict after his father was one and ultimately died of complications from organ damage. I think in some strange way he did that as a way of holding onto some part of him. Sure, he has to take responsability for his life now but he can't change the past.

The only thing Christina can do now is start today to do things differently now that she is developing the insight required to make a lasting change.

If she goes back to it after receiving all this high-profile help people will be less likely to want to help her the next time, and that could happen. Natural consequences will take care of that. For some people it takes alot for them to learn it's not worth it. There is no way to know until she gets back home and temptations confront her head on outside the limelight whether she will be strong enough to take another route and say no to the money even though she knows she'll have to work much harder for each dollar. Only time will tell, but for now she seems to be making an effort.

One thing I don't agree with are the hustling exercises. Iyanla might have hit the nail on the head when she said Christina seemed to be addicted. If it's that ingrained then it seems that having her do those activities while in the Starting Over House only reinforces the behavior. I'm quite sure she's aware of how she hustles people, but giving her assignments in which she's doing more of the same isn't going to teach her how not to do it.

Identifying potential triggers might be a good exercise for her; things that would tempt her to go back to old habits, and how to avoid them. She needs to replace old habits with new ones, and find out which healthy things/activities make her feel good about herself. She needs to build new coping skills to get her through those times when it would be so easy to just fall back into the life.

Also, I just have to say (as Dr. Stan did), that her father should have made an attempt to get her out of the strip club, and her mother was out of her mind to allow her to get married at that age and leave home. It doesn't look to me as if either of them put up much of an objection, if any. What kind of a message do you think that sends?

Tara wrote:

QUOTE:
Could somebody please explain to me she is not taking responsibity for her own actions?

By blaming her father for her becoming a prostitute, she is not taking responsibility for HER OWN ACTIONS.
OK So her father may not have been the most loving man on the planet - so what?? He didn't make her become a hooker - she made her own decision.

I agree...bottom line is no one makes us do what we choose....Hopefully she wont use that as an excuse for what happened but instead realize that what we say to people can manifest, so make sure you are aware of what you're saying at all times...I figure her parents are either the ones who did not have the tools to feel capaple enough to take control of her childhood or the kind who think they are their child friends...either way, they dropped the ball and she cannot be allowed to use that as an excuse for what she ultimately choose to do...

But she isn't out right blaming her father. She is realizing that his actions helped contribute to the choices she made. Relationships with fathers play a huge part in how women relate to other men. Unless she realizes that this did infact contribute to the choices she made she won't be able to heal and make better choices in the future.


I'm still not seeing where she out right blamed her father for the choices she made. Not once did I hear her say my father was a jerk so it was ok that I became a hooker or a stripper.


jackiballz wrote:

QUOTE:
Tara wrote:

QUOTE:
Could somebody please explain to me she is not taking responsibity for her own actions?

By blaming her father for her becoming a prostitute, she is not taking responsibility for HER OWN ACTIONS.
OK So her father may not have been the most loving man on the planet - so what?? He didn't make her become a hooker - she made her own decision.

No, I dont think shes outright blaming him ..I dont believe I ever heard her say anything like that either...just that one episode where she and Iyanla were in a one on one session and she was telling her that that was something he had said to her on a few occasions during her childhood...and IV commented something about it coming to pass..