Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Thursday October 27, 2005

It’s the morning and Jill is on the phone with her cousin, Brian, and Jill is talking about Lisa. She says her accountability sister is there to stop the dependency on her family for support. Jill tells him about Lisa having to bury all the symbols of Lisa’s dependency, including cutting up her father’s platinum card. Her cousin is shocked and asks if Lisa is a rich girl and Jill tells him that Lisa’s family is rich. Jill tells Brian that Lisa does not know what it is going to entail to care of herself on her own money. Brian asks if Lisa has a job and Jill tells him no, she doesn’t, and he asks if she has a college degree. Jill tells him that Lisa went to college in London, or Paris, or someplace. Brian then asks if Lisa knows French, and Jill says no. Brian is laughing and asks well, what was she doing, and Jill says Lisa was lollygagging and spending up her daddy’s money. Brian says that’s fine, but get something from it, and Jill agrees and says but she didn’t and now she is 40 years old. Brian starts to say she should have and Jill says should a, could a, would a, but she is in it now. They tell each other love you and hang up.

Rhonda comes in and gets right to it. She asks everyone if they know what a rubber band is and if they know how one works – under what principle. Rhonda says action and reaction as she stretches the rubber band and relaxes it. Rhonda asks Christina what some of her actions were that got her here. Christina says stubbornness. Rhonda asks what the reaction to the stubbornness was and Christina says she kept getting deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. Rhonda asks her what she really wanted and what her real intention was. Christina says she wanted her mom or dad to come get her and take her home and asks her what she is doing. Rhonda asks Christina what that would have meant for her if someone had done that, and Christina says that they love her, care about her, and think she is worth it. Rhonda tells her that all she was really looking for was love and being cared for.

Rhonda asks Lisa what got her here. Lisa says that she doesn’t know. Rhonda tells Lisa to think really hard and asks her if she has already forgotten. Rhonda says action – taking money from dad. Lisa says ohh. Rhonda says action – being in relationships that don’t matter, action – letting people abuse you, action – saying yes when you want to say no. Lisa says that she feels all that, but she can’t verbalize all that. She says she just couldn’t say it, and she doesn’t know why. Rhonda says it’s a shock and Lisa says yes. In confessional, Rhonda says that Lisa has been in the Starting Over house long enough to understand why she is there and she is concerned that Lisa is regressing. Rhonda tells them that since they all know about action and reaction she is sure that all the women will be really intentional with their actions today. Rhonda ends group and tells Lisa that she wants to see her for a minute.

Rhonda walks out with Lisa and tells her they are going to talk about what Lisa learned at the homeless shelter, and the skills Lisa needs to develop. Lisa says she needs to develop discipline, structure, and responsibility. Rhonda says excellent and asks Lisa where she thinks or what environment does she think would support her developing discipline, structure, and responsibility, and Lisa exclaims here with a big smile on her face. Rhonda says that yes, there, and did she think she would have to do something, like work. Lisa answers yes, and Rhonda tells her that work is the best place to learn discipline, structure, and responsibility especially when you have a boss. Rhonda then tells Lisa that she is going to work today. In confessional, Rhonda says yesterday, Lisa made a commitment to herself to become more independent. She says the first task is not only getting a job, but keeping a job, and that is something that Lisa has never done. Rhonda tells Lisa that today she is going to be working at The Stand, which is a restaurant. In confessional, Lisa says that Rhonda is telling her that she is going to work in a restaurant today, and her first thought is: she is a very good customer, but she doesn’t know about being an employee. Rhonda tells Lisa that being helpless is not an option. She then pulls out a bag and tells Lisa that she has a lovely uniform for her – a hat, shirt, and apron, of course. Rhonda tells her to wear black pants and non-skid shoes and then asks Lisa if she has ever worked in a restaurant before. Lisa says that she was a hostess for about 5 minutes after college, but as far as waiting tables and cleaning, no. She says not that she thinks she is too good for it, but she has to be willing to do anything, and not be helpless, and ok. Rhonda tells her ok, and to get out of there. Lisa says thank you, I think. Rhonda tells her she’s welcome as Lisa walks into the house laughing.

Rhonda is with Jessica in her bedroom, and Rhonda asks her what she has been working on in the Starting Over house. Jessica says grieving the loss of her mom and balancing public and private grief. Rhonda adds she is trying to move beyond 9/11. Rhonda tells Jessica that she knows Jessica has had a difficult time talking about her mom in public because Jessica feels that people take it away from her. Jessica says right. Rhonda adds that Jessica doesn’t like to tell people how her mom died, because again people take it away from her. Jessica says she feels she has to be strong when she talks about it. In confessional, Jessica says she hears “in public” and she thinks she is going to be sick and hers eyes start to tear up. She says she has never gone to a public setting and talked about her mom. Rhonda tells Jessica that she looks petrified, and Jessica responds that she is. Rhonda asks her why since she doesn’t even know what the assignment is yet. Jessica says that because going out to her is public. Rhonda tells Jessica that she is going to go out today, and she is going to a grief group. Rhonda asks Jessica if she has been to a grief group before and Jessica says no. Rhonda asks her if she feels this might be a place where she would fit in, and Jessica says yeah. Rhonda asks her if she has grieving to do and Jessica says yes. Rhonda asks her what her intention is and she tells Jessica to remember action – reaction. Jessica says that her intention is to really share how she feels about losing her mother, but to also feel like she can set boundaries and not tell them what they want to hear or what makes them comfortable. Rhonda tells Jessica that it is about her and not the others in the grieving group. She tells Jessica that it is not about making them comfortable and worrying about what they think. In confessional, Jessica says that her mom is the only one that she ever felt comfortable sharing all aspects of her personality. She says she could really let her guard down and being happy, being a brat, or being foolish, but when she lost her mom she lost that comfort zone and safety, and that to move forward she is going to have to create that safety space somewhere. Rhonda goes over Jessica’s intentions with her again – let herself be comforted, share about her mom, trust her feelings, and trust what they have to say. Rhonda tells Jessica that she is ready for this and it doesn’t mean that it is going to be pretty and that she won’t cry, but she says she is ready and has been doing a lot of work.
Lisa is in the bathroom putting on her work uniform. In confessional, Lisa says that she is determined to do whatever it takes to maintain her vision of independence. She definitely wants to find a job that expresses who she really is, and definitely wants to break her terrible employment record, and stick to something. Lisa is holding the hair net laughing saying that she can’t wear it. Allison puts it on Lisa and tells her that no one can tell she has it on. Lisa says that it is so ugly and she is laughing. Allison takes a picture of Lisa in the closet kind of hunched over in her full uniform and Lisa tells Allison that she is a B****. Allison just laughs as Lisa tells her that it was cruel and unkind behavior to take her picture. Allison just keeps snapping pictures and telling Lisa to pretend like it’s a modeling job.

Jessica is sitting with Allison on Allison’s bed, and Allison asks what Rhonda said. Jessica tells Allison that she has to go to a grieving group and that she is really scared. Allison comments that they are all busy today. Jessica asks Allison if she has anything today, and Allison says that no, she is just going to rest. Jessica tells her that is good. In confessional, Jessica says that she is just starting to feel comfortable with sharing how she feels with her housemates. She says that knowing she is going to be outside the house, in a public setting, and that she is going to be sharing grief about her mom and needing to set her own boundaries is overwhelming. Allison says to Jessica that it is almost like she wants to go with by herself, but she also wants to have someone with her. Jessica says that she is allowed to have one of the housemates drive her, but they can’t go into the meeting with her. Allison says that she would be happy to take Jessica if she wanted her to. In confessional, Allison says that she hurt Jessica the other day, and it makes her feel horrible. Allison says she will support Jessica in anyway she wants to be supported. Jessica tells Allison to take care of herself and that she would look on the schedule to see who is available. Allison tells her if not, she would happy to take her. Jessica tells Allison that it is supposed to be at this beautiful house.

Jill walks into the kitchen and Lisa is sitting there. Jill says to her, so you got a job, and Lisa says yeah, she got a job today. Lisa says to look at the big smile on Jill’s face. In confessional, Jill says she thinks the problem with Lisa is that she buys into that silly, rich girl fantasy and that it is cute. Jill says it’s not cure. Jill asks Lisa when she starts and Lisa tells her that she is starting in the next 10 minutes. Jill asks Lisa if she is excited, and Lisa says no, that wouldn’t be the first adjective that comes to mind. Jill asks her what it would be, and Lisa says humiliated. Jill asks her if it is because of the kind of job it is, and Lisa says yes, but that she is just being honest. Lisa says she knows that she would have to be realistic if she didn’t have the support from her parents. Jill asks Lisa if she graduated from college, and Lisa says yes. Jill asks her what her degree was in, and Lisa replies that she got her degree in International Affairs and Asian Studies. Lisa then says she doesn’t have practical skills, and Jill tells her that she will in a minute. Jill then tells Lisa that she shouldn’t wear her jewelry. Lisa just shrugs and says she never takes her ring off, though. Jill tells Lisa to wear gloves because of all the grease and lard and stuff if she is cooking. Lisa laughs and tells Jill that she is really getting her enthusiastic. Jill says that she is just preparing her. In confessional, Jill says that she hopes the experience is humbling, and that brings her home in a calm kind of space. Jill says she doesn’t suspect that it will, but that is the best possible scenario for Lisa at this point. Lisa leaves for work with a hug from Jill goodbye.

Iyanla is meeting with Christina and asks her to tell her about her day with Dr Stan yesterday. Christina says she went to the park and talked about her father. She says it was nice because for the first time she decided that it was what she would really like. Christina says that it was cool that they went to the park and that Dr Stan felt much like a father. Christina then tells Iyanla about the boundary exercise and how the target helped her make a visual for the idea of what was appropriate. Iyanla tells her that she can’t walk around with a giant bull’s-eye all the time and she had something for her. Iyanla gives her a necklace with rings that represent boundaries. In confessional, Iyanla says that she is presenting Christina with a bull’s-eye boundary necklace. She says that it is a personal reminder for Christina for who can and cannot enter her space. They give meanings to each of the circles on the necklace: herself, family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Iyanla puts the necklace on her and tells Christina that it is a reminder of where people should be in her life. In confessional, Christina says that when she received the necklace she is really touched. She says it a sentimental thing for her to receive a gift because she receives them so rarely. She thanks Iyanla and Iyanla says that it is right over her heart.

Lisa is driving in the car and is looking for her job place. There is a man and woman outside waiting for Lisa. The man looks at his watch and says that she is still not there yet, and that it is ridiculous. Lisa is talking to herself and asking where the place is. The woman says that Lisa is going to get there just in time to learn nothing as soon as we get busy. Now identified as Tamara and Murray, Murray says that she starts behind the eight ball, so whatever she wants to do. Lisa is in the car saying what did I do? Dammit. Where the hell is this place? Murray tells Tamara to give Lisa another five minutes, but if she doesn’t show up he doesn’t know what to tell her. Lisa finally shows up, and she comes up all smiley and introduces herself. Murray tells Lisa to come on in and tells her that they are 30-45 minutes late already. Murray asks Lisa if she is ready to work and she says yes, sir. Murray tells Lisa that because she was late today they are going to have a very short period of time to go over the things she needs to know before they turn her loose. Murray tells Lisa that today she will be charged with serving the food as the chef’s yell order up, bussing tables, bathroom checks and cleaning, etc. Murray then tells Lisa that he is going to hand things over to Tamara to show Lisa where the kitchen is and to show her what is going on. Lisa asks Tamara if she is ready to take her on, and Tamara asks Lisa if she is ready to take her on. Tamara explains the food will be served with a ticket and all she has to do is match the number on the ticket to the number on the table. They show Lisa taking a tray of food and she is walking all around looking for the table. Lisa can’t find it and she is asking everyone if they are table 87 and Tamara is rubbing her forehead with her eyes closed. In confessional, Lisa says that she feels like a fish out of water and that she is normally on the other side of the restaurant, sitting at the table being waited on, not doing the waiting. She finally finds the table. Tamara then takes Lisa and shows her the bathroom. She tells she has to make sure that everything is clean and that the paper is not just sitting out. She tells Lisa that she has to check the paper towels and then she has her wipe up the sink, and then tells her that the floor should be mopped. Tamara says the bathroom tells a lot about a restaurant, and they need it clean all the time and that she should wash her hands after every time she cleans.

Iyanla tells Christina that she has one more thing for her. She says since they are talking about boundaries, this was left outside the front door (the package). In confessional, Iyanla says she is presenting Christina with a box that was delivered there to the house by an admirer, shall we say. Iyanla says she wants to see if Christina is ready to practice the boundaries that she says she is willing to set. Iyanla asks Christina who the box was from, and she answers an ex-customer. In confessional, Christina says that she talked to her mom to see if Mr. Box had been in contact with her. Her mother says not, and Christina doesn’t know how he got the address. Iyanla asks Christina how well she knows this man and Christina says that he has been her customer for eight months. Iyanla asks if he was a friend or if she kept him a customer, and Christina says she kept him a customer. Iyanla asks if he was aware of that and Christina says no. Iyanla asks if it is possible that Christina sent him a mixed communication, and she responds oh, yes. Iyanla asks how they can communicate a very string no and set a boundary that protects her, and still honor him. Christina says a letter that tells him how she feels that it is not appropriate. She says she would tell him in the letter that she was sorry for the way she misled him. Iyanla tells Christina not that’s she sorry, but…and Christina says she apologizes. Iyanla tells her to say forgive her and then asks what else she would say. Christina adds that he is a stranger and that there is a boundary where it is not appropriate to send boxes. Iyanla tells Christina to let him know that she is asking him to respect her and her boundary, and should he choose not to she would be willing to take it to the next level. Iyanla tells Christina to be clear within herself that she is putting an end to all of this and Christina agrees.

Back at the restaurant Tamara is telling Lisa that they are going to carry a big pot of something so they can drain it. Lisa points and asks carry that? Tamara says yes and that she is going to get some heavy gloves. Lisa makes a face like yeah, right and rolls her eyes and says she doesn’t want to carry that and asks Tamara if it is as heavy as it looks and Tamara says not to her, but maybe to Lisa. Lisa is filling up a bottle, and Tamara asks if Lisa can think of a way to fill it without spilling it. Lisa says to get a strong guy to do it. Tamara says that just because we’re female, we do our job. She says that Enrique would be glad to do it, but that’s not fair because they are a team and Lisa says right. In confessional, Lisa says that everything is extremely heavy there and a lot of cleaning up. Lisa busses a table and Tamara says it’s time to do a bathroom check again, and Lisa is cleaning the toilet and then Tamara sets Lisa to mopping. Tamara says to Lisa we have a good attitude right? Lisa says yes. Tamara then asks Lisa if this is something that she might stay with or consider as a career. Lisa says that she doesn’t think she is cut out for it and that she’s not used to it and tiring. Tamara tells Lisa that they work 8 to 10 hour shifts and that Lisa she has only been there about 2 hours and she is not even halfway done. Lisa is mopping, cleaning, hauling, and serving at the restaurant and Rhonda shows up and starts teasing Lisa with ordering food. She asks if there is anyone who knows how to make potato chips or fries and Lisa says she does and she can season them just right. Rhonda asks Lisa if she is ready to find out how she did performing at the job, and Lisa tells Rhonda that she has already been reprimanded a few times. Rhonda says that she has only been there five hours and she is supposed to be working hard. Lisa says she is. Rhonda takes Lisa and they sit down with Murray and Tamara. Rhonda asks them to tell what they think. Tamara says their first impression of Lisa was not good. She said they waited for a long time and they were not impressed with her being late on the first day. Lisa apologizes and says that she was really nervous about her first day. Tamara says that in the kitchen, working with the food and heavy items, they wouldn’t be able to hire her. She says there was an occasion where Lisa was not physically able to lift a container of Thousand Island dressing. Tamara said she needed Lisa to put it into a small bottle, and she asked Lisa if she can’t perform the job, how else could they go about it that suits her physical ability and Lisa responded with she could let a strong guy do it. Lisa says that says a lot about who she is, right? She says she isn’t saying that it was ok, and that she is trying to justify herself that she didn’t mean to not do it, but two things at once and she doesn’t know why her brain doesn’t - . Rhonda interjects that she hasn’t practiced and that she has never done two things at once in her life. Lisa whines and says she feels so pathetic, and Rhonda tells her to just take it the way it is.

Jessica arrives at The Graciela. In confessional, she says as she walks into the hotel and takes the elevator up to her meeting, she is in total panic. She says her skin is crawling and she is extremely nervous. She says she just wants to jump out of her skin and get out of there. She says she has no idea who is going to be waiting for her behind the door. Jessica meets Fredda, the support group facilitator, Deborah, and Brenda. Fredda introduces herself as the facilitator of the conversation and says they will be talking about Jessica’s grief and the other’s. Jessica says she is really nervous and they all laugh. Fredda says they are going to talk a bit more and open up about their grief process and that maybe it will help all of them to be in a space with people who understand. Fredda asks Deborah to start, and she says that she is a 9/11 survivor and that she worked at the World Financial Center on the 21st floor. She says that she heard and felt the first impact. In confessional, Jessica says that as Deborah shares that she is a 9/11 survivor, she sees it as an opportunity to share with two women who know what she has been through who really get it and understand. Deborah says she was up there and they were the last people out of the building. She said she was in between her building and the Trade Center and saw everything that was going on, and unable to get those images out of her mind. She realized she needed help, and she didn’t know how to get it at the time. Deborah goes on to say that her son was in an auto accident out there in California, and she got a phone call from the hospital that said her son was dying. She says she flew to California and that is when her world turned totally upside down. Brenda then says that she totally understands because her mom was on flight 175 and she lost her mom too. Brenda says that for the first year she was numb, didn’t want to live, and no desire to talk to anyone. She says the people around are supportive, but after awhile it gets overwhelming for them and they don’t understand. She tells Jessica that it is not something that she can just put aside, that she has to live with it. Brenda tells Jessica that it is like a hole in the heart and no one can fill it up for you. In confessional, Jessica says that she dreads telling people about losing her mom and how she died. She says she doesn’t know if she actually ready to share her story with a group of strangers and that it is very scary.

At the restaurant, Rhonda asks Murray and Tamara based on Lisa’s performance that day if they would actually in a true situation give her another chance. Rhonda says in reality, don’t cover it up. Murray says in reality, yes actually. Tamara says that as a server, they thought Lisa’s customer service skills were excellent, and it seems like Lisa is a good person in her heart and that she likes people. Tamara tells Lisa that if she doesn’t like the people that she passes it off really well. She tells Lisa that she seemed to enjoy the customers and that is number one, and that is why they would take her back. Tamara says that anyone can learn a job position, but that was the important part that Lisa has. In confessional, Lisa says that she is feeling very humble. She says she has been accused of having entitlement issues in the past, and she didn’t understand what anyone was talking about when they said that. Lisa says that after she saw the way she performed at the restaurant, she guesses that is what people mean by entitled.

Jessica tells the group she was in New York because that is where she lived. She says that she was downtown when the second plane hit, but she didn’t see the first plane hit. Jessica says that day was a blur with cell phones not working and sirens everywhere. She says that at some point she finally got a hold of her dad and it all started to click that she was flying that day to California. Fredda asks Jessica if she remembers what she did when she first made the connection that her mom was on the plane. Jessica says that she was on the phone with her father and she yelled daddy, no! Fredda asks Jessica if she wants to tell them about her mom and what she was like. Jessica says she was a super mom, extremely loving, nurturing, forgiving, and Jessica says that she misses her a lot. She says that her mom was the center of the family. Brenda says that it is hard and she knows. Fredda asks Jessica what she thinks her mom would share with her if she could, and Jessica says that it would be ok to cry and to need help. Deborah says that it is almost easier to isolate. Jessica says that she thought the best thing she could do to honor her mother was to be strong and just keep living and she hasn’t realized until recently that would be the last thing her mother would have wanted. Deborah says that she knows from her experience from having the sense that she was going to die and from listening to people’s conversation before they passed on in the towers, she got an overwhelming sense of calm and that she just wanted the people she loved to know that she loved them. Deborah says that she thinks that’s what’s most important to us is how we love. Deborah says there is light at the end of the tunnel. Jessica says that it is comforting to hear. Brenda says that she is glad that she met Jessica and she is sure that Jessica’s mom would have been proud of her. In confessional, Jessica says her mom would have been proud of her today because her mom would know she was taking a huge leap and really opening up to other women and allowing herself to get support, be comforted, and feel assured. Jessica says her mom must be really happy that she is finally starting to live again. Jessica tells the women she was so glad they were there to share with her.

Lisa comes back from her day at work and Jill asks her how her day was – her working sister. Lisa tells Jill that her back is killing her and she doesn’t know how people do that. Lisa says that it is backbreaking and a reality check that people really have to do that and that will be her if she doesn’t get some computer skills. Jill high-fives Lisa. Lisa tells Jill she likes serving people and waiting on tables, but all of that other stuff was hard and backbreaking. Jill tells Lisa that she is glad she had a good day. Christina comes through and Lisa compliments her necklace. Christina thanks her and tells Lisa that Iyanla gave it to her. Lisa asks her if means anything and Christina tells her that she still has the target to show her upstairs. Lisa says ok.

Iyanla comes in a says the doorbell is here. Iyanla says hello to Lisa and asks how she is. Lisa tells Iyanla that she has been working all day and that she is about to die. Iyanla asks her why and Lisa replies because her back is killing her and she was on her feet all day. Iyanla asked her what she did and Lisa tells her that she worked in a restaurant serving food and working in the back. Iyanla tells her good for her. Iyanla tells Lisa to join the human race and Iyanla says she has been working for 40 years.

Iyanla sits down with Christina and has her read the letter to Mr. Box. Iyanla asks Christina how she feels about it and she says she feels really good about it. Christina reads the letter: I apologize to you that I did not clearly set the boundary between us making sure you understood the relationship between us was strictly business. I know and understand that my actions were misleading to you and I am now asking for your forgiveness. – Iyanla stops her and tells her that is a powerful acknowledgement, and she acknowledges Christina for that. Christina goes on: I must request that you no longer try to contact me. I am willing to, if you choose not to respect my boundaries, to take it to the next level. Iyanla says clean, clear, and direct – a strong no. Good for you. Iyanla says that she wants Christina to take the letter and the box and mail it to him. Iyanla says to be done with it and then commends Christina on her great letter. They show Christina mailing the box and letter. In confessional, Christina says that as she hands off the letter she feels so empowered. She is taking another step toward leaving that life behind her and going toward her goal.

TJ goes into Lisa’s room where Lisa is getting into bed and tells her that Rhonda is on the phone for her. Lisa gets out of bed and goes to the phone. Rhonda asks Lisa how she is feeling after her first hard day of work and Lisa tells Rhonda that she was lying down because her back and arms were killing her. Rhonda tells Lisa that most people, when they get home from work, don’t get to lie down. Rhonda asks Lisa what the skills are that she is working on. Lisa says that she is working on discipline, structure, and responsibility. Rhonda says that just because she is at the house doesn’t mean that she can relax and have the roommates do everything for her. Lisa says she just remembered that she forgot to do the herb garden today and Rhonda asks her what else she can do. Lisa says that she can help Jill with dinner, and then Rhonda tells Lisa that she has to clean up the dishes in the kitchen after dinner alone.

Christina comes back from the post office and says honey, I’m home. They all say yay, and Allison asks her if she got it done, and Jessica asks her if it feels good and Christina says yes to both. Allison asks her if she looked in the box before she sent it back and Christina says no. Allison says she would have stolen it, but it probably wouldn’t have been something that she could put on her body. Christina says she thought about it and thought that she could give it to the homeless. Lisa comes in and says fancy about the meal and asks what’s in it. Allison says chicken and chives, and Lisa says yummy. TJ takes a taste and Lisa says she is there to offer her services. Jill has her tend to something in a pan. Christina asks Lisa if she is working tomorrow, or if it was only for today. Lisa says that she is hoping not, but it was a good experience. She says it gave her a reality check and the people were nice and then she starts dancing wildly over the pan and shaking her head all around. TJ tells her to watch her hair around the food because they don’t want hair in the food. Lisa laughs and asks if she should put her hair net on because she has one. In confessional, Christina says she thinks that Lisa really had a wake-up call today. She says Lisa is finding out what it is like to have a job and have to come home and still work. Lisa sneezes into her elbow and says excuse me and Christina says to TJ and you were worried about hair? She just hacked all over the cabinet, and Lisa is laughing saying that she turned around to sneeze. In confessional, TJ says that Lisa doesn’t even get it. Lisa puts some food down on the table and as they are sitting down she says that she doesn’t even think that she has pots or pans in her kitchen. She then says they were left there by the guy who died that lived there before. Someone across the table asks Lisa if she is being real and truly authentic. Lisa says that she has some pots and pans, but she never bought anything for her apartment. She says that all of her furniture came from her parents’ house, and all the pots and pans are from the precious owner. TJ asks Lisa if she has ever cooked even a can of soup, and Lisa says not by herself. Lisa says that in her mind a woman knows how to manage the house and cooking goes with that. Lisa says that a woman doesn’t have to be Jill, but she can make a sauce and do things. TJ says to Lisa that she has almost a fantasy perception that if she can’t do it all, then she won’t do it. Lisa says that she never realized she was a perfectionist. Lisa says that she gives up and doesn’t even try. In confessional, Jill says that she doesn’t think that Lisa is clear on the gravity of her situation. She says she doesn’t think Lisa doesn’t have a real clear picture of how hard some people have to work to make a tenth of what she was given.

Next on Starting Over: Allison reveals her dark family secret. Allison says he was polishing his gun and she saw a suicide note. In confessional, Allison says that she is terrified and feels sick to her stomach. Jill receives scary news. Someone on the phone says they think Jill needs to have further testing done. In confessional, Jill says that frightens her a little. Lisa doesn’t learn her lesson. Lisa says that she doesn’t go shopping because only hookers do that. She says she doesn’t let men pay her bills, because only hookers do that. Christina is sitting there with pursed lips like she is holding her tongue.