Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

I would venture to say that nobody (normal or otherwise) should be mentored by attacking them in the style of a 60's encounter group. All that does is increase defensiveness and decrease trust. If people can't feel safe there then chances are they will not make much progress.

Speaking of TJ's comment to Christina while working on the volleyball net, I also noticed the way she grabbed ahold of her shoulder when she said the comment. I thought that in itself was an invasion of her personal space. As much as TJ was saying she didn't intend to hurt her feelings, the body-language, the voice, and facial expression came off as condescending; as if she thought she could dictate her potential (or lack thereof). I read it as her projecting onto her her own feelings of being "stupid" and inadequate. It may be that because Christina was younger and smaller than TJ that TJ felt free to talk down to her this way. I think she would think twice about doing this to Iyanla or Rhonda, knowing that they to some degree held her future in their hands while she was in the house. Iyanla really tore into her when she heard about it later in the group meeting, and TJ looked like a deer caught stiff in the headlights.

tj was so sad today trying hard and getting frustrated at not being able to do it. were the girls making fun of her because that is ugly.

tj was sad today and i'm not sure if they were making fun of her...

but from tj's reactions she must have felt like they were making fun of her...

This again is a perfect example of how they are all just not getting it. Yes, TJ was very frustrated after a long day with the puzzles. Yes, Jessica had a very emotional day. As did many of them with their exercises, not smoking, etc. But this was TJ's exercise and they needed to realize that. I can see where many of them probably weren't "in the mood" for that game, but SO isn't a vacation. It is work, when you want to or not! TJ can learn how to express that she felt she was being made fun of, and the others can learn how to react differently. Every one of them is entitled to their feelings, but it's about the communication. In this particular instance (and with such an emotionally draining day) I really feel that if this game (which was a lengthy one) would have had an LC or two sitting in would have made such an impact on having the ladies really learn about themselves and others! The mediating is what they need in order to "get it" and have someone calling them out on each thing to really bring it home and then TEACH them a different way to have handled the statement, action, whatever it was that they reacted to in the first place. I'm sorry if I'm not making my point clear, but I basically feel that they need more supervision and teaching techniques during these exercises...I think the growth would be so much more!!

i agree with you grizzly... at least one of the LG's should be there...it seems to me that everytime one of the HG's has an exercise to do and it involves another or all the ladies that they dont take it seriously...

i really havent seen a change in the house since the last BOR and they whole house received a C...

Hi all,

I feel so lucky, I actually have seen this part of the show! Now, it could be because I haven't seen much of the show this season (I teach and getting home at 3 to see it just doesn't happen) but I saw some interesting things happening at the mystery game (which was the only part of the show I saw). I saw that the other women were not really giving the game/assignment a chance. TJ seemed to be doing the best she could at the beginning explaining it, but the other women didn't seem to want to listen. Later, they didn't even try to hide their boredom and complaints. If I was TJ I would have been very frustrated by their attitudes and unwillingness to take the game serious. However, I also saw what looked like TJ over reacting when the ladies started joking/bonding. It sounded like everyone was joking when TJ suddenly decided it was an attack. She needs to learn not to take everything so seriously and how to express her thoughts and feelings without attacking others. Overall, there were certainly some strange dynamics going on in that scene.