Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

I have to say that even though her smile might be fake, it might also be easier for her to put that on and ast like everything is okay, than to not wear it and have people asking questions and nagging about what is really going on. If I were in her shoes I would have to say that I would wear a smile too, even if it was fake, then I wouldn't have people always "hovering" and always worred. ~Mack

Great points folks - I also want to add that Allison may be a very "private" person. Meaning "private" about her inner most thoughts and emotions. It is possible to be a private person and be on reality TV. It's a personality thing.

Ever heard of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? I would guess that Allison is an Extrovert who is also an immensely private person, hence the smile.

And yes, I agree, I support/admire and like Allison and am not trying to criticize. More like analyze.

Well, sheesh, that's a real smart thing for a 'private' person to do then, isn't it? Go on national t.v., that'll solve all your problems. Allison's smile and cutesy wootsie wrinkly little nose is more than I can stand. Southern custom or not, phoney is still phoney and not a likeable trait. Yes, she's had her problems. Yes, her problems are very visible. Does that make her problem more difficult than someone else's? She is so frustrated right now because the other ladies and life coaches are not fawning all over her and she's not always the centre of attention, so in the middle of someone else telling their story in group, guaranteed Allyson is always going to cry so the attention gets diverted back to her. Life throws lots of different bricks, at most of us, in many different ways, shapes and forms. Cancer is a big one, to be sure. But get with the program and get real.

I believe you misunderstood what I said. I said I thought Allison was an Extrovert who was also a Private Person.

Extroverts can be in the public eye as leaders, public speakers and TV personalities. There are many examples of this personality type: Oprah, Harry Truman, Queen Elizabeth II, Jimmy Stewart, Mother Theresa, & Eleanor Roosevelt to name a few.

So, yes I think it is an okay place for Allison, and some other private people to go to start over.

And it isn't a place to necessarily "solve all your problems" as you indicated. It is a place to start.

What you see as manipulation on her part (crying) may be seen by others, including me, as her opening up, letting her pain out, being vulnerable and beginning to make positive changes.

And I think she is as you say "getting real." Reality involves crying and sorrow and maybe now that she's opened up, it just comes when it comes. Not maipulation, just being real --instead of being fake and smiling, she is being real.

edited by admin3. Double post.

I have mixed impressions about Alison and agree with a number of things that various ones have said. I think what it is that's off-putting about the smile is a sense of martyrdom that it conveys and it does come across as conveying a kind of false superiority and at times even smugness. I see two different smiles that Alison has. One is the one in which she glows genuinely during a happy or warm moment, and the other is the "grin and bear it" smile. That's the one that's irritating.

I have seen her use the smile to deflect attack, but one thing really distasteful is I've seen her deflect attack onto somebody else. There was one day in particular I saw her do this. Somehow she managed to re-direct the life coaches onto Lisa who really got ripped a new one while Alison sat there grinning as if to say, "better her than me." In all honesty that is at least a little exploitative. I also remember that in confessional she has said a few things that are not that nice about her housemates (with that grin on her face), like calling Karen from the last season "an addict and a lyer." She's not so perfect as she would like us all to think, herself.

I think it's pretty evident that the life coaches go easier on her than on the others, and yesterday I noticed Iyanla asking her several times how they should proceed next. In every other case Iyanla and Rhonda both put up this big show of force to let the housemates know they call the shots (not the housemates), so I wonder why they allow Alison to make these decisions when they don't do that with anybody else?

I noticed that in the Board of Review after Lisa was asked what she did well and she'd answered "After hearing what you just said, nothing" Iyanla told her she was having a temper tantrum and to "suck it up", but I have yet to ever see her speak to Alison that way. I don't really want to see her speak to anyone that way because I don't think it's helpful, but I also don't feel it's right for them to play favorites. All of these women are hurting and equally deserve love and support. I don't think any of them are bad people, they've just adapted in different ways in order to get through life.

I have also noticed that Jessica has kind of taken the "#1 favorite spot" and it does seem as if Alison resents that. She will probably never say it, but I think the fact that she has captured all the attention because of her mother's September 11th death, and Lisa's getting the negative attention irritates her because people no longer have time to be fauning on her asking, "are you O.K., are you O.K?"

I don't know if you noticed, but the other day when Alison had that exercise to hit all those pop-up dolls with the bat that represented her issues, after she and Iyanla left the area Iyanla said to her "We always get what we choose". I think she said that to her bcause no matter how many times she told Alison she didn't do anything to cause her cancer Alison wasn't moving past that nefative thought. Maybe her rationale in this exercise was to go on the assumption that she manifested what she believed in her life (since that was the only explanation Alison would accept). She may have figured that if she said to Alison, (in so many words) "O.K. you're right. You did cause your cancer" then she would be satisfied and move on. I think it was some reverse psychology.

In Alison's later exercise with the portraits I think her statement at the end that she was going to forgive her father and love him was a bit over the top. I doubt she could just decide to do that in one day just after she'd opened up about how he was. My read on that was that she was saying that so Iyanla would let her off the hook and tell her she was doing a good job. It seemed a little too quick and easy. A process like that takes time; not one afternoon. Iyanla didn't question that as she and Rhonda have with Jill's changes (for instance), or some of the others.

I believe that Alison, like the others in the group has certain endearing qualities, but she should not be treated with kid gloves.

It didn't sit well with me after Lisa had worked in that fast food restaurant and so she chose to lie down and rest alittle while because her back was acheing that Rhonda was so hard on her about that while Alison was expected to excuse herself and go take a nap when she needed to during the volleyball net exercise.

I think many single people come home from work at the end of the day and plop down to rest after a hard day, as Lisa did and they're entitled to do that. Nobody would give that a second thought in the "real world". If there are no children to take care of at home and no second job and you don't have someplace you need to be then why not. I see Alison and Lisa as at opposite extremes in the way the life coaches relate to them; one's the Step Sister and the other, Cindarella.

And I wonder what will happen now that Jill has been told by a doctor to take it easy. Will the life coaches allow her to do that or will they just tell her to "suck it up" and "take responsability" when she says she needs to rest? She's another one whom they have been especially hard on.