Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

One that really moved me was when Iyanla said something to the effect of "Healing begins when we can move out of the past into the present and say "Now what?""

And an exercise with Denise from a previous season where she had to list positive things about her father was very moving and probably the exercise that gave me an "A-ha!" moment.

Also the Miss Mable exercise with Jill, where she had to take all the articles of clothing from her baggage, was moving.

I like how Iyanla's brain works, she understands the importance of words and wording and how they affect our actions, and I love when she corrects common language we all use, like "I need to lose weight." She'll correct it to "I choose to lose weight." Those little differences in speak has such an impact on us and she has an eye for knowing the speak that hinders us vs. helps us.

Applying her proactive speak really does make such a difference in how you interact, how you're percieved by others, and where you're going. As people we are pretty dreamy and inactive. Iyanla offers people the clarity on whether they are setting ourselves up for being dreamy or being proactive through just our wording.

Angie wrote:

QUOTE:
Applying her proactive speak really does make such a difference in how you interact, how you're percieved by others, and where you're going. As people we are pretty dreamy and inactive. Iyanla offers people the clarity on whether they are setting ourselves up for being dreamy or being proactive through just our wording.

Absolutely and well put Angie. Only in the last few days did it click with me about what you just said re: using the right words. I thought, regarding my perennial weight loss efforts, saying e.g. I will not eat carbs, I will not eat sugar, I will not do such and such, that I was affirming in the correct way. Only to fail time and time again. What I recently realised is that an affirmation must be in the positive to be effective. Instead of affirming the habit I want to break. So rather than saying, I will not eat carbs, dah, dah, dah I should be saying I will eat more protein, I will eat more vegetables and fruit. This type of positive affirmation is what gets one's physiology in the desired direction. Whereas the negative affirmation gets one's physiology encrusted into the habit. You know what, it works.

What an excellent thread idea, Jackee. I think there are a lot of good nuggets here.

I think something Iyanla said recently has resonated with me. She said "Shame is something people project on to you. Guilt is when you take that shame and continue it." or something to that effect.

I love this thread! I didn't know it was here until I saw MoonChild's response.

This is a simple one, but I use it with my 17-year old all the time.

Ilanya: "Make another choice."

Jackee wrote:

QUOTE:
Angie wrote:

QUOTE:
Applying her proactive speak really does make such a difference in how you interact, how you're percieved by others, and where you're going. As people we are pretty dreamy and inactive. Iyanla offers people the clarity on whether they are setting ourselves up for being dreamy or being proactive through just our wording.

Absolutely and well put Angie. Only in the last few days did it click with me about what you just said re: using the right words. I thought, regarding my perennial weight loss efforts, saying e.g. I will not eat carbs, I will not eat sugar, I will not do such and such, that I was affirming in the correct way. Only to fail time and time again. What I recently realised is that an affirmation must be in the positive to be effective. Instead of affirming the habit I want to break. So rather than saying, I will not eat carbs, dah, dah, dah I should be saying I will eat more protein, I will eat more vegetables and fruit. This type of positive affirmation is what gets one's physiology in the desired direction. Whereas the negative affirmation gets one's physiology encrusted into the habit. You know what, it works.

I remember Dr. Phil talking about that as well regarding raising kids, that you cant expect results telling a kid to "do what a dead man can do" e.g. Dont eat this, dont do that, dont be bad, dont be noisy. He says you can only replace bad behavior by offering good behavior ( i.e. replace bad habits with new habits) saying like, be good, eat this, be quiet.
This is also a rather new revelation for me as well, and checking my speak also forces me to check myself when there's " slippage" (lol, Iyanla speak ) much earlier than I would have previously.

Jackee wrote:

QUOTE:
What I recently realised is that an affirmation must be in the positive to be effective. Instead of affirming the habit I want to break. So rather than saying, I will not eat carbs, dah, dah, dah I should be saying I will eat more protein, I will eat more vegetables and fruit. This type of positive affirmation is what gets one's physiology in the desired direction. Whereas the negative affirmation gets one's physiology encrusted into the habit. You know what, it works.

Wow...I really hadn't thought to apply that to diet and exercise. I'm going to try that with my daughter and myself and see how the positive can work!! Thanks!!