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Friday, October 7, 2005
Its morning and all the women are waking up in the Starting Over house. Jill says she feels exhausted and exhilarated; she wants to run and jump all at the same time. Jessica says in confessional that sharing her story is always the hardest thing for her and that’s done now, so she’s excited and nervous to see how she’s going to feel now that it’s out of the way. Our favourite returnee Allison is pulling up to the house and says that she learned in the last SO house how to live; to accept that people love her and she feels successful with that and that she has a warm sense of friendship and family relationships, but she still feels a disconnect. She doesn’t know how to accept love or feel it, so she’s got to take things one step further this time.
Iyanla and Rhonda have left the ladies an assignment to go grocery shopping as a group. Lisa is not excited about this. She says in confessional that she does not cook at all; she goes to restaurants, manipulates people to feed her and gets most of her food from the gourmet take-out across the street from her house. Jill enters the kitchen where Lisa is doing dishes. Jill says “good morning” and Jill responds with “finally” and follows that she thought they had to be up at 7:15 am. Jill says they have a good day. Lisa tells her not to get excited…they have to go shopping at 9:00. Jill says that will be a “nice adventure”.
Allison is arriving in the car now and says that since leaving the SO house, she’s had several surgeries all at one time. She’s had her right breast removed, the portacath where she received her chemo removed, a full cut hysterectomy, ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus and reconstruction where they took the fat and tissue from her stomach and created two new breasts. The house looks so different from last year’s house and Allison feels this experience too will be completely different. She knocks at the door and is met by Lisa, her roommate, with a hug. Small pleasantries are exchanged and another hug. When Allison tells Lisa she’s from North Carolina, Lisa points out that there’s another girl in the house from there, but she’s twenty. Lisa gives Allison the tour starting with the kitchen, though she points out she never cooks, but likes to eat. Allison in confessional says that she believes there’s a lot of work for her to do and she’s not sure she’s ready physically or mentally, but that she knows she’s been given an opportunity and needs to finish what she started when she walked into the SO house last year.
TJ has joined Allison and Lisa in the kitchen. Allison asks what they do for livings. Lisa says “as little as possible” and laughs but says that since she’s not Paris Hilton, it is a problem. TJ owns her own business; she mentors adults with developmental disabilities. She mentions that she doesn’t know why, maybe because she’s tired, but she’s really emotional this morning. Allison assures her that it’s okay and to let the tears come when they want. TJ excuses herself to get ready for the shopping trip. Allison follows her and wants to know what’s going on. Allison tells her she understands how overwhelming it is and encourages her to hang in there. Trust it she says.
All the women are gathered in the kitchen for the shopping trip. Allison asks how they’re doing it…are they splitting the money, shopping together? Lisa asks her how they did it in the last house. Allison says they divided and everyone got $75. Jill announces that she’s prepared a list. Lisa interrupts and points out that directions and money are sitting there and wants to know who the designated driver is today. Jill says, “I don’t know…if you all wanna deal with the driver, we’ll deal with the list”. Jill begins again on her list; chicken, fish… TJ says that as long as she has cigarettes, she’s good, so Jill tells her “exit” and points to the door. TJ thanks her and says she didn’t want to be rude. Allison notes in confessional that right away she can tell Jill is a big diva. Allison suggests to the group that someone should be in charge of money. She asks Lisa who says she’s not a number person. Jill rather abruptly says no, no way. Lisa wants to know how Jill can know she can’t handle money. Jill says it’s because Lisa’s “all over the place”.
Allison winds up as driver and they’re off! From the car to the door, they’ve planned on having two carts, one of which Allison will push as she’s getting some separate items. Who else wants to push? Well apparently not Lisa who notes she’s not into “the grocery thing”. Jill suggests that the cart she’s pushing be for produce. Lisa is holding eggplant and says she loves it…once again points out she doesn’t cook, but loves eggplant. Lisa reports in confessional that Jill is pretty annoyed on the shopping trip because she has focus and knows what she wants and they’re all “pretty clueless”. She says she knows Jill’s going to do all the cooking so she just wants to do what Jill wants done, so she can’t eat well later on.
Let’s just recap the oils and vinegars on Jill’s list for a moment, shall we? Champagne, balsamic, extra virgin olive oil and canola oil. TJ interrupts with “Don’t you think we’ve gone a little overboard with the oil? This is the longest I’ve ever been in a grocery store in my life.” Jill retorts abruptly, “Obviously”. They blur out the finger that we all know TJ is giving Jill as she contorts her face in disgust with Jill and spins away. Jill returns to her list and Jessica cups her face in her hands displaying what can only be frustration. Jill notes in confessional that TJ is “such a complex person”; sometimes she can’t stand her and the next “she does have a contribution to society” and the next “shut up already”. Finally, we’re seeing the gals at the check out counter. Am I the only one that thinks they’ve probably taken unedited two hours to get to that point? Allison voices over that Jill made some pretty big assumptions and that’s how she knows there’s gonna be some head buttin’! She says she can already feel her blood pressure boiling.
Now we’re taken to group where Iyanla and Rhonda hug Allison and tell her she looks great. Today we’re going to hear Jill’s story. She says she’s there to cut the cord with her mother. They’re too close and she feels suffocated. She needs her life to be her own. She says she’s very conflicted in her feelings for her mother. She loves her to death, but wants her mother to get her foot off her neck. Mother moved to Florida 12 years ago where they got an apartment together and started a public relations business together. The business failed, mother lost her life’s savings and Jill felt guilty. Neither was working. Jill was working for a little paper and was offered a radio DJ position. Gossip. She had a problem with her producer over the “wrong music” between breaks. She got vulgar with him and the whole tirade was on air, which cost her her job. That was two years ago. A picture is shown of a smaller Jill, who was always struggling with weight, but she’d been happy at the time of this picture with her weight. She admits she is addicted to food. She uses it for all emotions. Allison voices over that she has felt the same things as Jill when it comes to food masking things. Iyanla asks Jill why she is crying and wonders if she has a propensity for drama; Jill laughs a bit. The next pic is Jill in hospital with thyroid troubles. After surgery, she had a stroke and lost her sight. She lost 80 pounds because of the illness, but gained it back after about a year. She shows a picture of a beautiful lake view which is a view from her room at home. Her mother had a bout with depression, stopped paying her bills and got evicted. She moved in to Jill’s where she sleeps on her couch. Three years now. She doesn’t assert herself with her mother. Her issues are guilt, drama, doesn’t take self seriously, food and doesn’t live up to her potential. Iyanla points out that she hides behind her issues because it would be too much to take if she “showed up”. So her goal is to “come out of hiding”. Iyanla tells her she knows who she is. In confessional, Iyanla says Jill is hiding behind mother, weight and drama and is hiding something very big. Iyanla tells her she’s not going to dance her dance…the jig is up.
TJ and Jill are outside chattin’ and smokin’. Hmmm….remember the “EXIT” in the kitchen this morning. Turns out Jill is a smoker too. Anyway, TJ asks Jill if she felt a connection between them. Jill bluntly responds that at first no. TJ offers that she was immediately intrigued with Jill and excited and that she identified with a lot of Jill’s pain. She says she has a different relationship with her mom, but still has a feeling of needing, wanting, obligation to her mother. In confessional, Jill thinks TJ believes the world revolves around her; she is the star and the rest are extras and swears that TJ has met her match because that’s not going to happen with Jill.
Rhonda meets with Jessica to develop the steps in accomplishing her goal of healing personally from public tragedy. Jessica says that in her head she heard a chant that the tragedy was not going to change her but that it changed her a lot. She needs to accept that tragedies happen in life. She feels that in many areas she’s been fortunate. Rhonda asks if that makes her feel guilty. Jessica replies that she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to feel. Bottom step – grieve loss of mother. She has trouble even writing the words. Rhonda notes in confessional that if Jessica doesn’t grieve the loss, her life will never move forward. Jessica says that writing the words makes it visible and permanent and real. Another step is facing 9/11. Jessica works downtown and sees, smells, all of the things of New York remind her of her mother’s death. She feels that because of the public tragedy, she must be cautious how she feels and what she speaks. So second step – move beyond 9/11. Jessica doesn’t know how because it’s everywhere. Rhonda states 9/11 is running Jessica’s life right now.
Lunchtime…
Allison believes that because she’s been at the SO house before, she has a role to uphold and the gals are looking to her for advice. She tells them that the time will go quickly. Jill admits she’s not had a relationship since 2000 and Allison says her last relationship was in 1997. Allison notes in confessional that there is a lot of work she still needs to do.
Back to Rhonda and Jessica. She wants to start today connecting Jessica with her mother. She pulls perfume out of a bag. Jessica’s mother did wear perfume. She has only smelled her mother’s perfume once since her death, got sad and left the room. Next Rhonda pulls out a nighty. Jessica says her mother had a favourite dark blue robe. She wanted to sleep with her robe. Assignment. Create a presentation of her mother as a woman. She can call her sister for support in the memories.
Now Iyanla and Jill are discussing her goal. Iyanla asks her what she thinks of her goal. Jill says that she is hiding behind her weight and her mother. Iyanla asks her how many people really know who she is. Jill responds four and lists four starting with Iyanla, her girlfriend Blue, Keisha and Jason (?) in that order. Iyanla says nobody knows who Jill really is because she’s been hiding and asks her who she is. What gives her life? She says she likes sharing information with other people. When she can put something together, share it with others and they like it, it puts a light in her eyes. So Iyanla says Jill values external validation. Jill agrees. Iyanla says that until Jill knows who Jill is, she’s not really giving to anybody. It takes so much energy and power to stay down. Jill doesn’t understand why she does it. Iyanla says this will be their journey. Iyanla asks what would happen if Jill had a strong personality, grounded in personal inner power with a clear vision and no chaos. Jill says she would soar. Iyanla wants more about the gossip show. She asks if she dug it up or it came to her. Jill says both and Iyanla adds that she made some up. Jill thinks, then allows that she “embellished” a few. Iyanla wants her to suppose that every word she ever spoke about someone came back on her. Iyanla believes that Jill is hiding some dirt of her own. So assignment is to produce “The Real Jill Show”. The housemates will have phones to call in questions. She’s given one hour to produce the show before presentation.
Jessica calls her sister and reports her goal. She says it’s so much at once. Her sister says this will help her to not have a nervous breakdown while she probably will.
Jill reports her assignment to Jessica and TJ. Jessica is excited about it. Jill goes to work on writing her script. She wants people to like it; be shocked into wanting to hear it all.
Jessica is working on her assignment. The artistic presentation of who her mother was. She says she has so many questions that she never got a chance to ask.
“The Real Jill Show” begins. Iyanla introduces Jill. Jill comically begins the show. She talks about the Cupcake Diet. Then she talks about her shoplifting past. She has expensive tastes, but no money and had she not gotten caught, she probably would have continued. She takes a very comedic approach to exposing her past. She then exposes that she cheated with her girlfriend’s man. TJ calls on “line one” and asks where her girlfriend was while she was cheating with her man. She was with her children she replies. Iyanla asks how she developed her taste for the finer things in life. Jill responds that her family made their fortune in numbers running. She starts to wrap, but Lisa calls and asks if she has any girlfriends left after cheating. Jill says yes she has spent many hours taking them for granted and apologizing. Jill claims she feels a little free now that she’s shared these dirty details of her life.
Jessica explains her assignment to the girls. She says it’s hard for her to know that the last image her mother has of her is before her growth.
In the garden, Iyanla asks Jill how the show felt. Jill says great. Iyanla offers feedback. We don’t have a lot of time and she will have to give things to Jill straight. Jill lies to make herself look good Iyanla says. She believes the lies. She doesn’t like herself. Nobody would treat someone they liked this badly. So they’ll be working on internal dishonesty and self-hatred. Her life is at stake. She must take herself seriously or there will be major consequences.
PREVIEWS:
Tension between TJ and the other women heats up…Jessica is crying and angry with her. Somebody is laughing hysterically and this is what I want to understand. Is this an editing mistake? Or is Jessica overreacting? Or is the laughing hyena outside of the conversation?
Christina opens up about her shocking past. She’s crying with Dr. Stan about how she doesn’t understand how people can love her through it. So I guess we’ll get to hear her story soon.
Jill’s façade is shattered. Iyanla says “You never know what’s gonna take a person over the edge” as we see Jill crumpled on Iyanla’s lap crying.
Lisa throws a tantrum. She’s dressed like a little girl and yelling about cookies. Her actions have serious consequences. In what seems to be group, Iyanla says “My vote is does she stay or go? Bye”
Stay tuned folks…it’s too early to tell much about any of the gals quite yet, but we’re speeding along.
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