Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

turtle wrote:

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hsmom wrote:

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This will be interesting. I want to see how the coaches deal with them, while still respecting their beliefs. They did not do so well in respecting Bethany and her upbringing, in my opinion.

You got that right! Remember Rhonda, in the confessional after giving that stupid "kissing booth" assignment, saying that Bethany's "belief system" was "keeping her from having fun"? :ohmy:

I totally forgot about that. Rhonda will be a disaster with them. I can't wait to learn more about their cultures though

Well I know first hand the conflicts being married to a Pakistani as I am married to one. Simon on today's show says it is not cultural to own his wife, it definitely is as my husband says the same things to me that he says some word for word! They obviously learn some of those phrases in school? I can't believe he is not muslim as in Pakistan the culture and religion are bonded together. When they showed pictures of Kacie's wedding it was a muslim ceremony for her to wear that dress. I think Simon is confused of what religion he really belongs to and needs more counseling then this show can really offer him. He is stuck between the American and Pakistani culture he wants the best of both worlds. Pakistani men don't have their ears pierced its not in their culture, men aren't to wear jewelery either part of their religion/culture! When you are dating a Pakistani you don't talk about how you are going to raise your kids, the wife they will expect you to be after you are married, etc it just happens after you are married they expect this upon you. They expect you to change so much and yet you are still the same person when you first met them. I have compromised in a lot of situations with my husband and we are on common grounds now after a lot of fights in the beginning. I stand my ground! It is always a challenge being married to someone from a different culture especially one that is so strict as to ours with women. I have a son with my husband and am really quite happy that we had one as they celebrate by giving everyone treats when a boy is born, but when a girl is born they don't celebrate. They look on baby girls as being almost a burdon. My husband had told me that when I was pregnant that if it was a girl she would have to be raised in Pakistan with his family otherwise she would become a slut here. They think our culture is bad and corrupt and there kids will be horrible if they grow up here. In Pakistan they don't have social security, when your parents get old the son is to provide for his parents. So that is why a son is such a celebration for them. When a daughter gets married she leaves the home and moves to her husbands house and becomes part of his family. They are constantly worried about how their daughters will turn out in our culture. As they are not allowed to date or do anything with the opposite sex until they are married. If a girl gets caught with a man whom she is not married to they are usually killed and a disgrace to their family. A girl is only allowed to shake hands with their brother, husband or dad no one else as a lot of men over there marry their cousins! ick! The men often show resentment to their American wife after marriage because she is not Pakistani and did not change overnight to their culture. Well being I know so much about this I just had to share this to some of the other viewers so you can understand its not Kacie's fault they didn't discuss all this before marriage. She like all the other Americans married to Pakistani men didn't know they would expect so much of them after the wedding. I'm going to Pakistan in November and am excited/scared about going. I will try to blend in my best with the others, but now I will get tons of looks! If a women is wearing a jeans and a teeshirt there and is form fitted they will be stoned to death! That is why Pakistani men think most American women are bad and easy. The very best thing about being married to a Pakistani has to be that they take care of everything! The woman doesn't have to stress about anything! They are old fashioned in their culture and thinks that the man provides for the family and the wife does the stuff around the house. It works for me! I still work full-time, but don't have to. My husband pays all the bills so I always have my entire paycheck to go shopping with. I have gotten everything I need/want from him no matter what it is.

Kari, thank you for sharing. You add an interesting bit of wisdom that I certainly had no idea about.

Kari - I was really impressed with your insight. It's interesting to know just how many people out there are experiencing what Kacie and Simon are going through.


I go between being frustrated with Simon and being happy with him.
Today when he was sitting alone and Iyanla pulled him out of his shell, I felt the victory. But when he was reading his journal entry about what he needed from Kacie to feel respected, he didn't seem completely honest about the assignment.

I guess I feel that way about Kacie too, but feel more sympathy for her because of her past. She does seem passive-aggressive, which must make Simon stay in the controlling role. You have to stand up for yourself at some point, no matter what your past is. It's a risk you have to take.


So we'll see how things develop. I definately want to see Simon learn how to open up.

After all that kari wrote, I was waiting for her to close with something about what her husband brings to the relationship. If this is the tape that you play in your mind everyday, maybe we can expect to see your couple soon on starting over.

And as for the word "incompatible," what ever happened to the words "loving relationship"? Compatibility is just another word word for selfishness and self-centeredness.

My relationship is also international, intercultural, and inter-religious. We have to communicate a lot. I don't know where we would be if we did not have the love.

I have confidence in the counselors, but I also believe some of those writing in could learn a lot from the five points that they listed in the beginning.

Good Luck!

reed....I do not understand what you mean when you say :

"Compatibility is just another word for selfishness and self-centeredness."

How is that???

I feel differently as far as love.
You can love alot of people....but compatibility will make it work.

I love alot of people.Could I live with them all???
Heck no !!!

Webster's II Dictionary ;

compatible....capable of living or performing in harmonious,agreeable,or friendly association with another.

just my 2cents