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High Drama Alert!!
Monday September 26
The show opens with Michael sitting in handcuffs and saying to Jaclyn that he is willing to walk away if this is how he has to live. Jaclyn is teary and sniffling. In voice over she says that Michael is a prisoner of hers and she is sad at the way that she has been treating Michael. Jaclyn tells Michael that she understands and that she doesn’t blame him for feeling that way. Michael says that he wants Jaclyn to forgive him and not hold him guilty and to take the handcuffs off of him. Jaclyn nods her head and in confessional says that she was making Michael feel guilty so that she could punish him and force him to prove his love to her. She says that she is scared to lose him and that she can’t imagine a day of her life without him in it. Jaclyn takes the handcuffs off Michael. Iyanla has Michael give Jaclyn the cuffs and chain. Iyanla tells Michael he is a free man and the most important way to honor that is to clean it up with his mom. She says that he has to in order to clean the guilt out of his heart so he never has to put the handcuffs on again for anyone. Iyanla tells Jaclyn that she is going to work with her to find out why she needs the handcuffs. Jaclyn is crying and Iyanla says that it’s not to be ashamed; it’s that she didn’t know. But that’s why she’s there. In confessional Iyanla says that Jaclyn gets it intellectually. She knows she must stop punishing Michael and forgive him, but she is stuck in the middle of being afraid of losing him if she can’t control him.
It’s the morning and Lou and Simon are in their room and Lou asks Simon what his plan is for the day. Simon asks what he means and Lou says his plan of attack so to speak. Are you going to invite everything or are you going to keep being silent. Simon says that he is going to do his best. Lou asks if he has been doing his best and Simon says that he has been trying he just doesn’t know how to. He says that he has been given the tools and now he just has to use them. Lou says well, no, that’s not it yet. Simon says that it is it and that he just feels toxic inside. Like a lot of times he’s tired and it’s because of all the stuff he is holding onto on the inside. Lou says that toxic is a great word for it. Simon must feel he wants to cleanse. Lou says that he and Simon have a meeting of the minds and Simon is making progress but there is a little something or a big fat something that he hasn’t let go of yet. Simon says he has a hard time getting it out. Lou says he hears him because it’s scary and painful. Simon says that he feels pain and sad and he doesn’t know what it is or how to express it. Simon in confessional saying that his emotions are killing his body, him , and his soul. He knows he needs to release it and that he has a lot to let go. Simon asks Lou if he is waiting for his breakdown or his breakthrough. Lou says both because you can’t have a breakthrough without a breakdown.
Jaclyn and Michael are lying on opposite beds and Jaclyn asks Michael what he is thinking about it all. Michael says that even before he cheated he thought that Jaclyn was controlling him. Jaclyn says that she recognizes that too because she came to the relationship with expectations and that scared Michael. Michael says that by allowing Jaclyn to control him he got frustrated with not having his own power and so he did the opposite of what she wanted him to do. Like he hit bottom and was so frustrated and scared of not having that power he did something terrible and not the correct way of dealing with it. Jaclyn says that she has to accept that she played a part in this just as much as he did. In confessional, Jaclyn says that it scares her that there;s so many layers to their problems and so many deeper issues that they knew were there before. She is learning there is definitely more work that needs to be done in their relationship. Michael tells Jaclyn that their relationship is probably going to take on a whole new dynamic and a different type of a feel and it’s exciting to see how it’s going to go and Jaclyn says yeah.
Lou, Michael, Cheryl and Troy are in the kitchen and Lou tells them it’s on with Simon today and to bury the hatchet on him every minute. Simon is not yet gotten anywhere and he holding on to some scary people inside him. Lou says that they didn’t talk last night and he was trying to go to sleep instead of getting into the big talk that he and Simon normally do, and when Lou woke up later he said that Simon had literally cried himself to sleep. Troy said Simon is the man of steel. Lou calls him Ice Man.
Iyanla is at the door and has the couples follow her outside. Iyanla is in the confessional saying that she has a surprise for the couples. She has a very clear demonstration of the current state of their relationships. Iyanla takes them out to a dirty filthy car with some other mechanical issues. Iyanla says the car is a metaphor for their relationships. And just like the car, their relationship is in bad state and a little beat up. She says that you don’t throw something away because it is a little beat up. It means you have to do the work inside and outside. You have to keep it in good working order if you want the car to move. Your relationships are the same way. Iyanla says their job is to get the car, in the next step of their relationship engagement, in good working order. She then passes out clipboards. She tells them they each have to make a list of repairs of whatever they need to do to get the car in good working order and then determine who is going to work on what. The only way they are going to be able to complete this assignment is if they cooperate with their partner and with others. Iyanla tells them to get to work. They all start checking out the car to see what works and what doesn’t what needs to be replaced like fluids, tires, battery, etc. Then they decide who is going to be doing what jobs. Lou is being a leader and keeping track like a camp director of all the jobs that people are saying that they will do. Lou says he’ll change the tire and Jennifer tells him that he can do that and then the two of them can wash the car. Kacie says that she and Simon will wash the inside. Michael and Jaclyn are going to work on the rear windshield Cheryl volunteers Troy to take care of all the fluids in the car. Simon calls out that the rear tail light needs to be replaced. Lou tells Cheryl that she can be Troy’s assistant or gofer for all his hardware that he needs. Cheryl says she’s good at that and that she is Troy’s apprentice. Simon gets out of the car and says it’s pretty jacked up.
It’s time for group session. Iyanla says it’s important in relationships that we deny the truth of who we are. In particularly, as they go into the next step of engagement – cooperation – that only two power people can cooperate. When we are unsure of our power we compete. Power doesn’t compete with power, power blends with power. That is what cooperation is about. Learning how to merge no standing on your position not holding you place, but allowing each individual to show up authentically. When there isn’t cooperation, but codependence. Iyanla asks how this shows up in their relationships. Jennifer says that everyone in her immediate family is codependent so she doesn’t feel like she has ever learned anything other than that. Lou says the he defines it as not being the man or growing up for Jennifer, not taking responsibility for himself and letting Jennifer take responsibility for him is the core of it for him. Iyanla says the most tell-tale sign of codependence in Lou’s statement was when he said he didn’t grow up for Jennifer. Cheryl says that she lives through Troy and if he’s not happy neither is she. Iyanla says that is enmeshed boundaries where you don’t know where you stop and the other begins. Iyanla asks for a show of hands if any of the following sound familiar: I won’t change if you won’t, I won’t call you on your destructive behavior if you don’t call me on my destructive behavior. It seems as though everyone raised their hands except Jennifer and Kacie. Iyanla says it’s about to get down and dirty. This is it. She says she thinks of it as their relationship is on the line. This codependence is the poison in the relationship. Iyanla then says you manipulate to get your way who can own that? Everyone raises their hands. Then she asks Jaclyn how she does that. Jaclyn says that she reminds Michael of how he hurt her and uses that to make him feel bad so he will continue to work on the relationship and show her that he loves her. Iyanla in confessional saying Jaclyn is right on target and that she seems to know exactly what it is she does in order to manipulate Michael. Now that he knows that Jaclyn manipulates him, Iyanla wonders if Jaclyn will take responsibility for her behavior and change. Iyanla asks Simon how he manipulates Kacie. He says he doesn’t want her hanging out with her friends because he thinks they have a bad influence on her. Iyanla asks what it is about Kacie’s friends that he doesn’t like. Kacie says that Simon doesn’t like anyone that she brings home and she starts to get choked up. Iyanla tells Kacie that she wants her to make a distinction. Iyanla tells Kacie that she is not seven, six, or five, and that the power is hers and she may want to work with not responding to every situation as though she were six or seven, as though she have no voice, as though she is not being heard, as though she doesn’t matter. Iyanla tells her to set a different intention. Iyanla is in the confessional saying that she is looking at Miss Kacie’s facial expression and she realizes that it is not Kacie sitting there but a 6 or 7 year old and Kacie isn’t even aware of it. Kacie tells Iyanla that she doesn’t like it when she tells her not be 7 because it’s insulting. Iyanla says it’s not insulting. Kacie says she doesn’t like it though and Iyanla tells her it’s not about what she likes and that it’s about what she does and breaking the pattern and that Kacie wasn’t even aware of it until she hit the room. Kacie says that just because she is getting emotional doesn’t mean that she is turning 7 years old. Iyanla tells Kacie that is what happens; that is the pattern. Kacie cries and Simon runs. Iyanla says that what she is seeing in front of her is manipulation because it perpetuates the pattern. Kacie asks if Iyanla thinks that she likes crying and if she likes feeling this pain. Iyanla says there is a distinction between crying and feeling pain Kacie says she doesn’t like crying or being weak – she doesn’t like that. Iyanla asks her why she is does it. Iyanla asks Kacie if she can offer her something and then says it’s manipulative .It’s manipulative that every time she gets into a difficult situation that she breaks down. Kacie says she doesn’t feel like she is manipulating Simon because she is breaking down. Iyanla says that she wants to offering Kacie that she does. Kacie says it doesn’t effect him and Iyanla says that it does by pushing him deeper and deeper into a shell and never resolves the problem. Iyanla says she is offering her another way. Just try it. Healing is hard work when you have been stuck in a pattern for a long time. Iyanla says that her investment is in Kacie’s healing and if she knew what that was going to look like Kacie would have already done it by now. Iyanla is in confessional saying she is taking Kacie to an uncomfortable place because she wants Kacie and Simon to realize their patters because until they do they will repeat their patterns. Iyanla asks Simon how he manipulates Kacie and Simon says that he wants to let Iyanla know that he is having a hard time because he doesn’t know how to express his emotions. Iyanla tells him that’s a choice and then snaps her fingers and tells him to make another choice. Iyanla tells him to set an intention to be in touch with his emotional self here and now. Simon says that he manipulates her by denying her his presence. It’s punishing Kacie because he feels like she is punishing him. He thinks Kacie withholds information and won’t be intimate. Simon thinks Kacie is punishing him for not being good enough. Iyanla on voice over is saying that this is huge. Simon is finally ready to take a risk, open his heart, and share his feelings. Simon says he’s not a movie star, Brad Pitt, or buff. He is not perfect. Simon has tears running down his face. Iyanla hugs him and says that she wants to show Simon that he is absolutely worthy. She tells him who he is is enough and that he matters. Iyanla has Simon tell Kacie that he mattes and before Iyanla can tell Kacie to tell Simon, Kacie says that he matters to her. Iyanla says when you get ready to heal it becomes too painful to hold yourself, deny yourself, or lie to yourself, so what people do is project that on their partner. Iyanla tells Simon that what he does is deny who he is in the presence of love because love brings up everything unloving, so the more Kacie loved Simon the more he felt unloved. Iyanla tells Kacie that if she didn’t love her so much she would apologize instead she will just say “forgive me” for taking her to the places she has previously been unwilling to go. Iyanla tells them she will meet them later at the car with Rhonda because just when you thin you have a handle on things something comes up that you have to deal with.
In the kitchen Michael says that was interesting to see. Cheryl says that she wants to reach out to Simon but doesn’t know if it is appropriate. She says there is times she just wants to hug him and she doesn’t’ know if that is beyond the boundaries that he and Kacie have set. Cheryl in the confessional says that she sees this gentle soul in Simon and that he seems like a fragile child. Michael says that Kacie was trying to get Simon to open up and then shut him down once he did. Jaclyn joins the conversation and says that Kacie is being manipulative. Jaclyn says that she doesn’t think that Kacie realizes that she does that and that she doesn’t mean it. Jaclyn thinks that is the point Iyanla was trying to make and to be open to that she is subconsciously manipulating Simon.
You hear Kacie crying really hard. She is lying on Simon’s chest and saying that her feelings were hurt when Iyanla called her 6 and 7. Simon says that he doesn’t think that was the point. Kacie says she feels like she was being attacked, maybe she wasn’t but that is how she felt about it. Simon starts to say something, but Kacie says I just need you to understand that. Simon says that he does understand. Kacie says that she doesn’t need Simon to say anything just understand her. Kacie says she wants to feel like Simon is on her side and that she doesn’t feel like anyone is on her side. She says to just be there and tell her he understands, even if he doesn’t. Simon is just quiet.
The others go to check out the car. When they get there they see that inside of the car looks like a landfill threw up in it. And Jaclyn says how really bad it smells. Jaclyn in the confessional says that the car is really trashed and nothing like when they left it this morning. They are all milling about the car checking it out. Jennifer says so this represents my husband or my marriage and Lou says the state of your relationship. Jennifer says that it is rancid. It sounds like Cheryl saying who is willing to get dirty? That’s what it is going to take. Jennifer is sitting on Lou’s lap and Lou says that it is not about how dirty he is milling to get because that is figurative thing and that he is not going to “muck around in that muck”. Jennifer says there is a point to the addition and she wants to know what the point is. Jaclyn says she feels it’s representative of the worse it is the less they want to work on it. She says that they were ready to do it this morning and it wasn’t that bad. Now that it’s bad there is an unwillingness to work on it. Troy said it would be easier to call a tow truck. Jaclyn says in confessional that she doesn’t want to walk away from the car and that there is a lesson to be learned from it and she wants to work on it. Lou says that the inside of the car is Kacie and Simon’s and if the significance of the filthiness is reflective of Simon and Kacie he will clean the outside of the car, bt he is not getting that stuff on him. Lou in the confessional says What an f’ing drag! He’s clean today and he doesn’t want to be out in the heat anymore or clean the dust and dirt off this car and that it is full of trash and not just trash but basically throw up. It smells like an amalgam of different food and slime. He then asks Jennifer what she thinks of his attitude about cleaning the car and if she thinks he is being a spoiled brat. She says that he has shown nothing but a willingness to participate to this point and then Jennifer says that she is basically on the same page as Lou. Cheryl then says that she doesn’t appreciate the stance they have taken as if they are arrogant and too good and the others aren’t too good. Lou says the car represents our relationship. Troy says then you should be willing to get in there and do it and Lou says that he is willing to let them get in there and do it.
In the kitchen Michael asks if any of the others feel a little awkwardness in their relationship now. Jennifer says yeah, it’s different. Michael says that looking back how it’s been codependent and now they are becoming independent and it’s awkward. Cheryl says they are starting to notice more when they are doing it and talk about it after, but want to start talking about it before it happens. She says there is more of an awareness now when she does things. Michael asks Jaclyn if she remembers when he told her that he didn’t care and had to be him, and that it might hurt her, but he has to do what is right otherwise it will continue the cycle. Michael is in the confessional saying that up to this point her doesn’t feel that he and Jaclyn have been a team and that he doesn’t feel as though she has been present and it hurts him. He says the boot camp means a lot to him and Jaclyn because he doesn’t know if they can continue if they are not successful. Jennifer says that sometimes your partner may not be in the same place.
The women are in the van on the way to the auto parts store. Cheryl says she can’t believe how involved the men are in conversation and how wrapped up they all are. Cheryl says that she thinks Lou does a really good job communicating and Jennifer says that she sees that Lou is trying and she is seeing a lot of effort. Then Cheryl says that Lou is not trusting the process. Jennifer says she totally disagrees. Cheryl asks Jennifer if she thinks he’s trusting it. Jennifer says he’s been doing great and that’s why she doesn’t want to judge him on this one little...Cheryl speaks over Jennifer and says about this assignment. Jennifer tells Cheryl she made a broad statement saying Lou didn’t trust the process, but if she wanted to say on this one assignment then Jennifer says definitely not. Cheryl is in the confessional saying that she can see that Lou and Jennifer are being codependent and that they are operating off of each other’s energy. Cheryl says that if Lou doesn’t clean the car there will be consequences and she truly believes that. Jennifer says that this assignment really freaked Lou out. Cheryl asks Jennifer if she understands that she wasn’t passing judgment on him like that and Jennifer says absolutely and they are both feeling a little defensive today. Jennifer says that it has been a hard day and that Lou is probably fine, maybe.
Michael is on the phone with his Dad, Victor. His dad asks how things are going. Michael says good and that he is learning a lot of things, and then asks his dad if he could ask a question. He talks about the similarities between his mom and Jaclyn and tell his dad he is thinking of contacting his mom, but he doesn’t know if he should call or write a letter because he doesn’t think that his mom is a good listener. In confessional Michael says his parents had a marriage that was totally dysfunctional and he is scared of being in a relationship that will end in divorce. He says it’s important to have a family and be in a relationship that is going to last so he doesn’t have to put his kids through that. His dad says he won’t tell him how to do it, but if it were him he would call and say hi mom, this in Michael. I just wanted to call and see how you were and was hoping you were having a good day and then tell her he will talk to her later. Michael’s dad said it would leave his mom flabbergasted, and leave it open for a smoother conversation the next time he calls. He tells Michael to forgive and forget because emotions are temporary and how temporary they are depends on him. His dad tells him to work on it and then they say they love each other and Michael hangs up the phone.
Back to the girls. Jaclyn is telling the other women that Kacie said she has never been to an electronics store before, and Jaclyn said that it was ok, because this was an auto parts store. They walk around the store getting everything they need to fix up the car. Jennifer asks if they should get tint for the back window to match all the other windows and Cheryl says no. She says that if you want to see your man frustrated ask him to tint a window. Jennifer says ok and then they get some license plates with flames on them cause they thought the guys would like them.
Iyanla says, so what happened, the car didn’t look like this earlier in the morning. Michael says there is garbage in there we didn’t see. Iyanla says that is what happens in your relationship sometime. Just when you think you have it all handled something you didn’t see comes to the surface. Rhonda says especially when you first start dating and everything is love an romantic. She says you think your partner is solved, healed, and mended, but the garbage shows up and things aren’t the way you thought it was. Rhonda asks what their plans for the car are and Lou says he was going to change the tire and Jennifer says they were going to wash it and maybe wax it depending on how good it looked. Iyanla asks why not go all the way and Rhonda asks if she has just been washing her relationship until it looks fine. Jennifer says yes. Rhonda asks what waxing would be like to the relationship and Lou says topping it off. Iyanla in confessional says that relationships like everything need to be maintained and taken care of, or they will ultimately break down. .She says she wants to see which couple will have the hardest and easiest time doing the work required to rebuild their relationship. Rhonda is plugging her nose at the smell of the car and saying what a really great time they are going to have cleaning the car. The LC’s asked who was cleaning the upholstery and everyone said Kacie and Simon. Jennifer then says that Lou said he wasn’t going to clean up the inside. Iyanla said oh you did. Then Lou says he was looking for a trash can and throws an empty water bottle in the car. Rhonda says wait a minute, you won’t clean up the car but you will add trash to it. Lou puts his hand on Iyanla’s shoulder and laughs, but the coaches aren’t happy saying he is adding fuel to the fire by adding trash to the inside which he won’t clean. Rhonda in confessional says that Lou is not cooperating on this exercising and that by him throwing trash into the car he thinks it is a big joke. Rhonda says that Kacie and Simon have to clean this mess up and that by him adding trash not only is he affecting his relationship, but he is messing up their job. Iyanla calls Simon and Kacie over to the car and asks what something in there is and Kacie sais it looks like throw-up. Iyanla says that it didn’t look like that when they agreed to clean it did it and Kacie and Simon say no. Iyanla asks if they still want to do it knowing what is really required or do they want to go running from the room Kacie says she’ll do itand then Simon said he would too. It would be team work and cooperation. Iyanla is in confessional saying how the tables have turned. Lou is having a selfish temper tantrum that demonstrated to Simon the codependence in his relationship with Kacie and Simon is finally stepping up to the plate. Lou says that everyone is bigger than he is when it comes to getting in that car. Rhonda tells Iyanla that she has to ask Jennifer about Lou saying that he is not going to get in the car and Lou tries to say something and Rhonda put her hand and tapped Lou’s mouth with the back of it to stop him from talking. Rhonda asks Jennifer how it feels that her husband isn’t willing to do the dirty work and to really get in and get dirty. Rhonda asks Jennifer if Lou does that at home and Jennifer says yes. Rhonda asks how it feels for her to husband to announce proudly, she must say, that he is avoiding the job and to get in there and do whatever is necessary. Jennifer said that she is staying out of the symbolic part of it and staying in her head about the literal art of it. Lou says that he doesn’t care what they turn it into he is not going to touch the muck. In confessional Lou says he wants to push the car into the pool. He says the car means nothing to him but sweaty and dirty. Iyanla asks how it feels to have a member of their community say there is a job that’s ok for everyone else to do, but not him and that he adds to the work by throwing trash in car. It sounds like Cheryl or Kacie says it doesn’t feel like we had as much support as we thought. Simon says it makes him feel like Lou and Jennifer should clean it. Rhonda says they are going to flip it and Lou and Jennifer will clean the inside of the car and Simon and Kacie will take care of the outside. Rhonda says that it disturbs her that Lou is willing to add to the work of Kacie and Simon’s job. Lou said that it was very thoughtless on his part and that he thought of the car as a giant trash can and it was stupid not to think it through. Lou says that he thinks as much crap as he has been talking about not getting in the muck, he feels he needs to stick to that and if the life coaches are going to put him on the spot where his time is in jeopardy then…Iyanla says no, no, no a man stands up and takes responsibility for their actions. Michael is in confessional saying that as Lou tells the LCs that he is not going to clean the car he is getting angrier and angrier because it is not fair to the others who are ready and willing to get in there and clean out the car. Michael says it disrespects them in a way. Iyanla says that Lou’s responsibility in being there is to participate and to heal and to trust the LCs and the process. Rhonda says it would be sad for him to stand on his laurels and some ego pretense. Lou starts to talk and the LCs say to tell Jennifer. Lou says no, they are not going to do that and he’s not dealing with that. Jennifer says she that she agrees with Lou and that she is not going to clean it up. Iyanla says oh really why not? Jennifer says she is not going to clean that crap up and Iyanla tells her this is codependency at his height and they are talking about saving their marriage. Iyanla says the car is representative of what’s inside and they don’t think it is but it is. Iyanla says the codependence about the car is the same that is going on in their relationship. Lou tried to say if you guys can’t see, and then Iyanla gestures with her hands for Lou to be quiet and says excuse me and Lou says that he interrupted and he is very sorry for that. Iyanla says Lou and Jennifer don’t want to talk about their problem or work or delve in and they are only concerned about the surface. Lou then asks if he may please speak without being interrupted and Rhonda says go for it. He says he understands the metaphor. He understands what the LC’s are asking them to do. He understands the symbolism of getting in there no matter how dirt and nasty, they must be willing to clean out the crap. Lou then turns to Jennifer and says that he must be willing to give her everything and Jennifer says that she knows. He says he will take everything Jennifer has to give him, but he will not get in a physical car with that nastiness and touching it with his hands. He says he doesn’t care how the others feel. Troy is in the confessional saying that Lou is losing it on the car and that he is blowing everything out of proportion and he has no idea where he is coming from. Iyanla says if it’s going to be a community project everyone has to be willing to be involved and she hears there are things some are not willing to do and it has caused a polarization in the community. She says it happened in their face and that Lou and Jennifer need to clean the car or pack their bags.
Preview: Lou stands his ground Iyanla says it’s your unwillingness to do the hard things that make it harder. The other couples get angry. Lou says he didn’t need it to be taken that far. Troy in the confessional again saying Lou is blowing things out of proportion. The house is unprepared for what comes next. Rhonda says there will be a board of review tonight and if anyone is just there for the ride, the LCs would rather they not be there. Jennifer is in confessional saying she is concerned that Lou will be asked to leave.
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