Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

When Cheryl was up at the podium did she say something about Troy getting violent with her and ending up arrested for it, before she moved out? It seemed like they just ignored it. But she was trying to say that he drove her away, because he attacked her? Maybe I'm missing something...

Mandy wrote:

QUOTE:
When Cheryl was up at the podium did she say something about Troy getting violent with her and ending up arrested for it, before she moved out? It seemed like they just ignored it. But she was trying to say that he drove her away, because he attacked her? Maybe I'm missing something...

I don't remember hearing that. They edit so much that it's hard to follow at times.

I too heard that...and it was skipped over. So we learned that Cheryl moved into two men's beds AND that Troy was busted for "blowing up" at Cheryl once. But beyond that, we got nothing about the timeline, the effects, etc...especially on their son.

I saw this episode and it nearly made me give up on the show. I have been watching it religeously until it started to really go negative.

I think Rhonda was just talking about one man that Cheryl slept with, but Iyanla was reacting so strongly herself that the two were competing to get a word in.

I'm not sure it was helpful for the life coaches to be taking sides in this situation, and if they end up sending Cheryl home by herself but continue working with Troy that ultimately won't accomplish their joint goal. Cheryl is in a sense an easy scapegoat because she's the more outspoken spouse, but both partners have made mistakes and done and said hurtful things to each other, so it does no good for Rhonda or Iyanla to villify her and support him.

In all fairness, they did tell Cheryl to work on being more open with her pain and when she did they slammed her and told her her feelings were wrong. I think calling her a "phony" during BOR was really anti-therapeutic. I agree with the person above who says she probably had critical parents, so more criticism and accusatory name-calling from people who are acting as professionals, I feel is irresponsible. If they think they are going to make her any less defensive by attacking her they really don't understand human behavior at all. I think Rhonda and Iyanla decided they didn't like her and from there on out they stopped listening to her and gave her zero credibility in their eyes.

It was especially cruel, after they had brought her to tears with their grilling for Iyanla to say almost sadistically, "Welcome to the healing." I fail to see anything healing in the way they dealt with her. Nobody so much as offered her a hug, and that guy that told her to suck it up was not very nice. It seems to me the only thing that whole scene accomplished was to increase her sense of self-loathing. Then they went on to the next person as if nothing was wrong. I was floored when I saw that. The thought crossed my mind that somebody in that much pain who feels that unsupported and alone might commit suicide. Troy might be a good guy but I think he probably should have intervened and said to the life coaches enough is enough at that point and gone to comfort his wife. He may be angry at her but he's still her husband and I would hope he still loves her. It's a little scary that she was just left alone to cry her eyes out and nobody lifted a finger.

I can also understand why the people being reviewed afterwards would be nervous and worried about being judged. Seeing what was done to Cheryl probably made them wonder what would be done to them when they got up there.

I don't know if this new get-tough approach is designed to get ratings or what, but I think it will ultimately shoot the show in the foot.

Just to say, I think editing really is our enemy here, so to speak. We missed a lot of important stuff, because they didn't have the time to flesh it out, like they do with the show that's just about women.

Also, I think the saying from last season comes into play here:
"You get what you put out."
Meaning, that if you are tough, defensive and rude, you will get exactly that in return. I also think they did not have as much time, so the "tough love" was necessary to speed things up. Cheryl admitted that she had a tough exterior and it stemmed from the gender teasing she recieved as a child. She needs to abandon that, and that would obviously tear someone apart.

That said, I do understand the frustration people have watching Cheryl go through the ringer. A skilled therapist is able to remain loving and tender in the face of resistence. So the professionalism of the Starting Over experience is often challenged.

I do feel Cheryl needed the tough love because she had to let go of the "armor". When SO gets under our skin, hits close to home, the easy reaction for viewers is to get angry and quit watching it. The harder thing to achieve is, being patient and seeing the results.
If Cheryl comes back to SO exactly the same, it will be obvious that their methods did not work.

i learned you have to ask for help accept the love i am going to pray cheryl and troy are happy.