Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Thank you, thank you!! I don't have time to read much else, and the tape was not put in, the Survivor tape was kicked out from the night before! Thank you!! And thanks for taking Fridays, Netty!!

Monday, May 09, 2005

My turn to type! Tess and hubby together today! Megg and Allison are facing issues today.

Rhonda met with Tess to talk about son and husband coming to the house. Tess said she has an undying love for him. She thinks with time the wounds will heal. She said she cheated for vindication. Rhonda said Tess told her that her hubby may divorce her, she asked Tess if she thinks her marriage can be saved, and she said yes.

Allison told Dr. Stan she was disappointed in her parents, her alcohol father, he was very unpredictable. The child of an alcoholic is always nervous about what is going to happen next.

Rhonda and Vanessa talked about the meeting with the dancers. She feels this is what she wants to do. Rhonda said you better get ready for an audition at Music City. She has to put together a routine.

Dr. Stan told her she is stuck, and he wants her to face how she feels and move forward. She said she focuses on others so she doesn’t have to focus on herself, it is too hard.

Layne came to sit in the chair, and she got two steps, Evaluate Relationships with Men, and Stop Family Patterns. She learned the guys who go after the hard to get girls are not the guys she wants, they are jerks. Vanessa came to the chair to get two steps, but she skipped the releasing expectations step. She got the steps of Redefine Success and Accept Body Reality. Rhonda talked about women taking care of themselves. Allison said the energy to take care of her physical health, takes away from her time to take care of her emotional and mental health. Megg said she is not good enough. She has to take care of herself more. Rhonda said most women don’t do basic self care because they say they are too busy. Rhonda told the women a breast care specialist will come to the house to educate the women.

Vincent, Tess’s husband, said she is more open. Rhonda told him he has to hold the high wire, the high standards for Tess to uphold.

Tess and Vincent are already fighting. She got mad he called her a girl, instead of woman. Rhonda is drilling her with questions, to get to the base of her immaturity. Rhonda said Tess is failing.

Allison talks to the doctor, and she is positive in the BRAC 1 gene. There is an 85% chance the cancer may come back. She is calm, the doctor was hoping she would be negative, and wants her to come back in. Allison said it is stupid not to take the second breast, she wants to do that. Yikes!

Vincent said Tess has a problem with listening, and not taking negative comments well. She escalates things. They are going to take a fencing lesson. They need to learn how to fight fair.

Vanessa is working with a dance coach, and she is learning new moves.

Allison is on the phone, and said she will have the other breast removed, and probably the ovaries. She is worried about her mom getting tested, and the money and the insurance to pay for this new surgery.

A breast cancer specialist comes to the house to talk about mammograms and self exams. Allison is trying to take it all in. She said one out of seven women develop breast cancer. The other women in the house have not done regular self exams.

Tess and Vincent are fencing. Rhonda is writing a list, the first one is telling the truth. She said Tess is more competitive, and her husband is not her competition. The ended the fencing with a handshake, and they talked about fighting fair and at the end of a fight, there is still a relationship there to work with.

Allison told Iyanla about the test results. Iyanla said that she doesn’t know if Allison can face being 38, not married and no children, with no breasts and no ovaries. The cry and hug.

Iyanla told Allison we can’t affirm life and speak death. Allison has to learn to live, and live through surgery, through the process. We will look good, smell good, and have fun during the process.

Tomorrow, Allison has a hard decision, Layne has a blind date with a catch, and Tess is facing some serious truth about her marriage.

Ok hsmom asked me to post this. Well I missed the first 10 minutes due to a special news break .So forget typing the show up myself.
so it here it is once again sraight from TVGal.

Wednesday 5/11

It is the sexual abuse special. It appears that Cassie, Rain and maybe some others come back. We start by seeing clips. I forgot that Hannah from last season was a victim of date rape. They gather the current hg’s together first. They explain the different types of abuse. Examples are of a man who masturbates in front of you, they touch you inappropriately or have you touch them. Layne tells about when she was 11 and an adult was touching her inappropriately. Karen tells about when she was 8 and he was 14. She said he was known to be violent and if the sexual abuse was going on then he wasn’t beating up on her. Karen said that she eventually got to the point that one day she picked up a bat and told him that he would never come near her again.
Iyanla tells about how it is common that the abuser is known to the victim and there is the conflict that you know them and trust them and then this happens and it is very confusing to a young girl. Tess is crying and Megg has her eyes closed and is rubbing her head. Dr. Stan says that this brings them to Tess’s story. Iyanla tells Tess that it might make it easier for her to tell what happened in the third person. She tells the story of how he picked her up as she was sleeping at a friends house and took her to another room and she pretended to still be asleep as he touched her and kissed her. I can’t write all the details she tells as it is just so sickening. Dr. Stan is telling how it is NEVER the child’s fault.
They post a list of what a child can do to about inappropriate touching.

Vanessa says that she was never molested but that she had a coach once who made her uncomfortable by showing her and other girls of naked women and if she did a routine good he would high five her and would say that she was his lover. Which Vanessa thought very strange and she told her mom and they left that coach.

Megg tells of two incidents in her childhood. The first one was when she was pretty young and two boys were involved. She said there was some pleasure on her part but not entirely. She said she participated because she wanted to be able to keep hanging out with them. The second time was when she was 14 and her boyfriend raped her. Iyanla says that rape is a whole other thing.

They post a list on how to avoid date rape.

Dr. Stan asks if that once you are a victim, are you a victim for life? Dr. Stan talks about confronting the abuser. Tess is saying that she wants to confront hers. He tells her that in most cases the abuser will deny it ever happened, then what will she do?

They post a list of signs of molestation.

Dr. Stan tells the women how important it is for them to not live in the past. He tells an analogy with driving a car.

(As much as I hate specials, this is the first one that I got anything out of it. I think the information that Dr. Stan is sharing would be excellent to share with my almost 13 yr old daughter. So I am going to tape it to watch with her. They have some excellent points. I think this one might be better because Dr. Stan is doing most of the talking.)

Now it is time for Rain’s story. Rhonda is telling Iyanla and Dr. Stan that Rain has hinted at past sexual abuse and she has now said that she would like to share her story. She kind of admonishes the others that they need to keep in mind that if she does share this story it is the first time she has and they need to be sensitive to that. (what? Are they new to this?)

Rain comes in and says that there was never penetration but a lot of touching. Dr. Stan tells her that touching is every bit as traumatic as actual rape. Rain was between 8 and 10 years of age and it lasted 4 or 5 years. She says that it was a trusted adult that was allowed to spank her. One time it left scars and so this person said for her to take her clothes off and that they would put lotion on it and then they said they were going to kiss it to make it better. She said she remembers feeling very uncomfortable about it. When she was asked what she was told when she did say something. She was told she was strong and God made her shoulders strong so that she was able to handle this. She said this statement being drilled into her is what made her stay with the abusive man that was her children’s father when she was an adult. Dr. Stan says that she has taken her first step to recovery by acknowledging the abuse and he encourages her to get counseling. At least I think that was what he was telling her. I wasn’t watching all that close by now.

Cassie is back telling her story. I’m not going into this since we have heard all this before and recently.

They post some statistics which are very scary. And that is it.

Preview-

Karen is on the phone with her ex-husband and she is saying that she could tell Anna this stuff is she would just quit hanging up on her. He yells at her and says, “she doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t you get that!”

Tess reveals another secret that she wanted to hide. Tess says that she is still at the stage of being fearful to admitting it. Iyanla is clapping her hands in her face and telling her to snap out of it.

Layne is opening a note and she screams and says that it is for all of them. And they are all with their mouths open. Megg in confessional saying “that is when the familiar feelings of panic set in.”

I think this is when they are going to Vegas and it is Layne’s “fake wedding” that is the one that we have been hearing about. And Megg will have to ride an airplane. Allison is the redhead we heard about.

The first half was pretty good and I really do think it will be a good catalyst for examples for me and my daughter to talk about. So any mom’s out there might watch to see if they would want to consider that. But I am still bored with the specials!

This is out of order but I'm posting it anyway.



The show starts of with Tess's son Vincent asking if Vanessa can play with him. Unfortunately Vanessa is taking a shower.

Vanessa says that she feels happy and not like a failure because she knows there is still something there.

We see Vincent spinning a hula-hoop by himself.

Iyanla leads group today. Group is on soul-mates. Iyanla wants to talk about Allison's bad news first. Allison found out that she has the VRCA1 gene, or the Breast Cancer 1 gene. There is a high chance of a reoccurance of cancer in the lymphnodes or ovaries. Allison is really frustrated and confused on where to place her energies. She wants to have fun but needs to find out when to remove her breast and ovaries. It makes Allison sad and angry and frustrated and confused. she doesn't know what happens with insurance and her career. Iyanla tells Allison that if you are learning to live you don't give up your vision. Let the vision pull you forward. Allison is afraid that she won't have a Boo-Boo. Iyanla wants Allison to hold on to the thought that without a breast or ovaries she can still find that right man and love is possible with a clear mind. Iyanla gives Allison a hug and Allison tells Iyanla next subject. Iyanla asks Tess how it's going with her Boo-Boo in the house. Tess says things are going good and she feels he is her sosoul-mate. Tess is asked if everyone has a soul-mate and she says she believes for every woman thee is a man. Iyanla says in confessional that Allison needs to realize there is someone out there to fall in love with her while Layne needs to give-up that the perfect man will come along and make her life all she wants it to be. Layne thinks your soul-mate is who you choose it to be and growing together to make soul-mates. Allison beleives her gay friend Patrick is her soul-mate. He is loving and adoring and has unconditional love but they don't have romantic feelings. The true marking of a soul-mate is a person that inspires you to want to be better. Must have mutual respect and trust.

Layne has been sent out on a blind date with Brad. Rhonda has asked Brad to exaggerate red flag qualities for Layne. Rhonda is setting up Layne in more ways than one. Layne tells Brad she's a lawyer and he says he's a painter. Layne feels like Rhonda may have set her up to search for good qualities.

Allison calls her Mom and tells her the bad news. Her mom says that there are little chinese babies that need adopted. Her mom isn't surprised she has the gene and is shocked when told there is an 85% chance of cancer. Her Mom tells her to yank 'em out.

Vanessa is going to a gym that is built around a unique vision. Anne Josephson tells Vanessa that she has the same philosophy as Vanessa. She wants to show that this can be done without eating disorders and without making them feel less of a person. Anne thinks it is sad that Vanessa used to be dissappointed about not going to the olympics when she was so good. Anne is older than Vanessa and has watched her compete. Vanessa likes Anne's philosophy.

Rhonda meetw with Tess and Vincent. They have had a life of betrayal. Rhonda asks what Vincent trusts about Tess. he said he is trusting that she's trying to give 100% in the process. He doesn't trust that she will give 100%. Tess thinks it is funny that he trusts but he doesn't trust. Rhonda asks Vincent how close he is right now to thinking divorce. Vincent says he tries no to think about it but it's been in the back of his head. If Tess was making progress and doing what she's supposed to do the divorce thought may go away. Tess says it makes her feel good and Rhonda tells her it makes her scared. Vincent wants Tess to show her honest emotions, true nature, how afraid she is and how much pain she's in. (Then Rhonda says her line that is in all the commercials.) Rhonda wants to know where the "Oh my God. Your husband was going to divorce you before the Starting Over House." Tess feels if she shows that he will know she is vulnerable and she will be out of control. Rhonda tells Tess no one can love that hard shell, a robot. Tess feels that people that are vulnerable are weak and weak are taken advantage of. Vincent reminds Tess that he has cried at times but no one walks over him and calls him weak. Rhonda tells Tess that to continue the way she is she will loose her marriage.

Allison is on the phone and tells Iyanla about the conversation with her Mom. she's upset that her Mom wasn't crying with her. Iyanla says that Allison needs to concentrate on herself with or without the support of her family. Iyanla wants her to celebrate life and asks what are some things Allison would like to do. Iyanla says she would like to do a runway strip-tease and a lap dance but everyone would say she lost her mind. Allison would like to go to Henry winston (??I think that's what she said??&quot and try on jewls. She would also like to go on a shopping spree on Rodeo drive and the clothes would all fit. They laugh and Iyanla tells Allison those are things that they can do.

We see Layne at the resteraunt again. Adam says he loves his country and she asks if he voted and he says no. She tells him she has a passion for politics that she got from her granspa. Layne says in confessional that he isn't informed, he really doesn't care and he didn't vote. Layne feels really sorry for Adam and then we see the date end after she gives him a good-bye hug.

Allison gets a phone call from Olivia Newton-John. She is super excited. We hear them tell each other their brief story. Allison says that if her story reaches five women she will feel better. Olivia wishes Allison well and they hope to meet each other some day in person. Allison hangs up and then yells "I just talked to Olivia Newton-John" and then clapping.

In order to trust Tess Vincent needs her to be open and hones and speak from her heart, not her head. She says she's scared and doesn't want to lose him. He tells her that they can't live in a glass box. It can't be avoided. Tess says that's what she has to do becaluse it is worth it. Vincent wants to believe it but she's a good actress but he wants to see it in her actions.Tess wants trust from Vincent. If Tess trusts Vincent she ahs to act like it. Tess says they need to have t rust established and Rhonda tells them that's impossible because that has been broken. They need to learn to trust each other.

Vanessa is seen working with the kids at Josephson Academy of Gymnastics. She is doing great with the kids. Anne Josephson tells Vanessa that she knows Vanessa has a strong background in dance and she tells Vanessa that they need a choreographer at their gym. Anne asks Vanessa if she is interested and Vanessa says she would love to do that. It sounds like Vanessa was just offered a job!

We see Allison playing with Vinny in the yard. Allison is thinking it is ironic that she is out playing with Vinny and thinking she won't have her own child but she loves kids and kids love her. They go on a walk and Allison tells Vinny the rulse is he can go a little in front of her but not a whole lot in front of her. She tells him he can count the snakes and tigers and bats and frogs. He says he doesn't think so becaulse he doesn't want to die. Allison laughs and says he is not going to die. (It was a really cute, light moment.)

Rhonda gives TEss and Vincent an assignment of writing a trust contract. She wants them to write seperate contracts and then get together and agree and sign the contracts. They can then see if they are doing what they say and decide if they want in or out. Vincent thought they were over this but realizes they aren't. Rhonda wants them to get this done so they can put it aside and enjoy their son.

We see Vinny showing his dad how to do the tornado in the hula-hoop. He spins while the hula-hoop goes around. vincent says that he misses Tess but Vinny really misses TEss and it is hard for him to be away from MOm.

Rhonda goes up to wake up Layne, the sleeping beauty. She tells Layne that she doesn't really open up so the man doesn't open up. Rhonda wants Layne to choose to be in love. Rhonda has Brad come back and tells Layne she wants her to fall in love with him. Layne looks shocked. Rhonda says if you practice loving you can fall in love with anyone. Choose to love.

Vincent is at the table working on the contract. Some of the things written down are love, honesty, trust, forgiveness, understanding and be a friend.

Vanessa calls Rhonda and she tells about her day and the opportunity to choreograph here. Vanessa tells Rhonda it isn't a fantasy anymore but in the process of making it a reality.

Brad is back. Layne answers the door with a laugh and a smile. she says in confessional you choose to love someone and then you can find out they are completely wrong. Rules don't matter. Throw out the rules. First Brad asks if there is a TV or radio to find out the final score of a game. He then calls a friend on his cell phone and finds out the score. Brad tells Layne he was late because he was on the phone with an ex-girlfriend that is having man problems and he is supposed to meet her to give her advice. He tells Layne that his ex is a 28 year old ex-model that is beautiful and he is late meeting her. Layne is now shown in confessional saying this is not good and she is not thrilled. Brad asks if they can hook up again and she says yes even though she knows 100% he is wrong for her. We see her hitting her head on the wall after he leaves.

Tess and Vincent go over their trust c ontracts and we see them shake hands. Vincent says that he vows to love her 100%, give her all of him, to give her trust and faith and not doubt her, he promises to forgive and not judge her, respect her. He vows to let the past be the past and to live their life. Tess says in confessional that she thinks they may end up separated or divorced if they don't follow these. TEss tells Vincent she promises to love him completely and be vulnerable, not betray him with physical or emotional infidelity, to trust him and who complete faith in him, to respect him at all times, to commit to not be so defensive and to never go to bed angry. They both sign them and Vincent says it's a binding contract.

Rhonda comes and talks with Layne. layne said the anser was no that she failed to fall in love with Brad. Layne tells Rhonda that Brad called to find the score of a game and then said he was late going to meet with an ex-girlfriend. Rhonda tells Layne that that shows he has great compassion and that he is a loving human being. Rhonda wants layne to think more open and not be closed. The point is that it is easy to close off but if you look past it you can find the good and more important things about them. Rhonda tells Layne bad work but good work and they hug.

Vinny tells everyone good-bye. He wants to leave a picture for Tess but she has a lot. Vincent doesn't want Tess to revert back to her old ways. Allison hopes that Tess appreciates what she really has.

On the next Starting Over. . .
Special eposide. Topic= Sexual abuse


<br><br>Post edited by: dbmcmommy, at: 2005/05/13 01:40

Thank you, thank you db. You do a great job! Good to go back and read, I missed some things watching it myself. Don't pay that close attention when I am not typing it! That Vinnie is a cutie. Hope his mom and dad can resolve things, for them and for that precious little child.

Thanks for the recap db. I thought I missed a lot in the episode but after reading the recap I realized I hadn't watched the episode yet well at least I now know I'm not losing it anyway