Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

I feel for you aresee.... I have been in the same kind of situations for a good part of my life.... in situations myself and in helping others in situations.

I want you to know this, THE PROBLEM IS NOT YOURS! Always remember that when dealing with this and your family members. By helping others with Support & Guidance don't end up with another situation of YOURSELF being in TOO deep! YOU have to set BOUNDARIES for YOURSELF on what you CAN deal with and what you CANNOT.

I have ALWAYS been there for anyone of my family members, loved ones, even strangers that deal with 'vices', temptations of the devil, addictions, whether it be alcohol or drugs, substance abusers that think they are just "partying" for now....

I did NOT set BOUNDARIES for myself.... I not long ago concluded that I CANNOT do it anymore...... I CANNOT carry the weight of other's problems of this sort. I don't want you aresee to end up carrying MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE!

USE YOUR WISE MIND, not only your EMOTIONAL MIND! I am on your side for YOU to stay strong, like you said you have four children that STILL need guidance no matter their age. It is NOT an easy world out there.... the evils & substances are just waiting to bring the next one in!

KNOW that I am thinking of you! I always do anyway when the PAIN of that Fibro kicks in like TODAY! Man... it is rough.

We are all here for you aresee! God bless you with strength!

HD

It is not a situation that I want to see anyone in. My ex in-laws were rampant drug abusers...large family too. Seen many in and out of rehab, prostitution, etc. One died of a coke overdose. When my son began smoking crack, I went batty inside! In counselling, he's had to discover just how many of his family members are addicts, recovering or otherwise and it's been tough on him. Good luck...encourage, but practise tough love. Best advice I can give.

I meant to say "when my son began smoking pot, I cracked; I went batty inside!"

So sorry I missed that typo until now.<br><br>Post edited by: netty, at: 2005/09/29 20:08

aresee i just said my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you go through this trying time.

And please feel free to come here any time to vent or when you just need a friend, someone is always here to lend an ear or a helping hand.


Take care of yourself and your family.

Teach<br><br>Post edited by: l2teach, at: 2005/09/25 18:03

Hello Ladies-

Received a letter from my BIL. It's a good letter but to be honest, I don't know how much of it I truly believe.

I have a cousin in prison that I write to and they both sound similar in some of their attitudes.

Maybe I don't know enough about what he's going through. I love him but I am still angry about what he has done to himself and his family.

He says that he had no control over the addiction but has control in his recovery. Does that sound right to any of you who have dealt with this before? I mean is he taking responsibility for getting better and not for taking the drugs in the first place? I have to admit I am a bit confused.

And you know what I just realized? I was feeling fine this morning, was all ready to start in on my homework (I'm back at school) but after reading his letter and became almost lethargic just zombing-out on television.

I know I have to stay one step ahead of this in order for it not to get me down. I just have to have faith that he will pull himself out of this pit himself for himself.

Thank again for listening. Your well wishes and thoughtful prayers are felt!

Love, RC

aresee wrote:

QUOTE:
Hello Ladies-

He says that he had no control over the addiction but has control in his recovery. Does that sound right to any of you who have dealt with this before? I mean is he taking responsibility for getting better and not for taking the drugs in the first place?

That's not what he meant, I'm sure. You see addicts believe that the addiction is a disease and they have no control over what the disease drives them to do. Once they taste recovery and grab ahold, they begin to find control again. Then, they feel in power once more. They begin to feel again. They begin to experience remorse. They are usually encouraged to face their past issues and deal with and accept them, then move past them. That is by no means to say that they never succumb to the addiction again, but most addicts who have sincerely grasped the process will instantly note the stumble and search for recovery once more.

I have a stepsister who as a teen was great to me. Then she started into alcohol, then pot, then coke and everything. I cut her out of mine and my children's lives. When my our dad died in March, it was the first time I'd seen her in years and she was totally high on crack most of the time...even was seen snorting at the funeral home! She went into detox, followed by rehab and seemed to be doing well for a while. Even remembered my birthday when others who should've didn't. AND she didn't force herself on me, but respected me enough to pass her wishes through my mother. Recently, one of her adult children reports that she's slipping again. Hopefully, she'll get back on track, but I had the foresight to warn my mom when detox started that most slip at least once so Mom wouldn't be disappointed if and when it happened.

We all hope the addict in our life can get it together, but we can't let their addiction control us either. Support without co-dependence.

Good luck on your journey and be strong!

Netty, thank you for your kind and wise words. They are truly an encouragement. What you explained about the whole recovery process makes a lot of sense.

I am so sorry to hear about your step - sister. My BIL is not coming home after an extended stay at the rehab program but will be going to a type of halway house. Prayers for him that he sticks with it but we are not holding our breath. He wasn't doing well at all in the program he is currently in, breaking too many rules. It sounds to us like he is resisting getting to a real level of truth. His counselor has even said that he is trying to munipulate the system any way he can. We'll just have to wait and see.

Again, prayers for your family and thank you for kindness.

RC