|
I hope I'm not stepping on any toes by posting this, but I had some time and thought I would write out a recap. Hope you all like it!!
Thursday – 9/22
It opens with everyone doing their morning routine and Lou and Jennifer are in the kitchen. Lou says he has to take his medicine and Jennifer tells him to make sure he doesn’t get himself too tired or sick again. Lou says he wasn’t up that late, only until like 2:00am. Jennifer is in the confessional saying that she has been with him for 10 years and the last five have not been that great. She says the last two with her daughter have been really hard. She was afraid of her marriage wouldn’t survive. She said the whole sex thing is an element that has been missing. She said there is a big wall. There are all kinds of reasons that have led to it – some personal and some between them.
Cut to Simon and Kacie in the bathroom and Simon says he’s feeling like he doesn’t want to be there. Simon is in the confessional and says when you first start anything it has it’s challenging times, and until you get comfortable with it, it’s really tough.
Dr. Stan is having his first group!! He tells the guys that they will meet him down on the basketball court to do some bonding down there and that the women will be meeting with Rhonda.
The women go to More than Waffles to have breakfast with Rhonda to discuss communication. Rhonda says that they are going to get down and find out what their men mean when they are speaking. Rhonda says that sometimes the most difficult thing to change with your spouse is your communication. How in the heck do we communicate our needs? How do they communicate? How do we translate what they are saying? How do they translate what we are saying? Jennifer says that it is the woman’s responsibility to let them know what we need and not expect them to read their minds, and not get angry when they don’t get it right. Rhonda says that’s absolutely right and we need to educate our mates on our process. Cheryl says that if she is anything other than a stepford wife then Troy takes it personally. She says that she can be upset about something someone else does and he takes it personal. Rhonda asks what does that mean she needs to communicate to her mate about her process and Cheryl says I had something happen today…Rhonda breaks in and says forcefully – It’s not about you, Troy. This is about me. Stay out of my business, and be here for me cause it’s not about you. This isn’t about the marriage. This isn’t about the future. It’s just about me right now. Rhonda then asks how many people felt misunderstood before coming to the SOH. All the women nod their head in agreement, and Rhonda asks Kacie how she has felt misunderstood. Kacie says she tells Simon something, but does he really hear what she is saying? Kacie says she wants Simon to almost feel what she is feeling. Rhonda asks if she wants empathy and Kacie says not really empathy but an understanding of how she is feeling. Simon always retreats and it will seem like he is ignoring her. Rhonda says that sometimes when we are looking for understanding we are looking for agreement. She asks them to be aware if they are looking for understanding or agreement.
Dr. Stan is out on the court shooting some hoops and then the men join him. Dr. Stan says that he wants to talk about the differences between how men and women communicate. Communication is about sending a message and making sure that your message is received accurately. Dr Stan says make eye contact because it shows you care, active listening because it shows you are really trying to understand how someone feels, and open ended questions so that your bias doesn’t show and your mate can come and talk about what they need to talk about. Dr. Stan asks Simon what Kacie says when she gets very upset. Simon starts to go on a tirade – What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you get off me? I need space, I need privacy, I need time. I need you to back me up in my career. Why aren’t you doing this with a mirror? You don’t need to tell me how to raise her, you’re not always right. Dr. Stan asks how he responds and he says whatever and walks away. Dr Stan makes him drop and give him 10 push ups. Dr. Stan says poor communication is a serious issue and puts couples in grave jeopardy. He says if they don’t learn to communicate effectively with their partners, they might just be asked to leave the SOH. Dr. Stan asks Simon what he did wrong, and Simon says that he shut her out. Dr Stan says that he basically said to her that he isn’t interested in her feelings I don’t even want to take the time to face you and let you talk to me. Now Michael says Jaclyn says that she can’t believe he is doing that to her, you’re being so cold, you just turn around and won’t let me in. You shut me out. Dr Stan says it doesn’t sound angry, but more hurt and sad. Dr Stan takes him through the role playing and Michael says I can see you are really hurt and that you are confused. Dr Stan says because?..make it simple. I can see you are hurt and confused because you don’t think that I care.
Jaclyn is explaining how she felt misunderstood saying that when she tries to express her feelings Michael takes them as an attack. Rhonda in the confessional saying that Jaclyn has been through a terrible date rape and she is now trying to repair her relationship with Michael who cheated on her. But what she doesn’t realize, it that if she doesn’t quit punishing him that she will lose him forever. Rhonda says that Michael will quit proving his love for Jaclyn if she doesn’t forgive him, then she won’t know and then she’ll be lost. Jaclyn nods her head in agreement.
Now Troy is up with Dr Stan and he is forced do push ups too. He says he asks his wife to get him something from the store while she is out after she rattles off a list of chores she is going to do while Troy sits and relaxes. (Lou let out a little “shoo” with a headshake while the other guys laughed) Dr Stan says that it appears Troy and Cheryl’s communications problems are the same and that they have an underlying contempt to them. That can be the most undermining quality to a relationship. Dr. Stan says that people will often use ridicule, sarcasm, or some sort of humor. Instead, try to see what your mate is actually trying to say. He tells the men to try to use these new skills of communication today.
The men go up to the kitchen and Lou says that he and Jennifer can get really ugly. Simon says doesn’t that almost feel sarcastic though by telling them how they feel. Michael says that it is just that way with guys and you wouldn’t put up with it from a guy you’d hit him in the chin. The women return.
Group – women on one couch, men on the other. Iyanla asks Michael if he cooked breakfast for everyone this morning. He says no and Iyanla asks him why not. He said he knew the lesson was for him to not take on things for others and Iyanla tells him that it is about being able to stand up for yourself and saying no, but next time learn the lesson and do the assignment. The group is about communicating your expectations. Kacie and Simon talk about their expectations and what they communicated to each other. Simon says that he wants to be loved unconditionally. Kacie says she feels like he is saying that he wants her to love him even though he is doing something that she doesn’t’ agree with or doesn’t want to do and that she feels he doesn’t think she loves him because they don’t agree (read Waffle House Love 101). Simon says that she holds on to things exteriorly and that every gift he gives her comes from his heart. Kacie says there is no care or thought behind it because he gets it the day of the occasion. And then they start talking over each other. Iyanla tells them they have to let their partner speak. Simon says that Kacie will go on for 12 hours about the same things. Iyanla yells Simon! Do you realize that anything you do to make her happy is going to benefit you? Iyanla is in confessional talking about how they are arguing about gifts because Kacie wants an expression of his passion. Girls want to be seduced. Kacie says she wants passion and not just physical sex. Simon says that he is frustrated. Kacie asks what he wants to do if he wants to finish their conversation and he says no. Cheryl said her expectation was to be involved in the community and to be a housewife, but went through a depression and that Troy felt like she had too much idle time to think and stew. Cheryl asks how could we have filled that idle time and Iyanla stops her and says Cheryl is about to whack him and that’s inappropriate communication. Iyanla tell them not to come into a conversation with answers already imprinted in your mind. Jennifer says her expectation was to be taken care of monetarily. Jennifer and Lou were looking to be taken care of in a parental way.
Lou and Jennifer are outside and Lou says to Jennifer that he has always loved her since they got together and had those kind of feelings, but they have been clouded by their crap. Jennifer says that their relationship is lacking everything. Lou says he feels freer and freer to give himself to her completely. Jennifer said she feels scary because she doesn’t feel ready to reciprocate. She says it’s her and not him. Jennifer doesn’t want to relinquish control or be hurt.
Troy, Michael, and Simon are in the kitchen and Michael says the girl I cheated on her with I met at the gym and every time Michael goes to the gym Jaclyn becomes suspicious.
Iyanla, Kacie, and Simon are having a session. Iyanla talks about their disagreement over Kacie’s dress. Iyanla reminds Simon that Kacie’s body is her own even though they are married. Simon says he wants Kacie to dress sexy for him. Then Iyanla asks Kacie about living in a perpetual state of terror. Kacie says that Simon’s eyes are really mad. Kacie breaks down and Iyanla has Simon put his arm around her and her head on his chest to hear his heartbeat. Iyanla tells her to hold so she’s safe. She said the eyes were the same as the man that molested her. She tells Simon that it is the meanness that scares her and it affects her ability to be intimate with him. Simon is in the confessional saying that he feels helpless and he doesn’t know how to deal with Kacie’s molestation and that he doesn’t know how to be vulnerable. Iyanla tells Kacie and Simon to remember this moment where he is holding her and remember what it feels like.
Cheryl and Troy are in the kitchen and Cheryl said that she thinks Troy was right about her idle time. She said that she is an extreme thinker so if something isn’t working she goes to the extreme in the opposite direction. Cheryl said she felt that when she wasn’t allowed to stay home anymore that Troy didn’t approve of her. They hug and Troy says that he does approve.
Jaclyn and Michael meet with Dr Stan. Michael says their communication challenges are that he is non responsive. Jaclyn says that she gets angry and raises her voice. She said she feels emotionally abandoned. They start talking about the affair and Dr Stan asks her how long Michael’s sentence is and she said she is scared that if she stops punishing him he will leave. Michael says he doesn’t know if he can take it and how long he can stay. Dr Stan says we are not responsible for what others do and that it’s about her. Jaclyn feels that Michael blamed her for the rape that happened. Michael said that it was because he couldn’t confront the rapist and took it out on her. He doesn’t hold her responsible now, but she holds herself responsible for what happened. She has flashbacks of her rape and that it is interfering with their sex life. Dr Stan says that she puts herself in a box because if she closes her eyes during sex she is allowing herself to have the flashbacks of the rape and not seeing her partner’s face if she opens her eyes. Either thing is bad for her because one is rape and the other is infidelity. Dr Stan says that she has to work through her problems otherwise she will be right, but alone.
Simon and Kacie are on the hammock and Kacie is lying on Simon’s chest and they are talking. Kacie says she keeps telling herself over and over she is safe.
Jaclyn and Cheryl are in the kitchen. Jaclyn says that there are more issues that what they came to the house for. Cheryl says that Jaclyn has been hurt and that she understands the impulse to punish and control, and Jaclyn said that it’s not Michael’s fault.
Everyone is at the table eating and Cheryl is saying she is pissed because everyone is asking her if she is jealous, but she says that she was just insecure with herself. Cheryl says she has a huge chip and it’s just weighing her down because it is just stuck and she can’t move past it. She says that she feels the jealousy is when she catches Troy doing something. Lou laughs and says you are right where you were when we left.
The housemates are all getting ready to go out salsa dancing. The instructor calls everyone down to the floor and Simon says he has to finish his drink. Kacie goes out to the floor and yells who am I supposed to dance with. She keeps motioning to Simon and he finally comes over. Lou and Jennifer are having a great time and really connecting. Michael and Jaclyn are just having fun but Michael is not a dancer. Kacie is trying to help Simon learn the steps and he is getting angry. He says that Kacie’s coaching him is irritating because he is trying to learn from the instructor and not from Kacie. He said there was no chemistry between him and Kacie. Lou and Jennifer are awesome together - close and laughing. Troy and Cheryl are sitting at the table and he says that he’s thinking of the steps when they are dancing and Cheryl asks him if he can accept that he stepped on her toe He said yes he could accept that. And Cheryl says I have a right to say ow, that hurt. Troy says in voice over that the night is ending with an unhappy Cheryl and not the same Cheryl that showed up at the club. Cheryl tells Troy that she was right about the jealousy issue at the table from earlier and that he just tore into her.( I never saw that part and rewound the tape and watched for it) Simon is sitting off to the side by himself and he says he doesn’t want to be there anymore because Kacie instructing him wasn’t working out. Kacie is talking to the others at the table saying that she thinks it was the way he was raised and he doesn’t see that, but she does. Kacie says she feels, lonely, upset, angry, and very annoyed.
Preview: Iyanla has handcuffs on Michael and asks if he is willing to let Jaclyn go if he has to stay in a relationship like this. Jennifer and Lou attack their fears. Jennifer is crying and says that it is hard for her to hear that. Rhonda says the only way to save their relationship is to put the past behind them. Simon shuts down. Kacie asks if Simon heard her. He laughed and then Kacie said she didn’t like that and started crying. Iyanla is trying to get Kacie’s attention.
Well, that’s it. It was a very long episode, or it feels that way when you are typing it out, but I tried to get as much conversation as I could. Hope you enjoy!! Have a great day.
|
Home 
