Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Ok sistas...I'm offering this one spoiler....now gonna go back and ask TVgal if she'd be willing to visit with us over here, or if we can copy her spoilers...she's very nice so I'm hoping it's okay....with much gratitude to TVgal and her host......AndrewluvsSO (by the way...he can really be a hoot!)

Thursday 9/22

Simon is talking to Kacie and is telling her that he is feeling like he doesn’t want to be there.

It’s DR. STAN!! He looks scruffier to me. He just introduces himself to them and tells the guys to meet him on the basketball court for some male bonding.

Rhonda meets with the women. They are talking about communication. Jennifer says that it is their responsibility to tell their partners what they are feeling. They talk about how they feel misunderstood. Kacie says she wonders if he hears what she tells him. Rhonda asks if they are looking for understanding or agreement. (hmmm?)

Dr. Stan is talking to men how communicating is like basketball. Don’t let you bias show. Simon has to show Dr. Stan how Kacie talks to him. Then Dr. Stan plays Kacie and rags back on him and Simon says “whatever” and walks off. (this is role playing) Dr. Stan says it is bad communicating and has Simon give him 10 push ups. Then he does the same with Michael and uses his experience with Jaclyn to show how to answer her back.

Back to Rhonda and the ladies. Rhonda tells Jaclyn that she believes that Jaclyn is afraid to forgive Michael because he will leave once he is forgiven.

It is Troy’s turn. How does Cheryl react with anger. It is basically that Cheryl does everything (bills, cleaning, raising son, etc.) Dr. Stan asks Troy what his response to her is and Troy says, “since you’re going to the store anyway, will you pick something up for me? Dr. Stan tells him to do push ups. He tells them about “mirroring” what the women say.

Later when the guys are together, one of them says it sounds weird to say back to them “I know that you are feeling……” And one of the other guys says that is because guys don’t talk to each other way.

Group with Iyanla. Iyanla asks Michael if he cooked breakfast for everyone. He says no. Iyanla asks why and Michael says that he thinks the lesson to be learned was to stand up for himself and not do for everyone else. Iyanla says that the lesson to be learned was to just say no, but that next time do the assignment and learn the lesson. (I did not get that? So go ahead and wait on everyone for breakfast and then wait til group to say you won’t do it again?)

Iyanla asks the women and men what their expectations were coming into the house. Kacie confronts Simon about how he doesn’t listen and Simon jumps in and they are talking over each other. Iyanla is pointing out what their expectations ar and how they did not communicate them to each. Iyanla asks him what his expectations are and he says to be loved unconditionally. Kacie talks about how he doesn't remember her birthday til later. He says that as long as he gets her something what difference does it make? She said it is knowing that he thought of her. It shows her passion. Simon gets mad and Iyanla tells him to listen to Kacie instead of interrupting and he says that she goes on and on. It gets to the point that Kacie asks him if he wants to continue this conversation about passion and he says no.

Lou is talking to Jennifer. He tells her that he is feeling so much freer to give himself to her. Jennifer is crying and saying that she if scared because she doesn’t think she is as far along the intimacy issue as he is. Lou asks her what is it about intimacy that scares her. She says that she is afraid of being hurt.

Michael is in kitchen talking to the guys and telling them about going to the gym and Jaclyn gets upset if he stays very long. She doesn’t trust him.

Iyanla meets alone with Kacie and Simon. They talk about how Simon doesn’t want her to dress sexy. He says that in his culture the women cover themselves and he doesn’t like skin to show because that is “his body”. Iyanla corrects him and says that it is Kacie’s body. It comes out that she only dresses sexy when she goes out with her friends. Iyanla points out that when your sexual needs are being met and then she goes out looking sexy it makes him mad. Simon agrees that that makes sense. Kacie asks what he wants her to do and he says to dress sexy for him. That she never dresses like that when it is at “home”.

Iyanla goes back to something interesting that Kacie had said the day before about living in terror. Kacie starts crying hard. Kacie says it his eyes when they look angry. Iyanla asks her when she first saw those eyes. Kacie is crying really really hard. Iyanla is telling her to rise above it and not be in it. Iyanla tells Simon to take Kacie and put his arm around her and put her head on his chest so that she can hear his heart beat. It calms her. She is able to tell them that it reminds her of the eyes of the man who molested her as a kid. Simon says in confessional that he has no idea how to help Kacie through this.

Dr. Stan meets with Jaclyn and Michael. Dr. Stan says that today is about communication. Jaclyn says that when she tries to talk to him that he shuts down and Michael feels that it is a no win situation. Dr. Stan eventually asks Jaclyn when the affair was. A little over a year ago. Then he asks how long Michaels sentence is. That is when she says that she is afraid to forgive him. Dr. Stan tells her that she can’t live her life by worrying about what he is going to do. Then Jaclyn brings up the rape and she says that Michael made her feel like it was her fault that she put herself in that situation. Michael agrees that he said to her, “how could you put yourself in that situation?” Jaclyn says that their sex life is pretty much non-existent because when they have sex she sees the rapists face. Michael says that he knows it because she will not make eye contact. He admits he doesn’t know how to help her. Dr. Stan says that she has to work through it on her own.

We see some small bonding moments between Simon and Kacie (very sweet) and Jaclyn and Cheryl while they cook dinner. Then the couples are having dinner together and discussing whether Cheryl is a jealous person or not. It does a productive conversation. It is nice to see that this diverse group seem to actually like each other and get along well. The men seem to be more bonded than the women.

The couples get dressed up and go out to learn salsa dancing. Michael and Jaclyn are having fun. He is not a very good dancer, but he is dipping her and laughing and trying to learn. Lou and Jennifer are totally connected. Lou says it feels like it did 10 years ago. Kacie and Simon are rocky from the start. He won’t go up to dance right away and then when he does, he is trying to listen to the instructor and Kacie is trying to boss him and they both end up mad and he lets her sit at the table without him. Meanwhile, Cheryl is ripping on Troy about stuff that was said at dinner about whether she is jealous or not. So they were having fun and then Cheryl sucked the fun out of the evening.

Preview-
Kacie and Simon are with Iyanla and Simon is being a jerk.

Iyanla (I think it is her) with Michael and asking him if he could leave Jaclyn.

You're welcome

Thanks a lot earthmomma and send a big thanks to TVgal as well. I only posted on the boards a couple of times since the show started, but I was a bit obsessed with reading them.

Your welcome! Yeah...spoilers are the best...especially TVgal's.

Thanks sooo much earthmomma. I love spoilers alot. Now I see why you guys miss tvgal, veerrry detailed.


LOVE IT!!!

So you plagarized two of them before I could answer you. And I am a very nice person but I really feel screwed over. This takes a lot of time, do you get that? I do it for free! This was rude.