Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Thank you for the morning laugh needed a good laugh this early

TO: GOD
>>
>>FROM: THE DOG
>>
>>Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,
>>smell one another?
>>
>>Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is
>>it still the same old story?
>>
>>Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar,
>>the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
>>named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We
>>do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler
>>Eagle"
>>the "Chrysler Beagle"?
>>
>>Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human
>>hears him, is he still a bad dog?
>>
>>Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
>>signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,
>>electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do
>>humans understand?
>>
>>Dear God: More meatballs and less spaghetti, please.
>>
>>Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have
>>to apologize?
>>
>>Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
>>remember to be a good dog.
>>
>>1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they
>>throw it up.
>>
>>2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
>>because I like the way they smell.
>>
>>3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box,
>>although they are tasty.
>>
>>4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
>>
>>5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and
>>Dad's laps.
>>
>>6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
>>
>>7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
>>
>>8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
>>driver's license and registration.
>>
>>9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
>>toilet.
>>
>>10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way
>>of saying 'hello'.
>>
>>11. I don't
>>need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
>>
>>12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
>>house -- not after.
>>
>>13. I will not throw up in the car.
>>
>>14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
>>
>>15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
>>crotch when we have company.
>>
>>16. The cat is not a 'squeaky
>>toy' -- so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's
>>usually not a good thing.
>>
>>And, finally, My last two questions... Dear God: Why do humans only
>>have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?


>>P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

love all the posts Nadia thanks for brightening my day once again.

My turn again Nadia...got this email from my mother

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

Thes are all so funny!!! The articles really gave me a chuckle. Thanks Nadia.