Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Today is a day of twists and turns. Rhonda feels the SOG's are stuck and need out of their rut to grow.

The Starting Over Gals start off the day with a gospel chorus coming into the house and singing. The SOG’s are all clapping and smiling. One of the men gives Layne an envelope that says do not open until 12:30. Karen points out it’s a wild and crazy day with no schedule.

We see Tess talking on the phone with her Brother-in-law. She tells him she would like to have a talk show or something with his agency. He tells her there is a smaller agency that could take care of her. With her being on Starting Over will help her, just like it did Amorosa from The apprentice. Tess is so happy she’s about to cry. (Give me a break! We saw this coming!)

Megg meets with Dr. Stan. They told us on yesterday’s show that she was date raped. Dr. Stan wants to know 5-10 beliefs on being in an enclosed state. One is cannot get out. Dr. Stan points out that you can always get out. Others are can’t breath, get sick or pass out. Dr. Stan wants Megg to realize her thought s are irrational. Megg feels as though it’s not important how she’s feeling and Dr. Stan says that’s true because her heart isn’t controlling. Her brain is. With her and the going to get sick thoughts she realizes that has never happened. The more you argue against an irrational belief the weaker the belief becomes. Megg doesn’t believe it. Dr. Stan tells ehr it has worked for millions of people and she is being really stubborn and he is wondering why she needs to hold on to them.


Allison is on the phone again telling her aunt about the bad gene they discovered. Allison tells her aunt that her Mom wants her to adopt a Chinese baby. She says with no boobs and no ovaries she’ll never find a husband and Aunt says maybe Allison and Patrick can get married. (Patrick is her gay friend.) Spiritually Allison isn’t pissed off. Only sad. She doesn’t feel she deserves to be mad and realizes she needs to work on her self-esteem.

Iyanla wants Karen to invite Anna to the SO House. She can’t get hold of Rachel but she always calls back. Karen called her youngest, Anna, who just got in and Karen said it wasn’t a good time to talk to her but it never is. She said Hi, I can’t talk, Bye. Karen called back and told Phil, her ex, she really needs to talk to Anna. Anna gets on the phone and Karen tells her she really needs to talk to her and have her come to the house and Anna says no and Karen says that she is not giving up on her and Anna tells her Mom “F*@% you!” and hangs up. Iyanla is shocked and says how dare a child say that to Mom. Karen says it hurts a lot because she wishes her daughter would listen and would not be in so much pain.

Megg is going over a coping dialogue to help her cope.
1. I am not in danger. Small children, disable and senior citizens do it every day.
2. If it were dangerous, warning signs would be posted everywhere. (Dr. Stan is funny with this one. He yells “Stop. You could die here!)
3. I am nervous and tense because of fears inside me. Not because anything bad will happen.
4. My life has been ruled by these fears long enough. And I’m tired of not doing the things I want to do.
These things will help her reprogram her brain. Dr. Stan tells her today they are going to the airport. Megg gets upset and says she’s getting tired of doing this and Dr. Stan points out all the success they have made already. he won’t force her to do anything. She is in control. He is there to support.

Iyanla and Karen try to call Anna but get the Answering machine. Karen leaves a message that says it’s mom calling and she wants to speak with Anna and will try later. Karen tells Iyanla that Rachel will talk to her and they will try to call her. Karen has drafts of a letter to Anna. Karen doesn’t want her to go through life hurt and angry. Iyanla tells Karen to write that. If Anna doesn’t have compassion, forgiveness and acceptance for her Mom how will she get through life having those for herself or others. That’s what Karen feels most responsible for. Iyanla tells Karen to be the mother here. The mother teaches, nurtures, demonstrates and is the example. Iyanla tells her that it can change and anything else is unacceptable.

Allison has decided to turn over her non-profit responsibilities to someone else. She realizes she needs to go to survival mode. The non-profir organiation is Shape our Strength to raise money for food banks. Layne says in confessional that it is overwhelming but real what Allison is going through at a young age. Allison tells Megg and Layne she’s been thinking about it for a while. They decide they’ll have to go one day at a time.

Allison tells Iyanla that she was rejected by the guy she went on a date with and he doesn’t want a second date. Allison is disappointed but didn’t really want to go out again because he wasn’t a potential love but they had good conversation. Iyanla asks ehr if she wants good conversation or Boo-Boo and Allison says Boo-Boo. Iyanla tells her OK because she might have been temped to settle.

Megg goes to the hot seat during group. She thinks it might be too early to have a step. She then realizes with Iyanla’s help that she has identified triggers and that is her first step. she has been courageous and not jumped ship. They are still working on the other steps. Megg thought it would take a lot longer to get a step. When you get comfortable you are not growing. When uncomfortable they push the envelope. The ladies don’t know what’s going to happen today and they are uncomfortable. They know something will happen at 12:30 when Layne opens the envelope but they are antsy. Schedules and plans are what drive Layne. She lets the little things slide. Vanessa says keeping a schedule keeps your mind off things. They talk about the schedule of society. The schedule they give an example of is college, serious dating at 25-27, married by 30 and then kids. Tess says she’s upset because she went off her schedule when it came to a career. When asked what that is Tess tells Iyanla her passion lies in communication and entertainment. Iyanla says in confessional that she is getting irritated saying that TEss is having a hard time spitting this one out but has never been shy before. Iyanla tells Tess she doesn’t have time for stories and Tess finally spits out that she wants to be a talk show host or something similar. She also wants to act and write. Iyanla tells her to get focused. Be in the moment today. Rhonda joins group and Iyanla tells Rhonda that they have been talking about spontaneity and getting lost in the moment. Structure and schedules help them control and not feel. Rhonda tells them the hardest day in the Starting Over house is the day you leave. Allison is uncomfortable and tells them she’s not positive right now. She doesn’t have goals but wishes. Her vision is her career, love life, and happiness. Allison says she has had a lot of disappointment lately. The test and the rejection upset her. She didn’t want the guy anyway and needs to realize that. Allison is scheduled to see a plastic surgeon today. Iyanla tells them they need to create a great day.

Layne tells Vanessa she’s going nuts waiting for 12:30. She was told this morning she has to open it with all the ladies present. Vanessa looks tense about the contents also.

Allison meets with Dr Jay Orrigeria, the plastic surgeon. He tells her the different types of reconstruction and some pictures. Allison is shocked because there are still visible scars. She was expecting perfect breasts. If she ever has a boyfriend or hubby he won’t see her without scars and that saddens her. She needs to lose 30-40 pounds before surgery would be done.

Megg and Dr. Stan are at the airport. The plane has one door and it means less escape to Megg. Dr. Stan and Megg get in the plane and she freaks out a little bit but Dr. Stan is with her talking to her.

Karen is on the phone with her ex. He tells her Anna won’t talk to Karen on the Starting Over line. Anna doesn’t want any part of what Karen is doing.

Megg starts freaking out and wants the door opened and then uses her connector and calms down. They start the engine and they just taxi around on the ground but Megg does great. She has a big smile and feels good.

Karen is painting. Iyanla encourages it to channel her sorrow and frustration. It is therapeutic.

Allison calls Iyanla and tells how the appointment went. It was hard and a lot to process. Allison was expecting Pamela Anderson breasts. Iyanla tells Allison that God and Boo-Boo won’t care what the breasts look like. Iyanla tells Allison a lesser woman couldn’t do what she is doing.

Karen talks with Iyanla and tells her that she will try to call Anna again later on. Karen thinks the worst thing she did was not be on time and not be in Anna’s life and was distracted from being a mother. Karen didn’t stand up to Phil to say she wasn’t leaving. Karen lost respect for herself. Karen has an assignment to interview the housemates and ten others to find out what is the worst thing they have done, were they able to ask for forgiveness and say sorry and how did they repair their relationship or did they let it go.

It is now 12:30 and everyone is around. Layne yells Oh my God. They have 30 minutes to pack because they are going on a road trip and will be gone for five days. They start rushing around packing. Total chaos! Rhonda comes to the house and is amazed by all the luggage but the ladies don’t know where they are going. allison has 5 bags! They shove it all in the vehicle and Allison is going to drive. They are driving to Baker, CA to get their next set of instructions. Rhonda says they are off with more luggage than she has ever seen. They have an idea of where they are going but have no clue what will happen once they get there. Just like life.

On the next Starting Over. . .
**Tension between the women explodes
**Tess starts making demands and it could be the final straw to the Starting Over Gals.

OK&gt; I got goosebumps when Rhonda said the closing line to the show today. A really neat ending. I still have goosebumps! I hope everyone enjoys the recap. I’m out of here!<br><br>Post edited by: dbmcmommy, at: 2005/05/14 00:45

I know this is going up before db has gotten yesterday's up, but I'm hoping to sleep tonight, so decided to put it up now. Hope it doesn't throw anybody off too much.

Tess and Vanessa get into an argument on the car ride to Baker, CA. Tess talks about her tantrum and the events that surrounded that tumultuous day, which she is technically not supposed to address again. Iyanla specifically said in the group session that followed Tess’ breakdown that they were not to bring up those events again.

The women finally arrive in Baker at the giant thermometer and learn they are ultimately headed to Las Vegas. Each woman will face challenges on this trip, including Megg who immediately worries about the elevator she’ll have to take to get to their room.

The women arrive at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas in the evening. Megg needs some time to psych herself up to ride the elevator, so her housemates go on up to the room. Megg struggles, but she is finally able to ride 51 stories to their hotel room. She collapses in tears when she reaches her floor.

Still feeling uncomfortable around Tess, Layne does not like the room she draws because it means she has to walk through Tess’ room to get to her area. Layne debates on whether or not she should switch rooms and realizes switching would be taking the easy way out.

The life coaches and Dr. Stan conduct group in their hotel room. The women all agree that so far, the trip has not been pleasant, especially the car ride into Nevada where Tess was arguing with the women. Tess argues in group that she didn’t &quot;break the rules&quot; by dredging up the past and asking Layne to apologize for calling her violent. Once again, it appears that Tess does not understand &quot;the process.&quot;

The women finish group by saying they are all proud of Megg and then head out to dinner and a magic show to celebrate. Meanwhile, the life coaches have another meeting to discuss Tess’ progress. &quot;Is the STARTING OVER house the right place for her?&quot; Rhonda asks. &quot;Is she ready to change?&quot; Iyanla is concerned that Tess broke the agreement about not speaking again about their previous group discussion. Dr. Stan believes, in some ways, Tess is becoming better at being defensive, plus he still isn’t sure why she’s in the house. The life coaches agree that Tess could have a hidden agenda and may only be in the house to gain fame so she can work in the entertainment industry.

Back in their hotel room after their night on the town, Tess tries to revisit today’s group discussion about Tess. Fed up, Vanessa blurts out, &quot;What the hell are you doing here? You are disrespecting the whole process.&quot; Iyanla walks in on this and helps facilitate a fierce conversation. Tess asks Vanessa how she could &quot;do it differently.&quot; Vanessa suggests that Tess take responsibility for her actions and not dredge up the past. &quot;I felt like I did that,&quot; Tess defends. Iyanla clearly sees Tess resisting feedback and continuing to fight to be right.

At the end of the night, Iyanla checks in with Allison to find out how she is doing after her breakdown in group. Allison is uncomfortable with the tension among the housemates and is worried she might have received a call about her testing today. Iyanla assures her that they have doctors’ appointments set up for the week they get back.

Thanks Netty for the Post

Very clever how you got that Thursday in there, db. Very good! This is my last posting of the show. I am off for vacation soon, and I hope all the days will be covered. I am hoping to read the show recaps here when I get back!

Monday, May 16

Today the women are still on vacation in Vegas. Tess doesn't look like she is going to make it here, they may just leave her there!! They are all getting frustrated with her, including the lifecoaches. I watched the show, but needed help from doggiemom for the spoiler.

The show starts with Tess in confessional saying she feels like she's being suffocated since she can't express herself as passionately as she normally does. She also doesn't like being singled out and other people being given the power to say and do what they want in regards to her.

Vanessa in confessional says that she has tried to forget what happened with Tess, but it's very hard. She says that Tess can't leave things alone and they're all waiting for her next explosion. There's a short clip of the van conversation.

A man comes to the suite with an invitation for Layne. All the women are to go to the hotel's wedding chapel, but Layne has to come in last.

Layne goes to tell Megg they have to leave. Megg has been crying all night and is still very upset. Layne asks Vanessa to call Iyanla.

Dr Stan comes to the suite and Megg is still in tears, she tells him she was crying all night because she is so upset about the elevators. In confessional Dr Stan says they might be pushing Megg a little bit, but he thinks she's ready. He asks Megg is she wants to quit, or continue to succeed, like she has. Megg says she hasn't done it, it's been he!! every time. Dr Stan asks the others to leave them alone, and tells Megg he thinks there's something else going on, that this is not about elevators, there's something deeper. He gives her the choice, to go on the elevator, and he'll go with her, or she can stay in the suite. She decides to go.

The others go to the chapel and meet Rhonda. Rhonda says in confessional that Layne's last step is giving up her wedding fantasy. Rhonda wants her to realize that marriage is a choice and a gift, not a &quot;have to&quot;.

Megg really starts to panic when she and Dr Stan go to leave the suite, and she says she can't do it. Dr Stan is thinking that the phobias are rooted in some psychological trauma. Megg agrees, but doesn't know what it is. Dr Stan gives her a hug and leaves her in the suite to take a nap.

Back in the chapel, Rhonda takes Layne aside and gives her a veil and bouquet. In confessional Rhonda is saying that Layne has said she wants to get married more than anything else, so let's get married. The groom, Fred, has some things in common with Layne, but also has hobbies and interests that are different from Layne's tastes. Rhonda really wants Layne to realize that her ideal man doesn't have to be perfect.

Rhonda officiates the &quot;wedding&quot;, their vows say &quot;until tonight do us part&quot;, so it's only for the day. After the wedding Fred says they're going for lunch, but he has to get changed first.

Iyanla meets with Allison and tells her she is going to meet with Betsy and help her with an event she is working on.

Dr Stan meets up with Layne, he will be with her and Fred all day to help Layne. Fred comes out wearing baggy shorts and t-shirt, and white socks with sandals. Layne clearly doesn't like the outfit, but doesn't say so until Dr Stan really pushes her. Then she says it's geeky. Fred says it's comfortable. Dr Stan asks Layne how she feels about it, Layne says she thinks it means they're not right for each other, but she is going to try and stay open.

Rhonda meets with Tess on the Las Vegas monorail, because it's like Tess's life, noisy, distracting, and it keeps ending up at the same place. She wants to see what progress Tess has made, and if she hasn't progressed, she won't be graduating. Rhonda pulls out a list of the things Tess has been working on in the house, and asks Tess what her housemates would think if Rhonda asked them about those things. Tess starts saying that people might not perceive her efforts etc, and Rhonda cuts her off. She's still being defensive, still speaking from her head instead of her heart, and Rhonda is wondering if she's just circling.

Fred and Layne have lunch, and Layne discovers that Fred likes watching sports, which she's not into at all. She asks him what he thinks he's missed out on by doing that, and he says nothing at all. Dr Stan steps in to deal with that question. He turns it around by asking Layne what she's missed out on by liking Italy, and she sees how her question dismissed Fred's interest and focussed on how they can't relate, instead of how they can. In confessional Dr Stan says that Layne has difficulty understanding that love isn't about a mirror image, but embracing someone who is different from you.

Iyanla arrives at the suite to see Megg. She also thinks there's something behind the phobias, and it's coming to the surface. She basically just reassures Megg and says that it will come to the surface and they will work on it.

Betsy Mullen, the president and founder of WIN Against Breast Cancer arrives to see Allison. There's a travelling exhibit called &quot;Stitch to WIN Against Breast Cancer&quot; and the Alladdin Hotel has agreed to give them a venue, so Betsy and Allison have to choose the space, fill the room, and raise some money.

Back to Rhonda and Tess. Tess is crying and saying she feels hurt because she thought Rhonda saw her, but it seems that she doesn't. Rhonda asks Tess &quot;What if I do see you?&quot; Meaning that Rhonda is trying to give Tess a picture of herself so she can have a clearer perception of herself. Tess thinks she has that, but people don't believe her, maybe she's inconsistent, but isn't that allowed? Rhonda tells her that it's not about inconsistency, it's about authenticity, and Tess's moments of authenticity have been few. Tess says she's confused. Rhonda wants her to be herself, but if she expresses herself in the way she does, then the other women wil get scared and feel threatened, and she's out. She says the other women get scared if she just raises her voice. Rhonda tells her she can express herself without hitting or throwing plates, but instead she just holds it in and starts pointing.

Back to Layne and Fred. Fred doesn't have enough money to pay for lunch, so Layne offers to chip in. He mentions that he's really bad at managing money, and goes to look for a cash machine. Dr Stan steps in to talk to Layne about it. Her reaction was to worry that he doesn't have any money in his account, since she doesn't have any more with her. He asks if she heard him say that he was bad at managing money. He says to her that people tend to be so reactive to each other they lose sight of what problems they are trying to solve. He wants Layne to understand the situation before having a reaction to it.

Group is led by Rhonda (Layne is there without Fred). It's about wishes. Rhonda rubs a lamp, there are some REALLY BAD special effects, and a bald guy appears and says he's a genie, and each of the women get three wishes.
Allison wishes she could win $100,000 in the casino, and for a hot husband that does plastic surgery.
Tess wishes for a husband that loves her unconditionally and does plastic surgery.
Layne wishes for $20 billion and a dream man who loves her completely.
Vanessa wishes for the body of Vanessa Marciel(sp)?? and long lasting love.
Megg wishes for long lasting love and to find her purpose in life. Rhonda asks why she just wants to find it, not do it or be it?
Karen wishes to be &quot;well compensated&quot;, paid what she is worth.

Rhonda says that all their wishes were lame. She really gets on Allison for only wishing for $100,000. In confessional she says that those who wish for money are really looking for security, those who wish for marriage are looking for love, and those who wish for more self confidence or self esteem are really looking for themselves. She tells the women to think big because wishes really can come true. (I thought they were in Vegas, not Disneyland? )

Lane and Fred meet up and he takes her to a classic car museum. It's clear Layne isn't interested, but she doesn't make any negative comments. When he asks her if she would come again, she says she wouldn't come back. Dr Stan pops in again and asks her for a different approach to &quot;I'm not going to&quot; and she says &quot;I'll go sometimes&quot;. Dr Stan suggests &quot;Let's discuss it.&quot; Dr Stan asks Fred if he knows what Layne likes and dislikes, and he says he knows what she doesn't like.

Later, they say goodbye at the elevator, and he gives her a hug. Layne meets with Rhonda and Dr Stan. She realizes that whenever something came up that she didn't like, she didn't say anything, but she made a decision about it. She acted like everything was okay, until Dr Stan pushed her to admit that it wasn't.

Layne says that she has been looking for someone she has a lot in common with because then things will be easier, there won't be as much conflict. Dr Stan says there won't be conflict because she won't find a man. He asks her if we fall in love with who a person is, or with who they might be. Layne says a combination of both. Dr Stan asks her if she would want Fred to love her because he thought she might have a potential to get into sports. Layne says no, it seems like she's finally getting it! Rhonda reads some things that Fred liked and didn't like about Layne,and his suggestions to her, one is to stop trying to change people. Dr Stan asks her if she's beginning to be able to imagine a relationship with a man who doesn't fit her list, but who loves her. She says she is, and it seems better, more interesting, more real.

Megg is a lot calmer (Allison did her hair and makeup to help her feel better) and she decides to have someone go with her in the elevator to see if it would be better. She asks Vanessa to go with her, and it's much better. She gets a little panicky, but controls it well, and doesn't cry at all! She's very happy as they go to dinner, and they all celebrate, except Tess, who seems to be sulking again. In confessional Tess says that she feels she is growing and has grown, she just feels misunderstood.

Previews:
The women's frustration hits an all time high. We see Karen, Allison and Megg in an empty theatre. Karen says quite forcefully &quot;She doesn't get it.&quot;

An emergency BOR puts Tess in the hot seat. We see Tess in front of the others crying really hard. I think she says &quot;I'm so angry and I'm just tired of it.&quot; but it's hard to understand her. In confessional she says &quot;I'm just going to say how I feel and I don't care if it gets ugly&quot;.

And her tears may not keep her from being asked to leave. We see Rhonda asking the others if Tess should stay or go.

Based on all the other spoilers, it sure looks like Tess is going to get kicked out, and I think that's the right decision. She's just been parroting what Rhonda says, but she's not actually doing anything. She really doesn't get it. JMO

Tuesday May 17, 2005

The Starting Over gals are still in Vegas.

Tess is frustrated and feels misunderstood. She feels uncomfortable and angry.

Iyanla calls and tells Layne that the SOG’s will tour the casino and take a lesson in gambling. Growing means taking a risk and what better place is there for risks than Vegas? Iyanla wants the women to take a look at the types of risks they are willing to take and why. We see a gentleman come to their room and tell the he will give them a tour and he gives them some tokens.

Allison comes down the elevator with Megg. She tries to get Megg to think of other things and asks her what her favorite Def Leppard song is.

We see the women at different games. Blackjack, Craps and Slots. Allison and Layne discuss that they play safe while their housemates do not. Layne says they will keep their money, not lose it all on a big bet. The odds are the worst on slots but Megg wins 500 tokens playing it!

Vanessa meets with Rhonda. Vanessa is being a risk taker by going and asking other people questions in public, opening up and dancing. She is also being a risk taker by giving up pleasing others. Vanessa has a dream to be a dancer and Rhonda tells Vanessa she has an audition tomorrow and if chosen she will perform in two days. Vanessa’s mouth drops open. She is a little bit nervous but excited. Vanessa didn’t make the Olympics, which was her last big risk. Carrie Ann Araba will help Vanessa practice her routine. Carrie Ann has helped with The Swan and American Idol. Leslie Mata, a dancer and stylist, is coming to help also. Vanessa is to call her housemates to watch her perform. This is a huge risk and Vanessa needs to stay focused.

Group today is with Iyanla. Gambling is risk, skill, gamble and luck. Layne says that all of those go into relationships. With more skills you have opportunity to end on a more positive note. For Vanessa the bigger risk is a bigger fall but it sets her up to take even bigger risks. For Allison in the genetic testing Allison said that in craps you can bet for the roll or against the roll. She was rolling and she wanted to bet against the roll. Iyanla says that so often we bet against ourselves. Allison says that she does it 24/7 and she’s tired of it. Iyanla asks are you ready to bet higher now and Allison says she needs to get through the fear. Megg adds that she could talk about fear! Megg is bluffing her way through being scared and it has shrunk her world. Megg admitted that she may be covering something up with her phobias. Iyanla wants them to take today’s experience as a metaphor for today. Board of Review is tonight. Iyanla tells them someone may graduate and someone may leave. Tess in confessional looks worried and says she’ll see what happens.

Tess is on her bed crying and emotional. She says she’s her own worst enemy. She’s mad others can’s see how she is feeling. Layne brings a glass of water to her. Layne then sits down on the bed and Tess puts her head on Layne’s lap and is still crying and tells Layne that she knows she wants to start over. She says she’s tried and says other things but I had a hard time understanding what she was saying in all the sobbing.

We see Vanessa practicing. Carrie Ann says that Vanessa is a really good performer. The only negative is that when Vanessa doubts herself it shows on her face. if Vanessa can get over that then the audience will lose that as well.

Rhonda meets with Layne and they discuss the fantasies she came into the house with. She thought she would meet the perfect guy, there would be no conflict, thought she would get married and have children and that she would be adored. As they say these they tear up the flowers in a wedding bouquet. Rhonda tells Layne they are in the wedding capitol. Rhonda wants Layne to interview a wedding officiate and a divorce lawyer.

Tess tells Karen that no one understands her and doesn’t feel ehr pain. Karen says in confessional Tess doesn’t have a clue. the ladies all get frustrated with Tess.

Layne walks in on a wedding in a chapel. Layne wonders how these people know this is the right one. The officiate. The chapel she is at does 20-25 weddings a week. He tells Layne to listen to her heart, no one else. It all makes more sense to Layne. He says couples need love and communication to keep the relationship strong. The burden is not as heavy if divided. joy is greater shared. He thinks that for every pot there is a lid.

Vanessa calls the SOG’s to tell them to come and see her dance.

Layne meets with a divorce attorney. When asked why people get divorced he says there are a ton of reasons. People get married expecting it to be forever. it will be until one dies or they divorce. It is easy to get a divorce and women don’t have to be married any more. More than half of the marriages end in divorce. Lonely is a terrible way to feel. The intent to marry should be a desire to do that. Not to be married but to marry someone in particular. Layne says it hits home. She thanks him but says she hopes she never sees him again and laughs.

Vanessa is getting ready. They tell Vanessa that if she goes in with a great look and gets noticed she has a better chance. Allison, Megg and Karen show up and discuss tonights BOR. They think someone may graduate and know that Tess will be brought up again. They discuss the car ride and we see flashbacks. Allison says there has been a negative vibe and that Tess hasn’t changed a bit. Karen says that Tess doesn’t get it.

Vanessa is nervous but performs great. Her routine contains a lot of her gymnastics background. The SOG’s love it and tell her she is awesome. Vanessa is nervous and feels like she doesn’t have enough time to practice.

Allison is curling Megg’s hair and she looks nice. Megg was so upset all night. With confidence, help and support hopefully megg can get to the bottom of what is bothering her. Allison loaned Megg her red shirt.

Rhonda and Iyanla come in for the Board of Review. They comment on how nice Megg looks. Layne is called up first and she is surprised. she thinks she is fully throwing herself in and evaluating herself well. She thinks she still needs to work on embracing commitments. Layne grades herself an A. She feels like she has thrown herself into exercise and is committed to the house. Layne thinks beyond what she is asked to do and feels she is growing and changing. Allison says that she knows it is hard for Layne to go out with different men but she looks for the silver lining and it shows. Megg tells Layne that Layne dives into every exercise, even the ones that scare her. Vanessa says that Layne has a love to learn and she takes it in and owns it and knows that after the house she will be Ms. Right and will find Mr. Right. Rhonda tells Layne that she is a mentor in the house and helped her housemates. Rhonda is giving Layne an A. The LifeCoaches want to give a calculated risk and Layne says she would like that. Layne is graduating but will stay on as a teacher/leader/mentor/mediator. Layne is speechless at first and then thanks them so much. Her graduation will be tomorrow. Everyone claps and Layne looks happy.

Tess is called up next and looks miserable. Tess tells them that her goal is to determine the future of her marriage. She feels what she is doing well is internalize and feeling her exercises. What she thinks she needs to work on is (and I am going to quote this. This is what she said!) “speaking from my heart directly to my mouth through my mouth from my mouth instead of from my heart to my intellect from my mouth.”
(Confused?) Tess grades herself a B because although she is feeling and engaging in exercises she is not sharing. She feels she is integrating the lessons completely. Iyanla asks Tess if she understands what integrated means. Integrated means you get it in your head, heart and then you can act on it. Tess believes she has done all this. When asked for an example she tells them she reached out to a housemate and told how she was honestly feeling and didn’t care that it didn’t look pretty. Tess gets feedback from the SOG’s. Rhonda reminds the ladies that Tess is on probation but she wants the SOG’s to be forthcoming and frank. Megg says she is frustrated because Tess doesn’t see the different perspectives. Layne says that there seems to be an unauthenticity of feeling from Tess and feels sorry for her because it would have to be miserable to go through life that way. Karen says that she hears Tess quote from books and says she has insights but then Tess doesn’t live them and that makes Karen sad. Allison says she wants to shake Tess because she is so much work. The SOG’s want Tess to get it over and over and over and over again but Tess won’t open her heart. The SOG’s don’t know how to love Tess without her opening up. Vanessa tells Tess that they have told her these things over and over but Tess shuts them out and doesn’t change. Tess takes it in and says she’s aware and it comes back. Iyanla points out that Vanessa is talking about integration, which Tess isn’t doing. Rhonda points out that Tess is skipping the work. Tess starts crying and says her heart is breaking. Rhonda and Iyanla ask what it is breaking from. It takes Tess a bit of time to spit it out, she is so upset. Tess’s heart is breaking because there is a disconnect. Tess says that she wants to scream because she is angry and tired of it. She’s angry that she hasn’t allowed hersel to feel and says she’s scared of letting all her emotions out. If she lets them all out there won’t be anything else there. Rhonda reminds Tess this isn’t the first time this has been talked about. Tess feels like she is running in circles and doesn’t show them who she is. Iyanla says that Tess is a frightened broken little girl trying to act grown up and not doing a good job of it. Rhonda asks the SOG’s if Tess should stay or go. Allison says based on the rules of the house Tess should go. Megg says Tess have more work to do before the house can serve her so Tess should go. Vanessa thinks Tess should go and Layne says the same. Karen doesn’t think this is the place for Tess now. They ask Tess to sit down so Rhonda and Iyanla can discuss to see how they want to more forward. Rhonda and Iyanla leave the room. All of the SOG’s look uncomfortable as they all sit there and don’t say a word. Tess just sits there quietly by Allison. No tears.

On the next Starting Over. . .

**Tess learns if she will stay or go
**Megg reveals what her panic attacks are hiding.
**Rhonda tells Layne she saved her biggest challenge for her graduation day.


OK&gt; There it is. It was strange listening to what Tess saying she needs to work on. The poor lady seems to be losing her thoughts, she was so upset. Can’t blame her. She did seem to turn the tears on and off but we could maybe chalk that up to editing! I’m done with today. Have a great day!<br><br>Post edited by: dbmcmommy, at: 2005/05/19 10:35

Since Wednesday wasn't previously posted and I didn't record it here it is from tvgal.

Wednesday 5/18

Rhonda and Iyanla go off by themselves. Iyanla asks if this has ever happened in the past that 5 out of the 6 women said someone should go. Rhonda tells her about the time last year when she had to tell a houseguest that the time was not right and that she should go and that the door is open for her to come back.

Rhonda and Iyanla go back to group and tell Tess that they don’t think it is the right time for her to be at the house. They are trying to say it very nice and they are telling her that she did not receive a C and they are not “kicking” her out. They tell her that if things change for her and she can show them that she is ready to come back, that she will be welcomed back in to the house. They tell her that she is going to stay in the room that night and leave early in the morning. That she can find closure with the others and hopefully leave on a better note.

Iyanla takes Tess in the other room and tries to explain to her that she realizes that it may have been difficult for her to be the only woman of color in the house. But she wants her to realize that this has nothing to do with race and Tess agrees. Iyanla tries to get her to see that she doesn’t get it. Tess disagrees. Iyanla tells Tess that she is violent. Not in the way we think as in being aggressive towards others but in her denials. (you will have to see Iyanla’s description) Iyanla hugs Tess.

Tess isolates herself the rest of the night. They go to her and ask her to join them and she doesn’t. They all write her a letter together. In the morning she just leaves and doesn’t speak to anyone. The camera follows her to the limo and Tess is history.

Rhonda comes in to lead group. The women tell her that Tess wouldn’t have anything to do with them. The other’s say they feel used by her. Allison is really hurt because she has spent that whole day with Tess’ son and it was the day she found out she couldn’t have kids and she felt bad but she hung out with him. Not that she didn’t enjoy it, Allison says that it had turned out to be a gift to her to be with him. Rhonda points out some little ways that Allison has in common with Tess.

Layne comes to the “love seat” and they go over her accomplishments. Allison is crying. Rhonda asks Allison what she is feeling and to be honest. Allison says in confessional that she and Layne are close in age and yet so different. Layne is blonde and beautiful and has excelled in her job. Plus while in the house, Layne has just flew through her assignments. Allison admits that she is jealous of Layne.

Rhonda says that today Layne is going to marry herself and she has to write her own vows. Layne is cracking up.

Vanessa goes down to the theatre to practice on her audition some more.

Iyanla goes and gets Megg to take a ride down the elevator. They go talk in the lobby. Megg says that it is getting easier. Megg says that she feels good for taking responsibility for her actions but she doesn’t think she has taken responsibility for herself as a person. She tells Iyanla that she just keeps getting these feelings of being ashamed. Iyanla tells her that they need to find the cause.

They follow Tess to the house. She calls her mom on her cell phone. She tells her that they were brutally honest with her and has asked her to leave. She tells her mom not to cry and that she realizes that she has not been honest with her feelings. Tess is comforting her mom.

Megg and Iyanla are talking about her relationships with men. Megg says that she likes men and the beginnings of relationships but that she then starts feeling that they are just there for the sex. Iyanla says that this in common for someone who has been molested at an early age. Iyanla ask Megg if she has ever been a relationship with a woman. Megg says that she has not been in a sexual relationship with a woman but that she has thought that she might be bi-sexual. In confessional Iyanla says that this is Megg’s secret. That being confused in her sexuality can cause women to second guess themselves.

Vanessa does her audition for David Saxe of the V Theatre. It looked good to me. He has no emotion showing on his face. In voice over Vanessa says that she thought she had done well but after she saw the producer’s face she thought maybe she hadn’t.

Karen tries to call Anna again. She says that the farther Anna pulls away it takes pieces of her heart.

He told her that she did some amazing moves and that he would see her tomorrow. She is thrilled and she goes to share her good news with Rhonda. We have giggles and clapping!

Layne is at a hair salon. The stylist obviously knows what is going on and she asks Layne if she has to divorce herself in the future if she decides to get married again. They laugh.

Megg is talking to Allison. Megg says that now it’s about her sexuality. She says that now everyone is going to think that she is bisexual. Allison asks her if it would matter to her that she already thought she was bisexual and she didn’t care. Megg tells her that she knew she was going to say that. This is a nice comfortable exchange between friends. It is nice to see that Megg is calm and seems to be at peace a little more than before.

Vanessa comes in the room and tries to act like she is upset and tells the others that she doesn’t want to talk about it. Then she starts laughing and tells them that she got the job.

Layne comes back to the room wearing her veil and jeans. The other women give her presents. Allison gives her a ring of hers for something old and borrowed. Then they give her some fancy undies for new and a bright blue purse that Layne loves.

Dr. Stan walks Layne down the aisle to Rhonda who is officiating. Layne reads her vows and they start by her saying that today she chooses to love herself. She cries through part of it. Rhonda prounounces her content and at peace and a bunch of other self. Layne asks if she can kiss herself. The women all seem to get a lot out of this ceremony. In confessional Allison says that she wishes Tess had gotten to see it and maybe learned from it. The women all really seem to fell bad about Tess leaving but they do feel it was for the best.

They go back to the house and show Tess packing her bags. It is dark when she leaves the house for good.

Preview-

Allison tries to overcome her insecurities. She is asking Iyanla “Why is it so hard for me?” Then in confessional she is saying that she is just realizing that that is where she is wanting to move into and she is just so jealous she can’t stand it. (I got no clue what that meant.)

We see Dr. Stan addressing Layne in her veil and telling her that she is moving into a new phase of her life.

We see a full theatre and an announcer introduces Vanessa as a great dancer. Vanessa says in voice over that she is not going to disappoint herself.