Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Mon. 10-4

Jennifer, Sommer, and Kim are discussing Josie. They don't like the way she is acting.

Rhonda meets with Josie and crowns her the "Queen of Punishment". She gets a crown, a throne, cape, and scepter. She has to wear this all day. She says she punishes her mom by leaving her out of her life, and hurting her feelings. She punished her grandpa by telling him she hated him. She keeps her dad out of her life. She doesn't let herself have friends, and keeps Chloe all to herself. Josie is afraid to let Chloe's father hold her, and to be in Chloe's life, her daughter may choose her father instead of Josie. Can't the child have both? Don't know the stability of the father, though.

Rhonda wants Josie to think ten years in the future. Josie cries, and says that they will be just like her and her grandma were, the only ones there for each other. Josie needs to ask others in the house how she punishes them, and how she punishes herself.

Kim is going to ask for her clothes back today. She feels the universe wants her to have them back. Her sweats got ripped and shrunk in the dryer. She sees a white dove, and thinks it's a sign from God she should get her clothes back. Sommer thinks it's a sign for the psychologist.

Jennifer is out chopping wood, to get in touch with her anger. She has a dull ax, the wood doesn't chop at all! Of course, that was not the point. I think it would be good to see a result of a pile of chopped wood when she got done. Anyway...

She is yelling out her anger at her mom, her dad, and at God for making her mom sick, and for her life. She is bitter, and feels betrayed. After the exercise, Iyanla has her lie in the grass. Jennifer determines it is not the anger, but the fear that holds her back. She removes a few more tags from her necklace.

Stan is with the ladies, and wants them to define their roles in the house. Kim sees herself as the mom, and they see Towanda as the father. Sinae sees herself as the entertainer. Kim says she is like the younger sibling, and Jennifer as an older child. Sommer feels left out. She is like the step-child, who stays out of the conflicts. She is sad, and the women just want her to open up, and be herself, not changing herself and her opinion to please everyone else. Stan says to just be who she is.

The ladies tell Sommer it's fine to listen to the sides of a story, but not to tell everyone that they are right. Sommer feels attacked if she keeps quiet, and attacked if she speaks her mind.

Josie calls her dad, and he says he thinks she is too hard on herself, and tries to conquer her problems all on her own. He doesn't think she punishes him, just misunderstands the situation.

Rhonda wants Sinae to pick a houseguest, and take her out for breakfast. They can't help Sinae with this task.

Rhonda sees a drawing Josie made of her kingdom. It has a castle, a moat, and fire-breathing dragons. Rhonda says Josie had four years of these punishment feelings, and 18 years of a happy life. She wants the truth of her life to be the 18 years of the good life. She gives back the crown, scepter, and cape back to Rhonda. Josie gives herself the title of Princess of Growth.

On the phone, Iyanla says Kim can have some clothes, but not her jewelry or fancy clothes. She must have got her way, because in the confessional last week even, she had makeup, jewelry, and fancy clothes.

Tomorrow shows Sommer all dressed like June Cleaver, dusting and cleaning the house. The women seemed annoyed by her. They also show Towanda and Iyanla together. Iyanla says I'm not willing to put my heart and soul into what we are doing.
Wonder what they took out of context this time?

Tuesday, 10-5

Sinae picked Jennifer to go to breakfast with. Jennifer is complaining about public transportation, having hand sanitizers, and being kidnapped. Sinae just took it all in, very much more mature than Jennifer!

Kim's daughters are coming today. They want to go shopping, and she wants to dress up to go out with her family. Iyanla only gives permission to do this for one day. She rushes off to get dressed and put on makeup!

Rhonda meets with Sommer, and they are discussing people pleasing. Sommer wants to get along with others, regardless of her own feelings. She has to dress up in the June Cleaver outfit, and become the ultimate people pleaser. She wants to define the line between being nice, and a people pleaser. I think this is where she gets annoying! I am watching this on tape as I see it, so I haven't seen the whole show yet!!

Sinae asks for help in reading the menu at the restaurant, and Jennifer is glad she asked for her help.

Iyanla says to Kim on the phone, the task in the SO house is to deal with the ugliness you feel inside.

Sommer is all dressed up in the Stepford wife look. Rhonda says as a people pleaser, she is ultimately responsible for everyone's happiness.

The girls are immediately sick of the voice and attitude Sommer is acting as. Can't wait to see them at the end of the day!

Jennifer and Sinae make it to Kim, who drives them the rest of the way home. Jennifer tells Kim she looks better without the makeup on.

Kim is taking advantage of Sommer's assignment, and is requesting some cleaning services be done. Towanda looks at Kim with a scowl.

Stan meets with Towanda, and wants to know her struggles. She says trust and honesty. She said she shut down, instead of being honest.

Sommer fixes lunch for everyone. Rhonda meets with ladies in group. Kim says Sommer is annoying, and not trustworthy.

(fast-forward commercials, I like this!) Rhonda asks when you are uncomfortable, what do you do? Many want to retreat, and agree with Sommer that they try to please others, instead of deal with true feelings. Kim is having girls come to the house, and she admits she lies to her children. She will try to be a honest human, instead of super mom. Sinae reaches a step, accepting blindness.

Iyanla deals with the trust issue Towanda has. She wants Towanda to tell her what she needs, to trust others completely. Trust is the basis of the relationship.

Kim's daughters, Snowden and Chelsea are at the house. Iyanla says Kim is not in "a little bit" of jewelry and makeup. Iyanla says it's not nice to fool your life coach!

Towanda's husband agrees with Iyanla about blaming others, and always wanting to be right.

Kim goes shopping with the girls. Back at the house, Jennifer and Josie are commenting on Kim's attitude and her not understanding the exercise Iyanla is asking her to do, as far as removing the mask.

Kim's daughters tell her maybe her current friends are concerned with diamonds, and nice houses, and not the true personality of Kim.

Rhonda tells Sommer sometimes you have to exaggerate something to see what it is really worth. Sommer is exhausted from this exercise.

Towanda figured out it was herself that she did not trust. Iyanla tells her on the phone she is glad she learned this, and communicated it to her.

Kim is in the guest room, in the bed with her daughters, ready for bed.

Tomorrow, Sommer accuses Kim of stealing, Iyanla confronts Kim, and Kim is talking rudely to someone on the phone.

Wednesday, 10-6

Kim and Towanda are discussing Iyanla's reaction to her makeup and clothes yesterday. Towanda says Kim has stepped over the line, and has fell back to the beginning.

Stan meets with Kim, and the daughters. They see their mom has trouble making friends with women. Snowden is in ripped jeans, and seems more down-to-earth. Stan says women may feel intimidated by her. Kim has the opportunity to be sensitive to other women. Stan says she doesn't show her true self. The daughters love their mom, and want her to have happiness.

Iyanla has group, and wants the women to make a distinction from what you listen to, and what you hear. They have to identify filters they have (I'm fat, I'm too ...) that get in the way of what is truly being said.

She asks Kim what was going on yesterday. She plays the phone conversation for the group. Kim heard all day, everything all glamour!!! Iyanla said just for dinner, just ring and watch for jewelry. Why make such a deal with the ring, if she is divorced? It is a showpiece, a large carat diamond, with no significance of marriage. That is so sad to me.

Iyanla says Kim is rebelling, and will either start to heal, or go home. She said she heard what she wanted to hear. Josie doesn't think Kim will make any progress.

Sommer accused Kim of stealing. She saw Kim with an eyeshadow color she thought was hers. Instead of asking Kim, she LOOKED in Kim's makeup bag, and found the missing makeup. Kim denied it. Sommer really came at Kim with an attack, and didn't handle this situation very well.

Iyanla has a new word for the ladies, carefrontation. They should care about the other person, and care about them enough to bring to their attention something you see that is out of balance.

Sommer tells Stan about the stealing situation. Stan didn't like the approach she took. Could you just ask, without attacking? Stan says she could have done it unintentionally, or on purpose. He wants her to learn new ways to deal with people in her world.

Kim is upset, and telling her daughters her feelings in the van. She calls Iyanla, and yells at her over the phone, in front of the girls. They all meet with Iyanla. Kim is upset, and Iyanla says she ruined her own day, doesn't take responsibility for her own life, her own choices, it is always about others, not herself. Iyanla asks what the girls see is happening. They see she needs to trust other women. Iyanla likes Kim's courage for coming to deal with these issues publicly. Kim is crying, and feels hopeless, that no one will ever understand her. Kim wants to stay, and not run away. Iyanla says their are bumps in the road, and what do you do, leave the car there and buy a new one. Iyanla says she awfulizes--she sees something and expects the worse, and talks about it like the worst already happened. Kim has allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of her daughters, and Iyanla said that was a big step for Kim.


Rhonda and Sommer discuss the way Sommer brought up the stealing incident. Rhonda says Sommer is helping Iyanla with her job. She should have called Rhonda, before confronting the group. Rhonda says did her feelings justify her bringing up at group? Rhonda appreciates Sommer tried something new. She really didn't understand how she broke Kim's privacy by looking in her bag. Sommer said it never occurred to just ask Kim, and Rhonda said that is what they have to work on.
Sommer didn't feel she should look in Kim's bag, but didn't feel she had any other choice. Rhonda says all the anger and other feelings she feels, is all about her.

Kim comes back to the house, and tells the girls, some times you fake it til you make it. Does it sound like she is growing to you???[:mad]

Tomorrow the first board of review will be held, and Kim is still acting out of control with the houseguests. Tomorrow sounds like a good one!

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Thursday, 10-7

If anyone has comments or corrections about these posts, please do tell. Don't worry about being a people-pleaser!! I know I have inconsistencies in tense.

Today is Board of Review. They don't seem to show it all. But the previews don't show it finishing either. For those who don't like to scroll, Sommer and Towanda were up for review.

The tension is still in the house, and Kim's daughters were still there. Rhonda leads group today, and wants to know how the women process things. Kim said that she didn't think her daughters would be in on the whole process of her starting over. (Come on, Kim, what did you think??) Rhonda asks the question of the ladies, food is my (blank). Jennifer, Sinae and Josie agreed it was nutrition, Towanda said nourishment, Sommer said energy, and Jennifer said my friend, and my worse enemy. Rhonda asked what one food they would want on a desert island. Towanda said apple, Sommer said steak, Jennifer said pasta. Sinae said she has a love of sweets and junk food. Sommer said it's hard, because she can't run to the store, and have the fresh stuff she is used to. She said she didn't want to spend $20 for the cab ride to the store. Rhonda said she couldn't make healthy choices for $20, but she could spend the $25,000 for the surgery? She needs to take care of her body, and make healthy choices. Sommer is to see the doctor today, to check her progress.

Sommer tells Rhonda that she felt bad about her body before the surgery, and all her pain she feels can be blamed on her weight. She doesn't see she might be an unhappy skinny girl, the feelings are there, weight or not. Rhonda wants her to be physically and emotionally happy.

Towanda is worried about BOR. Kim and her daughters met with Iyanla. Iyanla tells Kim that what she thinks and feels determine what the experience is. Her filters help her define the experience. She said everyone does this.

Sommer saw the doctor, and he tells her to exercise and lay off the chips. Stay away from the potato chips, try pretzels. She said she doesn't like the taste. He said to stay away from the carbs. She is 197.7 lbs, down 76 from before the surgery. This is in four months, and she is disappointed it is not more. That's alot, right?? The doctor said Sommer needs to modify her behavior. Don't you think she would have figured out all of this, in an outpatient program after her surgery??

Iyanla tells Kim here habit is to use her filter, and see everyone as attacking her, when she is confronted with any criticism. Iyanla wants her to develop a new habit. Kim can make the choice what to wear at this point. She is crying, as the girls get ready to go home.

For the board of review, Sommer is called up. She said her goal is to lose weight, and gain self. She gives herself a B. The houseguests see she has issues with food, and discipline. They all want her to stay. Iyanla wants her to surrender her need to fit in, it keeps her from being authentic. Rhonda tells her to let down her guard. She gets a B.

Towanda is called up, and said her goal is to discover her true self. She said she is getting along well with the others, and needs to work on being vulnerable. She said she saw crying as being a weakness, and gives herself a B. She said she is working on being honest, and she is crying! They cut from this scene, and we don't see the end!

Tomorrow the preview is Kim confronting Sommer, and Towanda feeling low.