Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Really great show today, love Allison's hair!!

Monday, May 02, 2005

Allison meets a magician at the front door. He gives her a note that says she can get her hair colored today, and to take Layne with her. The note was inside an orange. A bunny had a gift of earrings for her, and he showed her some plastic flowers.

Rhonda and Vanessa talk about her anger of herself and releasing expectations. They discuss her excuses, like she is too heavy for dancing. She will meet a woman in a similar situation, but is now a successful dancer.

Rhonda and Tess meet. Tess said she is open to the idea that she needs help. Rhonda said the way she communicates to the world, her intentions are her excuses. Rhonda told her she is not facing responsibility, and is just not getting it. Rhonda gave her a brown vest, and it is all about excuses. When she hears herself making an excuse, she has to pin an E on the vest.

Her sister Torrei came to the house. Rhonda told Tess she had to meet with her sister before they run off.

Michelle Berrube, a former gymnast, and current dancer, met with Vanessa. She told her that people are not judging her all the time, and she is her worst critic. Remember your roots.

Torrei told Rhonda that Tess doesn’t have many girlfriends, and isn’t a good listener. Life is too short, and you just have to live. She is sad, and said she wants her sister to be her best friend, and she wants her to get help.

Vanessa and a group of girls are warming up to do some dancing. They are having fun. They tell her she is good at it!

Allison asked for copper, brown, and some reddish color on her hair. Layne told her she can’t believe all the things she has gone through. She looks great!!

Tess and Torrei are sharing. Torrei said if you never let people in, you will never grow. She tells her sister she never opened up to mom, how was she supposed to know? Tess said she is angry with her mom, and Torrei said you have to be responsible for the fact that you did not tell mom what really happened.

The sisters went out for lunch. Torrei said she is not affectionate, and she has to focus on herself and her honest feelings.

Allison is ready for her date.

Torrei and Tess met with Rhonda again. Tess told her sister that she loves her, misses her, and is willing to change. Rhonda is not convinced she is sincere, and is really ready to change. Tess has to wear the vest until further notice.

Todd comes to the house to pick up Allison for the date. She looks great. He is tall and bald. They go out to eat, and she is talking about her southern roots. She is nervous, but doing well. He keeps kosher, and doesn’t like the things she likes. They agree they both don’t like blue cheese. They had a fun time, and she is ready to go on another date.

The sisters had a good day together, and are happy to have spent the day with each other.

Tomorrow, Layne takes on her past, Megg shuts down, and Allison faces another challenge.

Tuesday March 3, 2005 Recap

Vanessa says that Tess is getting better and is not overdramatic. She appreciates the changes.

Karen tells Tess and Vanessa that there are three guys standing out in the front yard that are creepy looking.

Iyanla talks about Allison’s dates last night and she likes Allison’s hair. Allison will go to a Lymphodemia specialist today about the swelling in her hands. Lymphodemia is where there is excessive fluid in the body.

Rhonda comes to the house and tells Layne to come on out. The three men in masks are here to demonstrate her three fiances. They will talk about the burdens Layne placed on the fiances on a weight. Fiance #1 is always there for me, he took the role as parent, he changed his wardrobe, no sex, he gave her a gift every day, he drove her everywhere, she made him quit smoking and expected him to follow her to college. She wanted him to be Mr. Right.

Iyanla meets with Megg today over a new exercise. Iyanla tells Megg that color stimulation is an easy way to refocus the mind. Iyanla shows Megg a green card and Megg thinks of New Hampshire and her cousin and she breathes tht into her body. Blue = Peace. Purple = Safe. Green = joy. Yellow = centered. Another one = love (maybe pink? wasn’t really sure.) they practice by having Megg going on to the closet and pretending it’s an elevator. Iyanla makes Megg say “tlhis is an elevator and I am safe. I don’t have to panic but if I panic I will recover. In the meantime I am going to focus.” Megg says she’s in a closet pretending to be in an elevator. In her head she says she thinks it’s silly but the voice is not loud enough to stop the panic. Meg does great.

Allison is at Dr. Iker’s office, a Lymphomedia specialist. Allison tells her history and tells what she has been feeling in her arm and the discomfort.

Layne expected fiance #2 to become a lawyer and to cook and clean and take care of her. She didn’t want him to have relationships with other women. With Layne’s third fiancé she wanted him to marry her and to accept her as to who she is. She felt burdened by his expectations because he wanted to make her into what he wanted. They decide that Layne will wear these burdens on weights. He wanted her to be adventure girl, to make a lot of money. It didn’t make her feel very well.

Dr. Stan comes to meet with Megg to go over her fear with elevators. They talk about if there were any problems in the past with elevators. She remembers when she was little playing hide-and-go-seek she hid in a washing machine and didn’t have a problem with it. When she was little they lived in an apartment building on the 6th floor and she didn’t have problem with the elevator when empty but did more so when people were in it. HE wants her to tell him when she started feeling unsafe in the elevator and she can’t think of any other time than when she was stuck in it a couple of years ago. Mega starts crying and is getting very upset. Mega is scared and is afraid that she won’t be able to do this or get over this problem. They need to talk about what Mega can do and what she can’t do. He won’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. He makes her say she can do this.

Layne is starting to feel nauseous. Rhonda wants to know if she ever told them they were OK. She is realizing that it was all her, and not about them. She gets the opportunity to tell them what she wants to say. She apologizes to #1 that she is sorry and he was just a kid and she wishes she could go back and see the future and then she could know the way they felt about each other was true. She won’t be able to feel that way about anyone else. He was special to her.

Megg is crying and afraid about riding in an elevator. Dr. Stan says there is a part of Megg that wants to conquer her fear but another part of her is very afraid. She is OK in the car because she is just worrying about the elevator. At the time of the elevator incident was right after her divorce and it was very stressful on her. He asks her if it changed ehr and she says yes. She hasn’t felt relaxed since then. She starts crying and he tells her to bring herself together. Megg is terrified that she’s going to have another panic attack.

The Dr. is looking at Allison and asking about her arms, her mobility. The one arm works better than the other one. Her left arm is puffy and is more painful. She is half an inch larger on the left side. Allison appears to have the very first steps of Lymphodemia.

Dr. Stan and Megg are at the building with the elevators. They walk over by the elevator and they talk about the elevator. Megg goes into the elevator and then comes right out because she gets creeped out. Dr. Stan walks in with her and she starts freaking out because she feels it is moving but he tells her the fani s on. She is afraid that if the door shuts she will have a panic attack. He tells her the worse case scenario is that they are in the elevator and they get stuck and she ahs a panic attack and then they are out. He asks what Megg is thinking and she says she’s going to have her panic attack now. He tells her she isn’t and tells ehr to focus and do breathing. She starts to calm down with the breathing. Megg says when Dr. Stan stopped her she was at 5 in her panic attack on a scale from 1-10. He wants to get her down to 0 and they do more deep breathing.

Number 2. She really thought he was the one and he had so many things she thought she wanted and she feels bad and guilty for leaving him when he needed her the most. Layne takes off Number 1’s burdens because he has been in pain too long. #3. She is still angry with and says she intentionally hurt her and he taught her many things. She learned how it was to not be accepted for who she was. She never felt good enough for him. Rhonda tells Layne that #3 is what will make her Ms. Right. She says that she is sorry that she never took the time to explain who she really was and she is sorry she used him be cause she wanted to get marry. It felt good to apologize to 1 and 2 and she said she didn’t realize there would be anything to apologize to 3 for but felt really good afterwards.

Dr. tells Allison that she is in stage one category where she is in the pain, heaviness and tension in Lymphodemia. She can improve the reduction of the symptoms. Allison just wants to shut down. Dr. starts massaging the region where the lymph nodes are. With proper diet and exercise she will do well.

Dr. Stan asks Megg where she is and she says 1. He puts his hand out and points at the buttons and she says she’s at a 2. He tells her he will open and close the door if she wants him to and he has better things to do than sit in an elevator and get stuck. She gets upset and starts to go into a panic attack. She says she’s at a 5.

Layne tells Rhonda that she made so many mistakes and messed it up and Rhonda tells Layne that she never felt love because she couldn’t get past her own stuff and feel it.

Back to the elevator. Dr. Stan talks Megg into looking into the center and get calmed down. They spent 15 minutes in the elevator. He asks if she wants to go home and she says she wants to shut the damn door and he tells her to do what she wants. She goes into the elevator and is Ok and Dr. Stan talks about how the worst thing that will happen is that a person gets stuck. He asks if she wants to go down the elevator or the stairs.

Allison is talking to Layne about her Dr.’s appointment and she tells the SOG’s Layne and Karen that she is mad about today and the diagnosis. Layne had a friend that had cancer and she’s keeping it from Allison. Layne tells the girls that after today she wants to have a boyfriend and have someone close again.

Iyanla comes and asks Allison how she is and she says she’s angry. Allison is supposed to eat salads and not lift weights. She is to walk and swim for exercise. Allison is not accustomed to taking care of herself. Allison says she is just tired and Iyanla tells her that isn’t an option. she needs to be elegant, graceful and Iyanla says they need to find a way to deal with it and asks what the other option is. Allison says death. Iyanla tells Allison that being tired is not an option and Allison says death and Iyanla tells her that is not an option. Allison has plenty of options to deal with this and Iyanla tells Allison that she has to change the has to into a want to. Someone that has been in pain for a while it seems to them that death is easier than the pain. But there is a part that wants to live to see what’s next. The desire to live is stronger than the will to die.

Megg says she’s been here a week and feels she is making progress every day. She is proud that she is moving forward. Before she came to the StartingOver House she wouldn’t have been able to get on the elevator.

Allison says that she is tired but she needs to get over being tired but she needs to move forward. She wants to write to her family and tell them about her journey.

On the Next Starting Over. . .

Past graduates return to tell how they love. Another special episode.

OK> I am hoping I got it all. I received a phone call in the middle of typing it while watching it and had to go back and figure out what I missed. And the Wednesday episode I didn't get the greatest description of but you all get the gist. Another special episode. Anyway, I hope you all have a great hump day!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Today we have a special on love. Yes, another special, and it was boring to me, sorry to say. Was nice to see Amy and Teresa again. With the help of tvgal, I will continue to share what I can. Wanting to see more of the current women, myself.

The show starts with clips of different houseguests who have had relationship issues. We see Erika when she was proposed to last season, Jennifer’s marriage, Denise, Amy and a bunch of other clips. The LC’s talk about knowing the difference in real love and false love.

The first guest is Teresa. She is there because went through a retirement account of $120,000 with the help of a boyfriend who left when the money was gone. Teresa told about how she was married for 13 yrs to a doctor and then in a 5 yr relationship with another guy. Teresa said that since leaving the house she has reduced her debt from $44,000 to $11,000. Ater she leaves the room, Rhonda says that what she finds interesting about Teresa is that she still never heard her say what love is, just what love isn’t.

Now we see clip of Jennifer’s story. They talk about how the wedding is usually a bigger deal to the women than the men. We see a list of the “must haves” in a marriage.

Our next guest is Denise and Armanno. We see clips about Denise. Rhonda asks Denise how their marriage is now and of course Denise screams over the top. She says it is great. Denise looks good I think she has lost weight. Armanno says that the house is organized and clean. He says that now they have conversations and she doesn’t interrupt him. Armanno looks very happy. I didn’t realize how thick his accent was when he visited the house, but it is so thick that they gave him subtitles! Dr. Stan tells them that he thinks that they are a good example of what makes a marriage work.

We see clips about Lori and her husband’s death. They say her story was about learning to love again.

The next guests are Amy and Steve. We see clips of them. Amy’s problem was trying to find her own identity. We rehash her stay in the house and how and why she came there. Then Iyanla asks her how their marriage has progressed since she graduated. Steve said it is great and that Amy is so happy. He says that they have a vision of the future. Amy says the past year has been amazing. Rhonda asks what advice they would have. Amy says to always be honest.

The viewer email is that she and her fiancée are mad about each other and how do they keep the fire burning. They all say that they worry that this is more of lust than love and that they hope they are watching this show and will give it thought.

The second email is a woman who has been married twice and had countless relationships and doesn’t think she has ever had true love. How will she know when it is true love? Dr. Stan, Rhonda, and Iyanla agree that she doesn’t know love, because she has never really truly loved.

Preview-

Tess’ frustration boils over. They are in group and Tess says, “It is not okay for me to feel like I can’t express myself.” Rhonda in confessional saying, “Tess fells out of control and that is exactly where I want her.”

Megg loses it. You see Iyanla forcing Megg on an elevator and she is really crying and Iyanla pushes the button. Iyanla is saying, “You can be scared and you can do it.”

Allison faces one of her most difficult days. She is sitting outside with Iyanla and Iyanla asks her, “What have you done that is so terrible, that you put yourself through this?”

Sorry but I haven't gotten to Thursday yet. I'll tell you stories later.

Straight from TVgal...will add more comments once I've had time to watch the episode myself.

In order for Karen to have a loving relationship with her daughter, she must eliminate her distorted image that has been based on her past bad behaviors. Iyanla wants Karen to write down all the good things she has done as a mother and also all the things she beats herself up about so she can start focusing on the positives. Karen must also call her daughters and invite them to visit the house.

In a meeting with Dr. Stan, Karen explains her younger daughter hates her for ruining Karen’s husband’s life. Previously, Karen has tried to explain her actions to her daughter in order to begin to mend the broken relationship, but Dr. Stan explains that in this situation that will not be helpful at all. Explanations will sound like rationalizations and excuses. Karen must take responsibility forher actions and apologize. So Karen takes the first step and calls her younger daughter, who picks up the phone. "I love you and want to be a part of your life," Karen says. Unfortunately, Karen’s daughter curses at her and hangs up. Karen breaks down in tears and now knows she must wait until her daughter is ready in order to heal their relationship.

In group, the women talk about who they would switch lives with in the house. Layne would like to be Vanessa, who she believes is young, cute, accomplished and a hard worker. "My life sounds pretty good," Vanessa giggles. Tess doesn’t want to be in anyone’s shoes, while Allison also chooses Vanessa, but she sees the indecisive, unsure side of Vanessa. Megg chooses Allison because she admires her grace, courage and dignity. Allison says she is surprised someone would want to be her because she is the "fat, sick one". "That hurts me," Iyanla says. "You suffer everyday, not because of cancer, but because you won’t embrace where you areno man, no boob, no life, no money. If it was me, I’d be totally pissed off." The housemates agree to call Allison on her coy laughing, which she uses to avoid showing anger and they will also call her on her desire to do things for others instead of herself.

After group, Tess changes her tune and says she meant to say that she wants to be in all of their shoes and then tells each one of them what she likes about them. The women let her talk, but don’t take her seriously.

Dr. Stan meets with Layne today to talk about relationships with men from a male perspective. Layne believes men don’t internalize or think about their feelings as much as women do. When Dr. Stan learns that what Layne looks for in a man is essentially a carbon copy of herself, he is concerned. Layne explains similarities would cause less friction in the relationship, but what Dr. Stan hears her saying is that it is more important for people to believe what she believes than respect what she believes. These unrealistic expectations are keeping her from finding the perfect man and cloud her ability to even have a relationship.

Layne and Allison hit the streets to interview men by asking personal questions about relationships. Layne becomes extremely embarrassed when Allison begins flagging down interview prospects from across the street. Layne asks for some space and tells Allison she can’t be aggressive with men because it makes her uncomfortable. When Layne approaches another guy, she is pleasantly surprised by how open he is, so she takes it one step further and asks for his card. During the exercise, Layne notices that the guys who say they like women who play hard to get are the guys she doesn’t like. On the ride home, Layne explains that in the past, she would have believed that the guy she liked would have found a way to find her if he cared. Feeling confident, Layne decides to call two men she met recently while doing another assignment. One of them calls her back quickly, saying he was surprised to hear from her. He doesn’t ask her out but says he will call her tomorrow.

When Dr. Stan follows up with Layne regarding her assignment, he tells her that he believes some of her old-fashioned views are really sexist. Layne doesn’t have a rationalization for many of her beliefs, including why a man should pursue a woman and not vice versa. Layne is afraid of appearing desperate and wants to put up a good front for guys when she first meets them, when really she needs tostart looking at relationships in a different way and stop being afraid of letting people get to know her.

oh thank you lthank you thank you

I can't wait to watch the episode. Ok so why am I on the computer and not watching the episode!!!!