Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

Tuesday April 26, 2005 Recap

Megg is on the phone with a friend and she tells him about the breakthrough she had yesterday going into the confessional. She tells him the house is great.

Iyanla comes to the house and tells Allison she looks delicious today. Allison is going to the oncologist today to make certain she has the best care. Allison is to write down questions before the afternoon appointment. She will ask about her joint pain and the numbness she is experiencing. Allison will have a reiki treatment tonight to help her relax and listen.

Rhonda comes to group with a wedding veil on and carries a bouquet of flowers while singing the wedding march. Rhonda says she was thinking about marriage this morning. Vanessa says she was excited when Rhonda walked in. Her fantasy is that the wedding is not a big change. When asked what she is waiting for Vanessa says that money and a steady job are the deciding factors for her. Tess says that’s interesting because Vanessa has contradicted herself in what she’s previously said to Tess. Tess talks about what her friends say about getting married. Vanessa is irritated by what Tess says, Layne says in confessional that no one can get a word in when Tess talks and Rhonda says in Confessional that Tess was powerless for so many years and now she has the opportunity to work on her relationships. But Rhonda realizes that the women are all having a problem with Tess. The point of living life is to grow and change. Layne tells that she really didn’t want to get married to her first two fiances so she cut out. She wanted to get married the third time because she didn’t want to have a third broken engagement. People hang onto the fantasies and have a hard time dealing with the reality of marriage. Megg had a fairly happy marriage that ended in divorce. She says that you have to have faith and trust and without that it isn’t worth the effort. Her hubby committed infidelity but he told her right away but they got through it. Their marriage didn’t end because of that. Rhonda says she has the faith she will be happily married some day. Rhonda says that Allison has been quiet. WE see Allison in confession saying that she always felt she would be cursed if she put a veil on before being engaged or married. Allison tells everyone she has a desire to be married and she just hopes it isn’t too late. She feels disfigured but hopes that one day there will be someone there to rely on and share her life with.

Tess talks to her Mom on the phone. She tells her Mom she has something to tell her but doesn’t want to do it at work. Tess knows the news of the molestation will shatter lives and says the truth will be devastating to her family.

Iyanla talks to Megg. Megg says that her first day was fabulous. She’s in the house to deal with her phobias and overcome them. Megg says she gets to play small but that was how she grew up with her Mom. Her Mom took up a lot of space and she just stayed small. Iyanla tells Megg that they need to identify and rewire what triggers Megg’s panic attacks. There are a few tight places in the house and Iyanla wants to visit them with Megg together. Dr. Stan has come up with a program for Megg and her phobias. Megg feels her stomach clench with anxiety because she doesn’t know what Iyanla will do. Iyanla shuts Megg in a room and Megg thinks that she doesn’t know what to expect and doesn’t know if she can handle it but she can breath and if she has a panic attack nothing will happen if she doesn’t stop the feeling. iyanla talks her through the steps and then tells Megg to come out. Iyanla is holding the door shut and Megg starts to have a panic attack. Iyanla asks Megg what she’s supposed to do and Iyanla tells Megg she can still hear her so she knows she’s there and Iyanla keeps asking Megg what she’s going to do and Megg says breath after every question. Megg is getting very upset. Iyanla opens the door and tells her to breath and tells her it’s OK and asks what she’s thinking and Meggs hates feeling this way and she knows she should breath but she can’t get a handle on it. Megg beats herself up. Iyanla was trying to identify what happens for Megg. (And here I thought she was just being really, really mean!!)

Layne talks o Rhonda and tells her she feels stifled around Tess. Tess butts into conversations between Layne and Vanessa if it’s about marriage. She feels if she tells Tess she doesn’t feel safe talking to her about marriage it will set Tess off because Layne has noticed in the past that Tess won’t let go of things. Layne in the past has had a hard time with confrontations so Rhonda says in confessional that this is a wonderful growth opportunity for Layne. Rhonda tells Layne to tell Tess that she isn’t comfortable and make it about Layne, not Tess.

Iyanla has Megg close the door and then open it. Megg is told that this time she will not be able to open the door and she isn’t as upset as she was before. Iyanla has her think through the steps and remember that at some point it will open. Her body now is not as reactive and she is happy about that.

Allison meets with Dr. Wiseman. He examines her and talks about how her life has already had so much happen.

Iyanla puts a blindfold on Megg and asks what would happen if Iyanla puts a rope around Megg. Iyanla wraps Megg up and Megg starts panicking and Iyanla tells Megg to breath and push her bely out. Iyanla tells her to open her eyes. megg needs to get her body streangthened and grounded and they need to disconnect the triggers. Iyanla teaches Megg relaxation techniques and gives her a CD Player and CD.

Karen is talking to Tess and gives Tess a hug. Karen knows that Tess’s secret could hurt her family and tells Tess she understands. Tess’s Mom calls and asks if they can talk now.

Allison and Iyanla talk with the DR. and he tells Allison he thinks she had the right treatment. Dr. thinks the pain she feels may last a while but he wants to do a bone scan to make sure. He doesn’t think she should rush into the decision to remove her ovaries. Iyanla asks if Allison can dye her hair and he says yes. She can also get her massage.

Tess asks her Mom on the phone if she remembers the night the molestation happened and then tells her Mom what happened to ehr. Tess tells her Mom to not do anything because she needs to decide for herself what she will do. Tess’s Mom takes the news kind of hard and reminds Tess it wasn’t her fault. Tess starts getting really upset when her Mom is talking to her and breaks down crying after she hangs up the phone.

Megg is listening to her relaxation CD and she feels like it will really help her.

Jeanette comes to give Allison a raiki massage. Jeanette explains what she does and Allison says she’s ready to experience the massage. Allison feels very relaxed afterwards and looks very calm.

Tess is afraid that her Mom is going to feel like she failed ehr somehow but Tess doesn’t feel that is true.


On the next Starting Over-
**Tess explodes. You see her yelling “You always try to protect everyone but myself and I’m pi$$ed off” and then she throws her plate. Allison says that Tess in on a battlefield waiting for combat with her housemates.
**Tess’s anger has serious consequences. Tess is on the phone saying she made a mistake and she wants to go home.
** Megg freaks out about her assignment


OK> That’s it. I hope you enjoyed. Sounds like hsmom will have a firecracker day to post on Wednesday!

Wednesday 4/27
from tvgal

Tess is ironing and telling Megg about what she was trying to do in group the day before. That she was trying to share her experiences. In confessional Megg says that she is not clear on a lot of this stuff with Tess because she hasn’t been in the house very long.

Megg meets with Dr. Stan. They talk about how Megg first became fearful of riding in cars. She was in the backseat of a car when the driver was cutting donuts and it scared her. Dr. Stan asks her how she would react if he asked her to ride in the backseat of car and have it drive in circles. She says that she is getting sick to her stomach just thinking about it. He wants to talk through this with her and hopefully work up to actually doing it.

Rhonda is leading group. Vanessa gets her first step. (wow, really? How long has she been there?) The step was facing failure. Rhonda says that she wants to talk abut society’s expectations and judging us. Tess pipes up that she wants to contribute to that by saying that because she is being judged not just by society but by the women in the house as being judgmental and confrontational and that is not true. Megg, Layne and the others are sitting on the couches just staring at her. Rhonda tries to steer this back to Vanessa, who is still sitting in the love seat and it is suppose to be her moment. Tess jumps in again and says that she is still confused about how she just states her opinion on something and then gets blasted for being judgmental. Rhonda in confessional saying that Tess just cannot let Vanessa have her moment and there is a lot of stress between her and the other women in the house.

Vanessa meets with Rhonda one on one. They talk about what she wants and what she doesn’t want. They talk about her body image is not about her food issues but about the Olympics. She felt that her body betrayed her. Rhonda breaks out the big rag doll and has Vanessa put spots on it with all her bad traits such as lazy and out of control. Rhonda asks Vanessa on a scale of 1 to 10 how mad she is and she says 10. Rhonda says that they are just gong to see just how mad she really is.

Dr. Stan comes to meet with Tess. He said that he is running interference since there is a lot of tension between her and the others. He asks her what is going on. She says that she talked to her mom. Dr. Stan says that he is confused about Tess’ issues. He tells her that he is confused because he is hearing different stories from her. He thought she said she came into the house to work on her marriage but now she is shifting the focus to the molestation. He asks her if she just came to the house for attention or to be a TV star or what? Tess says that isn’t true. Dr. Stan says that he is just really confused because at one point Tess said she didn’t want to talk about the molestation and now it is the focus of everything. Tess said it came out in a session with Iyanla and about her anger. Tess starts crying hard. Dr. Stan asks about Tess telling her mom that it was a dream and she says yes. He asks if her mom remembers her telling her about the dream. Tess says yes. He asks her how sure is she that it really did happen. Tess is getting angry and says that she is not stupid. In confessional Dr. Stan says that sometimes there are false memories and he is leaning that way. He asks her about her father. He was not attentive. He points out that Tess didn’t have any men in hr life giving her attention until the “molestation”. Dr. Stan says that sometimes a fake memory is made in order to fill that need for attention. She has no positive male role models in her childhood. Tess tells him that her husband tells her all the time that she constantly needs him to tell her that he loves her. Tess is saying that it is really embarrassing. Dr. Stan says that it is okay to do this but that you have to get away from the lies. (okay, I am a little confused right now. It appears that Tess is admitting that her story of molestation is a lie, but the words have not been spoken yet. But she never says it is or isn’t. She is more mad at Dr. Stan for calling her on it.)

Rhonda has Vanessa beat the heck of the rag doll to work out her anger about her “bad” traits that are taped to it.

Allison is at the computer and Layne, Megg and Karen are sitting in the front room and Tess comes in with a plate of food. She sits down and starts going off about sick of being questioned on whether she is telling the truth or not. She says that she lied to Dr. Stan by telling him that she wasn't angry and she is really pi$$ed off! Megg in confessional is saying that Tess is shaking and is getting more and more upset. Tess starts going off that she thought she came here to heal and she thought she would be able to do it without having to talk about the molestation but she was wrong and she is just pi$$ed off. (she gets bleeped a lot in this tirade). She throws her food and walks out of the house and down the trail.

The women are worried about. They call Rhonda and they say that Tess is a grown woman and needs to handle it. They decide not to follow her and let her cool off.
Tess comes back in the house and calls her husband Vincent and says that she made a mistake being in the house. She wants to take the positives that she has learned and apply it at home. She says that everyone in the house is judging her and they are questioning her intentions on being there. Vincent asks her if she has really tried. He is wanting her to stay.

Tess goes back in the front room and sits on the couch by Karen. Allison is now up in the dining room and the others are still in the front room. Karen asks Tess what just happened and why is she so mad. Tess goes off on another cussing spree which makes Karen pull back from her. She says that Dr. Stan asked her a stupid question and that they are implying that she came to the house to become famous. Well her brother in law is already famous and if she wanted to be famous she could just use his agent and she gets up and goes stomping off to the bathroom. When she leaves the front room this time, Allison tells her that is she is going to start acting crazy then she needs to leave the house because it is their house too and she is interfering with their process. Tess just keeps walking.

Dr. Stan takes Megg out to the driveway and there is a black Volkswagen with a woman in it that she doesn’t know who has been instructed not to speak to Megg. Dr. Stan is telling Megg to embrace her panic attack and to feel it and talk to him. First he has her just look in the back seat and she is getting upset and he says to let the panic attack happen. Then she gets in the back seat. Then he gets in the car and shuts the door. He tells her that he wants her to remember that he is in the car with her and she is okay. She calms down. Dr. Stan says that he wants the driver to start the car and Megg says okay and then he tells her that he wants to go for a little drive. They do and Megg does really well. When they get back to the house she gets out of the car smiling.

Tess has now been locked in the bathroom for an hour and Rhonda shows up. She goes downstairs and Tess lets her in the bathroom. Rhonda asks her what happened and Tess tells her that Dr. Stan asked her if she was in the house for attention and it really made her mad and everyone is judging her. Rhonda asks her if she trusts her and Tess says not any more. In confessional Rhonda says that for Dr. Stan’s question to upset Tess so bad there must be a ring of truth to it. Tess is whining about how all women hate her and she just doesn’t understand why. White women hate her and black women hate her for no reason. Tess is laying on the bathroom floor in the dark and Rhonda is sitting next to her rubbing her arm. Rhonda tells her that she doesn’t want Tess to run anymore, that it is just the molestation all over again. Rhonda says that she wants her to talk to Dr. Stan again and Tess says that she doesn’t want to. Tess says that she thinks they should have an emergency BOR. Rhonda says that she thinks it is time for another BOR and she will call Dr. Stan and Iyanla and set it up. Rhonda leaves. Tess walks out and Allison is out in the hallway and Tess says in a very mean voice, “I heard what you said, you said I need to go.” Allison responds that she needs to not act crazy in the house because it is their house too and if she is then she needs to go. Tess pounds up the stairs and Allison calls up to her, “Don’t be like that. You’re just being crazy now.”

Tess puts something in the microwave and Vanessa is behind her at the sink and Vanessa asks her if she wants to talk about it and Tess says, “not right now, thanks though.” Vanessa leaves and goes into the front room and Layne is there. Vanessa tells Layne that if she is asked at the BOR she is going to say that Tess should go. In confessional Vanessa says that Tess is disrespecting the people in the house, the people who are trying to help her and it pi$$es her off. If Tess doesn’t like it here that she should get the he** out.”

Tess is now in the kitchen with Karen. Tess says to Karen, “They act like their scared of me. Scared of what? Its not like I’m crazy and I’m going to hit somebody. I just get very angry.” Karen tells her, “You did scare some of them. You didn’t scare me. Your behavior did scare some of them, but it didn’t scare me and that is what I told Rhonda. I told her that you weren’t going to hurt yourself or anyone else.” Tess says, “Anyone who says they are scared of Tess is full of *bleep* and there have been others who have done worse. It’s just an excuse in order to justify that they don’t want me here anyway. Who said that they were scared of me?” Karen says that she doesn’t want to be gossiping.” Tess tells her that it is not gossiping and then asks if it is someone whose name starts with a V and Karen says no and Tess says, “L?” and Karen shakes her head yes. Tess says, “that chick don’t like me!” Someone walks through the kitchen and says it’s time. Tess walks off with a really hateful look on her face.

The women all sit down on the couches. They are in the room where group is held. Poor Vanessa has to sit next to Tess. Rhonda, Iyanla and Dr. Stan walk in and sit down. Rhonda says, “Tess I am just going to hand it over to you and I encourage you to just make a general statement as to why you wanted me to call together the LC’s and housemates.” Tess says, “My overall reason for wanting everyone here is just to clear the air and get real and put everything out on the table.”

Preview-

The women take a stand, Layne says, “what is happening with you is really affecting the house.” Tess gets a brutal wake up call. Iyanla says, “aha, you are getting ready to lay out some evidence and really beat her up!”
The life coaches are forced to take some drastic measures. Rhonda says, “The question is whether you think the SO house is capable of helping Tess right now.” And when it is all over, she learns her fate. Then we see Rhonda ask whether they think Tess should stay or go.

WOW! This is one of the best episodes we have had in quite a while. I was glued. I bet Tess stays in the end. I still am not clear about the whole molestation thing. From what I see right now it appears that Dr. Stan may not believe her or he could have just been questioning her, he never stated that he didn’t actually believe her. And then Rhonda made it seem that when she was in the bathroom with Tess that she still believed it happened. I don’t know if I believe her or not. And Karen was so wrong in telling Tess that Layne was afraid of her. And the whole initial thing was stupid. Very high school. It figures that Karen is drawn to Tess because of the whole drama queen syndrome they both suffer from. Oh well.
I cannot wait til tomorrow. See ya.

Friday, April 29, 2005

My turn to finally watch and type this show! We see Layne and Tess face to face, discussing how they feel. Layne is angry with Tess. Vanessa told the confession cam, Tess you are lying, you are fake. Tess said she is willing to put herself out there. Rhonda told her again to take responsibility and she just projects what she wants to see and hear, without seeing what is really there.

Iyanla had Allison come sit in “the chair”. She got the steps of define life according to Allison, and learn life affirming patterns. Iyanla said she is galloping to the top. The topic today is compassion. Allison told the ladies she may have up to an 80% chance to get another tumor, depending on the results of her genetic testing. Vanessa is crying, and said if it was her, she would be crying all of the time, and she can’t have compassion for Allison because she doesn’t tell anyone how she is feeling.

Okay, the day is getting away from me, continue, TVGal!
Iyanla lectures the others about offering help and love and putting themselves in each other’s shoes. She tells them that Allison drove an hour an a half that day to go to the doctor. They piped up that they didn’t know. Iyanla lectures Allison about asking for help, support and love in the house. Iyanla tells Allison to tell the ladies what she is doing today. Allison tells them that she is getting a bone scan. She explains to them that breast cancer is well known for spreading to your bones or ovaries or your liver. She says that the doctors say that they are pretty sure she is okay but because of her pain they want to make sure is it the after effect of the chemo and not that the caner has spread. She is also having her lungs checked out because of a cough that she has. Iyanla tells her to pick someone to support her that day and she picks Vanessa.

Megg, Layne and Karen are sitting in the kitchen. Megg tells Karen that it showed a lot of courage for her to tell Tess that she should leave the house since she was like her best friend in the house. Karen says that she is surprised that she feels so drawn to Tess since she is so off base. But she says that if Tess if really willing to try then she is going to give her a second chance.

Rhonda meets with Layne. They go outside and sit by a cut out of James Dean without his face and he is Mr. Right. Rhonda pulls stuff out of a bag and Layne has to say whether it is acceptable for Mr. Right. Rhonda says that Layne if very strict in what is acceptable. Layne says no to mustache or long hair or a big gold chain. Rhonda tells her it is all about acceptance. Layne says that she hopes to be that accepting and Rhonda says that brings them to their next assignment. Rhonda tells her that they are going out and to dress accordingly and they are going to go look for Mr. Right an she is sure that they can find him.

Allison is with Iyanla and she tells her that the stress of the last couple days has really got to her. She says it has brought back childhood memories of all the fighting and tension. She feels like she has not been able to concentrate on herself. She tells Iyanla that she doesn’t feel like she has gotten any better. Iyanla tells her that the question she needs to ask herself is what is more important than fighting for her life. In confessional Iyanla says that Allison really needs to concentrate on herself that she is literally in a life and death struggle.

Vanessa is leaving with Allison. In confessional Allison admits that she is worried because she does think there is something going on with her lungs. She knows that this could be a really big day for her.

Karen is meeting with Iyanla. She tells Iyanla that she has had a real insight to herself by the fact that she realizes why she hooked on to Tess. Tess never pushed her to look at herself and her problems. Iyanla tells Karen that that is a great insight for her. Iyanla tells Karen that it is very important for her to be comfortable in who she is and accept herself and that she needs to project that. So she has a big surprise for Karen.

Tess is eating by herself and then in confessional she says that she is going to take responsibility for her life, that she has always felt like a victim but now she is going to strip off her armor and take responsibility.

Iyanla brings Andy Paige to Karen and tells Karen that Andy is going to help her match her outside to her inside. Karen takes Andy and Iyanla to her closet.

Allison and Vanessa show up at the pulmonary laboratory. The respiratory therapist gives her a breath test. Then he gets out a machine and has her do a breathing treatment. When she finishes she asks Vanessa if her face is twitching. Vanessa says that her hands look blue. Allison doesn’t look good and she says that she thinks that she is having a reaction.

Andy and Karen and Iyanla look through her clothes. Andy is pulling out stuff that has a costume feel to it. Iyanla tells her that her clothes show that she is confused about who she is and she wants to confuse others about who she is. In the end they decide to go look for elegant clothes that they can accessorize to show Karen’s creative side.

Back to Allison. Vanessa gets her a bottle of water and Allison is feeling better. She says that it must have been a reaction to the medicine. Vanessa in voice over is saying that she is astounded to what Allison has to go through. The therapist has her test results and is giving them to her in writing to take with her. Allison asks if she was a good patient and he says yes even though she gave him a bit of a scare. Vanessa and Allison take the results and leave.

Andy takes Karen to get her hair done. They say they want to go with darker but want to keep the highlights. Karen says she wants to lose the brassiness. We just se it finished from the back. (at this point to me it just looks darker on the underneath layers but there is still a light top layer. Not much difference yet. JMHO)

Allison arrives to get her bone scan. In voice over Vanessa is amazed at what all Allison has to go through again. She says that she just wants to get her home. Vanessa is really starting to feel protective of Allison.) The test is done and the man who did the testing tells her that he needs to process the pictures they took and have the radiologist look at them and then he will give them to her to take to her doctor. As they are walking out Allison is saying in voice over that she is really tired, physically and emotionally and she just has the urge to want to quit.

Rhonda has taken Layne to a bar. She tells her that Mr. Right is there and she has to go fin him. She has to practice approaching men and that there is definitely a Mr. Right there. Rhonda says in confessional is that what Layne doesn’t know is there really is a man that Rhonda planted in the bar and he has a card that says, ?Mr. Right? Layne tells Rhonda that she is really uncomfortable with approaching men in a bar. Rhonda tells her good. Rhonda has a listening device and tells Layne that she will be able to listen in on her conversations to see if she is friendly or cold. In confessional Rhonda says that Layne has all these rules that keep Layne safe and isolated.

Allison is in bed and Iyanla is there. Allison tells Rhonda about having the reaction and that she still doesn’t feel well. Allison tells her that Vanessa was uncomfortable because she isn’t use to be around sick people. So she didn’t know how to offer help and Allison doesn’t know how to ask. Allison tells Iyanla that they were two peas in a pod. She says that she was glad that Vanessa was there. Iyanla tells her to stay in bed as long as she needs to and asks her if she will let the others take care of her and she says that she will. Iyanla leaves and it looks like Allison is going to nap.

Rhonda sends Layne out to the bar. Layne sits down with 3 guys who are sitting on 2 couches facing each other with a table in between. One looks like business guy, the other has long hair but in his late 30’s early 40’s and an attractive black man. She is making very small talk. Rhonda comes and gets her and takes her back to the booth. She tells her that she needs to be curious and outgoing. She sends her back. The business guy and the long haired guy are standing by a wall. They tell her that it doesn’t look as though she has drunk much of her wine and she says that she is a sipper. Then a gray haired gentleman walks up and Layne introduces herself to him. He hands her a card and says that he is Mr. Right and that he saw her earlier but hadn’t had a chance to meet her, so he just wanted to say hi and he walks off. The other two guys are asking what that was about and Layne is looking back where Rhonda is and saying that she thinks she was probably supposed to do something just then.

Iyanla is with Tess, Megg and Vanessa on the stairs and Andy introduces Karen. She has on brown pants and shirt with what appears to be a brown suede jacket and a chunky silver necklace. I see very little difference in her hair. She looks nice. Andy tells her to share what she learned today because it was a big day for her. Karen says that dressing age appropriate does not necessarily mean frumpy. And that she can show her creativity with accessories. Megg is going on hooting and hollering like it is a big change.

Back to the bar. Layne gives the Mr. Right card to Rhonda and asks what that was about. Rhonda asks her what she did when he told her he was Mr. Right. Layne says that he just turned around and left. Rhonda asks if she went after him and Layne says no. Rhonda tells her that she has to learn to go after what she wants. That she has to put herself out there. They leave for home. As they get on the elevator they are talking about Layne needing to practice.

Allison gets a call from a guy named Todd from Cupid;s Coach. He asks if he can take her to dinner tomorrow and she says yes. They talk for awhile. He sounds like he has a good sense of humor and he says some real nice stuff to Allison. After the call Allison goes to bed and turns off her light and they close the show with us hearing her cough. (what a sad way to end the show). She sounds very croupy.

Preview-

A surprise visit from Tess’s sister pushes her to the edge. Tess is telling her sister that she feels trapped with no where to go.

They are in group and the announcer says that one of the women takes a huge step backward. Iyanla says, that hurts me. That thought is permanent, it can kill you.
(looks like she is talking to Allison, the only they don’t show.

Layne faces her biggest challenge yet. I see dummies behind her and Rhonda has like round weights on ropes for her. In confessional Layne says this is hard and embarrassing.

Megg and Dr. Stan are facing elevators now.

Karen receives the ultimate rejection. She is driving in the van and on the phone and she says, I’m not giving up on you. She hangs up and starts crying.