Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

From my gal, TV gal, I only have time to type Mondays and Fridays~

Wednesday 3/30

The show starts with Rachael talking about feeling disconnected from her family. And Tess says that she has a feeling that some of the women may have issues with her.

Dr. Stan leads group. He puts a pillow in a chair that is red with green eyes and he says it is the green eyed monster. He says he is concerned with the dynamics in the house. He asks each woman to tell what they are jealous of in the house and what they think someone might be jealous of about them. The women share silly kind of things like being jealous of Rachael’s beautiful smile. And more serious like Allison admitted to being jealous of the other women’s good health. Tess says that she feels the others might be jealous of how pretty she is and of her body, but she just doesn’t get that because she still hasn’t lost her baby fat yet. (she means from being pregnant three years ago). Vanessa in confessional says that she thought that was strange for Tess to say. Allison said that she takes it personally that Tess keeps saying how she hasn’t lost her pregnancy fat yet and she takes issue with her attitude. (It did appear like Tess was fishing for compliments by saying that and acting all innocent like she would never have those thoughts, she only brings it up because others feel it, not her.

Allison meets with Iyanla and talks about her “squatters”. Which are her negative thoughts of herself. She has 8 identified, such as being disfigured and not worthy to be here, not lovable. Today she is to confront them and identify them during the day. She has eight wig heads that she is to decorate to represent each one.

Vanessa meets with Dr. Stan. In voice over Dr. Stan says that Vanessa reacted very strongly to the subject of jealously in group. He asked if she thought about what they had talked about before, which was whether she really loved gymnastics. He asked where she looked first for approval when she competed and she said her coach. Dr. Stan said that he is taking Vanessa to the gym and have her do some gymnastics and see if she enjoys it when there is no coach or fans or anyone to cheer for her. He says that today’s goal is to have some fun and see if she truly enjoys it.

Tess is working out. Allison in confessional saying that Tess has said she wants the others to bring her into the circle but Allison feels that she isn’t really wanting to.

Rachael calls Karen, a close friend of her mom’s that was the person her mom wanted her to live with and Aunt Ellen went to court to change. Karen tells Rachael says that she and her mom had discussed things she wanted for Rachael. She had special things she wanted done for Rachael on her high school graduation, her first marriage and when she had her first baby. Karen said she cried for a month after Rachael was taken away. Rachael is crying. We then see Karen in confessional with one of those fake flower lei’s and she is crying saying she knows the pain of her mother knowing that she wouldn’t be there for Rachael and things she wanted for her. (it was weird to see her not only in confessional, so we know she must visit in the future, but with that lei on) Karen tells her that she and Rachael’s mom had conversations that no one else knew about it. Rachael is crying and says she is sorry because she never knew any of this. Karen said that they decided that after her mom died that Karen was planning on staying with Rachael in her own home and let her finish school with her friends that year and her mom really liked that idea. Karen says that she felt like she let Rachael and her mom down by not being able to do what they had discussed. (OMG, I can’t wait to see the fierce conversation between Rachael and her stupid Aunt Ellen! How dare she go against Rachael’s mom’s wishes. Karen was willing to leave her own home and stay in Rachael’s for a period of time to help her deal with her mother’s death! I hope Rachael tears Aunt Ellen up.)

Dr. Stan meets Vanessa down at the gym. The gym is closed so it is just them. Dr. Stan says that he thinks Vanessa is afraid she is going to embarrass herself in front of him. He assures her that he is not here to judge how good she is. He just wants her to see if she can enjoy doing it. So Vanessa does her floor routine. She does really well, of course not perfect. He asks her how it felt and she said it felt good. Then she does some other stuff and actually seems to be having a good time.

Tess is talking to Bethany about college and how she felt she failed herself. Bethany tells her that she is just so hard on herself and doesn’t see how amazing she is. Tess asks how can she say that since she doesn’t even know her. Candy is down on the computer and Tess and Bethany are in the dining room and Candy tells her that she thinks that Tess doesn’t realize how lucky she has been and that she needs to see that. Tess in confessional saying that she just thinks Candy is jealous of her.

Karen in confessional is telling Rachael how awful it was and how it affected her and her children and that they talked about her all the time and that they wanted her to live with them. Rachael says that she is so angry because the reason she was given for not being allowed to live with Karen is that they were afraid she would develop a relationship with them! Karen in confessional again and she says that Ellen was the executor of the will and so she stepped back and that the reason they sent Rachael to live with her godmother was because they were African American and since Rachael looked African American they thought that would be better. Ellen told her that if it didn’t work out that they would let her know and send Rachael to her.

Back to Dr. Stan and Vanessa. She is now doing the balance beam and she is telling Dr. Stan what she is doing. Then Bethany shows up and Dr. Stan says that he asked Bethany to come because she is someone that seems to just find that joy in everything and he wants Vanessa to teach something to Bethany. So they get on the trampoline and Bethany is jumping and laughing. Dr. Stan gives her a 1.7 for her jump. Bethany definitely brings a fun sense to it.

Rachael is telling the others about how mad she is that she has found out that there was a family that wanted her and instead she was sent to a school for troubled girls. She says that she feels like she has been living a lie. She says that she knows that her mom would be so disgraced by this. Tess asks her if she is going to call her Aunt Ellen and Rachael says he!! Yes she is. She says that she use to be so scared that she was going to lose this woman and it turns out that she had done all this to her. (go Rachael, go Rachael, kick Ellen butt, kick Ellen butt!)

Allison meets with Iyanla and she has these wig heads that she has decorated to reflect each on of her “squatters”. She has a worthless squatter that is very scary looking. She has lime green hair with a bright red face and weird eyes. Her next assignment is to carry that particular head everywhere with her tomorrow. And when anyone interacts with her she is to hold the head up in front of her face and say she is not worthy.

Finally!! Rachael meets with Iyanla. Rachel tells Iyanla how Karen had said that Rachael’s mother had asked that a dozen red roses be sent to her when she graduated from high school. But she wasn’t allowed contact with her. Rachael tells Iyanla that she is so angry and that she does not trust her. Rachael says that she wanted to call her aunt and tell her that she is so mad and that she no longer wants her to be her trustee any longer. Iyanla tells her that she thinks she should have a conversation with her aunt. That she has reached a point of no return in their relationship. Rachael asks Iyanla when can she call her. (Well it won’t be today cause the show is over!!!!!!!)

Preview-

Rachael is breaking plates on the ground with Iyanla and getting her anger out about Aunt Ellen.
Bethany is doing graffiti on a fake brick wall about being fat and other bad thoughts. Rhonda is then telling her that they have to confront this now because it is going to come up!
Iyanla tells Candy that they are going to do a hair makeover and asks if she is ready for that. We see a shot of them cutting her hair. They are trimming the edge though, not whacking it.

Sorry I didn’t get the little details all down on who was jealous of what. The tape machine ate my tape and there was no rewinding. Besides I was too into Rachael finally getting to the truth. And I am trying no to dislike Tess, but she is kind of a snot and she does that thing where you say something negative about yourself in order to get others to compliment you. I find that very annoying. But we will see. Candy does admit her jealousy of Tess that it annoys her that Tess blows off what Candy would have given anything to be able to do. So in other words, Candy thinks Tess is spoiled. I doubt this will go far because I got a feeling that Candy should be graduating soon. All right. It was a riveting show. Vanessa has still got the moves on the floor! That was fun to watch. See you tomorrow!

hsmom. . .Thank you for taking the time to put a recap on here on your busy Wednesday's. Just because you don't have the time to type your own doesn't make you any less appreciated. Thank you!

Thursday, March 31, 2005

The show starts out with Rachael telling the SOG’s about how much money her Aunt Ellen spent of her money on her schooling when she was sent to school in Montana for four years. She shows the calculator to Candy, whose mouth drops open and then she says “Oh my God!” with an incredulous look on her face.

Rhonda is meeting with Tess. Tess will be working on the laws of love. When asked what is love she says truth, sincerity and openmindness. Rhonda tells Tess she hasn’t cultivated those. First law of love they will be working on is Love is giving. She is to call her husband, Mother, Father and sister and ask two questions. How do I give you love and how do I withhold love. If she feels courageous she is to also ask her housemates.

Candy and Iyanla meet and Candy is excited about her boyfriend Robert coming to the house to visit. Candy wants to share what has become part of her life. Iyanla asks what do you want to communicate on what has changed and Candy says “I am OK”. Iyanla asks why she is crying and Candy says that she never thought she would be able to say she was enough. Iyanla tells her she has done the work and they still need to practice but Candy has done a great job. Candy has changed bus still looks the same because of her hair. Iynala asks Candy if she is ready to change that and Candy nods yes. Candy will go today to have a hair makeover. Candy smiles and Iyanla tells her when she comes through that door Robert will see who she really is.

Group with Iyanla. She asks the SOG’s to take a deep breath and center in. Tess is sitting there crying and Iyanla asks if she just stares at Tess will she tell her why she is crying or does she have to ask. Iyanla doesn’t look too pleased with Tess’s behavior and disruption. Tess says that she realizes the root to all her problems is not her relationship but her relationship with herself. Iyanla says in confession room that she sees the tears and hears the words but she doesn’t feel Tess’s energy. Iyanla doesn’t know if it is a real problem or if she’s trying to get attention. Tess says she realizes she has issues with her husband, parents and other women. Iyanla says it usually takes two weeks to figure that out. Allison says she is jealous of Tess’s breakthrough and is jealous of the other women’s bodies. If you listen to the truth it will bring the toxins to the surface. Today they are talking about toxic people, or not healthy people and relationships. Love is truth and honor and doesn’t hold on to wrongs. Allison is toxic to herself and her Mom is toxic. Bethany’s her own toxin and if someone says something negative she holds on to that. Rachael says her whole family. Candy says her Dad. Vanessa says one of her best friends was always toxic. Iyanla asks Tess and she says she is and can’t think of anyone else. Iyanla sits there tight lipped and starts sniffing the air and says she smells a lie. Tess says she’s not lying and she really feels it is herself and Iyanla asks whom else. Allison says it is Tess’s husband. The issues of the baby weight, the gym (??this one I don’t get) and the infidelity are all toxins. Tess agrees it is toxic behavior but thinks she brought it on herself and Iyanla asks for oxygen and shakes ehr head in disbelief. Iyanla says we blame ourselves for others toxic behavior. Tess agrees with Iyanla that her marriage is toxic. How to detox? Step 1 is acknowledgement. Step 2 is ownership. Step three is choosing a new choice. Step 4 is to announce it. To detox you run the risk of making people mad. Today is detox day. Iyanla then smiles and says it is a big day for Candy and Candy starts blushing. Candy says that Boo Boo is coming. Iyanla tells them to be a great day.

Rhonda and Bethany go on a walk and talk about Bethany’s next step, embracing possibilities. Bethany used to sing all the time and now the thought makes her hypervenalate because she wants it to be perfect. Bethany’s perfectionism is making dating, relationships, singing and doctors seem like running into a brick wall. Unless Bethany faces the brick wall she won’t get past it. What is stopping Bethany from embracing possibilities? She spray paints her reasons on the wall with spray paint. Things she sprays on are not good enough, too fat, shy, Jessica’s better, Ugly and hopeless.

Rachael calls Jamai and is crying. He is telling her not to let her Aunt disrespect her. She needs to accept her or she doesn’t.

Robert shows up at the house. Candy isn’t home but Tess and Vanessa show him where to put his stuff. Candy is at B2V with Allison to get her hair done. Allison is carrying one of her heads.

Iyanla comes to talk to Robert. She tells Robert that Candy is out making changes on the outside to match the inside. Candy and Robert are going to go out to dinner. Iyanla tells Robert that Candy told her the story where they were dancing at a reunion and he asked Candy to let him lead. Iyanla will have Robert work with a dance instructor while Candy is out so that after dinner they can dance.

Tess calls her husband to ask How she gives him love. He guesses through affection and when she doesn’t act evil. She asks How do I withhold love. He says by her lying, staying out all night and disrespecting. She doesn’t want to push because he is driving and she doesn’t want him to get in an accident.

The dance instructor, Tina, comes to work with Robert on dancing. She wants him to be comfortable while dancing. Candy is telling the stylist she wants her hair bit lighter with highlights and cut some of. She is giving away some control and trusting the stylist and it is scary for her but she believes the stylist will know what is best. Back to Robert and Tina. She is helping him with dance steps. Then we flash back over to see Candy get her make-up on and the keep flashing back and forth.

Rhonda tells Bethany they have talked about these fears before but it is still all in place. Bethany says it is scary and makes her mad. Rhonda sprays “Fear” on it and says it is all in fear. Rhonda asks if Bethany wants to do something about it. Rhonda gives Bethany a hammer and tells her that these things aren’t going to go away and that they can just leave it up there. Bethany starts tearing down the wall and ripping down the words of what has been scaring her. She cries when she is done and hugs Rhonda.

Rachael meets with Iyanla and tells her how angry and hurt she is. She isn’t willing to take it anymore. Rachael would like to tell her Aunt Ellen what she feels about decisions she made and they need to deal with the trust issue. Rachael needs to let her know why she is angry and set=up new guidelines for the trust. We find out that $175,000 was spent on her four years of schooling. Iyanla has Rachael write her anger down on plates. She writes $175,000, abandonment and life could have been different.

Tess calls her Mom. Tess gives love to her Mom by telling how she appreciates her. She is withholding love by not calling and ignoring Mom. Mom said that there was one night Tess hugged her and Mom was shocked.

Iyanla asks Rachael to call up her anger and when it is up she wants her to break a plate. Some of the things she says are being mad about her being put in a black family that didn’t want her, having an extended family and friends that loved her but couldn’t show it because of the promise of her Mom’s that was broken, all the times her family called her a brat, each holiday she felt unwanted and slept on the couch, after parents passed away her Aunt sent her away, when she was 20 her Aunt had no compassion and called her a brat. Iyanla tells her her Mom cared and left provisions for her. They lay on the grass and decide they need to call her Aunt. Iyanla says that Aunt Ellen will deal with a 20 year old, not a scared 12 year old.

Tess’s sister Torrei says that Tess doesn’t give love to her and Tess tells her to shut up when Torrei tries to tell Tess she loves her. Tess apologizes and tells her she loves her. She said her housemates said the same thing.

Candy and Allison come back to the house and Candy’s hair is shorter and straight and has a very nice cut to it. Robert gives her a rose and they leave for dinner in a limo. Candy tells Robert she really missed him. Candy says the new look and feel is unburdened and alive.

Rachael calls Aunt Ellen and tells her she wants to ask questions and Aunt Ellen won’t answer questions over the phone and says she won’t answer questions in writing. Rachael asks what is bothering her and Aunt Ellen says she won’t talk about it and Rachael says they don’t really have anything to talk about then and they say goodbye. Rachael says "Oh that went bad" and then Rachael starts dialing on the phone right away. We don’t know whom she is calling but my guess would be Iyanla.

Candy and Robert are back at the house and start dancing. Candy lets Robert lead and they have a great time. Candy says they better get used to the new her because she’s not looking back. Iyanla has asked Robert to tell Candy that she is graduating tomorrow.

On the next Starting Over. . .
**Allison reaches the point of no return.
**Bethany faces another health crisis head on
**Candy tells an emotional good-bye


(OK&gt; In my honest opinion Tess crying during group was very annoying and I got the feeling that she has used this little routine to get attention before. Using the poor little cute me routine was annoying and I didn‘t find her to be genuine. Just my opinion. I hope you all have a great day.)<br><br>Post edited by: dbmcmommy, at: 2005/04/01 11:17

Friday, April 1, 2005

Candy’s graduation day! Katrinda said goodbye to her boyfriend. Bethany got a call from the doctor, her iron is low, and she needs the test. She is excited to get to an answer to her stomach troubles. She wants Rhonda there when she comes out of the effects of the medicine. She is willing to do the test, and Rhonda is happy with her progress.

Allison and Iyanla discuss her squatters, those decorated faces. She says she is worthless. Iyanla said she had 21 weeks of chemotherapy, why did you fight for your life if you think you are worthless. She stayed alive for her family. She has more to do, to be happy, to be loved. Iyanla said if you really didn’t love yourself, you wouldn’t have fought for your life like you did. She will see a sickness consultant about fitness, Marcus. (OUR Marcus?)

A disclaimer, the following scene has medical treatments, and may be difficult to watch. !! She gets an IV, and the doctor wheels her into a room, she is in scrubs, flat on the bed.

Candy gets her last steps, and reviews her self-portraits. Her first one was just pieces, and the new one is a big heart, full of happiness and whole. Today Tess and Vanessa will shop for a dress for tonight. Rachael will help with makeup. Candy gets a massage today too.

The doctor says that Bethany does not have a normal stomach. She is coming out of the room, and she recognizes Rhonda and is glad she is there. She has no pain, no sore throat. She has gastritis, some oozing of blood and irritation, and he showed her pictures. They will do a biopsy report to find out what is causing the irritation and inflammation.

Marcus and Allison are at the fitness center. She is on the treadmill, and working hard, and she brought some of her faces.

The girls help Candy pick out a lovely silver dress, and she said she feels like a princess.

Dr. Stan sees Allison’s faces. She said she felt fat and ugly since childhood. She said her father was an alcoholic, verbally violent to everyone, and physically violent to her mom. She doesn’t know if he loved her. She said she doesn’t think anyone loved her enough. Stan said don’t get stuck. Allison feels there is hope for her.

Candy is getting her first massage, and she is enjoying it.

Bethany said the doctor helped her, and she is not afraid of doctors anymore. She shows the pictures to Rachael.

Allison does Candy’s makeup, and Rachael is doing Candy’s hair, as Tessa looks on.

Candy arrives at graduation, beautiful! We see flashbacks as Iyanla tells her story. She took on the mother role in the house, but she had to be freed from her chains, to find herself. They discussed her son, and her being tied to them, as well as her history with her dad. She found her feminine side, and found herself. Iyanla wants her voice to be loud, and she is always a phone call away.

Rhonda said she is inspired by her. Vanessa said you let me cry on your shoulder, and she hadn’t had that support in awhile, and thank you for being my friend, unconditionally.

Rachael said we had denied parts of ourselves to meet other’s needs. You have been like a mother to me, and I don’t tell many people that.

Iyanla and Rhonda gave her a $200 box of products from Warm Spirit, and $200 gift certificate for her pampering and hair. Lowe’s gave a $3000 gift certificate for home improvement.

Candy said she was so fortunate to come to the house, it saved her life. You are the lifeline that saved my life, and I will cherish it always. They all give her a warm sendoff.

Next week, a roommate arrives, Bethany and Vanessa are in black leather, and Rachael meets her father for the first time.

Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!

And you are correct. Miss Katrinda looked very nice for her graduation. I just wonder if the wedding they were hinting at is in fact Candy and Roberts wedding in Vegas! I guess we'll wait and see!

And great recap! By the way, did I say Thank you??
<br><br>Post edited by: dbmcmommy, at: 2005/04/01 21:10