Starting Over Talk - Peer Coaching Support Site

I'm thinking that if possible you might want to talk to his so and see what it was he thinks you did. Talking and working through it should help. Remember to listen and not jump to conclusions or take offense to anything.

I'm glad that Ron talked to his son. I hope they can stay in touch.

And you should not feel bad, Lanie. There is nothing you can change about 8 years ago. It is long gone. You can however make today a better day. You already started doing that by pushing Ron to talk to his son. Hang in there, Lanie.

dbmcmommy,
Thanks for the support. I know it happened a long time ago but what was it? Ron said in time he's sure it will come out. I just can't for the life of me think of what I could of said to make him not want to see his dad. I feel he must of taken something I said the wrong way.
But like you said, I should let it go until it's or if it's brought up again. It just drives me crazy to be accused of doing something and not knowing what it is.
Oh well, thanks

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WoW Lanie!!

You have taken me in the yard, in the kitchen, almost in the bedroom, in and out with the dogs, I've been in your mil's life and now your step-son's business and your sons and daughters--- you have really laid it out there for all of us!

And you are asking now as you have along the way for opinions, advice, views. I hope when you do get different answers, you are not offended. Nor do you have to take anyone's advice. I can tell and as you said Ron stated that you are bold, forward and to the point (those may not be the exact words, but same meaning) but then when something came back at you ------ you are now offended. (about whatever it is that has kept Clint away...)

You did right in my opinion to have your husband LEAN towards getting back together with his mother and with his son. But Lanie it sounds to me like you don't stop at the "suggestion" and "leaving the ball in your husband's court" rather you want to PUSH when things are not just right. Yes, I realize it worked out for Ron and his Mom to make amends as she did die shortly after, but every time you do get too far in may not be the right decision. I think you need to keep your distance when it comes to IF the two parties will grasp at the chance of getting back together or not.

Remember it is RON's relationships and even though you are his wife, it is still up to RON!

I can imagine that the kids did get an attitude with you going by and saying this and that to them about their relationship with their Dad! I sure would have if it were my STEP-mom! Plus they were 8 years younger than now-----Sure I see their attitude. You did not even notice back then that you were stepping over the boundaries with the kids? There are enough probs when a parent marries another person, let alone the one they are marrying to go getting their nose in it!

For now, be GENTLE! You needn't get so involved- as you may feel you NEED to. Remember the kids are ADULTS now and have their own feelings and can lead those feelings and ATTITUDES to where they choose! Stand back and ENJOY and be THANKFUL for their reunion, and for it being 8 years, I would say it is a longtime-coming Reunion! FATHER & SON, when the son wants to welcome you into that relationship with he and his Dad, you will be there waiting, with open arms.

Lanie don't change the feelings you have about it, but don't put them all out there........sit back and let them mesh together. You are a very Loving Woman and sure you are appreciated by those who love you!

*Leave the past where it is, if Clint wants to talk about, be open for that, but DO NOT bring it up. He may end up telling his Dad about it when they are together.......


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SIX MORE DAYS!

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Half dollar,
You know something sista, you are so right and on the money.
I am to much of a people pleaser I guess. I just like things calm and in harmony and Ron & I talked about it last night and I told him that I am no longer going to get involved with anything. I am not going to ask questions and like you said, let them come to me, and until then I am keeping these big lips closed. I always want to help others before myself and it's not that I can't take anything someone says to me or about me, but if your going to talk about me and something I did, tell me so I can be aware of it or better yet, not do it again.
I believe I was trying just alittle bit to much to reunite them all together again and thats why probaly I went to P.I college because I love to solve things and figure things out.
I am no way offended by your words, if I can dish them out , then I sure can take it to.
I appreciate your honesty.
Thanks for assuring me that I decided to do the right thing and leave well enough alone.
Have a good day Sista
Lanie

Wow HD - I can't believe how perfectly you explained that. It's like you described me - even though you were addressing Lanie!

I have this same problem with my boyfriend and his family.
He really can't communicate with them, so I try and set things up between them because I have no issues with it.
But, more often than not, I end up being frustrated with my boyfriend's lack of manners, communication - even though I'M the one who sets things up.

I think after reading your post, it's really sinking in that I need to butt out. Suggesting is fine - but taking control over their relationship is stupid. Just today, I set up for his young nieces to come by - but forgot to tell him!!!
I started to get mad when he dragged his feet about it - then realized how unfair I was and called up his sister-in-law and rescheduled (AFTER discussing it with him first)


All that aside, Lanie, I want to congradulate you on getting the ball rolling. Obviously, your husband wanted a little push, since he tried stopping by the station several times without giving up.
I too, am like you and want to fix everything, set things up, probably because it usually works.
But there is a balance to it, like everything. Hopefully, now that the balls rolling, it will gain momentum and things will blossom between them.

Honeyspur,
Aren't we disguising!!!!!? LOL !!!
I don't know what it is. I can be more involved in someone elses mess than my own and put mine on the back burner.
NO MORE !!!!
I don't think I'm even going to suggest anything anymore. Then they all will think "What's up with Lanie".
I need to let it go since it was so long ago and I don't recall what it is I did or said, so 8 years ago, I was a different person. Trying to be buddy buddy with the kids because I wanted their dad.
Ron did tell Clint that he is very happily married and life is good for us which is so true. we really are very blessed and there's not one day that goes by where I don't thank the Lord for giving me what I have and who I have in my life.
Today, Lanie is changing her ways and excersisng and getting fit.
I am not determined and ready for the haul.